A Beautiful Mess
by kO haLe yeS
Summary: One night can change everything. When Jasper moves from Edward's distant brother to Bella's best friend and savior, what will become of them? A tale of friendship, fun, heartbreak, hate and love. Set @ the end of Twilight. Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Death Wish

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter One_

**Death Wish**

_How long have I been sitting here? _It feels like days, but there's no way it's been that long; I would've been forced to shove some more tasteless food down my throat if it was even nightfall yet. Maybe a few hours?

I sat with my back against a wall, trying to find some sense in the ugly wallpaper that covers the walls of my prison cell. It was so quiet that I could hear the seconds tick as they passed the time, moving ever-so-slowly to the end of my sentence. The last noise I heard from the other room was the sound of a door opening and closing; someone had left. Or maybe they both left. _Am I free? Did they make the mistake of leaving me here alone and honestly think I'd be here when they got back? Idiots! Now I can get out of this torture chamber and--_

"Don't even think about it Bella!" My thoughts were interrupted by my beautiful captor who suddenly appeared at the open doorway, "You're not going anywhere. Plus, do you really think I'd be stupid enough to let you escape?" She giggled softly before darting to the pile of bags in the corner of my room and taking out a couple of very pink, very soft looking garments and setting them on the bed. "I bought you some pajamas. Why don't you change and get comfortable? I'll go order you some dinner. What do you want?"

_I want to get the hell out of here and do something productive instead of waiting for people that I love to risk their lives for me!_

"I'm really not hungry Alice. Since you're going to force me to eat, you choose," I told her in a very bratty tone. Alice sighed and nodded her head towards the pajamas in a gesture that said 'get dressed' and flitted out of the room, softly closing the door.

I know I was being more difficult than I should; they were only following Edward's orders. But still, I hated this _'damsel-in-distress', 'fragile-handle-with-care'_ treatment that I was so abruptly thrust into. I know Alice loves me and means no harm, but, since Edward isn't here to suffer the wrath of my bratty, teenage angst, Alice will just have to deal with it.

I got up with a grunt, not sure if it was directed at Alice or my body's reluctance to cooperate. I walked over to the bed and grimaced at the frilly little pajama set that I was supposed to sleep in. If the _Victoria Secret _tags and soft satin fabric screamed _'not Bella's style',_ the pale pink color and lace trim became a flashing neon billboard that shared the same warning. _What was Alice thinking? She knows that my preferred night clothes were ratty sweats and old faded t-shirts; what would lead her to believe that I'd be at ease in these? _I realized how ironic her earlier urging to _'get comfortable'_ had been and laughed a maniacal little laugh at the situation. _What is wrong with me? I think I'm going crazy._

I realized how much I missed my life and all the things I'd taken for granted before. I missed the rain and the green of Forks. I missed Charlie and our tiny house. I missed being annoyed by Mike and gossiped to by Jessica. I missed my truck. I missed fresh air. I missed Edward. I had been stuck in this hotel room for God knows how long while Edward and his family tried to track down a sadistic vampire, who, at the very same time, was trying to track me down so he could kill me. _How do I always end up in these messes?_ _Why do I always end up in these messes?_

There is no logical explanation for the amount of trouble that seems to gravitate towards me. It was like I was living in a _Final Destination_ movie and hadn't figured out a way to beat it yet. I was starting to believe that I never would. And the Cullen's were out there fighting for me. _What if one of them got hurt? What if one of them was killed? _

With my stupid luck I'd probably lose someone I love just to walk into the street and get hit by a car on the way to the funeral. Maybe I was supposed to die. Maybe my number really was supposed to be up that first day at school and I'd just been cheating death ever since. And now I was risking so many other lives. _I can't do this. I can't lose them. My clumsy, human life isn't worth it. Ugh!_

I tried to stop thinking and get changed into the ridiculous outfit in front of me. I slipped out of my jeans and into the too long pants, rolling the waistband down to shorten them before tying them so they wouldn't fall off my hips. I removed my shirt and uncomfortable bra that Alice had forced on me since it _'did wonders at making something from nothing',_ as she put it. I slipped on the thin tank top that matched the pants and went to the bathroom to run a brush through my messy hair. I spotted the brush on the counter of the dark bathroom and robotically combed out the knots before placing it back on the counter once I was satisfied. I caught a quick glance of my reflection in the mirror and gasped. I turned on the light to examine myself and grew angrier by the second.

Not only was I in a frilly little number that was all wrong, but I was on display for anyone who looked at me. The V-cut neckline was lower than I would ever be comfortable with and the thin fabric really didn't leave much to the imagination.

I quickly took the top off and went back into the room. I tore through the bags of clothes that Alice had bought me on a short stop to the mall before we got here. I was in too much of a daze to pay attention to anything she had bought me and none of the tops would be comfortable enough to sleep in. Damn it!

I stomped towards the door in a rage, holding the thin top over my chest as I opened the door that lead to the common area of our suite. "Alice! You have got to be kidding if you think I'm wearing this thing! Unless you were planning on trying to get fresh with me tonight, I don't see why you'd think I would need to wear such a --"

I was cut off in shock and mortification as I realized that Alice was not in the room and I was staring straight into the shocked eyes of Jasper.

Silence filled the room for what felt like minutes, both of us frozen in our positions, before he cleared his throat and spoke. "Uh, A—Alice went to go grab you some dinner. Sorry, I didn't expect you to—I, I didn't mean to startle you. Excuse me," he said before he walked quickly into the room that he and Alice were sharing and shut the door.

I stood in the room for a couple more seconds taking in what had just happened. I felt the familiar blush rise to my cheeks as I pictured what Jasper had just seen; me, in frilly pants and no top, the tiny piece of fabric covering my chest but everything else bare, with crazy hair that had become wild as I frantically searched for a more suitable shirt. And to make matters worse, I was talking about his wife trying to get fresh with me. He must think I was crazy.

I walked back in the room and shut the door before leaning against it and sighing. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. Now Edward's brother had seen me in fewer clothes than even he had. Oh, Edward. I missed him so much, If only he were here. _These pajamas wouldn't be so bad if he were the one that got to see me in them; I wouldn't mind for him to try and get fresh with me._ I snapped myself out of that train of thought before I got lost in my want for him; a want that would never be fulfilled as he has made ever so clear to me. _Stupid, moral vampire boyfriend of mine!_

Speaking of moral vampires, I couldn't help but think of Carlisle out there with Edward. And sweet Esme. And lovable Emmett. And even the ice queen herself, Rosalie. They were all risking their life while I was throwing fits and clumsily giving Jasper a show. _Fuck!_ _Not that he'd enjoyed it; how could I ever compare to his beautiful wife?_ I had made him so uncomfortable; he had basically run out of the room. _I was such a burden to everyone, wasn't I? _Not only did he have to suffer through his bloodlust and feel my unpleasant emotions, but now I had scared him out of the room with my stupid little topless hissy fit. And he and Alice were in danger too, just by being near me. And they had to worry about their family while they got stuck 'babysitting' the human.

_This just wasn't worth it. I can't let them do this anymore. I have to get out of here. I have to go and find James. I'll let him end this, once and for all, and then everyone can go back to their happy little lives. I have to stop being such a burden. I'll wait for my chance, and then make my escape. _

I moved to the bed, picking up my bra and putting it back on before slipping the top back over my head. It ended the display of certain girly parts, but gave me more cleavage to fill it out. Oh well; at least I was more covered up. I still felt exposed and awkward, but I decided to stop being such a pain so that I could make them comfortable and plot my escape. Just as I finished combing out my hair again, my door flew open; Alice.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish? I told you that you weren't going anywhere. You know exactly why. We are all trying so hard to keep you safe, yet you make plans to run right into the arms of James and get yourself killed! You amaze me sometimes Bella, how reckless you are," Alice screamed at me. She was pissed. She was… scared?

"I'm sorry Alice, but it's the only way! I can't lose any of you. I'm not worth it! I can go to him and this can all be over," I tried to reason with her.

"Don't say that! We love you Bella. _We _can't lose _you_! Don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Please, just worry about yourself. Think of Edward, Bella. And Charlie. And Renee. And _me_, damn it!" Alice was hysterically screaming now and shaking like she was crying, although no tears fell from her eyes. I realized that tears were silently spilling down my face.

"And me," Jasper said calmly. I didn't even know he was in the room. He put his arm around Alice and spoke quiet, soothing words to calm her down. I felt a wave of calm wash over me and I welcomed it.

"But I saw it Jazz. I saw what he did to her. He would've hurt her so much. We would have lost her Jazz. Our Bella. We would've lost her," Alice said through her sobs. Her voice was so pained, I felt so bad. I didn't even think of what it would do everyone.

"I'm so sorry Alice. Please, don't be upset. Your vision, it won't happen. I won't run. I'll stay. I'm sorry," I muttered my apology almost incoherently, but I knew they would hear.

"It's okay Bella. We know. You just gave her quite a scare. It'll be okay. We'll go out in the living room and wait for you to finish up. You can eat your dinner and then we'll watch a movie, ok? How does that sound?"Jasper asked, rubbing Alice's back tenderly as she calmed down. I nodded at him as he picked up Alice and left the room.

Once they were gone, the false calm I was feeling suddenly vanished. I still felt horrible for hurting Alice, but my irritation was quickly spiraling out of control. I was frustrated at Alice's power. Not only did it totally give me away, but it scared Alice. I can only imagine what she saw, but her reaction to it tells me that it wasn't pretty. I hated that she had to suffer through that and it was all my fault. Well, mine and her stupid, stupid power. _I wish that she didn't have her gift. I wish that my future wasn't always hers to live first. It's not right. It's not how it's supposed to be. I wish she couldn't see me anymore!_

Suddenly I felt very dizzy. The ugly wallpaper was swirling around me as I started to feel very lightheaded. Before I knew it, I was falling and my vision was gone. I heard the door fly open before I hit two cold, hard arms. And then; nothing.


	2. Devilish Little Grin

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess_:_  
_

Suddenly I felt very dizzy. The ugly wallpaper was swirling around me as I started to feel very lightheaded. Before I knew it, I was falling and my vision was gone. I heard the door fly open before I hit two cold, hard arms. And then; nothing.

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter Two_

**Devilish Little Grin**

_  
Ouch. Why do I feel so sore? And what are those voices? I must have fallen asleep with the T.V. on again. Time to wake up... Wait, why can't I open my eyes? Why can't I move? What's going on?_ _Where am I?_

I tried to focus my mind on remembering what was going on. I remember Alice. We were fighting. She was sobbing. _But why? Think Bella..._

Then it all came back to me. The hotel room. James. Edward. Alice's visions. I was mad. I fell. Then, nothing. I bet I fainted; that seemed to happen a lot with me. I focused on the voices; it was just one voice, Alice.

"How many times to I have to tell you? She was fine, we left the room, Jasper felt her anger, then her disorientation. We rushed in and he caught her as she fainted. Then, nothing. I can't see her Carlisle. I can't fucking see her. What the hell is going on? She's not dead, I can hear her heartbeat. But why can't I see her waking up? Why can't I see her at all?" Alice was, once again, hysterical. She quieted, to listen to Carlisle on the other end of the phone, I presumed.

I wanted to know what was going on. I tried to speak, but my voice was weak, only a tiny squeak leaving my lips. I fought against my eyelids to open them and what I saw frightened me; two pairs of butterscotch eyes staring back at me in horror.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" Jasper questioned softly.

I tried to answer; it didn't work. I tried to nod my head; it didn't work. I put all my strength into blinking my eyes once; success! The eyes turned to relief.

"She's back. Oh, Carlisle, she's back. Thank you, I'm sorry for yelling. Go find Edward..... I will. Okay. Bye." I heard her close the phone.

"Bella. I'm so sorry for upsetting you. I know this is hard for you. You scared me; I thought we'd lost you, again." Alice scooped me out of Jasper's arms and into a hug, sobbing into my shoulder. I tried to talk again, but my voice came out in a raspy whisper. "It's okay Alice."

Her musical giggle made me happy. I was about to ask for some water to help with my voice, but Jasper appeared with a bottle of it before I even started. Alice sat me on the bed and I drank it greedily. I suddenly felt a jolt of energy and let it coarse through my body. After a few moments of silence and the entire bottle of water, I felt fine; even the soreness I felt before left my body.

"Sorry about that guys, and thanks for being there to catch me. I don't know what happened. I think it's all the stress," I told them.

"It's okay Bella. We're just glad that you're back. How are you feeling?" Alice asked.

"I feel fine. I'm pretty hungry though. And I want to talk to Edward. Has he called?"

"Dinner's on the table and Carlisle is going to have Edward call once he catches up with him," she assured me; but I wasn't assured. _Why had they split up?_

"Why did they split up?" I was starting to worry again. Alice looked like she didn't want to tell me. She hesitated for too long and I was starting to grow angry again. Suddenly, Jasper spoke. "Well, they lost his trail. They think he might have figured out that he was being tricked and left to plot his next move. Carlisle escorted Rose and Esme to your house to watch over Charlie while Edward and Emmett did a quick run through the area to see if they could catch his scent again. They didn't, so now Carlisle is going to meet them at the house and then they're going to hop on a plane and come down here. We'll formulate a plan from there," Jasper finished, he looked irritated.

I was relieved that everyone was fine and that I'd get to see Edward again soon, but I worried about Charlie. I felt so bad for what I did to him; for what I said. I had to make this right; just in case I didn't make it out of Phoenix alive.

"Thank you for telling me Jasper. I appreciate not being left out of the loop," I said, looking to him with a small smile, which he only met with look of indifference. I noticed Alice rocking back and forth and holding her head in her hands. "What's wrong with Alice?"

"She can't see you; in her visions, that it. She doesn't understand why and it's upsetting her," he answered, telling me the truth again, but he sounded so cold. Even if he wasn't being the nicest person in the world, I liked this. I didn't feel so helpless when people actually told me things.

"I'm sorry Alice," I apologized to both of them. I felt bad that Jasper was irritated for some reason, but I was glad that I knew the truth. I felt bad that Alice was upset about not seeing me, but also secretly glad that I had gotten my wish.

"It's okay Bella; it's not your fault," she said, forcing a smile. "I just don't get it. I don't understand. Why can't I see you? I'm going to get out of here for awhile. I need to hunt and try to clear my head so that I can see you again. Jasper will stay with you. I'll be back in the morning and then we'll go meet the boys at the airport," Alice said, standing up and walking to the door. I saw her lips move, speaking to low and fast for my human ears to hear.

"Wait," I said before she made it out of the room. "Is it okay if I call Charlie? I have to apologize. I'll tell him that I'm staying at a hotel for a few days to clear my mind and that I'll be back before school starts again. Please, I can't just leave things like this," I pleaded with her. Alice hesitated, but nodded, and then she was gone. Jasper stood up and made his way to the doorway.

"I guess it's just us now," he said, suddenly more chipper then he had been seconds ago. "Why don't you call Charlie and I'll go change into something more comfortable and then you can eat and we'll watch that movie?" He finished and stayed where he was, looking at me expectantly. _Why is he still standing there?_

After a few seconds, he spoke again, "Bella? Does that sound good?"

_Oh! He was waiting for my approval. He was actually asking me if that sounded good, not just telling me what to do like Edward and Alice did. I could get used to this._

"Sure Jasper, sounds like a plan!" I answered, feeling happiness deep inside, but that was short lived as he left the room and I was forced to think about talking to Charlie. I was dreading it, but it had to be done. I slowly fished out my phone and dialed his number; he picked up on the first ring.

…

My talk with Charlie went a lot better than I thought it would. He was relieved to hear from me and understood my made up need for space. I was glad that Charlie wasn't much of a talker. He told me to be safe and to call him if I needed anything and then the conversation was over. I hated lying to him, but this was a lie that I could live with. My mood perked up as I made my way to the bathroom for a 'human moment'. I brushed my hair again and washed my face. I almost brushed my teeth, but realized I still had dinner out there and skipped that step.

I realized how messy the room was and decided to tidy up. I put the frightening clothes that Alice had bought me back in their respective bags and made a neat pile in the corner. I made the bed that had been torn apart in the night's events and placed my cell phone neatly on the nightstand. I was straightening the bathroom when I heard the familiar buzz of a phone call. I dashed towards it, stumbling twice on my way, and checked to see who was calling; Edward! My heart started beating hard in my chest as I opened the phone and brought it to my ear.

"Edward! I'm so glad it's you! I miss you so much!" I spat out incoherently as I flopped onto the fluffy bed.

"Bella, my love. I've missed you too. Words cannot express how much. How are you doing, I heard you fainted," Edward's honey voice melted me as my heart beat even faster at the sound of it.

"I did, but I'm fine. Don't worry about it. When will you be here?"

"It would be impossible not to worry, silly Bella, but I'm glad to hear that you are fine. We'll be there in the morning. We're on the way to the airport now. I don't have much time to talk, but I had to make sure I told you how much I love you before you went to sleep; I'm sure you're exhausted," he said, sounding a little like a father speaking to his kid.

"Good. I can't wait to see you. I'm not tired yet; I'm actually going to watch a movie with Jasper. Thanks for calling. I love you too," I finished, ready to hang up.

"Watch a movie with Jasper? Bella, I don't think that is such a good idea. Why don't you just read for awhile and then go to sleep," He said with force and authority, not like Jasper had. Edward wasn't asking if I agreed, he was telling me to do it. I was a little irritated, but now was not the time to argue with him.

"We'll see what happens, okay? Thanks for calling. Have a safe flight. I can't wait to see you again. I'll be expecting lots of kisses, Mister!" I said playfully, although I was dead serious.

"Okay love. I'll be ready to take your breath away the moment you see me. Sleep tight, my Bella," and then he was gone. I stayed on the bed, my mind reeling. My face felt flush and I couldn't stop thinking about the many ways Edward could take my breath away. I found my mind filling with want again and decided it was time to shake it off before it got out of hand.

I walked to the door, turned off the light and made my way into the common area of the suite. It was empty. The door to Alice and Jasper's room was open, so I made my way over, knocking softly on the open door before stepping in. I didn't see him until it was too late.

There, in front of my eyes stood a topless Jasper. The light in the room was off, but the light from the bathroom traveled in and gave the area a dim glow. Jasper stood, facing away from me, staring out of the window.

His blond hair was wet from a shower that I didn't hear him take. The room smelled of soap and him, though his scent was something I couldn't put my finger on. His lean, chiseled back looked like it belonged to a statue of a Greek god and his shoulders and arms were equally amazing. He wore a pair of dark wash jeans that were snug in all the right places. He was so perfect that my eyes felt glued to him; that is, until, without warning he was turned around and looking at me with an expression that I couldn't place.

I know I should have been embarrassed; I should have turned and ran from the room, but instead, my eyes traveled down. I admired his strong collarbone and his perfect chest, continuing down to his washboard abs, not stopping until I reached his prominent cupids arrow. At this, I gasped. This was always my favorite part on a man, the wonderful little arrow that invited you to look further down, which I promptly did. I could have died!

His jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped, showing the waistband of the gray boxer briefs that made me melt a little inside. His long legs filled out the jeans just perfectly and the boots he wore made him look like a drop of southern goodness. My eyes backtracked along their previous course, making sure to memorize every little detail as I raked over his body. I stopped to gaze into his beautiful face when I saw that his expression had changed into a devilish little grin that was a much more dangerous version of Edward's crooked smile. _Edward. Shit!_

_What the hell am I doing? Am I seriously standing here ogling Edward's brother? And what is that look on his face? I must be making him uncomfortable, standing her checking him out like a horny teenager._

I felt my eyes grow big in my head and my cheeks flushed to what I'm sure looked like tomato red. I couldn't believe myself. _What is wrong with me? _I didn't have long to ponder that thought long; however, as he reached down to pick up something off the bed. His eyes never left mine as he began to slowly walk towards me, stopping within arm's reach and staring down at me intensely. I looked up at him and heard a low growl escape from him; then he licked his lips and lowered his head to mine. _Oh no, what the hell did I get myself into?_

_

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**Thanks for reading! This is a story that's been in my head for awhile. I hope you're all enjoying! I just love Jasper and Bella.**

**Also, keep in mind that this story is rated M for a reason. Don't read it if you're uncomfortable with strong language and sexuality. **

**Thanks! Please, let me know what you think. Review!**


	3. The Man in Me

**Sorry about all of the confusion guys! Something new about me: I'm about as clumsy as Bella; I'm surprised this didn't happen earlier! Thanks to xxxlookingformyedwardxxx, kaylamarie2012 and Dana Rose for letting me know how much of a big dork I am for posting a chapter from my other story! LOL. Once again, sorry! It's all fixed now, so, read on!**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

_What the hell am I doing? Am I seriously standing here ogling Edward's brother? And what is that look on his face? I must be making him uncomfortable, standing here checking him out like a horny teenager. _

I felt my eyes grow big in my head and my cheeks flushed to what I'm sure looked like tomato red. I couldn't believe myself. _What is wrong with me?_ I didn't have long to ponder that thought, however, as he reached down to pick up something off the bed. His eyes never left mine as he began to slowly walk towards me, stopping within arms reach and staring down at me intensely. I heard a low growl escape from him and he licked his lips and lowered his head to mine. _Oh no, what the hell did I get myself into?_

_---  
_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter Three_

**The Man in Me**

The mirror had fogged up as I undressed at a slow human pace. I stepped into the shower, letting the warm water cascade down my body. The heat reminded me of Bella. I had never been close to her, and I'd definitely never touched her; so when she fainted and I caught her, I melted at her touch. I see why Edward is so drawn to her.

Before Bella, humans had simply been food or annoying things that I tried to avoid at all costs. Now, a human was part of my family. She was my wife's best friend and my brothers love. I stayed away from her; not by choice, but because I was told to. My puppeteer and her puppeteer kept us far apart, scared that if our strings were to get tangled, bad things would happen. I wasn't heartless. I wouldn't hurt someone who mean so much to my family, but that didn't matter. They told me I would hurt her, and soon I believed it. I kept away, kept my words to her short and gave her no reason to like me; the problem was, I liked her.

Granted, she often pissed me off without having a clue that she did. We were one in the same. We both didn't belong with the Cullen's. They were perfect and happy. We were flawed and sarcastic. We were both in love with a puppeteer who controlled our lives. Every time she let them control her, I got mad at her. Every time she stood up for herself, I got mad at myself for being weaker than her. I had a love/hate relationship with a girl who hardly knew I existed. _God, I truly am a sorry son of a bitch aren't I?_

I laughed to myself thinking of the evening we'd had so far. I came back from my hunt to find Alice on her way out. I heard Bella shuffling around in her room and felt her irritation rising. Next thing I knew, Bella was in the common area, topless, screaming about Alice trying to get fresh with her. Her hair was wild and her tiny top barley covered her chest from me. She looked absolutely beautiful in her own wild, messy way. _How is it that I never noticed her before?_

I was dumbstruck as I took her form in. I couldn't help but notice that the skin of her hips and stomach was bare as she stood there, shocked to see me. I could make out the contours of her breasts as they swayed with her heavy breathing. Her embarrassment grew as we stood there, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her and neither one of us made a move to leave the room. After too long, I realized that I was staring and needed to get away from the stunning creature in front of me. I gave some form of incoherent apology and excused myself, stuttering the whole while.

When I got back to the room, I realized that I was embarrassed too. What the hell did I have to be embarrassed about? She was the one who came out like-- like that. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Bella had just finished rolling around in the sheets with someone. She had bed hair, was half dressed and was muttering about my wife in a very explicit way. I don't know how Edward keeps his hands off her. Just thinking about it made my little stallion rear its ugly head. _Down boy, it's not gonna happen._

After Bella's little show, her emotions threw me for a loop. Of course there was the embarrassment that showed up in her so often, but that quickly turned to... lust? _What the hell was she lusting after?_ I hoped it could somehow be me, but I was fairly certain it was Edward. Bella could never want me. _And I don't want her... What the hell? Why am I thinking of her in that way? She's Edward's! And I'm Alice's!_

I knew it was just lust, as I am, after all, a man! Regardless, however, I needed to stop this train of thought before it got out of control. I tried to pull myself together but her lust was making me want to walk into her room and take her against the wall._ Shit! Focus man._

As quick as the lust had come, it was gone. Bella's emotions went from worry to inadequacy to determination. I had no idea what was going on. Then came the awkwardness. Bella is such a mystery to me. I never know what is going on in that mind of hers. I started trying to figure out what could be causing these emotions, but before I had time to get too far into my thoughts I was interrupted by an irate Alice flying in the door.

Alice and Bella's argument was intense, but the man in me couldn't help but drift back to Bella's earlier musing about Alice trying to get fresh with her. _Yum! I'd love to watch that go down!_

The emotions were almost too much as I felt everything they did, though one stood out; Bella didn't think she was worth it. I made it my goal to make sure she never felt that way when it concerned me again. She was the most fascinating human I'd ever met. She was loving and selfless and unendingly mind-boggling; she was family. She'd always be worth it, damn it. _See, this is why I always get pissed at the girl. _

After both of the girls had calmed down, thanks in large part to my powers, Alice and I went into the common area to wait for Bella. It was only seconds, but in that short time, Bella managed to go from calm to irritated to being enveloped in a blinding rage. I felt her become disoriented and dashed into the room, barley getting there in time to catch her. She scared the shit out of me when she fainted, but what scared me more was that Alice couldn't see her. I felt bad that Alice was having such a hard time with this and understood when she said she had to get out of here. I assured her I'd be fine and that I'd call if anything weird happened. As much as I felt uneasy about being alone with Bella, I wanted to prove Edward and Alice wrong. _I won't hurt her. I can do this._

Now, it was just me and Bella and I was determined to take her mind off of everything and get her to enjoy herself for once. She was always so tense! She needs to relax. I laughed to myself again when I realized how tense I must always look around her. I thought I wouldn't be able to control myself around her, but after tonight and holding her and fearing for her, I know that I won't hurt her. It was just a fear of the unknown, and now that I know what it's like to interact with her, I have faith in myself; not a complete faith, but enough.

I finished washing up and turned off the water. Stepping out, I grabbed a towel and ran it over my hair, deciding to let it dry the rest of the way on its own. I dried off and pulled on my boxer briefs and jeans, leaving them unbuttoned. _God, I love it when Alice doesn't dress me._ I love her, but I'm getting sick of always having to dress to her standards. I walked into the dark room and went to grab a shirt from the bags Alice bought. I found a suitable shirt after a couple tries; a simple cotton long sleeved black t-shirt. _Thank you, Alice, for buying some stuff that I actually like for once. _I grabbed my black zip-up hoodie and threw them both on the bed. I threw on some socks, but when I went to grab my boots I realized they were in the living room.

I walked to the door and peered out into the common area, it was empty. I ran over to my boots throwing them on quickly before darting back towards the room. I heard Bella on the phone talking to what sounded like Edward and decided to snoop a little. They spoke very 'lovey dovey' with each other until Edward told her to go to bed. That bothered me; he was pulling her strings again. Bella is capable of making her own decisions, but Edward was very controlling. I was proud when she stood up for herself, telling him that she wasn't tired and planned on watching a movie with me. '_Atta girl!_

Edward's next words hurt me, as he told her that he didn't think it was a good idea to watch a movie with me. I know it was only because he was worried about my control, but I hated that my family saw me as a danger to Bella. Now that I got to know her a little, I didn't want to stop. I wanted to know more about the strange girl that had captivated my family. I didn't want to be a risk to her. I felt Bella's irritation at his words, which gave me hope, but when she replied with a _"we'll see what happens"_ I lost all hope that I'd get to spend any time with her.

Defeated, I stalked back to my room, staring out of the window, feeling sorry for myself. I was so caught up in my self-pity that I didn't know she was there until I felt the intense waves of shock, then awe. I turned around to face her, wondering what she was in awe of. She looked straight into my eyes, and I liked what I saw on her face. She looked at me like I was something; like I mattered. My dead heart swelled for her that moment, and then, in a weird switch of roles, I realized I was topless and she was checking me out this time. Her eyes raked my body and as she looked at me like I was something to eat. _How ironic._

Her eyes traveled down my body, but my eyes never left her porcelain face. I was hit with waves of lust as her appraisal of me continued further down, gasping as she hit the end of my abdomen. Her eyes fell to my unfastened jeans and I was hit with an even stronger wave of lust. _Damn it Bella, you're killing me over here!_

She continued her obvious enjoyment of my body until her eyes returned to mine. Her desire was affecting me and her admiration was making me feel amazing. I didn't even realize that I was giving her a sly smile until she reacted to it, with extreme want quickly followed by disbelief and regret. Damn it. She must have realized that it was me she was looking at. Stupid, tense, blood crazy Jasper. It was times like these that I truly hated myself.

But then the lust was back, along with embarrassment. She looked down as a blush filled her cheeks and my eyes followed hers, for the first time seeing what she looked like at the moment. _Oh. My. God._

She had the same pajama set on, her long chocolate hair falling over her shoulders. She had put a bra on, which hid her nipples but pushed her breasts up in a manner that should be illegal it looked so good. I could see a tiny sliver of skin between her top and pants; perfection. Her pink lips called to me and made my legs move without any consent from my mind. I grabbed my shirt and sweater off the bed and intended to put them on as I walked to her, but it didn't happen. It felt like it took me hours to reach her, and when she was close enough to touch, I stopped.

I smelled her sweet scent, and the monster in me took over. It wasn't the blood lust that longed for her blood, no. It was something much more powerful. The man in me lusted for her body. I could smell her arousal and could feel mine emerging.

I looked down at her, causing her to look up at me through her eyelashes; this small action was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I couldn't contain the growl that had built in my chest. I wanted her and she wanted me. I had to taste her. I licked my lips in anticipation as I lowered my head to hers. She closed her eyes, ready for it as I inched ever so slowly to her waiting mouth. Our lips were inches from each others when I heard the sound. She was growling...

No... Her stomach was growling. _Her stomach was growling? Her fucking stomach was growling! Because she's human. She's Bella. Edward's Bella. What the hell am I doing? This can't be real. This can't be fucking happening. Before today I hadn't said more than ten words to this girls and now look at me. I'm an asshole. A grade 'A' dickhead. God, I hope Alice didn't see that. I need to stop this, NOW._

My lips stopped their descent towards her and I spoke, "Bella, your dinner's getting cold and your stomach is yelling at you, and me. Come on. Let's get you fed."

She blinked a couple times, obviously coming out of the trance we'd both been in. I softly turned her around and guided her out of the room with my hand on her back. I pulled out her chair and she sat at the table.

I grabbed her dinner, Fettuccine Alfredo from a local Italian restaurant, and shoved it into the microwave. Once it was done, I brought it to her and urged her to _"chow down"_. I leaned against the kitchenette counter and watched her as she ate. She entranced me as she swirled the noodles around her fork and gently glided the bite into her mouth. One of the noodles was longer than she'd expected and she pursed her lips together to slurp it into her mouth, excess sauce pooling on her lips, which she greedily licked up. As everything came together in her mouth I could feel her satisfaction at the food she greedily ate; then she moaned in pleasure at it. I felt the little stallion twitch and had to grab the counter to steady myself. _Son of a bitch. This is gonna be a long fucking night._

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**Characters belong to S.M., I just like to make them sweat!**

**Thanks for reading. Sorry about the little break last week, but I plan to update this story every Monday. Hope you are all enjoying!  
**

**Also, keep in mind that this story is rated M for a reason. Don't read it if you're uncomfortable with strong language and sexuality. **

**Again, thanks! Please, let me know what you think. Reviews make me smile... :)**


	4. A Beautiful Friendship

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess_:

I grabbed her dinner, Fettuccine Alfredo from a local Italian restaurant, and shoved it into the microwave. Once it was done, I brought it to her and urged her to _"chow down"_. I leaned against the kitchenette counter and watched her as she ate. She entranced me as she swirled the noodles around her fork and gently glided the bite into her mouth. One of the noodles was longer than she'd expected and she pursed her lips together to slurp it into her mouth, excess sauce pooling on her lips, which she greedily licked up. As everything came together in her mouth I could feel her satisfaction at the food she greedily ate; then she moaned in pleasure at it. I felt the little stallion twitch and had to grab the counter to steady myself. _Son of a bitch. This is gonna be a long fucking night._

_---_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 4_

**A Beautiful Friendship**

"Bella, they haven't changed in the last couple of minutes. Please, just pick one. I promise, I'll enjoy anything you pick. I'm begging you!" Jasper whined like an impatient child. I had been going through the list of movies that the hotel had available to watch, but none of them seemed like anything Jasper would care to watch. I was on my fourth time through and apparently Jasper had hit his boiling point.

"Jasper Hale! Are you seriously whining? Aren't you vampires supposed to be really patient? And begging? Really Jasper? You're just gonna have to hold your horses!" I teased him, starting the cycle of choices again.

"What can I say, Bella? You bring out the worst in me!" Jasper joked. I tossed a small pillow at him, which he let hit him and the arm and then feigned pain. I giggled, turning back to the task at hand. I was really enjoying hanging out with Jasper. It was like a vacation; I forgot all my worries about James and Edward and started really enjoying myself. Well, after a while I did.

I was glad we got past the awkward part of the night. After the almost kiss we shared, it was very tense and uncomfortable. I don't know what came over me as I stood there ogling him in his room, but I never wanted anyone more in my life than I did in that moment. In hindsight, I'm glad my stupid, human stomach broke the trance we were in, but in the moment I wanted it badly. He looked so beautiful in the dim room, so manly. God, he could've taken me against the wall and I'm sure I would've loved every moment of it. _Yep. I'm sure I would've loved it. He looks like the kind of man who knows how to make a woman feel amazing. He could take me on the wall... The bed... The floor... Shit! Here I go again! _

I shook my head, trying to shake the thoughts of Jasper out of my mind. When I slipped while trying to get out of my chair after dinner and Jasper had to catch me, our laughter broke us out of our awkwardness and I'd been enjoying his company ever since. If I could just stop thinking about him in such inappropriate ways, I'm sure the night will go much smoother. I don't know where this new, horny teenager Bella came from, but I wasn't sure if I liked her. I only hope that he isn't picking up these feelings I'm having. I looked over to him only to find him flashing me the biggest smug grin I have ever seen on his face. _God, kill me now!_

"Alright, I give up. There's nothing on. We'll have to figure out something else to do," I said, turning to look at him.

"Well, I can think of a few things. What did you have in mind?" Jasper answered with a sly grin. _Yum, I can think of a few things too._

"Uh... I don't know... How about we, umm... Talk? Yeah, Jasper. I feel like I hardly know you at all. Why don't we get to know each other a little better?" I said, patting the ground next to me in a gesture that urged him to join me on the floor.

Instead of coming to sit next to me, Jasper rose from the couch and sat across from me on the floor, a low coffee table separating us. He clicked off the T.V., and sat cross legged with his hands on the table. I mimicked his pose.

Today, I had seen new sides of Jasper. I had seen his sweet and caring side. I saw the side of him that treated me like an equal. I saw the sexy, irresistible man in him. And now, I was seeing the playful, easygoing friend that I hoped I would always have in him. It was such a change from how he usually acted around me.

"I guess it does make sense for us to get to know each other. We are like family now, right... little sis?" He said, though the "_little sis_" part came out very shaky and it felt all wrong. No. No way is he a brother to me. If so, I have issues. I'll put a quick stop to that little nickname.

"Hmm... I don't know if siblings is the right way to describe us. How about friends? Jasper, will you be my friend?" I said with a little laugh. His face lit up.

"That sounds perfect Bella. I'd love to be your friend."

"Good. Of course, I'll have to make sure you'll be a good one first, so don't get too excited. Let's call this a trial run and we'll see where it goes from there," I again joked. I don't know why, but it was easy to joke with Jasper.

Jasper laughed before he assured me, "Oh, you'll see. I'm gonna be the best friend you ever had. You won't know what hit you!" He said with a smile and a wink.

"Well then, looks like this is the start of a beautiful friendship!"

"Looks like it. Beautiful indeed," Jasper said, the sly smile returning. _Did he just call me beautiful? No, I'm sure he didn't. Why would he?_

My eyes returned to him and I could've sworn his eyes were a little further down than my face. _Is he checking out my boobs? _I looked down, mentally slapping myself for thinking he could long for any part of me. He was beautiful. His wife was beautiful. I was just, there, in a ridiculous push-up bra and stupid lacy top. God, I could kill Alice for putting me in this thing! I was suddenly very uncomfortable in what I was wearing and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to cover myself up. My eyes flashed back to Jasper to find him unzipping his sweater. _Oh God, what is he doing?_

Before I even realized that he had moved, I felt two cold hands pulling me to my feet. His hands did some twirling and pulling and before I knew it, I had his hoodie on and was facing him as he slowly zipped it up. He zipped it halfway up before stopping to look to my eyes, which I'm sure met him with a confused look. "You looked uncomfortable, I thought this would help," he said before zipping it up all the way. "There. Perfect."

"I highly doubt that I look perfect in this, Jasper. But thanks. I feel much more comfortable now."

"I beg to differ darlin'. You look absolutely adorable in my sweater, much better that I did," he said, now sitting back in front of the coffee table. My cheeks flushed at his statement and the adorable southern twang in his voice that I now seemed to notice every time he spoke. It was so damn sexy. And when he called me darlin' I swore I was going to have a stroke. He just didn't know what he was doing to me. I laughed in my head at the thought of me looking better than him. Impossible. I snuggled into the sweater, inhaling his manly scent. I loved the way he smelled, and now I had his scent wrapped around me. I sat back down and looked at him. God! His black shirt was stretched taut against his muscular torso, bringing my mind back to seeing it bare. I licked my lips at the thought, now even more thankful that he gave me the sweater since it meant I got to see him in that shirt for the rest of the night. Yummy_! __Why didn't he dress like this more often?_ He looked perfect. This seemed to fit him more than the preppy duds he usually wore.

Jasper cleared his throat as he looked to me with that sly smile again. _Damn! He caught me checking him out again. Ugh, stupid teenage hormones!_ "Sorry. I was just wondering why you don't dress like this more often. You look good." _Shit! Did I really just say that! Open mouth, insert foot!_

His sly smile grew in intensity, making him look even more sexy. "I look good, do I?" My blush was burning my face now. Oh well, he did look good. No shame in letting him know it... Right?

"Yes Jasper. You look good. You look more relaxed, and even though I don't know you well, this seems to be more your style."

"Well, your right. This is my style. Alice usually dresses me, but every now and then I get to dress myself. Thank you for noticing. I'll have to try to dress myself more often since I know how much you like it."

_Oh my God. Could this be any more embarrassing? _The burn in my cheeks turned into a wildfire. "No need to be embarrassed Bella. It's perfectly appropriate for friends to appreciate each others... attire."

"Well, good. I'd love you see more of your, attire, Jasper. Now, friend, tell me something about yourself," I tried to change the subject before I lost it.

"What would you like to know Bella?"

"Everything! But let's start with the basics. Favorite color?" I asked, expecting to hear blue or red or some other typical answer.

"Gray," he answered quickly. _Gray? Whose favorite color is gray?_

"Gray? Why gray?"

"Well, you may find this hard to believe, but I feel like it represents me. Not in the gloomy, sad kind of way, no. But in the colors themselves. Black is dark and evil. It represents the monster in me, my dark side. White is purity and joy. It represents the good in me. Alice and Carlisle and my whole family. It represents what little good there is, so my color is more like dark gray. But at least it's not black anymore. Alice brought me out of the black. Though I know I'll never be fully rid of my darkness, there is enough white to make me gray and I couldn't ask for more," he answered. I couldn't believe how open he was with me. And how fascinating. That was truly the most interesting answer to "_what's your favorite color_" that I have ever heard. I can't wait to hear more.

I thought of Alice, my loving, caring, best friend. I can't believe the horrible thoughts I've been having about her husband. And Edward, my sweet, loving Edward. How could I be doing this to him? I'm such a jerk. I don't deserve any of them. Not Edward, or Alice, or Jasper. My hormones are going to ruin everything. _This has got to stop. Jasper is my friend. That's it._

"Bella?" Jaspers voice interrupted my internal tirade. I looked at him, questioningly. "What about you? What's your favorite color?" He asked, for the second time I assume.

"I don't have one. I like a different color every day. Although I can definitely tell you that it's not pink! I'd have to say that today it's green; probably just because I miss Forks. It's funny that I used to hate how wet and green Forks was, but now I'd give anything to be back there," I confessed. For some reason, I just opened up to Jasper with no hesitation. He was so easy to talk to.

"Not a fan of the rain and the forests, huh?"

"No. Not at all. I mean look at where we are. I love Phoenix. I love the desert and the sun; even the stupid, painful cactuses! Can't you tell from my awesome tan?" I asked sarcastically.

"Oh, of course. Look at you! You're glowing!" Jasper teased, "But I totally understand. I'm a sun and cactus kind guy myself."

"Oh really? I guess were just a couple of sand bunnies then," I said, giving myself bunny ears with my hands. Jasper laughed at the spectacle.

"You know, I think I take offense at being called a bunny Bella. Couldn't I have at least been a cougar or a stallion?"

"Nope. I think bunny was perfect. Come on, make the ears! Then all we need is some cotton balls to tape to your butt and you can wiggle it around; I'm sure I'll enjoy the show!" I said, all of a sudden feeling very bold. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

"Hmm... I think I'll pass on that. But you go right ahead, Bella. But, skip the cotton balls; they'll just obstruct the view," Jasper teased, his sly smile back and prominent on his face. "I'll even feed you my carrot; it's pretty big, so I'm sure it'll fill you up." _You dirty little boy! Two can play that game!_

"I don't know if I'll have time for your carrot. You are a wild stallion right? I'll need to tame you. Don't worry; I'll be gentle."

"Oh, I don't think you can handle the stallion. But don't fret, I can show you how to ride it. But I hope you're prepared; stallions like it hard and rough." I was beginning to like this little game.

"Oh, don't worry. I can handle it. I'd watch it if I were you, or I might just saddle you up and go for a ride," I said with a wink. _A wink? What the fuck did I do that for? Ugh! did he know how hot he was making me?  
_  
"Saddle? No, no. Real cowboys ride bareback. I'm not scared of you Bella. Hop on, I'll take you for the ride of your life," He said in a low voice. "But be prepared, once you try it, you'll come back. Yep. You'll keep comin' and comin' and comin'," he finished, adding a wink right back at me. _Yep. I'm sure my panties are completely soaked through by now. Game over; I lost!_

Our eyes locked. I bit down on my lip as he licked his lips and looked at me like he wanted to take me there and now. _Fuck! I can't take this anymore! _As much as I loved my time with Jasper, I had an itch that needed to be scratched. I had to get out of here and take care of myself before I pounced on him and made a mess of everything. I stood up and cleared my throat, our eyes never leaving each others.

"Well then, I can't wait to take that ride. Thanks for the lovely evening, but I have some business to tend to before I go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Good night, friend," I said, then turned and walked to my room, closing the door as I reluctantly left him. _I don't know what is going on with me, but this new Bella is gonna get me in a lot of trouble!_

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**Characters belong to S.M., I just like to play with them!  
**

**Thanks for reading. Hope you are all enjoying!  
**

**Also, keep in mind that this story is rated M for a reason. Don't read it if you're uncomfortable with strong language and sexuality. **

**Again, thanks! Please, let me know what you think. Reviews make me smile... :)**

**They also make great birthday presents, and mine just happens to be tomorrow!  
**


	5. What a Friend!

**A/N: I know what you're thinking.... It's not Monday! Why do we have a new chapter? Well, #1- All the reviews and birthday wishes made me feel so good that I thought I'd return the nice gestures! Thanks! And #2- I'm nervous about this chapter and couldn't just sit on it anymore. It was time to get it to the masses! Enjoy...**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess_:

Our eyes locked. I bit down on my lip as he licked his lips and looked at me like he wanted to take me there and now. _Fuck! I can't take this anymore! _As much as I loved my time with Jasper, I had an itch that needed to be scratched. I had to get out of here and take care of myself before I pounced on him and made a mess of everything. I stood up and cleared my throat, our eyes never leaving each others.

"Well then, I can't wait to take that ride. Thanks for the lovely evening, but I have some business to tend to before I go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Good night, friend," I said, then turned and walked to my room, closing the door as I reluctantly left him. _I don't know what is going on with me, but this new Bella is gonna get me in a lot of trouble!  
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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 5_

**What a Friend!**

I threw myself of the bed, longing to see a certain blonde haired man laying down next to me. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I'd never even been past first base, yet here I was thinking about all of the different ways I'd love to ride Jasper. _God, he is so fucking hot!_

I let my hands travel to my chest, feeling myself as I remembered how he had eyed it earlier. I pinched the tips through the many layers I was still wearing as I imagined his lips sucking them roughly into his mouth. I quickly sat up, unzipped the sweater and reached into my shirt, removing my bra while keeping the sweater on. I zipped it back up so I could imagine him holding me. His scent filled my senses as my hands traveled further down, rubbing myself through the silk pants and feeling how wet I was for him. _God, what I wouldn't give for him to come in here and finish the job!_

I slipped my pants off and slipped two fingers under the waistband of my panties and found my nub of joy. I rubbed up and down, gliding my fingers easily up into their destination due to the excess wetness pooled there. My thumb joined the party, attending to my nub again and causing a moan to escape my lips. I hoped he didn't hear me, but really didn't care anymore. I was too lost in my lust. I bit my lip and continued my pleasure.

Just then, he burst through my door. I gasped, a blush spreading to my cheeks at being caught touching myself. _Fuck! No way. This isn't real. I'm gonna die. Right now. _

He looked at me, head cooked, sly grin the most seductive I'd ever seen it, and licked his lips. "Hey doll face. You left in such a hurry; I wasn't able to give you a proper goodnight," he said, his voice low and husky. My eyes rolled back in my head at his voice, his accent, his everything.

"Well, considering that you can't give me the kind of goodnight I wanted, I decided to give it to myself," I answered, my voice as low and seductive as his. Screw being nervous or embarrassed... He'd seen me topless, caught me ogling him, and now walked in on me with my hand down my pants, literally. I wanted him, he knew it, and at least this could give me some good fodder for the nights solo activities.

"Who said I couldn't give it to you? Nothing would make me happier than to give you just the kind of goodnight that you deserve. Someone as beautiful as you should never have to go without a proper goodnight. Besides, what are friends for?" He replied, moving to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. I can't believe this. He's sitting next to me with my hands buried in my underwear. If I wasn't so turned on I would've died of embarrassment.

He reached out and grabbed the zipper of the sweater, pulling it down in the blink of an eye and pulling it open. I looked up at him and opened my mouth to protest, but he quieted me with a finger over my lips. "Just appreciating your attire," he said as his eyes traveled the length of my body, stopping to smile at my hand trapped in cotton panties. He leaned forward, inhaling the scent of my hair, down to my neck, where he grazed his nose across my throat.

He sat back up, his hands traveling to my collar bone where he ran his fingers across it, barley making any contact. His fingers continued their trek further down, grazing over my breasts, but circling my nipples, never touching them like I longed for him to. They made their way down my stomach, eliciting a small moan as they grazed over my hip bones. His hand traveled to my core and he placed it gently over my own hand, mimicking the placement so perfectly that he wasn't touching anything but my hand. He applied pressure to my fingers, sliding them in and out slowly and tenderly. Then, he moved my thumb in the most perfect pattern I'd ever felt on my swollen nub. I couldn't help the moans of pleasure that escaped my lips as he continued the heavenly assault of my most sensitive area. It amazed me how he never touched anything down there but my hand as he made me feel better than I ever had before. All too soon, he stopped.

I moaned in frustration as his hand left mine, but he had other plans. He grabbed my arm and eased my hand out of its position. He pulled my hand up to his face and looked at the wetness that coated two of my fingers. He licked his lips and turned to me. "Is that for me Bella?"

I didn't know what he meant._ What did he mean?_ I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I heard a low growl come from him and looked up into his eyes; they were black as coal. _Shit! We've gone too far. But, God, do I even care? I'm in heaven right now..._

"Answer me Bella. Is this for me? Are you wet for me? Were you thinking about me while you played with yourself? Is this for me?" He sounded so strong, so demanding, so sexy. _Of course it's for him! Who the hell else would it be for?_

"Yes, Jasper. It's all for you. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. You make me so hot, so wet, so--" I was cut off as he took my fingers into his mouth. Suddenly, he was lapping up every drop of my wetness from my fingers while simultaneously creating much more where it came from. He started purring in the sexiest, most animalistic way that I could imagine. His lips and tongue continued to greedily suck on my fingers and I silently wished that he would put that skill to use on other parts of my body. I moaned his name, causing his eyes to snap to mine.

"Oh fuck, Bella. You taste so good," he said, guiding my hand back into my panties to recoat my fingers. "Taste yourself for me. See how good you are."

I hastily obeyed, sucking my fingers dry and enjoying the wild noises that escaped Jasper as I did so. He was right, I did taste good. I bet he tasted even better. I moved to sit up, hoping I could find out, but his hand held me firmly in place.

"Bella, Doll, would you give me the honor of giving you a proper goodnight?" He asked, his husky voice and hooded eyes doing nothing to mask his lust for me. His breath washed over my face, putting me in a daze. _Hell yes! Please, dear God, give me a proper goodnight. I'm begging you!_

But we couldn't. That would be wrong. What about Alice? Edward? "I'd love nothing more than that, Jasper, but we can't. It wouldn't be right."

"Darlin', please. I won't even have to touch you. There's nothing wrong in that."

Aww, who the hell was I kidding? He had me at _darlin'_. "Alright cowboy, show me what you got." _Did I really just say that? Fuck! _

Jasper breathed s sigh of relief before he stood and walked over to a chair in the corner of the room and sat down. _How the hell is he supposed to do anything from over there?_

"Take off the sweater Bella," came his strong, commanding voice again. Did I really want to be that close to naked in front of him? I don't know--

"I said take off the sweater. If you don't want to do what I ask, simply tell me and I will leave. You wouldn't want that, would you?" I didn't want him to leave, so I quickly shed the rest of the sweater. I loved this strong Jasper. I was suddenly jealous of Alice because she got his every night. She could do whatever she wanted with him.

"Pinch your nipples for me. Roll them between your fingers," he commanded again from his dark corner. I could barely see him, but I was scared of what would happened if I didn't listen, so I quickly began to work on my already hard nipples. It felt so good.

"Good girl. Now, keep working at it with one hand, but bring your other back to your sweet little pussy. Play with yourself like you did earlier," he said, his deep, husky voice almost making me come. God, he was so hot. I felt so naughty. What I was doing was so dangerous, so, wild. But I loved it. Jasper was the bad boy that I never knew I wanted, but now I wanted him so badly it hurt. My hand was furiously playing with my center, but it never felt as good as when Jasper did it. I was moaning in pleasure and groaning in frustration because I couldn't reach my release.

"Enough. Stop Bella. Put your hands over your head and don't move them until I say," this time, his voice was eager. _Why did I have to stop. Did I do something bad?_

And then, I realized why. Suddenly, I felt the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life. A euphoric rush came through my body and settled in my core. I felt so much pleasure, but he wasn't touching me. It started to build and I started writhing on the bed, clenching my legs together and trying to create friction. God, I was in heaven. I started panting, my moans getting louder. I couldn't take it, I had to touch myself, this felt too good to ignore. My hands went down to my panties, but before I could get there, the pleasure I was feeling was gone. "No! Please... Jasper..." I moaned in sheer desperation.

"You're a naughty girl Bella. What did I tell you? I told you to keep those hands up. That's too bad," and he stood to leave.

"No! Jasper. Please don't leave. I'm sorry. Please don't go! I'll do anything. Please. I need this!" I was past the point of caring that I was begging. I needed release.

"You'll do anything, huh?"

"Yes, please. Anything!"

"Okay, good. I'll stay, but you better not disobey again. Understood?"

"Yes. Please." I sounded like a complete wreck, but I didn't care.

"Okay. Get those damn hands back up. And put your knees up and spread your legs for me. Show me how wet you are," he instructed and I obeyed. Here I was, half naked and spread eagle on a bed, my panties soaked and my body hot for someone who was not my boyfriend. But I didn't care. I needed this and I would do anything he asked me to if it meant I could feel that feeling again.

"That's my girl," he said before kneeling between my legs on the bed. His head traveled down towards my core which sent my juices flowing even more. He got closer and then surprised me by inhaling a deep breath and moaning himself. He growled a sexy, low growl and returned to his chair.

The pleasure came back full force. Before I knew it I was moaning and gripping the pillows above my head. I was bucking my hips longing for something to meet with them, but nothing ever did. Every time I felt like I was about to reach my peak, the pleasure faded just enough to bring me back down. Damn it. I growled in frustration.

"What's wrong Bella?" Jasper asked, the smirk on his face evident in his voice.

"Oh, I think you know. Stop teasing me, please. I'm begging you" I whined.

"Actually, no, you're not. But I always did love to hear people beg. Why don't you try it," I knew he was playing with me.

"Please Jasper. Don't tease me. Oh, God. Please," I tried, begging for release.

"Not good enough. Tell me what you want Doll. Beg for it," the commanding tone returned to his voice.

"Please, Jasper. Please. Let. Me. Come. I need it. I need to come. Please," I said between gasps of air. If he didn't let me come soon I was going to jump him and ride him until the sun came up.

"Alright Darlin', you've convinced me. But I want to hear you scream. Scream MY name. Scream my name when you come for me Bella."

I nodded my head frantically as I continued to buck my hips and moan in frustrating pleasure. I felt my pleasure begin to rise. His name, along with other choice expletives and indecipherable noises began to fall from my mouth freely.

I knew I was getting closer and closer to the edge when suddenly I felt Jasper climb onto the bed, tear off my panties and clamp his beautiful mouth down on my dripping wet center. His tongue explored every inch of it, lapping up the juices like a cat lapping at milk. He darted his tongue in and out of my hole, then focused solely on my clit. His movements had me bucking up to meet his face as he held me down with one strong hand. My hands left their position over my head and I grabbed at his hair, trying futilely to push him deeper into me. I was in heaven as he lightly bit down on my nub, sending me over the edge and into to most intense orgasm of my entire life. I screamed his name like I was possessed as my juices erupted into his waiting mouth and he hurriedly drank them all down. My whole body shuddered as I came down from my high, panting and staring into the eyes of the man between my legs. He stared at me like he wanted more, and I'm sure my expression said the same.

Then, all too soon, he stood. He gently slid my pants back on my legs, though I was now pantyless as he had ripped them off. He lifted me and put the sweater back on me, zipping it all the way up. Then, he laid me under the covers and tucked me in. Then, he spoke. "I'm sorry that I broke my promise not to touch you Bella. I truly didn't plan on it. I hope you'll forgive me, but I understand if you would prefer our friendship be terminated."

He looked down. He was so sad. Yet, here I was on cloud fucking nine. Not cool. "No, Jasper. Don't do that. Feel what I'm feeling. I'm so happy. That was perfect. If it were up to me, we would have crossed many more lines. Please, don't taint this perfect night. I absolutely loved every second and everything you did to me. Thank you so much. You truly are the best friend I've ever had! And the was the best goodnight I've ever received. Thank you." His frown immediately turned upside down. He smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and I couldn't help but return it.

"Thank you. I hope that next time I get to take you on a more thorough ride. Sweet dreams Doll, I'm takin' a souvenir," he said, waving my torn panties in the air. Then, he leaned down and kissed my forehead; and just like that, he was gone. I reveled in his scent in the air, smelling the sweater until I felt faint. I heard him turn on the shower and drifted to sleep thinking about how he looked with the water cascading down his perfect body. _What a night. What a friend! _

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**Characters belong to S.M., I just like to make them play with each other (and themselves)...  
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**I gotta say, I was TERRIFIED of that chapter. I know some of you may not like what happened, but just trust me; I know where I'm going with it... ( I hope, LOL)  
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**Let me know what you're thinking at this moment... Really, I could really use the feedback! I'm already about 8 chapters up in the writing, but there's still time to go back and edit! So let me know how you're feeling! Thanks!  
**


	6. Our Little Secret

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess_:

"Thank you. I hope that next time I get to take you on a more thorough ride. Sweet dreams Doll, I'm takin' a souvenir," he said, waving my torn panties in the air. Then, he leaned down and kissed my forehead; and just like that, he was gone. I reveled in his scent in the air, smelling the sweater until I felt faint. I heard him turn on the shower and drifted to sleep thinking about how he looked with the water cascading down his perfect body. _What a night. What a friend! __  
_

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 6_

**Our Little Secret**

_Fuck!  
_  
_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

_What is wrong with me? I'm such an asshole!_

I can't believe I did that. It's like I completely lost control of my body, of my mind. I crossed a line that I never intended to. Not that other lines hadn't been crossed tonight, but that line took this thing onto a whole other league. It was no longer harmless flirting and using my power to help a friend. No; now, it was betrayal.

Now, I'll lose everything! I'll lose my wife, my brother, my family. I'll lose everyone that I love. This life I built. I'll be nothing without them. I'll revert back to the old me. I can't control myself without them. Shit! I'm gonna go back; back to black. Back to Jasper Whitlock. Back to the monster.

_And I'm gonna lose her. My friend, my Bella. I can't do this! _

I don't know what came over me. I know we were flirting a little during the night, but that was just fun. I mean, sure, I really did want her, but I wasn't planning on crossing any lines. Just the staring match that we'd had in my room was bad enough. I was glad that her stomach growled and brought me back to reality. Watching her eat was torture and awkward, for both of us. Her adorable clumsiness brought us out of the cloud of uneasiness and opened us up to begin what I hoped would be a great friendship. I don't have many friends. Not that I'm not someone that people enjoyed, in fact, I'm quite the cool cat if I do say so myself. It's just that all of my time is spent with my family. While I love them, they aren't the same as friends.

Bella was the perfect candidate for a friend. She was smart and witty and could keep up in a conversation with me. She wasn't the innocent, naive little girl that everyone thought she was. We'd only had a short conversation and I could already tell that she was a force to be reckoned with. She was interesting and quirky and genuinely interested in me. I was fascinated with the little human that my brother was in love with and decided that if she was willing to be my friend, I'd be the best one she'd ever had. Sure, there was a little innuendo in our conversation, but that's to be expected when two people are as attracted to each other as we are. I could feel her attraction and want, along with my own, all night. I knew we could move past it, though, and be the friends that we were meant to be.

I was glad she left when she did because I was about to pounce on her. It hurt to stay away from her, but I'd pay that price everyday if it meant that she'd be there to talk to and joke with. I was only planning on going into her room to say goodnight, since she left before I got the chance to, but when I felt the lust pouring out of her, my mind shifted gear. I heard her, I knew what she was doing, and I was going to be a great friend and help her get the release she needed; only using my gift, of course.

I was stopped dead in my tracks when I walked in and saw the beautiful sight before me. _She is a naughty girl. A naughty, naughty girl. And so beautiful. God, Eddie-boy doesn't know what he's missing! _The vision before my eyes was so sexy that I almost came in my pants just at the sight of it. _God damn, this woman is trying to kill me!_

I took a second to take her in: my sweater wrapped around her hot body, her face flush, her bottom lip between her teeth, no pants, her hand in her black cotton panties and the smell of her arousal thick in the air. I was in awe at the sight. This was a side of her that I'd never thought I'd see: Bella letting loose. You'd think she'd be embarrassed and stop, but no, not Bella. The little minx met my eye, then continued her show. Well, two could play that game.

I'll admit; I'm a little 'caveman' and enjoy running the show in the bedroom. I was in complete shock when Bella caught on so easily. She was truly a treat. Girls like her are hard to find. She wanted it and I was glad to give it to her.

I couldn't believe that she was so wet for me. And oh God, she tasted amazing. Her blood didn't hold a flame to her other juices. I can surely say that I'll never be tempted by her blood again. No, she had much more tempting things to offer. I was assured of this theory when the little temptress moaned my name; the most beautiful sound in the world! I was sitting off in the corner, using my gift on her like I'd done to others so many times before; it was a trick that I was quite proud of! I planned to finish her off that way, but her lust and want was merging with mine, and when she moaned my name like that, I lost complete control.

She was heavenly and I loved the effect I had on her body, but that was so wrong of me. Her blood didn't even cross my mind as I longed to taste a nectar much sweeter. I lapped her up greedily as I helped her reach her release, but the guilt started to crush me the second she was done. Astoundingly, all I felt from her was joy and relief, but I knew it had to be temporary. I took a memento of our evening, her panties, knowing that they were all I would have to remind me of the joyous occasion that we shared and left her to sleep.  
_  
I don't care what she said. I crossed a line that I'd promised not to. I betrayed my wife and forced her to betray my brother. This was bad..._

_But wait? What was up with Alice? Why didn't she call to stop it? Why isn't she here screaming at me now? She had to have seen that. But… oh yeah. She can't see Bella! She didn't see! It was our little secret! All I had to do was keep it out of my thoughts so Edward didn't find out and nothing had to change. Great news! Things are looking up!_

Feeling a little better, I jumped into the shower. I needed desperately to wash her scent off of me and bring myself some kind of release before I imploded. The water felt good. _Its warm, like Bella. Great, here I go again. I really need to stop thinking about her like that..._

_Well, I guess one more time won't hurt. And then I'll stop. It's not like I can help it, anyways. I can still taste her! I'll think about her this one last time while I finish myself, and then It's strictly friendship with her. I can do this..._

...

Half an hour later I stood clean and refreshed in my room. I threw on my some of my favorite clothes: my holey jeans, faded '_everything's bigger in Texas' _shirt, my favorite leather jacket and my back boots. I ran my fingers through my hair, not caring to spend time on it, and walked into the living room. I sat on the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table and waited. I waited for Alice to come home. I waited for the sun to rise. I waited for Bella to wake up. I just waited. I could hear Bella breathing and it was the most relaxing thing in the world. I was a little disturbed that my thoughts were dominated by Bella, hardly ever realizing the fact that Alice wasn't back yet. I started to call her more than once, but I knew Alice was wise and just needed her space. She'd call if she needed anything.

Finally, after hours of sitting, I heard Bella start to stir. I jumped up, excited that she would be awake soon. I missed looking at her and talking to her. I was dreading the talk that we'd eventually have to have, but I was more excited at the prospect of spending time with my friend again. The night had awarded me with a lot of time to think, and I was determined to keep last night between us and continue to develop the awesome friendship that I knew we could have.

After what felt like hours, I finally heard her get out of bed. I heard her shuffling around in her room and the bathroom. She turned the shower on and I had to fight very hard to keep my mind from traveling down a very unfriendly path. A couple minutes later, the shower was still on but I could tell she wasn't in it yet. I heard her sigh, and then a frustrated "Son of a bitch!" out of her. _What's going on in there?_

A couple more huffs and puffs and swear words later she stomped out of her room and slammed the door; clad in a too big, too fluffy, white bath robe.

"Damn it!" She yelled at no one in particular. I was confused as to what she was mad about, but her actions were like déjà vu to last nights escapes.

"Good morning Bella. What's wrong? Is Alice trying to dress you in overly frilly clothes again?" I asked, poorly containing a chuckle in remembrance.

"Good morning Jasper," she replied with an embarrassed little smile. "No. I haven't even had a chance to think about my outfit. All I want to do is take a nice, warm shower, but the stupid shower in my bathroom is only running cold. Ugh!" She filled me in with a stomp of her foot. She was too cute not to just smile and watch as the room filled with silence.

"Well, jeez, Jasper. Thanks for all of the great advice. You're so helpful this morning. What would I do without you?" She chided me for my lack of help. I just continued to watch in utter entertainment. "Look, do you mind if I use your shower? I really just want to get clean and relax for a minute," she asked, softening up a little bit.

"Sure Bella, no problem. Come on, I'll help you get settled in," I responded, trying to be a gentleman.

"No, Jasper. That's okay. I'm sure I can manage just fine on my own. I'll see you when I'm done, okay?" She said, not sounding too pleased and I felt her irritation. _Either she's not a morning person, or she's a little miffed with me. Or both. Great._

I let her go and walked over to the room service menu. I figured that maybe if I ordered her breakfast she'd ease up on me and be nice. I was just about to dial when I heard an agonized scream come from my bathroom. _Shit!_

I dashed in there as fast as I could to see a naked Bella grasping for the shower curtain as she made her way backwards towards the bathroom floor. She was going to hit her head at the very least. I couldn't let it happen, so I dove for her, catching her and cradling her in my arms. I looked down at her and a low growl escaped me. Seeing her naked was not going to help me forget her!

I quickly snatched her robe off of the counter and threw it over her. "Are you okay?"

"No! Damn it! I burned my fucking leg trying to get in this retarded shower and then I almost cracked my head open before you had to catch me in all my naked glory! Clumsy Bella strikes again! This one was epic, don't you think?" She replied, seething.

"Well, you're all covered now. Besides, the female body ain't nothin' I haven't seen before darlin'. Although yours is the nicest I've seen if that helps at all. Now, why don't we do something about that leg? Where does it hurt?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the tub with her in my lap. Being this close to her like this would've been much more tempting if I wasn't worried about her being hurt.

She pointed to where her leg hurt and I placed my cold hand around the red spot. "How's that feel? Better?"

"Yeah, actually. That's helping a lot. Thanks Jazz. And thanks for catching me. I'm sorry I was a jerk earlier. I'm just not a morning person," she said, shyly.

"Don't worry about it. That's what I'm here for! Now, let's get this water turned down so you can have your nice, relaxing shower. Okay?" I said, getting up to adjust the temperature until I knew it would be perfect. "There. That should be perfect. Jump in! I'm gonna order you some breakfast, any preferences?"

"Nope. Surprise me," she answered, now smiling. "Oh, and Jasper?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I'm lovin' your outfit. That shirt is awesome! I love it when you dress yourself!" She praised my fashion sense (or lack thereof), but before I could thank her she gasped. "Damn it!"

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot to grab an outfit. Do you think you could grab me something to wear? I'm sorry. I know I'm being a pain," she asked me like it was a big hassle of some sort.

"It would be my pleasure. Now, enjoy your shower. I'll leave an outfit on the bed for you and I'll have breakfast ready by the time you're finished. How does that sound?" I asked her, glad I could help.

"It sounds perfect. Thank you Jazz, really. I don't know what I'd do without you!" She gushed, adorably. I felt nothing but appreciation coming from her and I was glad that I could make her feel that way.

"And I don't know what I'd do without you," I said too low for her to hear as I backed out of the room and closed the door. _I think I might just die._

Finding Bella an outfit was difficult. There was a pile of bags in her room and I managed to find a pair of jeans that I thought she'd be comfortable in, but every shirt looked very un-Bella-like. They were all tight or short or pink or frilly. I couldn't make her wear something like that on a day like today.

Edward, Emmett and Carlisle were on their way here and we'd have to come up with some sort of plan from there. I hated the thought of being separated from Bella if Edward whisked her away. I was also terrified of her being hurt. I knew she'd put up another fight about us getting hurt and she'd be completely stressed. No, she had to be comfortable.

I took off my jacket and pulled my shirt over my head and folded it next to her jeans. _She said she liked it and I'm sure she'll be more comfortable in this than anything Alice picked out._

I added a white bra and panty set to the pile while trying to keep images of her from last night out of my head and scooped up a pair of socks and her black converse to complete her look. I threw on another long sleeved black shirt and dropped the clothes off on the bed and set off to order her breakfast: French toast, French fries and a coke. I knew she liked all of those things and wanted to make her happy. _God, I'm whipped over my friend. I'm such a pansy._

Bella came out about twenty minutes later and looked completely at ease. She had the shirt tied in a knot at the front of her stomach to make it fit better and I realized how much I loved seeing her in my clothes. She thanked me for letting her wear it and told me I'd probably never get it back because she loved it so much. That was fine with me as long as I got to see her smile like she was this morning. I loved it! She was completely radiant! She loved the breakfast I got her and I gave myself a pat on the back for doing so good.

When she finished, I figured now was as good a time as any to talk to her. I wanted her to know I was sorry that I'd crossed the line and that I'd do anything to keep her as a friend. I hoped she'd want the same, but I was still petrified at how it might turn out. Hesitantly, I began, "Bella, I think we need to talk."

She seemed startled and felt very apprehensive, "What did you have in mind, Jasper?"

"Last night. I'm sorry. I crossed a line. I hope that we can just forget it and leave it in the past. It'll be our little secret. It shouldn't have happened and I hope you'll forgive me," I told her, getting it out as fast as I could.

"Well, I'm sorry that you're sorry Jasper. There's nothing to forgive. I had an amazing time and I don't plan on forgetting it, but I won't stand in your way of doing so." She was pissed, but I didn't understand why.

"Bella, why are you mad?"

"Because Jasper. Last night was special to me. I know it was wrong, but that doesn't mean I can ignore it."

"What other choice do we have Bella? You have Edward. I have Alice. We don't want to hurt them, so what else can we do besides keeping our secret and leaving it in the past?"

She thought for a minute, going through a range of emotions: sadness, anger, loss, regret, joy, sadness, and finally, setting on loss. "I guess you're right. I just love the connection we have and don't want to lose it. Lose you. Lose us."

"Bella, you won't lose me. We'll be friends. The best of friends! But we can't continue to hurt the ones we love. Obviously we are attracted to each other, but we can't let lust ruin love," I told her, feeling her loss like it was my own. _Or is it my own?_

"Well, I guess friends it is then. But, that doesn't mean I'll forget it Jasper, ever," she said, her eyes boring into my skull.

"Neither will I Bella. Neither will I," I assured, grabbing her hand into both of mine and meeting her gaze. We sat like that for awhile, until I heard the tell-tell footsteps of my wife. _My wife! Shit!_

I dropped Bella's hand and went to open the door for Alice, sweeping her into a tight hug and kissing her on the forehead. "I missed you tiny!" I told her as I felt Bella's jealousy. _Damn, this is gonna be harder than I thought._

"I missed you too, Jazzy. But we've got to get going. The boys will be landing in half an hour. You two get ready, we're out of here in two minutes," Alice ordered before dashing to the room, not a word or glance in Bella's direction. _That's weird. Does she know? But how?_

I glanced at Bella, but she only stood, shrugged and went into her room. I quickly readied myself and sat on the couch to wait for the girls. They both emerged shortly and shared a loving embrace, initiated by Alice, that put my thoughts from earlier to rest. I noticed that Bella had added my hoodie from the night before to her ensemble. Alice noticed but said nothing as we made our way to the car in the hotels covered parking garage. Alice chose to drive us the five minutes it would take to get to the airport and Bella slid into the back.

The ride was silent for a couple minutes before Alice spoke, "Bella, why is it that you're wearing so many of my husband's clothes?"

Bella felt shock and surprise, but also a little bit of anger. "Well, once I got a chance to see the kind of clothes that he likes, I couldn't help but steal some of them. He has great style Alice. You should be proud!" _Wow! Bella's bold! And she's quick on her feet! And I can't believe she's standing up for me; even if it's in her own subtle way. Yep, this is going to be a great friendship! _Alice was stunned by Bella's words and the conversation dropped back off.

The silence was deafening, but it was made worse by the soft buzzing of Bella's phone which was followed by her feelings of utter fear, dread, guilt and defeat. They were so strong I thought that they would strangle me. _What the hell is going on back there? I have to know._

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. But, before I could hear her answer, I was met with Alice's worried gasp, Bella's terrified scream, the sharp blow of impact and the deafening sound of metal being torn apart.

_

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**Characters belong to S.M., I just like to have a little fun with them.  
**

**I must thank all of you wonderful readers and reviewers! You guys are all amazing. I read and appreciate everything you guys have to say and they make me smile! **

**This chapter was a little fluffy, but next chapter will have more action. Let me know what you think in the meantime!  
**


	7. Calm Down

**A/N: That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's Monday! What does that mean? More _A Beautiful Mess_ of course! :)**

**We're jumping right back into the story, but I just wanted to take a second and thank all of my wonderful readers and reviewers! You guys are seriously awesome! I love hearing everything you guys have to say and I appreciate you taking the time to send a couple words my way. So many of you have put this story on alert and favorites that I'm shocked! Just thought I'd show a little gratitude. :)**

**Anywho, I'll shut up now! Enjoy!  
**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess_:

The silence was deafening, but it was made worse by the soft buzzing of Bella's phone which was followed by her feelings of utter fear, dread, guilt and defeat. They were so strong I thought that they would strangle me. _What the hell is going on back there? I have to know._

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. But, before I could hear her answer, I was met with Alice's worried gasp, Bella's terrified scream, the sharp blow of impact and the deafening sound of metal being torn apart.

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 7_

**Calm Down**

Worst. Day. Ever! I can't think of even one day in my entire life that was worse than this one, and it wasn't even noon yet! Ugh!

This marvelous day started out with an embarrassing attempt at taking a shower. In my life, these things are never easy. First, mine didn't work so I had to borrow Jaspers. I acted like a complete jerk to him because I was so grumpy. _I am not an early bird, when will these people learn?_

Of course, I burned myself trying to accomplish the simple task of entering the shower, which was almost the death of me as a fell backwards towards the cold, hard floor. But, no; things will never be that easy. I met a fate much crueler than death when Jasper came in and caught me in all my clumsy, naked glory._ Yep, that was fun._

Of course I forgot clothes, so I had to ask him to do even more for me and rifle through my clothes to find me an outfit. _Yeah, having my boyfriends brother look through my under garments is an ideal situation, wouldn't you agree?_

_And what the hell is wrong with me? He's seen much more inappropriate things from you Bella. He's tasted you!_

Ugh! God, I know it was silly of me to feel weird about him doing something as simple as finding me an outfit, but it still felt weird. Last night was all in the heat of the moment. We probably shouldn't have gone that far; no, we definitely shouldn't have gone that far. _But it was so good! And I needed it so much! Goodness, I am a cheating whore aren't I? I have the world's greatest boyfriend and I betrayed him because I couldn't control my hormones. Who would've ever thought that I become one of those girls? I'm sure Jessica would be proud. _

_But why don't I feel worse? Why don't I regret it?_

These questions kept nagging at me. Even though I know what we did was wrong, I didn't regret it. It's hard to regret something so enjoyable. I'm so glad I have Jasper in my life now. It seemed like we were very compatible and I knew we could be great friends. _But will we be able to get past this? _

We couldn't have anymore secrets to keep. We'd have to keep this strictly friendship. I didn't know if this was possible. He was so alluring; like a moth to a flame I wanted to be near him. I knew it wasn't just lust. We had a connection and I enjoyed his company. He made me feel like a woman, like a grown up. I liked the freedom and fun he offered me. I didn't want to lose him.

But I couldn't lose Edward. Or Alice. Or any of the Cullen's. This has got to stay our little secret and we'll just have to work extra hard to keep our friendship nothing but friendly. At least that was the decision we came up with after I ate the perfect breakfast that Jasper had ordered me. I was hurt that he wanted to forget it ever happened, but I know it's the right thing to do.

So now, here we are, me and my two friends on the way to meet my boyfriend and his brother and father at the airport so that we can formulate a plan to get away from the sadistic vampire that wants to kill me. _Fun times!_

It had been silent ever since Alice had questioned me about wearing her husband's clothes. _Crap! I wasn't prepared for that!_

I was so glad to see that Jasper had left me his shirt to wear for today. It was comfortable and vintage and just all around awesome. Plus, it smelled like him and you can never go wrong there. Of course, I topped it off with the black hoodie he had let me wear the night before, so I can understand why I looked like I had raided his closet. Instead of explaining that, however, I snapped at her and was a total bitch to someone who had been nothing but kind to me. I felt horrible, but everything I said was true. Jasper did have his own great style and Alice should let him dress however he chose to. Still, I felt bad for being so mean and catty. _Good job, Bella. You're on a roll today!_

When my phone buzzed, I hoped it would be Edward. I missed him so much and couldn't wait to see him. I needed to feel his arms around me and hear him tell me that he loved me and wouldn't leave me again. I needed to see that they were all okay. I needed him more than I ever realized I did. My hopes were cut short when I realized that it was just a text from a number I didn't realize.

A picture message, with four pictures and a message at the end.

The first picture was of the outside of our house in Phoenix.

The second was a picture of my old room.

The third was a picture of Renee, and she was crying.

The last one was a picture of the outside of my old ballet studio.

I looked at the pictures for a while, not thinking. I didn't want to put the pieces of this puzzle together. I didn't want to accept what was in front of my eyes. This couldn't be happening. The message at the end confirmed my fears:

_Hello dearest Bella. Your mom and I were tired of patiently waiting for you to visit, so we went on a little field trip. Won't you, and only you, join us? Hurry Bella, I'm getting a little hungry. -James_

_No. No, no, no. This can't be happening!_ He's here. And he has Renee. Now her life is in danger because of me. No. This couldn't happen. I couldn't let him hurt my mother. This guy is crazy and sadistic. I won't let him hurt anyone else over me either. I have to end this, now. I have to give myself up so that he'll leave everyone I love alone, otherwise this will go on forever. I just wish I had time to say goodbye.

Jasper obviously picked up on my emotions, causing him to question what was wrong with me. I was about to tell him that nothing was wrong when suddenly something was wrong.

Alice gasped before she swerved and sent the car heading straight towards a taxi that was waiting for a passenger outside of the airport. I screamed and braced myself for the impact, which came harder then I'd expected as the rear bumper the taxi was torn completely off and I was sent barreling into the back of the seat in front of me. The car came to an abrupt stop and the second of silence was unbearable.

"Damn it! What the fuck Alice? What the hell just happened?" Jasper screamed, enraged.

Alice seemed unaffected by his anger as she sat, staring off into space and speaking in an even, calm voice. "He's here."

"Who's here? And why does that result in you crashing into a taxi? You're a vampire Alice. Reflexes and seeing the future should help you avoid shit like car accidents," Jasper seethed at her.

"Calm down Jasper," I tried. Didn't work.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? How am I supposed to calm down? You could've been killed! Fuck, are you okay Bella? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, just a little terrified of the screaming, psychotic vampire in the front seat. You have to calm down. Look, people are staring," I told him, pointing out the growing crowd around us.

"I'm sorry. I just-- I got scared. Alice, who's here? And what are we going to do about this mess?" Jasper asked, although I knew exactly who was here and what he wanted.

"James, Jasper. James is here in Phoenix. I haven't been able to see him much, probably since all of his decisions are based on getting to Bella and I can't see her. I only got a few short flashes, but I can tell he's here. And he's at some kind of dance studio, filled with mirrors."

"Fuck! That asshole is good. We have to go meet up with the others just in case he tries anything. We need the numbers," Jasper said, impatience in his voice.

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, you take Bella inside and don't let her out of your sight. I'll meet you guys at the gate as soon as I take care of everything here. Go!" Alice urged us before she got out to deal with the aftermath of the crash. I was sure that she'd be pulling out her checkbook and writing a large number down, but hey, whatever gets the job done. It's a good thing that the outer rim of the airport was covered or Alice's sparkling would scare everyone away.

Jasper flew to my door to help me out of the car and I smiled inside because this would be my chance to get away and end all of this madness.

It was ridiculous how much was happening to protect me.

A whole family was uprooted and out risking their lives. I hurt my own father. My mother was in the hands of a murderous vampire. Graceful Alice was crashing cars. Calm, collected Jasper was screaming. It's just too much. I loved these people and I wished I'd be able make it out alive to see them again, but I had to put an end to this. I had to get away from Jasper and go meet my fate.

He grabbed my arm and gently tugged me behind him. I was having trouble keeping up with his pace so he slowed down a little. We passed a bathroom and I saw my chance at escape.

"Jasper, wait. I have to go to the bathroom," I said, hoping it would be that easy. No such luck.

"No way Bella. I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"Jasper, I need a human moment. It's not debatable."

"I don't care. It's too risky."

"What do you think James is hiding out in one of the stalls? Ready to attack in front of all these people? Plus, you heard Alice. He's at the ballet studio." He whipped his head toward me so fast I thought he would break his neck. _Shit!_

"Ballet studio? How do you know he's at a ballet studio Bella?" _Crap! What do I do?_

"Well, Alice said he was at a dance studio filled with mirrors. The only place like that around here is the ballet studio I used to go to when I was younger. I just put two and two together Jasper," I answered, hoping I could fool him. He smiled. _Maybe it worked!_

"You, 'clumsy, trips on thin air, can barely stand on her own two feet' Bella, used to do ballet? Seriously?" He asked with that sly smile back on his face.

"Yes, Jasper. I did. We see how well that worked out for me, now don't we? Now, back to the matter at hand. I have to pee. So, unless you'd like to cup your hands for me or put on a dress and come along, you are going to stay right here while I handle my human business. Okay?" I told him, boldly, hoping it would work.

He sighed. "Fine, Bella. I guess I don't really have a choice. But you hurry. And if anything happens, yell for me and I'll be there in a second. Okay?" He said, defeated.

"Okay Jasper. Will do."

"Bella, please be careful," Jasper said to me, sadly, as I turned to go. I kept walking, not wanting to lie to him when I would be doing the exact opposite of what he was asking me.

Once I got into the bathroom, I checked my surroundings. I found what I was looking for, a door opposite the one I came in, leading to the opposite side of where Jasper was currently waiting. Score! I sneaked out, quickly making my way outside and into a cab. I directed him to the studio and sat back, thinking that this get away was too easy.

…

The ride was much too short, not leaving me time to formulate any kind of plan; not that I had any shot here. What was I going to do? Turn into _Bella the Vampire Slayer? _I just hope I can get Renee out of there alive. That's all I want. He can have me for a snack, but he better let my mom go.

I walked in, slowly, and looked around before I was met with the star of my nightmares; James. The next ten minutes passed in a blur.

He stalked me like prey. He enjoyed running his gross, Neanderthal-like hand across my face and through my hair. He smiled as he revealed how I had been played like a fool in his trickery. He never had Renee, just a conveniently perfect picture of her crying after a fall. He had tricked me and I fell for it. I walked right to him. _God, I'm an idiot. _He played with me like a toy, taunting me about how my 'lover-boy' wasn't there to save me this time. He told me how he'd enjoy hunting down and killing every single one of the Cullen's once he finished with me. I couldn't believe it. After everything I'd done to protect the ones I loved, they would still be in danger. I missed Edward so much. I just wanted to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him one more time before I died at the hands of this jackass.

He raised my wrist to his mouth, preparing to end my life. I could do nothing but think about those I loved in my head. When I got to Edward, I lost it. Tears came streaming down my face as I waited to take my last breath. I only hoped it would come quickly.

He licked my wrist, running his slimy tongue over my shaking skin. _Think happy thoughts!_

_Edward. Charlie. Renee. Edward. Alice. Jasper. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Rosalie. Edward. Jasper. Edward. Edward. Edward._

And then the door flew open and I heard a deep, menacing growl.

_Edward!_

Then, I felt the teeth sink into my wrist...

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**Characters belong to S.M., I just like to piss them off!  
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**Again, thanks to all of my readers for keeping with me. Click the green button below and become one of my reviewers, why dontcha? **

**I feel kind of bad about the cliffy, so if I hear from a good number of you on this chapter, I just might give you guys the next chapter early... :)  
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	8. Friendship Scars

**A/N: I know you're all wondering why I'm posting something on a random day at a random time. Well, Ill tell you why: For the sole reason that I'm happy! Why am I happy? Well...**

**#1: I finally finished chapter 12 of this story, one that I've been stumped on for like 2 weeks. Yey me!**

**and**

**#2: A Beautiful Mess has reached 100 reviews! I never thought anyone would even be interested in this story since there are so many other great J/B stories out there to read instead. I appreciate every single review I've received and this chapter is dedicated to anyone who has ever took a second to drop me a line. Yey you guys!**

**So, without further ado, enjoy. (I have a feeling I'm going to get some flack for this one, but just trust me; I know where it's going!)**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

He raised my wrist to his mouth, preparing to end my life. I could do nothing but think about those I loved in my head. When I got to Edward, I lost it. Tears came streaming down my face as I waited to take my last breath. I only hoped it would come quickly.

He licked my wrist, running his slimy tongue over my shaking skin. _Think happy thoughts!_

_Edward. Charlie. Renee. Edward. Alice. Jasper. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Rosalie. Edward. Jasper. Edward. Edward. Edward._

And then the door flew open and I heard a deep, menacing growl.

_Edward!_

Then, I felt the teeth sink into my wrist...

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 8_

**Friendship Scars**

_I'm going to kill her!_

_I'm gonna find her, save her, and then kill her!_

_What is wrong with her? What could possibly be running through her head? She's smart, I would never expect her to do something so damn stupid! _She ran from the protection of five vampires who would do anything to keep her safe and willingly headed towards a crazy one who wanted nothing more than to drain all life from her. Bella must've lost her mind.

_How did she even know that he was at the ballet studio in the first place? And why is she headed there? It makes no sense. God, that girl is so hard to figure out. _

I growled and urged the stupid cab driver to step on it, offering a hundred dollar tip if he got me there in less than ten minutes, even though he told me it was a twenty minute drive. He started driving faster and I settled into my thoughts.

I had gotten very lucky earlier. When I noticed Bella's scent growing fainter and her emotions disappearing, I burst into the ladies restroom to investigate. Just as I had feared, she was not inside. I followed her scent out of the other exit and towards the door. She really was smart, I had to give her that. I spotted her outside jumping into a cab and I listened intently so I could hear where they were headed; '_the ballet studio on palm street, fast!'. _

My mind ceased any coherent thought when I heard her say that. I knew she was going to James. I didn't know why, but I knew I had to protect her. I jumped in the nearest cab, growling at an elderly man who dared walk towards the cab I had my eye on, and gave the driver the same directions Bella had given hers. By the time we made it through the traffic and onto the roads Bella and her cab were nowhere to be seen.

I wanted nothing more than to jump out of the damned cab and chase after her, but this area was much too sunny and populated. I could tell my frustration was seeping into the driver because he suddenly developed the worst case of road rage I'd ever encountered. Hey, if it got me to Bella faster, I didn't mind one bit.

I opened my phone and sent a text to Alice: _Bella escaped and is headed to a ballet studio on palm. I think she's going to James. Bring everyone. I'm going to kill that bastard._

I felt like I had been in that cab forever when I spotted the studio. I threw a handful of hundreds at the driver and dashed into the building. I could hear him talking and her crying. I felt his excitement and her fear, resignation and nostalgia. _Shit, this is not good._

I opened the door to the room they were in with a loud growl and was met with shock, determination and relief. Bella's eyes lit up. I was so relieved to see her alive that I was frozen in place for a second, and that was all it took. In that one second, James brought Bella's wrist to his mouth and bit down. Her screams filled the room as he tasted her, slowly draining the life from my friend, my Bella.

I snarled at the asshole that had his hands on her and took off. I smashed into him, biting him on the shoulder and causing him to cry out in pain, giving me the chance to tear him away from Bella. She fell to the floor and immediately began screaming about the pain. I couldn't stand to see her, let alone feel her in so much pain. With a swift kick to the chest, I sent James flying across the room and into a wall of mirrors.

I ran to Bella's side where she was shrieking about the fire in her arm. _Shit. The venom. _

"Bella, darlin', it's okay. You're gonna be okay. Shh," I tried to comfort her, knowing that there was no way it would help.

"Jasper?" She asked and I felt her shock. _Of course it's Jasper. Who the hell else would it be?... Oh, she must've thought I was Edward here to save her. That's why she was relieved._

"Yes, Doll. It's me. I'm gonna keep you safe, okay?" She nodded, but I felt the relief disappear and her fear double. Great, she must be worried I'm going to finish what James started.

I wanted to comfort her more and try to assure her that I wasn't going to kill her, but just then I felt the familiar sting of venom as James clamped down on the back of my neck. _This jackass is trying to tear my head off!_

It was obvious that I was a much more skilled fighter than him as I was easily able to throw him off of me. "Why are you here, Blondie? I thought she was with the mind reader. Or is she a family pet? Is today your day with the little slut?" I growled and lunged at him, but in my rage he was able to dodge it. "She tastes delicious. I don't mind sharing. What do you say?" I lunged at him again, this time he caught me with a kick to the chest and I flew backward, denting the floor as I flew.

"Jasper! No!" I heard Bella scream. "No, please! Don't hurt him James! You can have me! Don't hurt Jasper!" _Seriously, what is wrong with this girl? Maybe she really did have a death wish. _

As I recovered, he walked over to a screaming Bella and knelt down beside her. He picked up her arm and brought her wrist to his mouth. "Don't mind if I do, honey," he said to Bella. He sniffed at some of the blood that had pooled at the bite marks and licked it. "Okay, this is my last offer. I'll share her with you and then we can both go on out merry ways. No need to get worked up over a worthless bitch like--"

He didn't finish because I crashed into him and pinned him up against another mirrored wall. _This asshole has balls to speak about her like that! How dare he!_ I was going to kill him for it and I was going to enjoy it.

The rage that had clouded my mind had cleared now and Major Whitlock returned. He didn't stand a chance. I had to do this efficiently and needed the right mind frame to do so. I cleared my mind and went about taking care of this sadistic fuck. Within minutes, James was dead, his dismembered limbs spread out all over the room.

With James out of the way, I made my way back over to Bella. She was screaming in pain on the floor, muttering about the pain and the fire. I didn't know what to do. She had been bitten and James venom was slowly beginning to turn her into a vampire. I knew Edward didn't want this, but what else could be done? I wish Carlisle was here, but he wasn't. Nobody was. Just me and a bleeding human. _Bleeding? Why is she bleeding?_

The blood was coming from her lip; she must've bit through it trying to deal with the pain of the venom. _Shit! I don't think I can handle flowing blood._ I started to feel the pull; it was calling me. Her blood smelled so wonderful. I needed it. Now!

But then she looked up at me through her eyelashes, her eyes hopeful even through all the pain. "Jasper! You're okay! Where's James?" She asked, as her emotions went from relief back to fear. Fear. She had right to be afraid. I was exactly the monster everyone thought I was.

"Jasper?" Bella asked. Nothing came from my lips. I was drawn to her blood, I wanted it. But I was frozen. Why? She hit her realization before I hit mine. I felt it; and then her dread. She was smart; she knew what was going on. I was still frozen. _Damn it! Move! Take it!_

"It's okay Jasper. I understand," Bella said sadly. _What the hell?_

"But, just so you know, I don't think you're a monster. I love you Jasper."

_It's okay? She understands? I'm not a monster? She loves me? What the hell? What is wrong with her?_

_Nothing. Nothing is wrong with her. She is amazing. I can't kill her! What is wrong with me? I need her! She doesn't think I'm a monster and I'm not gonna prove her wrong. _

Just like that, my bloodlust was gone. I need to make sure Bella is okay, because I love her too.

"James is gone Bella. You won't ever have to worry about him again," I answered her previous question, leaning down and brushing her hair out of her eyes. She wasn't scared; she didn't flinch from my touch. She felt relief and gratitude. Her smile melted my heart. She seemed at peace for a moment before the venom came back to the forefront of her mind. Her screams were bloodcurdling.

"Jasper! It burns! Why is it burning? Please, make it stop!" She begged me.

"Shh, Bella," I said, holding her once flailing arms still. "You've been bitten. The burn you feel is the venom. It'll change you into a vampire. Do you want the change Bella?" I asked, hoping she said yes because there weren't very many options. I know that she and Edward had discussed it and she was all for becoming one of us, but Edward was steadfastly against it.

"No, Jasper. Not like this! I don't want James' venom coursing through me for all eternity. I'm not ready! I didn't get to say goodbye. Please, Jasper. I don't want to die."

I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of was to suck the venom out, a trick I had learned in my days with Maria. But Bella smelled too good and after being so intimate with her lately, I was thirsty. I didn't know if I'd be able to stop. I'd never forgive myself if I killed her._ I'm not strong enough!_

"Bella, the only other option we have is for me to suck the venom out, but I don't know if I can do it. I could kill you. I'm not strong enough Bella. I think we should wait for Carlisle. The others are on their way." I explained, hoping she'd see the risk.

"Jasper, I trust you. You are strong enough. You can do this. Please! It burns! Please Jasper, make it stop!" She pleaded with me. She looked so helpless and I felt the sincerity in her words. She actually did trust me. She gave me confidence and it was then that I decided I could do this and not kill her.

Without hesitation, I took her wrist into my hands, brought it to my mouth and began to suck.

The feeling was completely orgasmic. I'd never felt something so incredible. Bella's blood was heaven, even mixed with the sour taste of the venom. I was in heaven and never wanted to stop. I was floating on cloud nine, enjoying the drug that I had so long ago given up; at the moment, I couldn't exactly remember why.

The venom was gone now, all I was tasting was her blood. It was amazing. There was no way I could stop now. But then, I heard her voice.

"Jasper, it feels better now. I think you can stop," she croaked. I don't know how or why, but hearing her voice broke me out of my spell and I stopped. I actually stopped drinking her blood. _No fucking way. This can't be real!_

She looked into my eyes and smiled. I felt her pride, her joy, her love. It was real._ I did it!_ I was proud of myself. I picked her up into a tight hug, so thankful to have someone with so much faith in me. "Thank you Jasper, so much. You saved my life, more than once. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you!"

"No, thank you Bella. You believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. I'll never be able to repay you for that," I told her, feeling the sting of tears that will never fall on my eyes. She was crying too, sobbing into my chest as I rocked her back and forth.

"I love you Jasper. You are my knight in shining armor. I'm so glad we're friends!" She said, pulling back to look at me when she said it. She was looking back to normal, although I knew she'd be weak due to the loss of blood.

"I love you too Bella. Wait, does this mean that the trial run is over? Am I a fully fledged friend now?" I asked, liking the easy banter we had transitioned into.

"You're more than that, cowboy! You're my best friend!" She said smiling.

"Do you really mean that?" I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

"Of course!"

"Well that makes me very happy! Of course, you know you are mine as well. Hell, you're my only friend!" I told her, truthfully.

She laughed and threw her arms around my neck, hitting the sore spot where James had bitten me. I cringed and hissed in pain. She immediately stiffened and drew back to look at me. "What's wrong Jasper?" She asked, feeling truly concerned.

"It's nothing Bella, Just a little bite. Nothing too painful," I told her. She stood and walked around to my back. She knelt down and softly lifted my hair and felt a surge of regret and guilt when she saw the scar that was surely there. I knew that there were others there, but this one was fresh and raised enough for her to see with the poor lighting.

"Oh, Jasper. I'm so sorry. You were hurt because of me. That's exactly what I didn't want," She said, falling to her knees and sobbing into her hands. She was getting wrapped up into a world of guilt. I got to my knees, facing her, and took her hands into mine. She looked up at me.

"Bella, please. Don't feel guilty. I would gladly receive a million bites if it meant keeping you safe. It's nothing. Besides, it's what I get for not getting to you in time," I said, internally cursing myself for that second that I stood frozen at the door.

"It's not your fault. I ran from you. And I'm sorry about that. I just didn't want--"

"Bella, that's a conversation for another time," I cut her off. "Please believe me when I say that this is a scar I am proud to wear. Consider it the mark that signifies our friendship, a permanent one. Plus, we both have one," I said, turning her wrist to face her so she could see the scar James had left her. She grimaced at it, but then smiled.

"I guess you're right. We won't need friendship bracelets, we have friendship scars. Much more 'us', don't you think?" She said, adding a soft chuckle through her tears. I was glad to see her laughing.

"Definitely," I agreed, plastering a shit-eating grin on my face since I was so happy at the moment. "Okay, your wounds are still open. I'm going to seal it with my venom so that it will stop bleeding. It might sting a little at first, but it won't last long."

She nodded and I went to her lip first. Luckily, it hadn't bled too much, but there was some dried blood surrounding it and it was bleeding a tiny bit. My sleeve had been ripped in the fight with James, so I tore the rest of it off and used it to clean the wound. Then, I slowly leaned in to lick along the bottom of her lip. I was surprised that I didn't think twice about her body or her blood as I did this; her well-being was the only thing that mattered. I made quick work of it and was relieved to find that it wasn't a hole clear through her lip; she just broke skin on the outside. Once her lip was sealed, I grasped her wrist and leaned down to seal it with my tongue. There were small drops of blood on the open wound, but the taste didn't even register to me as my only thoughts were about how much I cared for the girl it belonged to. I was just finishing up when I heard the door fly open and was hit with a wave of uncontrolled rage and a deep growl that actually scared the shit out of me._ Great. Just fucking great. _

I turned towards the door just in time to see an irate Edward. I jumped up and crouched in front of Bella, worrying only about her safety around such an out of control Edward. We all stayed where we were, frozen in the moment for a short time. Then, I saw my brother barreling at me, teeth barred and getting ready to attack. _Fuck, me._

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_**All of the character belong to S.M., I just like to take them and completely screw with their lives... You should try it, it's fun!**

**Thanks for reading! It's gonna start to get interesting!**

**What did you think? Let me know! **


	9. Twilight Zone

**A/N: I think... I think I love you. Yes, you! If you are reading this, I love you! My readers rock! Lol.**

**Here's quite a long one for you. I was waiting for some slack for the last chapter, but it never came. Wow! I'll still be waiting for some for this one... But I like it. Lol. It was pretty fun to write if I remember correctly.**

**Enjoy...  
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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

... I was just finishing up when I heard the door fly open and was hit with a wave of uncontrolled rage and a deep growl that actually scared the shit out of me._ Great. Just fucking great. _

I turned towards the door just in time to see an irate Edward; eyes black and emotions crazed. I jumped up and crouched in front of Bella, worrying only about her safety around such an out of control Edward. We all stayed where we were, frozen in the moment for a short time. Then, I saw my brother barreling at me, teeth barred and getting ready to attack. _Fuck, me!_

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 9_

**The Twilight Zone**

Fear.

It was all I could feel for too long. Fear. Fear and fire. But Jasper fixed that. They were both gone now. I was happy, excited, looking forward to seeing everyone that I thought I'd never see again. I'd cheated death yet again! But fear, I've come to find, doesn't stay away for long when it comes to me.

I thought that I was done feeling afraid. James was gone and Jasper had saved me. He had risked his life and come to my rescue, even after I'd tricked him and ran off. I felt so bad that he had been hurt for me; it was exactly what I didn't want. But he quickly turned that around, pointing out that now, as best friends, we had matching scars that would always symbolize our bond. A bond that I knew would last forever; well, at least as long as I was alive.

But, I am alive, and I'd never been more thankful! Jasper was so strong. He took away my fear and then miraculously took away my pain. He took away the fire. I don't know how he was able to do it, but I knew he could. All I could feel was pride for him, but then, with the sound of the door flying open and the deep, terrifying growl that ripped through the room, the fear returned.

Jasper tensed before turning to crouch protectively in front of me. _What? What is it now? Victoria? Laurent? Who wants to kill me now? I swear, death wants me; and it wants me badly!_

I craned my neck to look around Jasper, and what I saw threw me for quite a loop. It was Edward. My Edward! I was so happy to see him! I jumped to my feet, eager to run and jump into his arms. I couldn't wait to hug and kiss him and hear him tell me how much he loved me. I'd be in heaven with my angel; I couldn't wait!

But I couldn't get there fast enough! It's like my feet were frozen in place when all I wanted them to do was run to him. Then, my voice of reason broke free and I realized why my feet weren't cooperating. Edward. This man wasn't my Edward. The look in his black eyes was one straight from a horror movie. He looked ready to kill; kind of how James did.

And then he started coming towards us, eyes crazy, teeth barred and snarls escaping his lips. This time, my feet cooperated as I tried to get as far away from him as possible; I backed up until I felt a cold, hard wall behind me and I stopped to watch the terrible scene in front of me.

I screamed out in terror as Edward slammed into Jasper, the sound like two boulders colliding, and threw him into the mirrored wall not ten feet away from where I stood. The shattered glass didn't have time to hit the floor before Edward was there again, holding Jasper around the throat and slamming him back into to broken mirror repeatedly.

"Why?" He snarled. "What did you do? What have you done to my Bella?" Edward asked, or, rather, screamed.

"It's not what you think Edward. Please, calm down and let me explain," Jasper yelled, trying to reason with him.

"Let you explain? Explain what? Why you had your mouth on my Bella? Why your eyes are red? And why can't I hear your thoughts Jasper? Are you blocking me? What do you have to hide? Huh, Brother?" Edward screamed again, spitting out the word 'brother' like it was a curse word.

"I'm not hiding anything from you Edward, maybe you're just too out of control to hear clearly. There has been no foul play here. I did _not_ attack Bella, I just--" He was cut off by Edwards roar.

"Do not try to lie to me, Jasper! I see your eyes! They tell me the truth! You hurt the one I love and for that you will pay!" Edward threatened, before proceeding to slam Jaspers head into the wall again.

_What the hell is going on? Does Edward seriously think Jasper attacked me? Look at me you idiot! I'm standing right here!_

I was getting ready to yell at Edward and explain to him that I was right there, alive and fine, but before I had the chance, he snapped at Jasper and threatened, "Just as your teeth cut into her skin, you will feel mine in yours! I'm going to enjoy ripping you to shreds!" Edward looked like a crazy person, enjoying the sadistic thought of ripping my best friend, his brother, to pieces right in front of me.

_Oh no! He's serious! He's going to tear him apart. Edward is going to kill Jasper! Bella, do something!_

I mustered all of my strength and took the small number of steps I needed to reach them. I threw myself at them and pleaded, "NO! Edward, don't hurt him! He saved me! Edward! Please!"

Before I could make contact with their bodies as I'd planned, an arm swung out and into me, sending my flying across the room; Edwards! _Edward seriously just hit me! What the fuck is wrong with him?_ I crashed into the floor painfully, looking up just in time to see Edward frozen, staring at me remorsefully, as Jasper kicked him forcefully off of him and rushed to my side. Jasper scooped me into his arms and darted towards the door. We were almost out when we were blocked by the beautiful Alice; her body directly in our way, hip jutted out with her hand on it and a dark look in her eyes.

"Alice! Fuck, I'm so glad you're here. Please, out of the way. Edward's lost it. I need to get Bella out of here before she gets hurt," He told her. She didn't move, but her eyes narrowed as she took us in.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jasper, and either are you. Now put Bella down, gently, and nobody will have to get hurt," she spoke slowly like she was talking to a senile old man. _What the heck?_

"Alice, what are you talking about?" There was a silent pause, and then Jasper's face showed the realization that I still hadn't reached. "Oh God, you think I bit her too don't you?" He asked in disbelief.

"Jasper, I see your eyes. Just put her down and we can try to fix this mess you caused, yet again," she replied, sounding like a complete bitch. I couldn't believe her!

"It's not like that, wife-of-mine," he spat venomously. "I didn't bite her. It's all a misunderstanding. Don't you trust me?"

"It's not about trust, Jazz. I know you!" Alice wasn't being fair. I wanted to jump in and defend Jasper, tell the truth of the matter, but I couldn't. My voice was hiding from me. I felt like a coward, making Jasper deal with this on his own.

"I'm glad I know how much faith you have in me after all these years, Alice," Jasper said, sadly. "But I'm not putting her down until she asks me to. Bella, do you want me to put you down?

_Hell no! Why the fuck would I want that? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone and you're the only one who isn't from the parallel universe where all the baseballs keep disappearing to! Please don't put me down! _My voice was still not cooperating, so I did the only thing I could think of; I clutched his arm and held on as tight as I could. I guess I got my message across.

"See. Why would she hang onto me if I'd attacked her Alice? Please, see reason and let us pass," he told her, his was voice growing angrier by the second but he still remained a gentleman.

Suddenly, a voice came from behind Alice, "She won't be letting you pass, Son, but she will resume showing you respect and we will all get to the bottom of what occurred here today. Now, let's all move inside," Carlisle spoke with authority.

With a roll of her eyes, Alice followed his orders, moving into the room, followed by Carlisle and a silent Emmett. _When the hell did they get here, anyways? _Jasper looked down at me, waiting for my approval. I gave him a small nod and he hesitantly followed the others in.

The others were standing in a semi-circle in the middle of the room. Alice looked like she had a headache. Emmett looked like he was holding his tongue; Carlisle must've told him to keep quiet. Carlisle himself was taking deep breaths as he looked towards the corner of the room, waiting. That was the first time I'd seen him since he flew across the room after Jasper's kick. He was huddled in the corner, his knees drawn to his chest and his head down in his hands.

He looked up at me at the very same second that I looked at him. Our eyes only locked for a second before he diverted his, pain showing on his face. I wanted to run to him and hold him. I wanted to kiss him and hug him and tell him that everything would be okay; but I was still scared of him. I wasn't scared because I had just been attacked by his kind, or even because of how 'horror-movie-ish' he looked right now. I was scared because he almost hurt Jasper and because he did hurt me. He hurt me and it had nothing to do with my blood. He hurt me because he was irrational. I know he didn't mean it, but regardless, I couldn't shake the fear that I felt when I looked at him. _Great._

Jasper walked us over to the area between Carlisle and Emmett and sat me on my feet. He tried to walk away, but I kept my grip on his arm, and instead he stayed and let me hold on to him. There was exactly 77 seconds of silence before anyone spoke; Emmett.

"Dude, I can't stand it anymore! What the fuck happened? Why is James' body in pieces everywhere? Why are your eyes red, but Bella's still alive? And why is she clutching you like you're her personal teddy bear?"

"Emmett, it's a long story. Why don't we take care of James and get back to the hotel and I'll tell you all on the way," Jasper answered. My voice was still hiding.

"Ugh, fine! Time to set fire to the fucker then?" Emmett asked, suddenly very excited.

"That sounds like a pretty good plan, Sons. We'll have to burn the entire studio down. What a shame," Carlisle added.

"A pretty good plan? Are you out of your damn mind Carlisle? Look at him. Red eyes! How can we even let him be around Bella?" Alice yelled while walking towards us. Jasper's head snapped to her in disbelief, just as mine; but he said nothing, just like me.

"Alice! Chill out! He's been with her this whole time and she's still alive, isn't she? Look, obviously something crazy went down here today. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions. Jeez, he's your husband Alice. What the hell?" Emmett was mad, but not disrespectful. I, on the other hand was thinking of some very disrespectful things to say to her. _How dare she! She's his wife! She's supposed to trust him, not assume he did something wrong._

"Exactly, Emmett! I'm his wife! I know him better than any of you. We've all been through this before, don't act like you haven't Em," she yelled at him.

"How about you don't act like a callous bitch and give him a chance to explain!" Emmett yelled and stamped away towards James' dismembered body. He began to place all of the pieces in a neat pile. _God, this just isn't normal. _

"You're brother's right Alice. We are a family and Jasper is your husband, it's time you remembered that. Now please, go help Emmett while I call your mother," he instructed. She reluctantly joined Emmett and they finished in silence.

Carlisle stepped out of the room and Jasper and I stayed glued to where we were. I could tell he was seething with anger, but he held it in the best that he could. I wanted to calm him down, but my voice was still gone. I started tracing soft circles on the back of his hand. I don't know if it worked or not, but he seemed to relax in the few minutes that we stood there.

I had forgotten that Edward was still in the room until Carlisle returned, asking us if we were ready to go. The only answer I heard was Edward's growl and frightening "We're not going anywhere until _he_ explains what happened here!"

"Edward, calm down!" Jasper spoke with authority. It didn't work. Edward quickly made his way over to us and suddenly I felt a cold hand around my arm yanking me away from Jasper. "And get away from my Bella!" It was Edward and he was still pulling. He managed to get one arm free.

"Edward, stop it. You're gonna hurt her!" Jasper said as he tried to keep me close to him. _This is ridiculous. They're seriously playing tug-of-war with me!_

My voice seemed to be finding its way back as I was about to yell at both of them, but when Edward glanced down at my wrist and saw my scar, his face returned to the murderous one from earlier. His grip tightened around my arm and I cried out in pain. In the blink of an eye three things happened: Jasper yelled "Emmett, grab him!", Edward was yanked roughly away by Emmett, and Jasper spun me around behind his back and crouched in front of me.

Edward was thrashing wildly while Emmett and Carlisle tried to hold him back. Alice came over and stood by my side. Then, Edward broke free and rushed towards Jasper for the second time today. Alice quickly grabbed me and moved us out of the way. Edward stopped right in front of Jasper and screamed into his face.

"Why does she have a scar, Jasper? Huh? Explain that one!"

Emmett and Carlisle caught back up to Edward and were trying to drag him back.

"No, it's okay. I'll explain it to him," Jasper said. They let go of Edward, but stayed very close in case they were needed. Jasper and Edward remained locked in a silent stare down for longer than it felt comfortable for me.

"Well... Explain!" Edward snapped when he grew too impatient.

"I will explain it to you, Edward. All of you. But you have to promise to remain calm. You're scaring Bella and, quite frankly, pissing me off. So cool your jets and remain rational. Can you do that?" _Hell no, he can't do that. And we all know it. _

"Sure. Talk," Edward spat. I could only see the back of Jasper's head, but I would bet my life on the fact that he was giving him a look that could kill right now. Jasper didn't seem like one to take crap from anyone and Edward was dishing a lot at him today.

"As I hope you have all figured out by now, James came to Phoenix. I don't know how he found us, but he did. We were on the way to meet you guys at the airport when Alice got her vision. It startled her so much that she crashed the car," Jasper said, but was cut-off by Edwards deafening growl at Alice.

"Watch who you're growling at buddy. You may be mad but don't be an ass to my sister!" Emmett warned.

"Yeah, jeez. Calm down Ed. I didn't intentionally ram into another car you asshole. I was scared for Bella. What is wrong with you?" Alice asked, pulling me into her chest and rubbing my back. It felt nice, but this whole situation was bothering me.

"We'd get through this a lot faster if you didn't insist on interrupting me so often," Jasper said in a very irritated tone. "And I'd think twice before growling at my wife like that again. I don't take kindly to that shit and you know it." Edward just let out a low growl and asked Jasper to continue. _Um, yum! Even in the middle of all of this commotion, Jasper still takes the time to defend his wife. So hot! Wait... what the hell is wrong with me? Ugh... focus Bella!_

"So, as I was saying, Alice crashed the car. A few seconds before that I had picked up a lot of fear coming from Bella, but I didn't have time to find out what it was about. Alice stayed to deal with the accident while I was to usher Bella inside. Well, the little con woman tricked me into letting her go the bathroom alone and she ran for it," he said, turning his head and winking at me. He wasn't mad... anymore at least.

"Wait, you; awesome, amazing Major Whitlock got tricked by little old Bella? Classic!" Emmett joked.

"Yes, Emmett, I, Jasper Whitlock was tricked by brilliant Bella here. Is there something wrong with that? What are you implying?" He asked in a lethal voice. _Wow. It was even yummier when he was defending me! Damn... here I go again! Focus!_

"Just shut up and finish the story jackass!" Emmett ordered in defeat.

"Okay. After awhile I noticed that her scent wasn't as strong anymore. Without thinking, I rushed into the bathroom to find her gone. I followed her scent outside where I saw her jumping in a cab. I'm so lucky that I heard the directions he gave her or I don't think I would've made it in time. I jumped in a cab, bribed and threatened him to get me there as fast as he could, texted Alice and waited for the moment that I could kill that fucker. But, by the time I got there, it was already too late. When I got here, he bit her. I was able to stop him, and eventually, kill him. But when I was done, Bella was in pain. The venom was spreading. I asked her what she wanted; she told me she wasn't ready to die. I did the only thing I could... I sucked the venom out."

As Jasper finished, shocked gasps filled the room. I looked at Carlisle and he looked just like a proud father should. Even Emmett looked like he wanted to scoop Jasper up into one of his patented bear hugs. I thought we were a family surrounded in pride, but I was wrong.

"You what?" Edward growled, getting closer to Jaspers face.

"I know you heard me. I won't repeat myself. Why are you mad anyways? You're the one who didn't want her changed," Jasper shot back.

"You could've fucking killed her Jasper. Do you realize that?"

"Of course I realize that Edward! But it was not my body, not my life! Bella asked me to do something. What would you have me do? Leave her in pain? Have her change against her will?"

"Anything but that. You don't have the kind of control needed for that. Hell, none of us do, but you surely are the worst of us all!" Edward criticized my savior.

"Son, let's watch our words before we say things we don't mean," Carlisle interjected, trying to calm the situation.

Suddenly, Alice was no longer holding me, but was standing to Edwards side facing Jasper and yelling at her dad, "No, Carlisle. He's right. What Jasper did was irresponsible and stupid. He put her life in danger and--"

"No Alice, Edward put her life in danger by introducing her to our world. It sounds to me like Jasper saved her life," Emmett stepped in to defend his brother, standing at his side.

It was like a sibling face off, with Dad in the middle trying to calm things. I, on the other hand, was seething and willing my voice to return. I couldn't believe them, his brother and wife, attacking him for saving my life; twice! Jasper was just standing there, taking it all. It was like he thought they were right. He looked defeated. _Well, I'm not having any of that!_

"It doesn't matter! He could have killed her!" Edward stated, again, like he was stuck on stupid and couldn't get over that thought. It was the last straw for me. My voice returned and I suddenly grew balls the size of softballs. I stepped between Emmett and Jasper until I was face to face with the two traitors also known as my boyfriend and best friend.

"ENOUGH!" I screamed. "It doesn't matter what he could have done. What matters is what he did do. He did what I asked him to do. He saved me; saved my life twice in the span of ten minutes. He did an amazing thing; one that I'm not sure any of you would have been able to do. He showed restraint and strength and he is a hero. My hero. Yet, here you all are, treating him like he killed your cat. God, you're such assholes. I can't believe you! And _you_, Alice, you should be ashamed of yourself! Only a heartless bitch would act the way you have today," I finished, the cloud of rage clearing from my mind. _Did I really just say that?_

"Oh, Bella. You think you know everything. You don't even realize how close you came to becoming his next snack; and trust me, he's had plenty. You think I'm heartless? Well, open your eyes, honey, because the definition of heartless is standing right behind you and just happens to be my husband," she said in a way that completely reminded me of Rosalie as she essentially chewed her husband's pride up and spit it out. _I can't believe she just said that shit about Jasper, about my best friend. Well, she had another thing coming to her if she thought she could get away with that around me. No way, no fuckin' how!_

Apparently, now my balls were the size of basketballs, because before my mind could catch up to my body, I had reached out and slapped Alice across the face.

I guess I caught her by surprise because it worked! Of course, it didn't hurt her, in fact, it hurt like hell for me, but I got my message across, and that's what matters. She stood there, shocked, just like everyone else in the room.

"How dare you hit me Bella. I'm your best friend!" Alice said, sounding hurt. _Save it for someone who cares, bitch!_

"Actually, you're not my best friend; Jasper is," I told her, defiantly.

"Oh really? Why? Because you've spent three seconds with him and let him suck your blood? That makes him your best friend?" She asked, mockingly.

"No, Alice. Since I got to know him, the real him that you hide away from the world under your preppy clothes and lack of trust. And since he saved my life. Since he listened to what I wanted and treated me like an equal, not a Barbie to play dress up with. Since he put away the monster within him to save me, where as all you are doing is showcasing how much of a monster you truly are. Maybe it's time you took a look in the mirror, honey."

_Wow. I really am just on a role aren't I? Go ahead, Bella, keep burning those bridges._

I wouldn't be surprised if she killed me herself after that. But she didn't. She just looked like I slapped her again. She was in shock. I looked to her side. So was Edward. He sighed in resignation and said, "I guess you're right. I'm sorry for yelling. Thank you, Jasper, for saving my Bella. I'll never be able to repay you."

"I'm sorry too... I was being a bitch..." Alice croaked out.

Jasper continued to glare at the world. I softened my face, but I wasn't over it yet.

"Good. Now that that's settled, let's burn this fucker!" Emmett cheered, somewhat breaking the tension as we all laughed nervous little laughs.

"Good idea. Edward, why don't you take Bella out of here while we finish up. I don't think she needs to see this," Carlisle offered. Edward nodded and steeped towards me, but when he reached for my arm I leaned away from his touch; I was still a little frightened of him. Edward reached out again, but this time his hand was caught by an irate Jasper. Again, they looked like they wanted to beat each other with crowbars.

Jasper broke the silence. "She's scared of you still Edward. You did send her flying across the room and have been acting like a raging lunatic the whole time. I don't blame her. Alice, will you please take her?"

The growl I heard was deep and menacing. _Damn it Jasper, must you keep pissing Edward off?_

Then I realized that the growl wasn't coming from Edward; it was from Emmett. "You threw her across the room? What the hell man?" He yelled at Edward. _Aww, how cute. Emmett was standing up for me now? A girl could get used to this!... Yeah, Edward. What the hell?_

Edward didn't respond. He looked like a walking definition of self-hatred. He didn't even protest the idea of Alice taking me. He really must be sorry. _Poor Edward..._

"Alright, Bella, why don't we head outside to wait for the others?" Alice asked, speaking politely and keeping her distance.

_Yeah fuckin' right! There is no way in hell that I'm going with you. I've already seen about seven different sides of you today, the next one I meet might try to kill me. And all that is beside the point; I'm not leaving Jasper right now. You guys all pissed him off and I need to put on my 'super friend' cape and try to comfort him. _

"No, I'm not going with you either," I said, grabbing onto Jasper's arm. "Jasper, will you please come with me? You're hurt and have had a hard day. We can go rest and wait for the others." I pleaded.

"No, Bella. I need to stay here and make sure this asshole is never going to bother us again. Go with Alice, I don't want either of you here for this," he said, a little colder than I expected.

"Jasper, I don't want to go with Alice. I want to go with you. I'm tired and scared and confused and I need my best friend. Please?" I tried again.

He looked at me, studying my face. I don't know what he found, but it worked. "Fine. Let's go," he sighed. "We'll meet you guys at the hotel. Please be thorough you guys. Don't fuck this up," he barked before grabbing my arm and leading me out of the room. I was looking forward to getting away from the crazy vampires in the room and curling up in the soft hotel bed and taking a very long nap. I was exhausted!

I looked back to say goodbye, only to see Edward coming towards us, _again_. Jasper noticed and we stopped as he turned around just in time to grab Edwards arm to stop him from grabbing mine; _again_! _Oh my God! Will this never end?_

"I think we both made it clear that Bella would rather you not touch her right now. I thought you were smart, but I'm starting to change my mind on that front," Jasper said, his irritation showing.

"You're not going anywhere with my Bella, Jasper. You've just had human blood. HER BLOOD! No matter the level of control, it's not safe," Edward reasoned. It made sense, but I wasn't scared of Jasper. He wouldn't hurt me. Jasper sighed, closed his eyes and rubbed his hand through his hair before he took one last, deep, calming breath and opened them again. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

"If I was going to hurt her, don't you think I would've done it already? Look, I'm not in the mood for your little hissy fits, okay. Bella has told us what she wants. If you have a problem, take it up with her," Jasper said, obviously running out of patience with his brother._ Great. Now I have to deal with it? What a traitor!_

Edward turned to look into my eyes with an extremely pained look on his face and opened his mouth to talk, but was cut off by Jaspers overly harsh voice, "But, before you do, I must warn you; lose control or disrespect her in any way and you'll have me to deal with."

_Whoa. Scary Jasper. Shit!_

"Bella. I'm sorry but I can't let you go with Jasper. It's not safe," he tried.

_Can't let me? The nerve of this guy..._

"Can't let me? I'm sorry, Edward, but I thought my father was back in Forks."

"Bella, please. Be reasonable!"

_Reasonable? I am being perfectly reasonable! Instead of leaving with 'multiple-personality Barbie' or 'anger-management Ken', I'm leaving with 'life-saving G.I. Joe'. What's not reasonable about that?_

"I'm being perfectly reasonable, Edward. You and Alice both have shown new sides of yourself today that scare me. I love you both, but I've had a bad day and I need to work through all of this," I told him, figuring what was going through my head might piss him off even more.

"Damn it! I swear; sometimes that mind of yours works in the most astounding ways. How can you be so careless? So naive? So stupi--"

_Yeah. The asshole with the pretty bronze hair wasn't going to get a chance to finish that statement. I could've told him that. And really? I understood careless. I even understand naive. But stupid? He just better be lucky that Jasper got to him first because I was ready to rip him a new one._ Speaking of ripping things, in the blur of movement that was Edward and Jasper brawling across the room, I heard fabric ripping. I hope no one gets hurt...

They were moving too fast for me, but from what I could see, I didn't look like either of them was winning. Then, just as sudden as it had started, it was over. Jasper had Edward pinned on the floor with his hand around his throat.

"I told you to watch it. If you haven't noticed, Bella and I have bonded lately and she is very important to me. You better watch how you talk to and treat her from now on Edward, because as you already know from Alice and Rosalie, I don't like people messing with my girls. Get your head on straight before you lose it. We're leaving now. Emmett, make sure he doesn't come after me again or you're gonna have two dead bastards to burn," Jasper spoke with authority. He wasn't hysterical or screaming. He spoke in a cool, calm, lethal way that sent chills down my spine. It also sent a spark through my body.

_Really Bella? You're turned on by Jasper owning your boyfriend? You are one fucked up little girl! Shouldn't you feel bad for Edward?.. No. He deserved it. Asshole! _Insulting my intelligence really pisses me off...

We walked out of the room at a quick pace, but I guess it wasn't fast enough for Jasper. He quickly swooped me into his arms and dashed into a waiting taxi.

* * *

**Yes, Multiple Personality Barbie and Anger Management Ken belong to S.M. I tried to steal yummy Life Saving G.I. Joe but it didn't work. FML.**

**What did you think? Feedback makes me happy!  
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**Thanks for reading!**


	10. Nobody Puts Bella in a Corner!

**A/N: Okay, so I told myself that I would only post on Mondays in order to give myself time to write and stay at least 5 chapters ahead... We all know that's not happening! **

**It's just so hard because I have such great readers and reviewers and I just want to give you guys what you want! Plus, I finished 2 chapters this week, which puts me at 4 ahead! I'll catch up!**

**Anywho, this chapter is kind of fluffy, so I figured, why not give it to them? So, here it is! Enjoy!!!  
**

* * *

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

We walked out of the room at a quick pace, but I guess it wasn't fast enough for Jasper. He quickly swooped me into his arms and dashed into a waiting taxi.

---

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 10_

**Nobody Puts Bella in a Corner!**

The ride was torture. Jasper looked miserable; kind of like he hated himself. He sat as far away from me as he possibly could. I wanted to comfort him and bring his smile back. I wanted my Jasper back.

When I grew tired of the silence, I tried to talk to him.

"Jasper?"

Nothing.

"Jasper?"

Still, nothing.

"Jasper, talk to me please?"

He growled a very low, very soft warning at me.

"I don't speak that language. Try English," I tried to joke.

"Not in the mood, Bella," he finally spoke.

I could understand that, but that didn't mean I would give up that easy. I scooted closer to him. He responded by pushing himself further into the side of the car. I closed the rest of the distance between us so that we were sitting thigh to thigh.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, but he immediately jerked it away. I reached up and grabbed it again, but he kept it where it was, not letting me drag it back down to my lap. I pulled and tugged with all my strength, but, of course, he was a lot stronger than me.

"Jasper," I warned him in a voice that said 'let me grab it, now!'. He looked down and into my eyes, where I gave him a commanding look. With a sigh, he let his hand drop to where I wanted it. I began rubbing small circles in the back of his hand, just like in the studio. After a while, he seemed to relax. I got bored of the circles and started tracing the alphabet. I got bored of that and started tracing his name. He smiled.

"Just so you know, Jasper, none of what they said is true. You proved today that not only is your control amazing, but so is your heart. Please don't let them bother you. I trust you; I know you won't hurt me," I told him softly. The ride continued in silence.

---

When we got back to the hotel, Jasper threw some cash at the cab driver and pulled me out of the door. He threw me over his shoulder, carried me to the hotel room, walked over to my room, and threw me down on the bed. I had no idea what was going on, but I sure was turned on and excited at the prospects! _Screw feeling guilty; I'm attracted to Jasper and I can't help it. No use in pretending. And right now, I want him!_

After I was thrown on the bed, Jasper leaned down and started unzipping his hoodie that I still had on. I got excited and my body responded to the idea of him taking off my clothes. He let out a growl as he made quick work of removing the sweater, then stood up and threw it over his shoulder.

I don't know why he stopped there, so my hands flew down to my stomach so I could help and remove my shirt. Before I had time to lift it very far, I heard another growl and his hands stopped mine.

"Damn it Bella! Stop it, now! It's not gonna happen," he shouted.

_Great. First he's undressing me, now he's yelling at me. What the hell?_

"Oh, I'm sorry Jasper. You threw me on the bed and started undressing me. Sorry for assuming we were on the same page," I spat.

"No, Bella. _I_ thought we were on the same page. This morning we both agreed that we would be friends. Only friends. No more of this shit. I just wanted my sweater back."

_Ouch. That hurt._

"Well, excuse the hell out of me then. I sometimes forget that I'm not an inhumanly beautiful vampire; I didn't mean to repulse you. I thought you might want me too; what a joke!"

"Don't say that. It's not true and you know it. Don't act stupid when you're not, Bella, because _that's_ repulsing. You know I want you too, but I have a wife," he said, his anger slowly decreasing.

"You didn't have a wife last night!" And it's back. His nostrils flared and he glowered at me. _Good one Bella._

"Yes, I did. That's the problem. I have Alice and you have Edward. Don't you even care what this will do to them? Fuck Bella, you're so reckless sometimes!"

Truthfully, I hadn't thought about Edward at all. _But why?_ He used to be on my mind constantly, but now he seemed like a distant memory. I decided to simply attribute it to the fact that he was an ass today and deal with it later. Right now I had to deal with the jerk of a best friend in front of me.

"It's not like we're trying to leave them for each other. It's lust, not love. They don't have to know," I told him. Reaching down quickly and pulling my shirt over my head before he had time to stop me.

"Damn it Bella! Stop it. Just stop this shit right now!" Jasper yelled so loud that it shocked me. He noticed and lowered his voice. "Look, it's been a long, crazy morning. You should take a nap before we have to leave again," he tried to tell me.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Jasper!" I screamed. He was shocked, and his eyes narrowed at me.

"Go to sleep, Bella," he said, sternly.

"Go to hell, Jasper," I yelled and threw his stupid shirt at him. _Everything's bigger in Texas? Yeah; bigger assholes!_

"I'm already there!" He yelled after he caught the shirt and sniffed it. He slammed the door and I crumpled into a ball prepared to cry myself to sleep.

Apparently getting a vampire into bed was a lot harder than what they showed in movies. _Stupid, jerky, beautiful, cock-lock wearing vampire! _

_What is wrong with me? Why am I so ready to jump into bed with my boyfriend's brother?_ It's like he has this effect on me. Whenever I'm around him I'm drawn to him now. He's so strong and demanding, yet so sweet and sexy. I can't help myself, and I don't really know if I want to. _But why don't I want to? _I didn't really want to think of the ramifications of that thought, so I let my mind drift back to Jasper and lifted the dam that let the tears out.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, curled in a ball in nothing but my jeans and bra, crying my eyes out, but it didn't feel like too long. Soon, I heard the door open and felt a cold body climb onto the bed. I thought it was Edward back from the studio, but when they snuggled up to me, pulling my body flush with theirs, I knew it could only be Jasper. He hugged me close and rocked me while whispering soothing words in my ear.

"Shhh. It's gonna be okay Darlin'. We'll figure this out. Don't worry. Please, don't cry Doll."

Soon enough I had calmed down. My eyes were dry and I was in heaven. I loved being held by him; I never wanted it to end. But of course, I had to start shivering and he had to start talking.

"Let's get you warm before your toes fall off," he said as he threw his shirt back on me and tucked me under the covers.

"There. Nice and warm. How do you feel?" he asked me. _Really? Are you kidding me? Not only is that an unnecessary question for an empath, it's a stupid question for anyone who'd been in the fight we just had. _I said nothing, just gave him a look that showed him exactly what I was thinking.

"I know, I know," he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been such a jerk. I'm just really confused right now. Can you ever forgive me Bella?"

"It's not your fault. I have to learn to control myself," I responded sheepishly.

"It's not just you, you know. I want you just as bad, no, fuck that, I want you more. But we can't hurt the ones we love. We can't be those people Bella. _You_ are better than that."

He was right. I'm not that girl. The girls who cheats. The girl who lies. Who betrays her boyfriend and best friend in one fell swoop. And he wasn't that boy...

"No, Jasper. You're wrong. _We_ are better than that. Thank you... Best friends?"

"Always," he said. "The others are on the way. I think a nap would be a good idea now. What do you think?"

I just nodded. I was... I don't know what I was. Too many emotions were swirling around in my head. Sadness, disappointment, frustration, love, hope... Oddly, everything but regret. My eyelids got heavy and I soon found myself drifting into sleep.

---

I woke up to a cold hand running down my face. _Jasper!_

I slowly turned around and opened my eyes. I gasped. _Edward._

"Hello beautiful," he said, smiling and looking at me like I was made of gold. His beauty was almost too much to comprehend after just waking up.

I tried to smile, but it was hard. As much as my mind knew he wouldn't hurt me, I was still scared. He ran his hand down my face again; this time I flinched away from his touch. He saw this and jerked his hand back over to him.

"Bella, my beautiful Bella. Please tell me that you're not still afraid. You know I would never hurt you purposefully, right?" He asked me.

I nodded.

"So then why are you scared?"

"Because Edward. You did hurt me. It wasn't because of my blood or because you're a vampire. It was because you were mad and irrational. You were about to kill your brother because you thought he hurt me, but I was fine. You wouldn't listen to what anyone told you. It's like you were blinded by your rage. I'm scared that you might snap on me like that one day. Or someone I love," I told him, although this was news to me. It's like the words came out all on their own.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I was just so scared that I'd lost you. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please, let me show you that I can change. I hate to see you scared of me," he pleaded. So beautiful. So perfect. So loving. So mine...

"Bella?" I was still mulling it over, not sure if I should forgive him so easily, but then, he smiled my favorite crooked smile and my anger and fear were gone.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. He took the smile for what it was and was laying very close to me in less than a second. Our kiss started out slow and sweet, but before it could go anywhere else he pulled away. "Let's go out into the living room. The others are waiting," he said before helping me to my feet and dragging me behind him.

We sat on the couch and all of a sudden Alice was sitting next to me. "Bella. Oh Bella. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Please don't be mad at me!" She spat out rapidly.

"Alice I--"

"I know. I was a bitch. I was mean and you probably hate me. You mean too much too me Bella. Please, just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it!" She continued. _God, someone needs to up her dosage!_

"How about you shut up and let me talk?" I said with a smile on my face. Silence. Good. "Now, as I was gonna say earlier, it's okay. I already decided that I was over it. That's what best friends do, right? Forgive each other?"

Her squeals and jumps for joy were making me dizzy. A too tight bear hug from Emmett came next, followed by a parental embrace from Carlisle. I was feeling good; glad to be back with the people I love. But someone was missing...

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

"Hunting," Edward answered tensely.

_Duh Bella! Of course he's hunting! He's a vampire... He drank your blood today..._

The conversation continued in the living area. We were to leave in a couple hours and catch a plane back to Washington. I still had a few days left before spring break was over and I was looking forward to the rest I could get. We talked about a lot, staying far away from the topic of James or the events related to it. I think everyone knew that I didn't care to discuss it.

We were on the topic of the upcoming graduation and the party that Alice was going to throw for Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie when he returned. He breezed through the door and into the middle of the living room. The room was tense. Nobody said anything; it was weird. Finally, Emmett spoke up, "Jazz-man! You're back! How was your hunt bro?"

"A hunt is a hunt. Nothing special," he answered, scanning the room. His eyes seemed to narrow when he saw me. _Great, is he still mad? _

"Alice, are you ready to go?" he asked without looking at her. _Go where?_

Silence.

More silence.

"Alice?"

"I'm sorry Jasper, but I'm going to fly back with the family," she told him.

He laughed. Well, first it was a small chuckle, but it grew in to a full on laugh. The problem was that this wasn't a happy laugh. It was kind of sinister; kind of evil. Jasper wasn't happy; he was hurt. Then, he dashed into their room and closed the door.

"Really, Alice?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, really. I can't bear to be around him right now!"

"And why is that Alice? Because he saved your best friends life? What a horrible person he is!" Emmett said mockingly.

"Don't start with me Emmett. Besides, it's between us. It doesn't concern you," Alice said, sounding again like she did at the ballet studio.

"The hell it doesn't!" Emmett screamed, standing up and towering over a sitting Alice.

"Calm down you two. Besides, the drive will give him some space and time to think." Edward piped up trying to calm them down. _Wait, what?_

"The drive? As in, the drive back to Forks?" I asked. _Is she fucking kidding me? She's gonna make him drive home alone? _

"Yep! Stone Cold Alice Cullen over here is gonna make him drive home alone. How sweet, huh?" Emmett joked. Obviously he and I were on the same wavelength.

"That's bullshit! After everything he went through today, you're gonna do that to him?" I was pissed, I'm sure my voice showed it.

"Bella, you don't understand--" Alice tried to reason.

"Oh, I think I understand perfectly Alice," I rebuffed, standing to face her. We were still locked in our silent stare down when Jasper made his way out of the room, bag in hand. He paused to take in the scene, then made his way to the door.

I don't know where it came from. I didn't think about it, or make the conscious decision to do so, but before I could stop it, I was saying "Jasper, wait! I want to come with you!"

He froze. I didn't know what he would do. _Would he let me come? Would he want me to come?_ Suddenly, he turned, and back on his face was the smile that I loved to see. He was happy. He wanted me to come!

"Well, then get your shit and let's go," he said, his smile changing to the sly one that told me he was kidding around. I was happy and looking forward to our trip together. That is, until Edward decided to add his opinion.

"Bella, no way. Are you crazy? It's too long of a trip and he's too unstable to--" he shut up when I held up my hand. _Not in the mood for your shit Edward..._

"Edward, don't even go there. I don't want to hear what you think about it because it's a decision I have already made. I don't care if you think it's too far or too dangerous or too crazy. I feel safer with Jasper than anyone else in the world and I'm going with him; end of story."

I heard applause as I turned on my heels and marched into the room to grab my stuff; Emmett, I'm sure. I was proud of myself. _I just stood up to him!_ I felt like a new person; one who doesn't take crap from anyone. I felt bad for hurting Edward's feelings, but I wasn't going to be ordered around or silenced anymore. _Nobody puts Bella in a corner!_

Before we left, Edward kissed me and told me he loved me. I returned the sentiment and said my goodbyes before following Jasper out of the door. As I got into the car, I felt like the Bella that would return to Forks would be very different from the one who had left it; and I couldn't wait to meet her!

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**S.M. owns all, I just like to make them cry... Sniff...**

**Hope you all enjoyed! I LOVE writing this story! I also LOVE everyone who reads and reviews. Your feedback not only helps me know whether or not I'm on the right path, it also motivates me to write faster and get on here and update for you guys.**

**You're all amazing! Keep it up! :)  
**


	11. Don't Say It

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

Before we left, Edward kissed me and told me he loved me. I returned the sentiment and said my goodbyes before following Jasper out of the door. As I got into the car, I felt like the Bella that would return to Forks would be very different from the one who had left it; and I couldn't wait to meet her!

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 11_

**Don't Say It**

_If she doesn't pick a song and stick with it I think I might kill her!_

Maybe Edward was right when he said this trip was too dangerous. I can't help it though. This girl has the ability to rile me up in so many different ways that it's exhausting. One minute she's cracking me up, the next she's making me want to deafen myself. _What's next? Will she start seducing me again? Will she turn into a devil woman and yell at me again?_ _Oh no, if she starts crying again I just might break!_

Of all of the ways that she riles me up, seeing her hurt is the worst of them all. _Call me a sissy, but I hate seeing her cry…_

There she goes again: rock song, country song, pop song, rap song, jazz song, reggae song, classical song, r & b song… _How many different kinds of music can one person like?_

I did my best to tune her and the blaring stereo out. She was having fun, and who am I to stop it? It's not like she hasn't had enough to deal with today already. God, so much has happened in just this one day and my feelings toward her have changed as much as the hour of the day has.

I can't believe how Alice was treating me. Was I used to it? Sure. But that didn't mean I enjoyed it. I did save Bella's life. Not that I want to be the hero, but can I at least not be the bad guy for once? _No, never. I was Jasper Whitlock-Cullen-Hale, soldier extrordinaire, vampire war master and Cullen family fuck up._

Nothing I ever did would ever be good enough for the real leaders of the family: Edward and Alice; master manipulators. They were the ones who were really in charge. Sure, Carlisle might make big decisions, but never without a little push here or shove there from one of them. They ran our lives and nobody said a thing. Even me… _I'm a coward._

I don't know where or when I turned into this person, this shell of the man I used to be. I love Alice and I love my family, but somewhere along the way I became one of the many. I was a Cullen now; I was no longer Jasper.

_But isn't family supposed to support and trust you?_ Carlisle did, man, he was so proud of me I almost hugged him. And Emmett too; he truly is a great brother. But Edward…Oh Edward. He really makes me see the appeal of being an only child.

Not only did he hurt Bella, attack me and taint my feat that shocked even me, but he belittled Bella and I'd had enough. It felt so good to give him what his cocky ass deserved. I don't know why he thought he could take me. The only reason he ever didn't get demolished by me was because he could read my mind. Now, with that advantage gone for some strange reason, he didn't stand a chance. _That had to be the highlight of the day!_

_No, I take that back. Bella slapping Alice was the highlight! _I couldn't fuckin' believe it. Not only did Bella step up to defend me, but she actually hauled back and slapped my wife. As much as I love Alice, she deserved it. _It was so hot! If I wasn't so pissed I might've taken her in front of everyone; now wouldn't that have been some shit?_

Bella was the only one who believed in me today. Sure, Emmett and Carlisle showed trust and support, but Bella is the only one who felt belief. She is a great woman and an amazing friend. I just hope we can move past this attraction we feel before it ruins us both.

I was pulled out of my self-loathing by the commotion across the car from me. Bella was lost in her own little world; head bobbing, fingers snapping, body moving and voice… amazing! I'd never have guessed that she had a voice that great. She was grooving to a song, and it wasn't until I stopped watching her so intently and finally started listening to what she was saying that I burst into laughter at the irony of it all.

She was singing a catchy little tune:

"**You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'… Clumsy cause I'm fallin' in love!**"

_Are you shitting me? Is she really singing that? _I couldn't contain myself.

She stopped singing and watched me, confused. _Crap, she's gonna think I'm laughing at her singing… Yep… Here comes the embarrassment. Damn it!_

"Glad I amuse you," she said as I tried to control myself.

"I'm not.. laughing.. at.. you," I tried to explain between chuckles.

"Sure you're not!" She was hurt. That calmed me down very quickly.

"Bella, really. I'm not laughing at your singing, in fact, you sounded great. I'm laughing at.. because... well, I'm mean... really? You don't see the comedy in you singing that song?" I questioned.

"No!"

"Come on! Clumsy cause you're falling in love? So that's the reason?" I asked barley containing another round of laughter.

"Oh," she smiled, shocked. "That's what you were laughing at? You are a silly fucker aren't you?"

"So I've been told."

"It's just a song Jasper. Just singing. I can't help that I relate to it!" She reasoned.

"We tend to like songs that we relate to. Music is a good way to express yourself and put your feelings into words. Never underestimate the power of a song, Bella," I gave her my personal feelings about music.

"Oh really? So in singing that particular song, what was I trying to express?" She asked, teasingly.

"Well, I'd say that you were blaming your clumsiness on my bullheaded brother. Sound about right?"

"I was clumsy way before Edward came along!"

"Yeah, well nobody has to know that! Plus, I love blaming things on him. It's fun!" I said, feeling carefree and enjoying the moment.

She giggled. "Okay. Fine. It's settled. Anytime I'm a klutz, it's all Edwards fault! Deal?"

"Deal."

We shook on it and I turned my attention back to the road as she started switching through songs again. This time I was less irritated. After awhile it grew quiet and she started feeling curious. _Great._

"Jasper, what's your favorite song?" She asked me, causing me to think harder than I should have to. I couldn't decide.

"I don't have one. I have many that I like, hell, I even write some of my own; but none are my favorite. Why? What's yours?" I told her, honestly.

"I don't have one either. Wait, you write music?" She asked excitedly.

"Sure Doll, I dabble a little. It helps pass the time. I only write when I have something worthy of writing about, however. I like to sing, so sometimes if there isn't already a song that can capture my feelings, I have to write my own."

"You sing too? Wow. I've always wanted to sing," she said as she blushed.

"From what I heard earlier, you'd be great. Why not Bella? What's holding you back?" I wondered. _Bella, a singer? She always hit's me with something I'd never expect!_

"My nerves. I'm too shy," she answered, blushing again.

"Well then, I guess we'll have to work on that," I told her with a wink. _A wink? Why are you winking at her you dipshit?!_

She didn't say anything. She didn't play anything. She just stared out of the window, her emotions cycling like they always tended to. Something was on her mind, but I couldn't figure out what. The car was quiet for too long and I was about to break the silence with a random question when Bella asked me the one thing I'd never want her to; "Jazz, tell me about Major Whitlock."

Silence. I couldn't breathe. _Are you kidding me? How the fuck did she know about that? About him? _

"Jasper? I heard Emmett call you that. I want to know about you, about your life. Please, tell me."

I was shocked. My eyes went wide as I tried to fight the urge to jump out of the car and run; Run from the question, run from the answer, run from my past. I knew that our friendship would be over after I answered this question, but I had to tell her. I had to let her know who I truly was. She deserved the truth, and as much as I dreaded giving it to her, I told her everything.

I pulled over to the side of the road so that I could look at her while I talked; but I couldn't look at her. As I told her my story, her emotions cycled, never landing on one long enough for me to grasp it. She never said anything. She simply listened. She would gasp at times and I'd feel certain emotions rise, but just as fast, she'd send it back into the whirlwind of her feelings. It was a new feeling for me. She felt so much and I told so much.

I told her what I remembered of my human life; my ma and pa, living on a ranch in Texas, how I loved swimming in the lake. I told her about lying about my age and joining the Confederate army. I told her what I remembered about the war and how I became the youngest Major ever. I told her about the night I was changed and Maria. I told her about my change and how I felt when I woke up. I told her about my role in Maria's army; using my gift, the murders, the blood, the women... everything. I told her about Peter and Charlotte and them helping me escape the nightmare that I was living. I told her about Alice and joining the Cullen's. I told her more than I'd ever told anyone before. I don't know why, but I opened up to her in a way I never thought I'd open up to anyone.

When I was done, swimming in a pool of self hatred, I looked at her for the first time. She was quietly crying, eyes red and unfocused. I was hopeful. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe she'd accept me for who I was. _Who was I kidding? She'd hate me. She'd think I was a monster and never want to see me again._ My fears came true when her emotions slowly began to end their cycle, settling for awhile on disbelief, then anger, then... disappointment. _Damn it… Disappointment was the worst. That means that she expected more from me and I'd let her down; the story of my life! _

Pretty soon I was drowning in my pool of self hatred. My one friend would soon leave and I'd again be alone in the crowd. I don't know why her acceptance meant so much to me, but it did. It meant the world and I wasn't getting it. I couldn't take it. I had to go. I darted from the car as fast as I could and ran into to woods off the side of the road. The sun had just set and I knew she'd be fine for awhile. I needed some space, some time to think. _I just need to get away from it all... Away from her…_

I fled without even a glance back. I let my feet carry me as far as they dared; over rocks, under branches, across streams and atop trees. I found a tree that I liked and climbed to the top. I sat there and just thought. I thought about what my life had become. I thought about who I was now and how that compared to who I wanted to be. I hated myself and my very existence. I hated how weak I was. I hated everything!

"Jasper?"

_But I don't hate her..._

"Jasper?" She tried again. I could see her from my perch atop the trees. She got out of the car and continued to call for me. _What are you doing dumb girl? Stay in the car. Stay out of the woods. Stay away from me!_

She moved further into the brush, calling my name loudly as if I couldn't hear her if she merely whispered. She was still crying and trying to fight her way through a rough patch of vines and branches when she got tangled. She twisted and turned, making it worse. I wanted to laugh at the spectacle she made but then I saw her lose her balance. _Shit!_

My body moved of its own accord as I made my way, faster then I'd ever moved to where she was slowly making her descent to the ground. Her head was headed straight for a jagged rock and I pushed even harder. Her scream was deafening as I caught her just in time. I tore through the foliage that was holding her captive and raced her back to the car, sitting her in her seat and buckling the seatbelt. As I turned to leave, she grabbed my arm.

"Jasper, please don't leave again," she pleaded. She sounded so small, so sweet. I tried to resist, knowing it would be my downfall, but I couldn't fight the urge to turn and look into her eyes. What I saw broke my heart. She looked and felt... apologetic. _What the hell is she sorry for?_

"Please, don't go. I'm sorry I made you tell me. I know it's hard for you. But please, don't leave me. I'm scared Jasper," she told me, tears falling freely from her beautiful face. _She's scared of me... _

"I know Bella. You should be scared. I'm sorry. I know I'm a monster. I'll call one of the others, they'll come get you. You don't have to ride with me anymore."

"No. You don't get it. I'm not scared of being with you, I'm scared of being without you!" She yelled.

"What do you mean Bella?" _What is going through this girls head?_

"I know you think I'm scared of you. You think I think you're a monster. I don't Jasper. You're my hero. You always save me. I meant it when I said I feel safer with you than anyone else. Please don't leave me alone..."

"But... but... You were angry! You were disappointed Bella! I felt it..."

"I was disappointed," she said and my heart broke again. "But not at you."

"You're not making any sense Bella."

"I was disappointed in Edward and Alice for treating you how they did. After everything you've been through, the fact that you were strong enough to do what you did should have been celebrated, not condemned. I hate that they did that to you. Jasper, I'm not scared of you. I'm proud of you. You made your way out of hell and became my guardian angel; that's not something easy to do. I believe in you, Jasper. You won't hurt me; ever."

_Well fuck me sideways and call me Bob. I must've imagined all of that. There's no way that she actually said those things. Nobody would ever feel that way about me, would they?_

"Jasper, please, talk to me!"

_Oh my God... she's real. Everything is real. She's is okay with me, with who I am. She trusts me. She believes in me. _Without knowing what she was doing, Bella single handedly put my heart back together again. She made me whole. She made me believe in myself.

I had no words... Nothing I could say would show her how much I appreciated her words. How much I needed her in my life. How much I love her.

_I love her? Holy shit... I love her!_

I pulled her out of the car and into my arms. I hugged her tight and sent out waves of my love for her. I hoped I didn't overwhelm her, but I had to show her what she meant to me. Surprisingly enough, the wave of love that she sent back was so strong that it sent me to my knees. We held each other like that for a long time, both of us sobbing, Bella's tears falling for the both of us.

Once the crying stopped, I pulled my guitar out of the trunk and sat her down on it. Here we were, on the side of some random road, the only light coming from street lamps and passing cars, both dirty from our trips into the forest, both of us with red eyes; this is where we fell in love. I refuse to think about anything other than me and Bella's little bubble; right now, nothing else matters.

She was confused, wondering what I was doing when I started playing my guitar. She smiled when she saw how good I was and I smiled back. _That's right, baby. Smile for me. All I ever want is to see you smile... It's now officially my life's goal._

When I started singing, she was shocked. I poured as much love into the song as I could and she sent it right on back.

"**Belief... makes things real, makes things feel... feel alright**."

She smiled again.

"**Belief... makes things true, things like you... you and I**_."_

She bit her lip. _Fuck! Don't do that Bella! I'm trying to be romantic!_

"**Tonight, you arrested my mind... when you came to my defense.**"

_Too many times to count she defended me. I couldn't fucking believe it!_

"**With a knife in the shape of your mouth... in the form of your body... with the wrath of a god.**"

She giggled. I didn't think it was funny. She defended me with all she had; her words, her body, her soul. She was feisty and I loved it!

**"Oh, you stood by me... Belief."**

I was done. She was crying again. _Great. Good job jackass!_

She grabbed my arm and pulled me to her. Then, she kissed me.

It was heaven. She tasted amazing and felt so perfect. I kissed her back with all of my might. It wasn't soft or slow, no; it was frantic and full of need. It was one of those movie kisses; I swear I saw fireworks! She pulled away when she needed to breathe, but I never wanted that kiss to end.

"Oh Jasper! That was beautiful. Thank you so much!"

"No, Darlin', thank you. I'll never forget how you stood by me, how you believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. Bella, I--" she cut me off.

"Don't say it. Please. It'll be too hard… But, I know… Me too..."

---

Love. It's a funny thing. It never comes at the right time. Never when it's easy or convenient. Ours was the same. It came when we couldn't even enjoy it. We couldn't act on it. We couldn't bathe in it and cherish it. We knew that as soon as we got back to Forks we could no longer be together. Our love was a curse disguised as a blessing and we both knew it. What we didn't know was the roller coaster that it would take us on. We didn't know the pain that it would bring us and those we love. All we knew was that we were in for a bumpy ride and we made a silent vow to weather the storm together.

We enjoyed the remainder of our time together; sharing stories and getting to know each other before our time ran out. There were no more tears, just hours of fun and laughter. The further we went, however, the closer we got to the pain that would burst the bubble we were in.

As we neared the place where we were two rather than one, the hands were held tighter and the laughter started to fade.

As we started up the driveway, her tears started to fall. As our loved ones came into view, it got harder to breathe. I didn't want to leave her, and she didn't want to leave me. Unfortunately, none of that mattered. We had appearances to keep up.

My heart broke yet again when I heard the one voice I was dreading; "Bella, love! I missed you! What's wrong, are you hurt?"

I was waiting for my introduction from my cold, cruel wife of way too long; at least that would be one less thing to worry about, right?

Wrong.

"Jazzy! I missed you honey! How was your trip?"

_She missed me? Honey? How was my trip? Great..._

So we prepared to enter the house of horrors; set free by each other but chained down by our lovers. And so my nightmare began...

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**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer...I just like to screw them up...**

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**The song that Jasper sings is Belief by Gavin Degraw. I'll keep a running playlist on my profile as well. I recommend listening to the song, it will better help you understand the emotion that it holds.**

**Let me know what you guys think... Reviews are love!**


	12. I'm Only Human!

**A/N: Okay... I know it's not Monday. I thought I'd post an extra chapter this week just for the hell of it. anyone got a problem with that?!?! **

**:)  
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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

So we prepared to enter the house of horrors; set free by each other but chained down by our lovers. And so my nightmare began...

---

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 12_

**I'm Only Human!**

This house has always seemed so welcoming, so inviting. Now, it feels like a prison. Edward's arm around me feels like my shackles and Alice's hand in Jasper's is my torture.

_Why does this hurt so badly?_ The burn that I felt in my wrist was nothing compared to this all encompassing frost sweeping through me. I'm freezing. I feel so empty; a frozen tundra fills my body.

When Edward called me love I wanted to deafen myself. When he asked me what was wrong, I wanted to cut my own vocal cords to stop the lie forming on my lips; too late. "I'm just so happy to see you," I told him the fib of the century. He fell for it. _Idiot._

When I saw her touching my man I wanted to kill her. _Stay away from him! He's mine. _Wrong. He's hers. Just like it always has been; just like it always will be. Then they kissed; I wanted to gouge my eyes out. More words exchanged that I tried with all my might not to hear; no luck. When she told him she loved him I wanted to kill her. When he returned the phrase I wanted to kill myself.

_How am I gonna do this? It's only been 30 seconds and I'm already looking for the highest building to leap off of. How can I go on like this?_

My knees started to weaken as I began to give up. I always thought I was stronger than this, but the pain was crippling me. My feet were too heavy and my arms weighed a ton. The closer we got to the house, the harder it was for me to move forward. As we reached the stairs I had to fight the urge to run in the opposite direction; I was almost losing the battle when the beautiful voice rang through my ears, "Wait!"

We all stopped and turned to him, then he finished; "Me and Bella are planning something for everyone and we forgot to pick up a couple of the things we need," he said, looking at me urgently. _What the hell is he talking about? _I felt a huge wave of understanding flow through me and I got it...

"Oh yeah! Crap! I can't believe we forgot!" I tried to play along.

"We have to go grab a couple things and then we'll be back, okay? Give us half an hour," he told Edward and Alice.

"Uh, okay. Don't be gone too long; we have a lot of making up to do," Alice said with wink and dashed over to me and Edward, hugging me, then grabbing Edward and dashing inside with him. I would've spent too much time dwelling on Alice's last comment but Jasper soon grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the car.

We didn't say a word until we were miles away from the house. He pulled over to the side of the road and turned his beautiful face towards mine.

"Bella, we can't go on like this," he said sadly.

_Thank God! Exactly how I feel Cowboy!_

"You have to get a grip on yourself," he told me.

_Wait, what?_

"Your emotions are killing me!"

"But, what do you expect me to do Jasper? It's not easy for me to see you with her!" I said a little too loudly.

"And it's not easy for me to see you with him; but it is what it is Bella. We are with them. What do you want to do, run off together?" He asked me.

"Maybe! Anything but this!" I was getting a little hysterical.

"If we did that, we would just hurt everyone we love. Plus, I'll never do that to my family. I love them and they love us! We can't leave," he tried to stay calm but I knew he was worked up.

"So what do we do?"_ I hope he has an idea, 'cause I'm out of them..._

"Nothing."

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing? So, what, we just ignore what we feel? Go back to being strangers to each other?" _Is he fuckin' kidding me?_

"No, Bella. We are friends now, best friends, remember? We'll be just that. We can still talk and spend time together. We have to be best friends, because anything more would mean the loss of everything that we love," he spoke, shakily.

_Not everything..._

"But Jasper..."

"Bella, do you love Edward?"

_Do I love Edward? What does that have to do with anything? _"I don't see what that has to do with this."

"Just answer the question."

"Fine... Yes. I do." I answered softly. I couldn't deny it. Edward had done nothing wrong. I still love him and probably always will... _Oh. I get it now..._

"So then I'm sure you understand why we just can't do this Bella. As much as I want to, as much as I want you, I still love Alice and you still love Edward."

I nodded. _Fuck! This is all too much!_

"So that's why we have to move past this and be the best of friends that we know we are. I need you in my life Bella. We have to be able to do this. You aren't losing me; you'll always have me. Please... Tell me we can do this," he begged.

_Can I do this? Can I be just his friend? It's either that or nothing... I need him in my life... I don't have a choice. _

"We can do this," I told him. The huge shit-eating grin on his face gave me hope. _We can do this. We can be happy!_

"Thank you. Thank you so much! You have no idea how happy that makes me!" He said, grabbing my hand and starting the car.

"Me too, Jazz... Hey, where are we going?" I asked as we made our way into town.

"The video store. We're gonna have a Vampire Movie Night! That'll be our surprise."

"Why would you guys want to watch a bunch of movies about Vampires. Wouldn't they piss you off?" I asked him, confused.

"Sometimes. But we like to watch them every couple of years and make fun of the inaccuracies. When you live this long, simple things can keep you quite entertained dear," he explained.

"Yeah, and when you live that long you get very weird, apparently," I joked. We laughed together and I was more and more confident that we could pull this whole 'friend' thing off.

---

"Bella!" Was all I heard before I was engulfed in the tightest hug I'd ever received. It felt great after the day I'd had.

"Hey Em! I missed you!" I told him, honestly.

"I missed you too Rocky," he joked.

"Watch it Em, before I have to beat you up!"

"Oh, I'd like to see you try Shorty!" He said, putting his fists up playfully. I did the same and we had some fun air-sparring.

"Alright, alright. Enough Emmett. You'll hurt her," Edward said, dashing to me and moving me away from Emmett.

"Hey! She started it!" Emmett whined.

Edward pulled me over to the couch while I pouted and we sat.

"That's okay Bella, I'll beat him up for you," Jasper said, stepping in to take over my spot. I was enjoying watching them when Rose came barreling down the stairs.

"Apollo!" Rose screamed, jumping into Jasper arms. _Apollo?_

"Artemis! I missed you sis!" He said, hugging her in a way that made me smile. _How cute. Apollo and Artemis; too ironic!_

Their embrace lasted much longer than I thought it would have. She was berating him for being gone so long, but was glad to have him home. I'd never seen Rose show so much affection; even for Emmett. Apparently these two were close. _Great. I love him and she hates me; that should go over well._ After awhile they dashed out of the house; to discuss the events of the past couple of days, I presume.

Emmett pouted about losing his sparring partner, but Edward wouldn't let me get back up to join him. He kept his arm firmly around me while I carried on an easy conversation with Emmett. We talked about going back to school and how I was now officially family. He seemed excited about that, so I didn't knock it and went with it. He told me how glad he was to have little sister who wasn't an annoying brat like Alice; I giggled.I wouldn't mind a brother like Emmett. Edward was silent the whole time, keeping his possessive arm firmly in place.

Our brother/sister bonding was interrupted when Mom and Dad came home. Yes, they told me that I could call them that and that this was now my second home while they were hugging me and welcoming me back. They were overjoyed at my survival and made it no secret that they considered me part of the family. It was nice to feel all of the affection, but two things were bothering me…

First, why did my near death experience make me part of the family? _Was this some sort of requirement? _

And second, I had done some things with one of their sons that had the ability to tear their family apart. _If only they knew; they wouldn't want me anymore. _

Everyone looked so happy, however. _How could I deny them?_ "Thanks guys!" I told them as my makeshift brother, mother and father embraced me in a tight group hug. Edward was still silent, not joining in the discussion or looking very happy about it. _Weird... _

I was happy to see Jasper and Rosalie had returned, both with huge smiles. He winked at me... _God, stop doing that if you want me to forget about you jackass! _I couldn't help but smile at how happy he looked, but my smile soon faded when I saw Rosalie walking towards me.

_Shit. This is it... She'll remind me how much she hates me and tell me to stay away from Jasper. Or to stay away from Emmett. Or, maybe she's mad that I hit Alice. Fuck! _

She walked up to me, stopping right in front of me. She opened her mouth to speak a couple times, but never said a word. Instead, she got a determined look, reached out, and hugged me.

_Hugged me? Rosalie is hugging me? Why? What's going on?_

"Welcome back Bella," she said as she let go. I was shocked, in a stupor. "I'd like to speak with you for a moment if that's okay," she said, shocking me even further. I simply nodded. _God, I hope she doesn't kill me._

She led us outside to the porch, where we sat on a bench. She seemed hesitant, but as I wasn't saying a word since I was still in shock, she began.

"Bella, I want to apologize to you. I know I've been nothing but horrible to you for reasons that aren't really fair, but I hope that you will forgive me for my behavior."

I was really confused, only managing to get out an "Uh... okay." _Where is this coming from?_

"Good, now that we've taken care of that I can thank you for what you did out in Phoenix," she said, again, shocking me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, worried about what Jasper may have told her.

"For having faith in Jasper. For standing up for Jasper. For being a friend to Jasper. He really needed all of that Bella. Thank you," she spoke sounding sincere.

"Uh... Well, you're welcome I guess. He saved my life though Rosalie, he's the one who did great things."

"True. But you gave him the chance to do them. Jasper is a great man, all he needs is the chance to prove himself. You've given him that. Sure, he feels like shit because Edward and Alice are assholes and tainted it for him; but your faith in him outweighs all of that."

"Wow... Well, I'm glad I could help... I guess," I said, stupidly. My genius way with words came out of the fact that I couldn't believe this was real. Rosalie was being nice and apologizing; she was thanking me. It was so unexpected, yet I liked talking to her. She got right to the point and she seemed to tell things exactly how they were. Maybe we could be friends one day.

She laughed at my eloquent reply and led us back into the house. Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme stood in the family room beaming at us; I guess they're glad that Rosalie and I are on speaking terms... Although I'm not entirely sure that we are. Edward quickly dashed over from his corner where he was brooding and pulled me towards the couch. We sat, his arm right where it was earlier. Everyone else joined us in taking a seat and Jasper told everyone about our movie night. We'd be having it this afternoon since I wanted to get back home and see Charlie.

I'd never seen the Cullen's so happy. Even Edward smiled; and he hadn't been doing much of that lately. Everyone seemed excited to spend a couple hours watching fictionalized versions of themselves. It was comical to me, but I was glad that our cover had worked.

Everything was so weird. _Do I really love Jasper? _I found it hard to grasp that I could be so head over heels with Edward and still be falling for his brother. _And what is up with Rose? Why is she being nice?_ This was a little too much for me to handle. There have been so many changes in the last couple of days that I don't even feel close to being the same girl I was before I left Forks. Carlisle tore me from my thoughts and essentially assured me that things were going to get weirder when he announced that a family meeting would be the next thing on our agenda._ Great._

We all congregated around the dining room table and took our seats. Carlisle sat at the head with Esme on the opposite side. Edward sat near Carlisle, pulling me down beside him. Jasper, of course, took the seat between me and Esme. _Stuck in the middle, how ironic... _Emmett and Rosalie filled the seats across from us and it wasn't until then that I noticed Alice's absence. I was about to ask where she was when she came speeding in, taking the empty seat across from Jasper, her head in her hands, looking worse for wear, and said, "Let's get started already and figure this shit out?"

_Huh? Figure what out? And what is wrong with her?_

"Alice! Language!" Esme scolded her and I fought to keep a giggle in at a vampire being scolded for her language. Jasper nudged me, obviously feeling my humor. I nudged him back harder and soon we were play fighting without a care in the world. Carlisle stopped the fun with a clearing of his throat and I was brought back to reality. Edward was looking at me like I had three heads and Alice still had her head in her hands; but everyone else was looking amusedly confused. I just shrugged and said "Sorry."

I felt awkward. I was acting weird, I was feeling weird.... _And what is wrong with Alice?!_

"Okay. Now that we're in order, we have some things to discuss as a family; and family now includes Bella," Carlisle began, looking over to me lovingly. "We all know what happened in Phoenix and there is no need to rehash those unfortunate events. What we need to get to the bottom of, however, is why Alice can't see Bella or Jasper anymore," he finished. _What? She still can't see me? And she can't see Jasper? What the hell?_

"You can't see me Alice?" Jasper asked.

"No," she said sadly. "Ever since Bella fainted, I haven't been able to see her. I couldn't see your immediate future because you were near her, but I could still see your distant future. But now, I can't see you at all. Either of you!" She was frustrated and showing it.

"Well, I have a couple theories," Carlisle spoke calmly.

Jasper snorted, "When don't you have a theory Carlisle?" Emmett and Rose laughed. I was confused. I don't see why that's funny. _And why can't Alice see me? _

"Bella, what were you doing, or thinking, before you fainted?" My second father asked me.

"Uh... I was mad, I guess," I told him, not really answering the question he asked, but not really caring.

"What were you mad at?" He asked, calmly.

"Alice. Or... well... Alice's visions actually. I was mad that she saw a vision of James killing me. I was pissed that she had to see that because she was so upset about it. I was.... wishing that she couldn't see me anymore. And then I fainted," I said in my fine form of word vomit. You know, the kind where words come out without you having any control over them?

Gasps rang throughout the room. _What?_

_Oh..._

"Wait, you don't think I caused this, do you? I'm only human!" I asked no one in particular.

"Actually, Bella, I do. It's obvious that you have some sort of shielding ability, and it seems that maybe, just maybe, you wishing that Alice couldn't see you became a reality because you wanted it to. I think you shielded yourself from Alice."

"No fuckin' way! That is so bad ass Little One!" Emmett boomed, holding up his hand for a high five. I just looked at it, still dumbstruck that I might have had the power to shield Alice.

"Aww, come on, don't leave me hanging!" He whined. Rose and Jasper laughed and Edward and Alice were locked in one of their patented silent conversations. _I hate it when they do that!_

The room fell silent, aside from the internal discussion going on between Alice and Edward. Everyone waited patiently, but I was getting frustrated. I was about to speak up when Jasper did it for me; "Can you guys stop it with the mind games and speak out loud please?"

"Uh... Yeah. Sorry guys. Carlisle, is it true? Did Bella block me?" Alice asked.

"I can't be sure, Alice. But that is my best guess. I'd like to discuss it with Eleazar, and maybe get him down here to help, but all signs point to it."

"Well that's just great! Now I won't be able to see her or anyone that's with her. Ugh!" Alice whined, rubbing her temples.

"I'm sorry Alice," I told her in a small voice, feeling truly sorry for causing her strife.

"It's okay, Bella. It's not your fault," Alice tried to assure me; it didn't work.

"That doesn't explain Jasper though," Edward finally spoke up.

"What do you mean, 'doesn't explain me'?" Jasper wondered, sounding irritated.

"Alice can't see you either. And I still can't hear your thoughts. I know you're not that good at blocking. Your mind is as blank to me as Bella's," Edward explained.

"Well, while I am very good at a lot of things, dipshit, I'm not trying to block you."

"Exactly. Why do you think I can't hear him, Carlisle?" Edward asked.

"Well, I've thought about this. There is a centuries-old idea that the blood of special humans carries with it certain traits. For centuries, vampires would hunt down humans that they deemed special: witches, fortune tellers, geniuses, and drink their blood in the hopes of acquiring some of their power. It seems to me, that by ingesting some of Bella's blood, Jasper may have received Bella's shield," he finished. It was so quiet in that room that you could hear a pin drop.

"Alice, you sure you can't see him at all?" Edward finally questioned, breaking the silence.

"No! I already told you that!"

"So, now, not only is Bella blocked from me and Alice, but now Jasper is too? Well this is just perfect," Edward roared. "Is it safe to say that this meeting is over, Carlisle?" Edward asked, standing with a start. Carlisle nodded at him. "Good. Come on Bella. Let's rest before the movies," he said, pulling me to a standing position, picking me up and darting up the stairs into his room.

_Well, I guess my first family meeting is officially over. And fuck me! Jasper has my shield; that's pretty awesome!_

Edward sat me on the couch and started pacing. I couldn't tell what was wrong with him, but I was pretty sure it had to do with my shield. Knowing Edward, he was mad that Alice couldn't keep tabs on me with her visions anymore. I, on the other hand, was ecstatic about that little added bonus!

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing love. I'm just a little stressed," He said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Don't let it bother you. Please. Just come sit with me, okay?"

He complied and when he was finally sitting next to me I felt whole again. I don't know what's going on with Jasper and I, but I really do love Edward. I needed him, and he answered my thoughts with a soft kiss that made me melt. He stroked my face as I ran my fingers through his hair. I was lost in our kiss. I loved the smell, the feel, the taste of him. I wanted more and more, but then, he pulled away. I couldn't stop the groan-turned-growl of frustration.

"Did you just growl at me?" He asked, amused with his crooked smile prominent on his beautiful face, making me melt a little more. _I need him, damn it!_

I answered him with a shove, that he wasn't expecting since it worked, and pushed him down to his back on the couch. I kissed his chin, cheek, forehead, nose and finally made my way to his waiting lips. I gently licked his lips, asking for entrance, as I crawled on top of him, straddling his torso. I was loving this, and from the feel of things beneath me, so was he. I reached down to slowly lift up his shirt when suddenly things changed.

A growl rumbled through his chest as he reached out and grabbed my wrist to stop me. He grabbed it a little too hard, as it was still sore from his freak out at the ballet studio. He once again saw the scar there, and, once again squeezed too tight out of anger. I yelped and saw the realization in his black eyes as he loosened his grip, flipping me off of him and setting me on the edge of the couch before walking across the room to stare out of the window.

I just sat there. What else could I do? The silence lasted for much too long and soon enough I'd reached my limit.

"Edward?" I questioned softly.

"Bella..." He warned, obviously not wanting to talk. _Too bad..._

"Edward," I tried again to no avail, "What is the problem?" No answer.

I stood and walked to him, gently rubbing his back. "What's wrong honey? You can tell me."

"What's wrong? What's wrong! What do you mean, what wrong? There is a great deal of things wrong at the moment Isabella," he nearly shouted, obviously referring to the James incident.

"I mean, what made you dash away from me? What happened there?"

"Oh, you mean other than you throwing yourself at me so indecently?" He snipped. _Ouch... How nice it is to be essentially called a hussy for trying to make out with my boyfriend. That feels just lovely._

"Well, I'm sorry for trying to be intimate with my boyfriend, Edward. Although, if I recall, you seemed to be enjoying yourself just as much!" I said much louder than I should have. By now I'm sure the whole house was listening to me being turned down, yet again.

"Well, we can't always have everything we want Bella," he said, softer. _Don't I know that..._

"I know that Edward, trust me. But I can't help it, I want you."

"You have me Bella. I'm all yours, forever."

"No, Edward, I don't. I can't have you how I want you. I can't have all of you."

"I know, love. I know. But there are just things that we can't physically do. It's hard enough for me to just be in this room with you. No vampire would have the strength to do what you want to do. Hell, most wouldn't even have the strength to kiss you. Isn't that enough? Must you want for more?" He said while I tried to contain my smirk. _Trust me Edward, there is a vampire in this house with strength enough to do much more than kiss me. Maybe I should go pay him a visit... Wait, what? Dude, reign yourself in Bella! _

"You _can_ do it, Edward. Maybe you're just not trying hard enough," I told him. _Yep, that sure pissed him off._

He was livid. "Not trying hard enough? Are you kidding me Bella? I try, very hard! It would be easier if you weren't throwing yourself at me like a character from a Harlequin Romance. Or if looking at your wrist didn't make me want to throw myself into a bonfire. Or if you didn't reek of my dear, dear brother!"

_Okay... wow. He seriously just chewed me up, spit me out and walked all over my remains. What the hell has gotten into him? And why am I just sitting here crying? Crying? Shit! Stupid traitor tears! No. No way. I'm not gonna be that girl. Time to toughen up Swan!_

"Yes, Edward. I meant what I said. You. Aren't. Trying. Hard. Enough! And just because a girl wants a couple of kisses doesn't make her a sexual deviant! Oh, and that scar's not going anywhere so maybe you should stop the 'woe is me' crap and get used to it. And if spending some time with your 'dear, dear brother' who also happens to be my 'dear, dear friend' makes me reek then I guess you better get used to that too. And while you're at it, try getting used to acting a little less like an asshole, okay?" I spat at him.

He looked shocked and I proudly stood my ground. We were locked in a silent stare down for a couple seconds before I heard his growl followed shortly after by a knock on the door.

"Everything okay in here?" I heard Rosalie's melodic voice ask as she pushed open the door. She and Edward were now locked in a stare and no doubt she was telling him something in her mind. I figured she was complaining about me again. Just because she doesn't hate me, doesn't mean she likes me. I didn't dare answer her.

"It's fine Rose. Thank you," Edward said, eager for her to leave.

"Emmett's waiting for you downstairs; you need to hunt," she told him.

"No need. I'm fine," he said defiantly. Another stare down.

"Quite the contrary brother. Go hunt. I'll keep Bella company," Rose told him. _Great, I get to exchange one crazy vampire for anothe_r.

He looked like he was ready to say no, but suddenly, defeated, he dashed out of the room.

I looked at her, confused. "Don't worry. He'll be back," she said, sitting down on the couch and patting a spot next to her for me. I sat and she put her arm around me, lovingly. It felt so weird for Rose to be the one doing it, but it was just what I needed.

"You're right, you know?" She asked me. I didn't respond. "I'm proud of you. Always stand up for yourself Bella." I nodded, and with that, the floodgates opened and I cried.

For what felt like hours, I cried snuggled into Rose's side as she rubbed my back and whispered soothing words into my ear.

I wasn't sure why I was crying; there were so many things to choose from. But I was sure that I needed this; this comfort, this bond, this release. So I cried and when the rain started, Rose told me that it was her, crying with me.

* * *

**S.M. owns all things twilight... Yes, I am very jealous!**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**Reviews equal love... And a loved writer equals a typing one... See how that works?**


	13. Don't Be Sad

**A/N: It's Monday, and here in the ABM world, that means you get a new chapter. Yey!**

**I hope you enjoy. Oh, and, I'm sorry... (You'll see...)  
**

* * *

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

I wasn't sure why I was crying; there were so many things to choose from. But I was sure that I needed this; this comfort, this bond, this release. So I cried and when the rain started, Rose told me that it was her, crying with me.

---

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 13_

**Don't Be Sad**

There were a few good things about this day. First of all, Alice and Edward couldn't see or hear me or Bella. _So. Fuckin'. Awesome!_ I loved it. Not only because I now had Bella's shield inside of me, so I'd truly always have a piece of her, but also because those two had too much power and it was good for them to be taken down a notch.

On top of that, Rose stopped being such a bitch to Bella. I told her everything, well, almost everything, that happened in Phoenix. Of course I didn't tell her about any of the inappropriate things, but even without all that, it's easy to see why Bella means so much to me. When she heard everything, I felt her feelings change. She was thankful and apologetic. I was happy that these two might actually end up friends.

The family seemed to be welcoming Bella with open arms now. She was officially part of our family; which I didn't mind except for the fact that her part in it was at Edward's side. Not that I could have her at mine, but that didn't mean I didn't want her there.

Speaking of wanting women, my bipolar wife is currently flitting around in the closet while I stand here with my eyes closed because she has a surprise for me. She's good at hiding her emotions, so I don't know for sure what is going on, though I can probably guess. _She's crazy if she thinks I'm going to bed with her after what she pulled in the ballet studio._

"Jazzy, open your eyes honey," she purred at me.

I hesitantly opened my eyes, smiling as I took in her sexy little frame in a sheer red negligee. Let's just say that I was now standing at full attention. _Damn, this woman is beautiful... Yeah, a beautiful nightmare. _I quickly snapped myself out of her spell on me and came to my senses.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked her, suddenly angry.

"I'm doing what a wife does when she missed her husband, what do you think I'm doing silly?" She said with a cute little giggle.

"So you don't trust me but you're all for fucking me?" I growled softly at her.

"Well, I was planning on making love, but we can fuck if you want; it's your call baby," she answered me with a wink, twirling around and making her way over to me. She started running her hands along my body, stopping to rub a particularly hard part and whispering "You can have me however you want me, Stud."

_Wait, why don't I want this again?_

"Alice," I growled out between clenched teeth, wanting her to stop and at the same time wanting her to keep going. She kept going. She lifted up my shirt and began kissing up my stomach and chest. I tried very hard to focus on stopping this now, knowing that I didn't truly want it, and when I heard _her_ voice I knew I'd be able to stop.

She was talking to Edward, and when he called her 'Love' I wanted to go up there and choke him. But then I felt it, her lust.

She wanted him. She was having him. And here I was denying my ready and willing wife. _I'm an idiot. Fuck this..._

I pulled off my shirt and picked Alice up, throwing her onto the bed. I kissed her, hard, and tore off the flimsy fabric she was wearing. She flipped us over and restarted her assault on my body. I was lost in the moment and loving it until I felt pain; and it was coming from Bella. I don't know how the hell I felt it, as nothing usually got through to me when I was in the heat of the moment, but I did.

I darted upright with a growl, grabbed my shirt, told a whining Alice to stay where she was and left the room.

I could feel Bella's emotions cycling and Edward's rage and self-hatred growing stronger. _What the fuck is going on up there? What do I do? _What could I do? _Go storming into his room and tear her away fro him?_ Instead I opted to go downstairs and find Rose. She and Emmett were sitting on the couch watching some stupid reality show and Rose jumped up when she saw me and asked "What wrong?"

"Shh," I told her, pointing up. She stopped and listened with me, as did Emmett who joined us a second later. The three of us stood in a circle listening to Bella and Edward argue.

_Was it a violation of privacy? Yes. Did I care? No; not with both of them feeling like they did._ Bella felt like she would loose it soon and Edward felt like he could snap at any moment.

It was hard to feel Bella so hurt because my idiot brother turned her down again, but she held her own. She called him on his bullshit and I had a smug smile on my face as she told him he wasn't trying hard enough, knowing that she was thinking of me at that moment.

Rose had her hands on both mine and Emmett's chests as we were getting angrier and angrier by the second. Not only did he essentially call her too fast, but he also hurt her, got mad at her over a scar that wasn't her fault and told her she reeked of me. Again, I was proud of his last gripe. But shit, Bella handed him his ass in a hand-basket! She basically told him to get used to the way things are, try harder, stop being such a prude and stop acting like an asshole. I was so proud I could cry!

But then, I felt Edward's rage reach a boiling point. He was trying to hold it together, but I could tell he was going to snap soon. Without thinking I started giving out orders.

I shouted "He's losing it. Rose go," and she took off upstairs.

"Em, be ready to take him far away from here or be prepared to put him back together again," I threatened, knowing Emmett would take him even though he, himself, was pissed at him for being an ass to Bella.

Rose was able to get him out of there and he dashed down the stairs and out the door. Emmett took off after him and I was all alone.

I was all alone when I heard Alice call my name rather seductively.

I was all alone when I heard Emmett yell that he had caught Edward and they'd be back in a couple hours.

And, I was all alone when Bella's pain brought me to my knees; literally.

I was frozen. I couldn't break free of this feeling. It was too much. I had no idea how she was dealing with it, but I knew she was bawling her eyes out upstairs and I had to get to her.

I fought through the pain of the emotions and made my way slowly up the stairs. I quietly opened the door, only to find her and Rose in a loving embrace as Bella cried her heart out to her. It was such a heartbreaking sight that I could hardly stay upright.

I don't know how long I stood there, but soon I heard Rose tell me in a voice too low for human ears, "I know you're worried about her, but this is about her love life Jasper. She needs girl time and girl talk, not her hard-ass best friend. Please, just go to Alice. I'll take care of her. You'll just remind her of Edward."

I had to get out of there before Rosalie could see or feel how much her statement had hurt me. It's not her fault. She doesn't know why the things she said made me want to tear my own head off. It's not Rose's fault I love the girl that loves my jackass brother.

_God, I'm such a pansy. Whining and crying over a girl who just wants to get in Eddie Boy's pants. She's not worried about me, so why should I worry about her? I gotta get over this shit and go back to my wife. In fact, that's exactly what I'll do. I'll let her pine over fucking Edward and I'll go fuck my wife. That's the way things are supposed to be anyways... Right?_

I made my way back to my room, not surprised to see Alice exactly where I left her.

"What took so long hon--"

"Shh," I silenced her.

"But, what--"

"I said be quiet!" I told her with a smile on my face as I made my way over to her. She caught on and giggled.

"Oh; yes sir!" She said, happily.

I reached the bed, pulling my shirt off over my head. "I thought I told you to be quiet. Guess I'll have to shut you up myself," I said seductively as I kissed her, hard. I worked my way down her body, making sure to kiss and nibble almost every inch of it. Spreading her legs, I lapped at her greedily, only stopping once the thought that I was trying to push down broke through; _Not as delicious as Bella._

I felt guilty for thinking it, for thinking of anyone other than my beautiful wife. She didn't deserve this._ She may not have faith in me, but why should she after everything I've done? Sure, she could be cruel sometimes, but so could I._ _I have to get over this, this, whatever this is with Bella. I love Alice and it's time I remembered that._

With that thought in my head, I climbed on top of the wonderful woman I loved and made sweet love to her and reminded her just how much she meant to me.

---

An hour later I was sitting in my study, reading a book about the Civil War and trying to forget my life. I was trying to forget who I was, what I've done; even who I love. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, I was in love with two women.

_Why is it that I feel like I cheated on Bella?_ I was with my wife. The person I'm supposed to be with. I did the right thing! _But why does it feel like it was so wrong?_ This is why I needed to be alone. My study is the perfect place to be alone.

I love my study. It's become a personal hideout for when I want to get away from the world. It had an earthy feel, compliments of Esme, with brown walls and deep chocolate leather furniture. There was a whole wall full of my books, a desk, a seating area, a bed and a window seat that I loved to sit in and read. It was all mine. Nobody ever came up here to bother me; so imagine my surprise when I heard a knock at the door.

I hadn't been paying attention, but now I that I was I knew it was Bella. _What the hell does she want? I'm trying to stop thinking about her. This is not helping! But I would like to see her... _

"Come in," I called. Slowly, she opened the door and poked her head in. She gasped.

"Oh, wow. This place is so... so... you," she said breathlessly.

"What are you doing here Bella?"

"I was looking for you and Rose said you might be up here. Sorry, am I bothering you?" She asked, starting to feel rejected. _Damn it!_

"No, not at all. Come in," I told her, moving to sit in one of the over-sized, over-stuffed leather chairs and motioning for her to sit in the one across from me. She did, and we sat in awkward silence for awhile before she finally said something.

"I like this room Jasper. But, why do you have it?"

"Well, this is all of my stuff. Alice never lets me keep my stuff in our room because it 'clashes with the decor', so whenever there's an extra room in our house, I make it mine," I explained.

"Oh. Well, that makes sense... So... How has your day been so far?" She asked, feeling curious.

"Uh, it's been fine, I guess. How has yours been?" I asked her, keeping up the pretense of us being able to have a normal conversation.

"It sucked," she answered tersely, looking at the floor.

"What's wrong Doll?" I asked her, stupidly, knowing full well that she was upset about Edward. _Or did she know about me and Alice? Shit, there I go again. I did nothing wrong!_

No answer, but I saw a tear fall from her eye. Without thinking, I was at her side in a heartbeat. "Bella, please, tell me what's wrong," I whispered low enough that my family couldn't hear me.

"I can't."

"Why not? I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything," I pleaded with her.

She thought for awhile and then pointed at me. _Me? What about me? Oh, me..._

I was her problem. And we couldn't really talk about it in this house full of vampires.

I was now sitting on the arm of her chair, my arm around her, rubbing her back and whispering into her ear. "Whatever I did Darlin', I'm sorry. Please. Don't be sad. Don't cry. It kills me."

She shook her head. I was so confused. Her emotions were cycling like crazy and I felt like I was getting dizzy.

I bent down and stroked her face, grabbing her chin and tilting her face to look into my eyes. Big mistake. Looking into her eyes I got lost. She was so beautiful, and even though she was in pain, her eyes were full of so much love.

_God, I love this woman. I need her. I want her. I have to have her! And I know just the way to cheer her up..._

I leaned in, ready to kiss her; damn the consequences! But as I made my move, a look of realization flashed on her face and she stood and bolted away from me.

_And there it is; the rejection I've been expecting from her all along. Ouch. That shit hurts._

I looked at her, across the room with her back against my bookcase. She looked and felt apologetic. _What is going on?_

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't know... What were you thinking?!" She said way too loudly.

I was at her side in a second. "Shh, Bella. And I was thinking that it's been far too long since I've done that. Apparently I was alone in that thought," I whispered, sadly.

"No, you're not. I mean, I feel the same way. But remember what we decided? How is that supposed to help? Fuck, it's already hard enough as it is." _Great, now she's mad._

"I apologize. I just couldn't help myself. You're way too _bella_ for your own good, Bella," I said giving her a cheeky grin and thinking myself clever.

She laughed, which hadn't been my goal; but hey, at least now she was smiling.

"You're silly Jasper. You know that?"

"I've heard rumors."

We spent some time giggling like school girls as we transitioned into one of our light banters. I was teasing her about her paleness as compared to the color of a swan when she finally turned around to pout and noticed my immaculate collection of literature. Her jaw dropped and she began to take in the sight before her. Looking through the titles, she stopped when she reached my Classics section and pulled out one of my favorites.

"_Prometheus Bound _is so good! I love this story!" She said, happily.

"Me too. I love most of the Greek Classics. It's a favorite genre of mine," I told her, happy to see her happy.

"Same here! Wow, that's so cool Jazz! Can I read this?" She asked. _No, Bella, you can't read it. What kind of a retarded question is that? God. Women!_

"Of course you can read it you crazy woman. You can read anything in here. Please, help yourself; anytime."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much you rock right now Jazz!" She said, giving me a hug and going to settle in at the window seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm reading silly. Didn't we just talk about this?" She jabbed.

"Well, yeah. I just didn't think you meant right now. But please, knock yourself out. I'll read too," I said, grabbing my book and settling into my chair to read with this wonderfully fascinating woman.

We sat there for about half an hour; her reading, me watching her read. She looked so peaceful sitting there; the rain outside a direct contrast to the mood she was in. She was extremely focused, so much that she didn't notice me staring at her the whole time. I felt like I was in heaven.

We weren't broken out of our bubble until I heard another knock at the door. _Dude, what is up with people coming up here today? _It was Rose. "Movie time guys! Come on, we want to try to get two in before Bella has to go home," she told us, turning on her heel to leave.

"Well, shall we?" I asked her as we both stood to leave.

"Let's shall!" She joked, breezing past me and making her way down the stairs; without falling, remarkably. I laughed at her silliness and followed.

The rest of the family was already sitting around the T.V. when we entered the room. Bella went to sit with Edward and I joined Alice.

And so we sat, for the length of two horrible vampire movies, in silence. For the second time today, we were in the same room without speaking to each other. This time, I couldn't watch her. This time, it wasn't as peaceful. No, not at all; this time, it was torture.

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**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I know... Damn it! :)**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing... Feedback is needed at this point in the story... (School, work and life are taking up a too much of my time and my free-time for writing is very limited. Feedback really puts my butt in motion...)  
**


	14. This is True

**A/N: Sorry for not posting an extra chapter this week; it was a very busy one!**

**Thanks to all of my readers and reviewers! You guys are AMAZING!**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

And so we sat, for the length of two horrible vampire movies, in silence. For the second time today, we were in the same room without speaking to each other. This time, I couldn't watch her. This time, it wasn't as peaceful. This time, it was torture.

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 14_

**This is True**

The frost returned. It started in my chest, where my heart is, and is leaving no inch of my body warm. _Why? Why is my life so screwed up that my body is forced to remind me? Why is it that two men in this very room love me, yet I feel completely alone? Why, why, why?_

I hated this day and just wanted it to be over. I wanted to get out of this place and see my Charlie. I wanted to see the only man in my life that loving was easy. No complications, just undying love and support. No secrets. No lies. No arguments. No rejection. Just love. Easy, uncomplicated love.

Home would be a stark contrast to this place. This place was full of complicated relationships. Full of pain. Full of betrayal. Full of anger. Full of joy. Full of comfort. Full of love. Complicated, yet powerful love. And as much as I loved the people here, my mind was coming dangerously close to self-destructing. It was all too much for me to handle.

Even just sitting here, watching a horrible movie about vampires I was in hell. I was trying my hardest to forget about the duel taking place in my heart. I was trying not to notice the way Alice was leaning into Jasper as they held hands and watched the movie. I was trying not to pay any mind to the fact that Edward's arm was, yet again, draped possessively around me, keeping my anchored to his side. I was trying to ignore the urges in my mind that were one second telling me to run from this cage Edward had me in and the next second urging me to curl up and get comfortable because it's where I want to be. I was trying with all my might to escape the truth because I couldn't handle it yet; I don't know if I'll ever be able to.

The cold overtook me and I began to shiver. In the blink of an eye, Edward had a blanket draped around me and his arm right back in it's place. I was still cold. _That's not what I need you idiot. _"We have to keep you warm and toasty my love. You know how much I love your warmth," he whispered to me, kissing my forehead. The cold lessened and the shivering stopped. _Obviously that was though... _

I was still cold inside, just not freezing, when the stupid movie finally ended. I was so ready to get out of here that I almost ran to the door; of course, Edward's arm kept me firmly in place.

"Well that was surely entertaining. They've gotten much more creative these days, don't you think?" Carlisle pondered out loud.

Emmett stood up to say something but Rose clamped a hand over his mouth. "Come on! Must you get his started again? Now I'm never going to be able to shut him up!" She whined.

Breaking free of her grip on him, Emmett teased her, "I can think of a couple ways for you to shut me up. In fact, I'll have to worry about shutting you up instead." She giggled at the same comment that made me want to throw up.

Jasper threw a pillow at them and jokingly teased, "Calm down you two. Jesus. I don't need to feel that shit!"

"Yeah, that's way too much information for my innocent little ears Em!" I told him, feigning a gagging motion.

"Hey, you should take notes Bells. Learn from a master!" Rose snorted at this. "Oh, what? Is that funny to you Rose?" She nodded. "Okay. Well see about that. I'll be sure to get your vocal agreement with my Master-ness!" This time I had to fight the urge to vomit down.

"Oh God! And with that lovely little though it's time for me to get Bella out of here," Edward said, obviously having heard something he'd rather not have.

"Sorry about that Bella. They truly are forever teenagers; what can we do?" Esme asked. "Are you sure you won't let me make you some dinner?"

"Thanks, but Charlie has dinner waiting at home. I should get going so he doesn't have to wait too long to eat it," I told her, suddenly nervous. Charlie had called to tell me that he was making Harry Clearwater's Famous Fish Fry for me tonight. I'd be lucky if there was still a kitchen when I got home.

"Okay dear. Please, give Charlie our regards," Esme said, embracing me for a second before letting Carlisle do the same. "Goodbye Isabella. We hope to see you around her sooner rather than later." He said before taking Esme's hand and darting off to the kitchen area.

The next to say goodbye was Rose. "See you at school tomorrow Bella. Remember what I told you," she said with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

She was replaced with Emmett and his too tight hug accompanied with his booming "Bye Bells!" After he set me down he ruffled up my hair, slapped Rose on the ass and chased her up the stairs.

Alice and Jasper walked up next, hand in hand, and the cold worsened. "Bye Bella. See you at school!" Alice said. "I'm really sorry about our little tiff. I hope we can move past it..."

"Of course we can Alice," I assured her, which was all the reason she needed to shriek, bounce, hug and dart off to her room to pick her outfit for tomorrow.

Jazz was the last to say goodbye. "See ya later Bella," he said, giving me a quick hug and then disappearing out of the front door.

_That was it? That's all the damn goodbye I get? Jerk! _And even though his goodbye sucked, I did notice that the cold was gone. I reveled in my returned warmth the whole way home. The ride and saying goodbye to Edward, who assured he'd be back later tonight, went by fast and soon I was walking into the little beat up house that I missed immensely.

I stepped in, smelled the fish, heard the game on the T.V., saw the mess that the house was in my absence and felt myself scooped up into another Emmett-esque hug by someone who felt way too lean to be Charlie. _Wait, what?_

"Isabella Marie Swan! Don't you ever take off like that again, you hear me? You had me worried sick!" The thing hugging me scolded me and squeezed me tighter. I was very confused because this person sounded nothing like Charlie. I could hardly breathe and thinking wasn't coming any easier. _What is going on? _

"Izzy? Did you hear what I said?"

_Izzy? Only one person ever calls me Izzy… Oh shit! Jacko!_

"Jake! What the hell? Let me down, I can't breathe!" I told him as I tried to push him off of me. He finally let me go and I took a second to catch my breath. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to welcome you back, jerk! What a nice greeting," he playfully chided my lack of manners.

"Oh shut it Jacko! I didn't take off. I just needed some time to myself. Chill!"

"Yeah, yeah. I call bullshit. But you can give me the real story later. Go see the padres, they've been impatiently waiting for the prodigal daughter to return," he joked, adding a wink.

"Hey, I was only gone for a few days. You've been basically absent since I got here. You have no room to talk!" I told him, and he knew I was right because his only response was "I know, I know. We'll talk about it later. Now, go say hi before Charlie freaks out!"

I hesitantly made my way into the living room and exchanged hellos with an ecstatic Charlie and oddly reserved Billy. I don't know why, but I got the feeling that Billy didn't believe my carefully constructed lies about crappy room service and moments of clarity. Luckily, Charlie ate them up. But Billy, not so much. _Weird._

Billy was Charlie's best friend from when they were my age. They remained friends all of their lives, which meant Jake and I had known each other forever. As kids we used to play all summer when I came down to stay with Charlie. We'd grown apart as we grew and I stopped coming to Forks every year. In fact, it'd been like three years since I'd seen him when he and Billy stopped by on my first day here. I'd only seen him a couple times since then, which was weird, but we still fell into our comfortable relationship whenever we were together.

After I greeted 'the padres' as Jake and I usually referred to them, we all sat down to eat. It felt so good to be here, to be home. I had missed Charlie more than I'd realized and Jake was no different. I loved both of these men and felt the easy, uncomplicated love flow freely from them both.

I was proud, Charlie did a good job with the fish. The garlic bread, rice and broccoli that we ate with it, however, not so much. Jake and I had fun watching each other force it down so we wouldn't hurt Charlie's feelings, making sure to add a couple nudges and pinches under the table. I felt so young and carefree around him, just like old times. It was nice to have him back. It almost made me forget about my mess of a life; almost.

As soon as we were done with dinner, Charlie and Billy went back to watching the game and Jake grabbed a couple blankets, grabbed my hand and led us outside. There was a covered part of our backyard that housed a set of very old chairs and a rickety old table. This is where Jake and I would always sit and talk or tell scary stories when we were young. It was really cool when it was raining because there'd be a blanket of rain that made it hard to see anything. I forgot how much I'd missed it.

We settled in, each wrapping up in a blanket, and the interrogation began.

"Spill," Jake said, excitedly.

"There's nothing to spill!"

"Don't give me that crap. You might be able to fool the old guys, but you're not fooling me. What happened? And where did you go?" He asked, knowing there was more to the story than what I'd feed Charlie.

"Ugh... fine! So I told a little white lie!" I said, still not knowing what I was going to tell him. I couldn't tell him the truth.

"I knew it! Spill Izzy. Or I swear, I'll tickle you until you do," he said motioning towards me. I cringed. He really would do it.

My mind went into super drive. _What can I tell him? What will he believe?_

"Okay, Jake. I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I needed some time to clear my mind..."

"Uh huh... Continue..."

"So I went to Phoenix." I finished up quickly.

"You what?" Jake said, a little too loudly.

"Shut it Jacko! Jesus," I said, then in a quieter voice continued, "I went to Phoenix. I missed it, so I went and spent some time alone, okay?"

"So you drove all the way to Phoenix?"

"Uh huh."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Because you got in a fight with your pretty boy boyfriend?"

"And because I missed it, yes. Okay? Can we drop this now?" I asked him, hoping he wouldn't ask me to elaborate. I wasn't a very good liar and I hated lying to him in the first place.

"Sure, sure. Wow, I must've done a great job on Old Rusty if he made it all the way to Phoenix and back with no problems. I'm good," he said, humor in his voice but I knew he was serious.

"Yeah Jake, you're the best."

"This is true Izzy. This is true..."

"Oh, get over yourself!" I told him, flicking him on the forehead. He scowled at me and flipped me off.

"Yeah, yeah. So what's been going on with you?" I asked him.

Jake told me how he just broke up with his girlfriend of six months. Apparently she had cheated on him with one of the boys at his school. He didn't seem too bothered by it, which he said was because he didn't love her. He never really felt much for her, she was just popular and his friends pressured him to date her. Evidently he now saw how stupid he was and vowed to never do anything to 'please the masses' again. Now, he was focused on fixing his car and spending time with people who mattered.

He made sure to tell me that I was on that this. He said he wanted his 'Dizzy Izzy' back and I was excited at the prospect of having my friend back.

We went over all of the details of our lives. He told me about his friends and life on the reservation. His sister was 'gallivanting' across Europe with a guy she met in college and they only heard from her every couple of months.

I told him about my friends at school. He was anxious to meet Renee's new husband and 'talk ball' with him. I told him about Edward and the Cullen's. He immediately took a liking to Emmett when I described his playful personality. He was excited to meet everyone and I assured he would soon.

We talked and laughed for hours. It felt amazing! I felt young and free; not a care in the world; but of course, that couldn't last forever.

I must've lost track of the time, because pretty soon it was dark out and Billy was telling Jake to 'get his butt up and come on'! After saying our goodbyes and Jake promising to come visit soon Charlie drove them home in the cruiser. I was tempted to wash the dishes that we'd neglected, but decided to do them in the morning as I knew Edward would be there soon and I wanted to get my shower out of the way before he got there.

I rushed up the stairs, only stumbling once, opened my door, turned on the light and... screamed!

_Oh my God! What the fuck? Who the hell? Oh... It's okay. It's just Edward..._

Edward was sitting in the corner in the rocking chair, glaring at me. It scared the shit out of me. It took me awhile to calm down and get my breathing under control. Edward just stayed where he was, looking none-too-happy.

"Edward. Hi. What are you doing here already?" I spoke once recovered.

"Already? It's almost ten o'clock Bella! I've been here for two hours!" He tried not to yell, but it didn't work.

"Really? Crap, I must've lost track of the time. What have you been doing?" I asked him, trying to remain calm.

"Well, let's see. I've been listening to you carry on inane conversation with a teenage boy all night. Oh, and I've been calling you to let you know I'm here. Where's your phone Bella?" He said lethally. _Where is my phone? Oh, shit. It must still be in my bag; on silent._

"I guess I left it in my bag. Sorry. And the boy was Jake, an old friend. We were catching up. Settle down, please," I urged, not wanting this to end badly.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to keep from going down there and snatching you away from him? The way he was talking to you, touching you. I don't like other people treating what's mine like that," he said with a growl. _Okay, wow. Enough of this. I tried to play nice..._

"First of all, I'm not yours. I'm mine. I belong to me! If I want to talk to an old friend until the sun comes up I'll do it! You didn't have to wait here! You could've left!" Now I was yelling.

He looked hurt. "I just wanted to see you Bella. I missed you," he said, sadly.

"Yeah, well, I missed you too. But I don't appreciate getting bombarded as soon as I walk through the door."

"Of course not. I'm sorry," he said, suddenly at my side. He reached up to brush my hair out of the way and kissed me on the forehead. "Please say you'll forgive me."

_Of course I'll forgive him. I always do..._

"Of course, Edward. I forgive you," I assured him. "But it's really late and I still have to shower and get ready for bed. Will you stay?"

"Always, my love. But I've got to run home for some things. I'll try to make it back before you fall asleep," he told me.

"Okay. See you soon?"

"See you soon," he said before kissing my on my forehead and disappearing out of the window.

The time on the clock told me to get moving of I didn't want to look like the living dead at school tomorrow. I raced downstairs to grab my phone out of my bag. There it is; seventeen missed calls from Edward along with six voice mails. _Goodness gracious that boy is incessant. Wait, what's that? _There was a text message too. _Well, I must admit, he is thorough. _I opened the text, realizing it was from a number I didn't know. _Weird._

**I left you a present in your mailbox. Enjoy! -J**

_J? Jake? What did he leave me? I hate presents!_

I opened the door and dashed outside, feeling stupid for not grabbing a jacket once I felt the cold air. I got to the mailbox as quickly as I could, grabbed the package that was inside, and returned to the warmth of my house.

It was a round shaped, soft, black thing with a red bow around it. I untied the bow and unrolled the black fabric. The contents shocked me.

First, there was his book. I must've forgotten it. This made me smile. _How sweet of him to bring it to me!_

Next was a gray shirt with a black horseshoe on it that read "Get Lucky!". Not only was it perfectly ironic, but it was his favorite color. I loved it! I felt like a little piece of him.

Last was his hoodie. Well, not his per say, but it was the exact same one he had but in my size. _He got me the same sweater as him! He knows how much I love it…_

Without realizing it, the present made me cry. It was completely thoughtful and perfect. He knew how much I loved that sweater. And the shirt was too amazing for words. I wrapped them back up and hugged them, feeling like I was hugging him.

I quickly pulled out my cell phone and replied to the text:

**Thank you so much! I LOVE everything. :) -B**

His reply came back after a couple minutes:

**Anything to see you smile! Sweet dreams Doll. -J**

I smiled. _He really is a great friend! God, I wish he was here… At least I can dream of him…_

**I'm sure they will be now! See ya soon Cowboy! :D -B**

Another glance at the clock really put me in motion. I ran upstairs to leave the gift and my bag from the trip in my closet. I rushed through my shower, going through my nightly routine quickly, throwing on my pajamas and crawling into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I realized how exhausted I was. Just as I was drifting into my dreams I felt cold arms wrap around me and I reveled in the feel of them.

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I was playing a video game with Emmett when the raving lunatic came flying through the door. Em and I exchanged a thoughtful look and went on playing our game. He was always crying about something, if it was serious we'd know soon enough. I tried to reach out and feel his emotions, but he seemed to be trying to block me. Still, I could feel anger, jealousy and regret trying to break through. _Maybe he's trying to keep himself from feeling them…_

A couple minutes later we heard things crashing upstairs. He was stomping around and throwing a fit. His emotions we breaking through and soon he was wrapped in them. I did my best to keep them from penetrating me and it was getting hard to, but then, my phone vibrated and the message it delivered made me absolutely giddy!

Bella loved my gift. I knew she would, but still, it felt absolutely fucking amazing to see those words. She loved it, and I loved seeing her smile even through the stupid black text. _She left without her book; any friend would bring it to her, right? Plus, she loved my sweater, why not get her one? And that shirt was perfect... My favorite color, something that will remind her of me, and a hidden meaning for only us to share… How could I pass it up?_

_Aw, who the hell was I kidding? I'm whipped. Sprung. Obsessed. I got it bad… Too bad it's for someone who's not mine…_

My train of thought was broken by the ruckus upstairs. A door was roughly opened.

"Knock much? What the hell?" Rose yelled at the intrusion. I guess he was in Rose and Em's room where the girls had been chatting.

"Stop it Alice!" Edward yelled.

"Stop what? What is your problem?" She questioned.

"Quit trying to dress Bella in revealing clothes. I know what you're planning; I saw it," he seethed.

"They're not revealing! They just emphasize her figure more. She'll look great. You saw it!" Alice defended.

"She doesn't need to emphasize anything! She doesn't need anyone else looking at her. She's mine damn it!" Edward was belligerent. _What the hell is wrong with him now?_

"Wow. Cool it Mr. Possessive. Nobody's going to take your precious Bella from you. We're just trying to help her feel better about herself," Rose explained.

"Well don't. And stop. Stop trying to dress my girlfriend!"

"Okay. Jeez. We'll stop. Now go away you psycho!" Rose yelled, obviously tired of his hissy fit.

His response was the slamming of the door and his angry stomps down the stairs. The girls continued with their conversation and me and Emmett restarted our game. _If only the crazy one knew I was actively trying to dress his girlfriend now! _I ended my conversation with Bella, wishing her sweet dreams and reveling in the thought that she might dream of me. That's when I heard the song. _Fuck!_

Edward was playing the song that we had all come to dread. It was an angry, loud song that meant only one thing; Edward was pissed and was starting to lose his shit. I glanced at Emmett before I felt him agree with me and we both stood to attend to our dickhead brother.

"Go away!" He yelled as we approached.

"What's wrong man?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing! Just go!"

"We're not going anywhere until you talk to us. What is it Ed? Is it Bella?" I asked. He growled.

"Ed. Come on bro. Talk to us. Maybe we can help," Emmett tried to reason with him. Edward stopped playing.

"Help? How can you help? Can you help me stop screwing up every time I'm around her? Can you help me control my anger so that she's not scared of me? Can you change the past so that she doesn't have a scar that reminds me how close I was to losing her every time I see it? Can you stop her from drifting away from me? Can you? Huh?" He vented and we let him. Even though he was being an ass, he needed to get this out.

"Aww, shit man. That's harsh. I wish I could. But only you can help all that," Em answered him softly. "I don't see why you're worried. She's head over heels with you."

"I just can't stop screwing up Em. It's like I can't control myself. I feel her slipping through my fingers, but I can't stop it. I don't know what to do," he told us, sadly. I almost felt bad for him.

"Edward, Emmett's right. She loves you. You just have to listen to her. Trust her. Love her. The rest will work itself out. If you're meant to be together, you will be," I offered him my advice. _If you're meant to be together, you'll be. But if you're not… You better pray that I have the strength to stay away… I better pray that I have the strength…_

"Thanks man. I just… It's just really hard. I don't know how you guys do it. I don't know what I'd do if I lose her. I don't... I don't know how I'd survive," he admitted, depressingly.

"Don't worry about that, just worry about keeping her," I advised. It hurt me to help him, but shit, he's still my brother.

"Thanks Jasper," he said, standing to leave, "And I'm sorry, about… you know…"

"I know… Go," I urged him. He gave a small smile, and then, with a pat to both mine and Emmett's backs, he was gone.

I tried not to think about it, but that only worked for about ten minutes. I know where he is. I know who he's with… And I hate it. I hate him for being there. I hate myself for caring. I hate everything… Because I love her.

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**S.M. owns all. I just like to warp their worlds. It's fun, you should try it! **

**And, I know... Jake! Hehe... Trust me, I know where I'm going with it and it's interesting.**

**What did you guys think? Let me know. **

**Until next time...  
**


	15. Game Over

**A/N: Hey guys! Monday = More ABM!!! Yey! Hope you all enjoy this new chapter.**

**I'm glad you guys weren't scared off by Jake. Don't worry, he won't be a love interest in this story (I think she already had enough of those, don't you think? :)**

**On a side note, I am having issues writing! I don't have writers block as I already have the whole story outlined... I just am having trouble tearing myself from all of the other things going on in my life... Ahhh! This was a very busy week, in fact, it's the first day I've been home since Wed. morning. Don't worry, you guys will still get your ABM fix, but I'm just having trouble finishing up the later chapters. Just thought I'd vent to the people who actually care about this like me! :)**

**P.S. I LOVE my readers!  
**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

I tried not to think about it, but that only worked for about ten minutes. I know where he is. I know who he's with… And I hate it. I hate him for being there. I hate myself for caring. I hate everything… Because I love her.

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_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 15_

**Game Over**

_I'm going to kill her. I'm gonna tear her apart and fucking light the bitch on fire!_

I thought we were going on a date. Edward had supposedly spent a lot of time planning a big date for me because he's been such an ass lately. I didn't even want to go because, well, he's been an ass lately. But no, Alice, my wonderful best friend, guilt tripped me into it with her crap about 'how long he planned it', 'how hard he tried', 'how much he loves me', and 'how much it means to him'. _Ugh! _

Like a dumbass, I fell for their little plan. I walked right into the trap, and damn it, I made it easy for them!

"Okay, fine. I'll do it. But only if you promise to stop trying to dress me!" I had told her after three days of incessant attempts at persuasion.

"What? Never! I'll never give up on you Bella. You can't ask that of me!" She whined.

I'd had a hard month and was at my wit's end. I was weakened and had no backup. I couldn't do it anymore… I caved. "Fine. Ugh! I'll go. But you have to stop at least until the school year is over. Deal?" And just like that, I had agreed to this stupid date from hell.

And to think, the weekend had started out well. I hung out after school on Friday with Jake. He came over because he needed help on an essay, but we mainly spent our time joking and complaining about our lives. Then, I was off to the Cullen's for a sleepover with Alice and Rosalie. We all played board games, even Carlisle and Esme joined in. It was fun; there were no freak-outs from Edward, which was rare as of late.

It has been a long four weeks since school started again. The arguing began on the first day; he wasn't happy when I showed up in the shirt and sweater that Jasper had gotten me. He complained about how I never let him buy me gifts.

That was the first day. Since then, we've been fighting non-stop. It's so easy to set him off now that it's unavoidable. If I kiss him the wrong way, it's a fight. If I spend too much time with Jake, it's a fight. If I don't answer his calls, it's a fight. He even got mad at me because I said 'fuck' the other day. The thing is, I've gotten tired of listening to his every request. So now, I fight back. It's like we're an old, unhappily married couple.

And, to make matters worse, he's always there! Every night, he sleeps with his arm wrapped around me like a prison. At school, every free second I have, he's right there, holding my hand or carrying my books, or, my favorite, trying to shove healthy food down my throat. After school, the only way to get rid of him is the few times a week I spend time with Jake, because otherwise, Edward's there. My few free hours at night, before he comes over, are spent with Charlie or catching up on e-mails to Renee.

Lately, I've been suggesting we spend more time at his house. At least there I can spend time with the others. We all spend a lot of time watching movies or playing board games.

Alice is constantly trying to make me over and Rose still thinks that I have any hope of learning how to fix cars; not! She and I spend a lot of time talking. We've gotten really close, but what I like about her is that it's not all happy and sweet. She tells it how it is, never sugar coating things. She treats me like, well, like I always imagined a sister would.

I also spend a lot of time with the boys. Emmett has essentially embodied his role as my big brother and is very serious about it. He scares away any boys that get too close and is always there when I need someone to vent to; which is happening a lot these days. Jasper and I spend most of our time together in his study, which we now refer to as 'our room'. We have our own little two person book club, where we read and discuss a different book each week. I love it because it helps me get to know him more and more; and the more I know him, the more I long for him. It's hard, but we've managed to keep it strictly friendly all this time; aside from a few sideways glances and flirtatious comments.

Carlisle and Esme have been the best second set of parents a girl can ask for. Esme makes sure I'm warm, feed and healthy every time I see her. Carlisle has taken it upon himself to replace my old doctor and ensure that every part of me is in working order. I love all of the love that pours out of that house into me, even if it's sometimes hard to be there.

It's been a month of fighting with Edward. A month of missing Jasper. A month of being confused. A month of getting used to it all, and it's still not any easier. _I hate fighting! I hate feeling empty! I hate this… this life that I'm forcing myself to live._

On the subject of being forced, this morning I was rudely awakened and forced to endure a day of torture. Alice dragged me out of bed and whisked me away to the mall as soon as the sun rose. After two hours of looking and trying on stupid, ruffled, shiny mess; I quit! I refused to try on anything else and went to wander around in a bookstore while Alice continued shopping on her own.

Thumbing through the Civil War section, I came across a book about the Confederate Army that grabbed my attention. Intrigued and looking for a way to pass the time, I sat down to look through it. I loved anything that had to do with that time because I felt like I was getting to know more about Jasper. He never really talked about any of his life before the Cullen's, so I was starved for information. I sat there for an hour looking through the book and reading about the battles and the people who were important. I was shocked when I turned the page and saw a honey blond, bronze skinned, blue eyed Major Jasper Whitlock staring back at me.

I was in awe and excited that I had found this. I wanted to read the short detail about him, but as soon as I started, my phone buzzed:

**Grabbing you some lunch at the food court. Come meet me please. We still have to get you to the spa! –Alice**

Alice's perfect timing made me rush to the checkout and buy the book. I planned to read it the first chance I got and then give it to him.

The spa was even more torture. After five hours of mud baths, massages, facials, hair curling, makeup application, priming and prodding, I came out looking like a sugary sweet version of me in a blue dress. My hair was too tight and my makeup made me look like I was happy and enjoyed tea parties. The stupid shoes that Alice had me wear were death traps; I just knew I'd break my face in them. She insisted so I shut it, planning to dispose of them later, glad she couldn't see me anymore.

The ride back to the Cullen's was good. I got some perspective and was actually looking forward to a night with Edward where there would be no arguing; hopefully. I do love that sinfully stubborn boy and it was about time we acted like it again.

He was waiting in front of the house looking all kinds of sexy in a black suit. His hair was perfect and his smile made me melt just enough to not realize that I was getting into a car that wasn't the Volvo. Apparently it was an Ashton Martin, and apparently it was a big deal. I was excited in more ways than one when he leaned over to kiss me and place a blindfold over my eyes. _I could get used to this…_

And then we were off, driving somewhere. He spoke loving words to me as he held my hand and I was a giddy school girl in love again. It was heaven. Until he said he had a surprise for me. He let go of my hand, only to return and tie something around my wrist. It was kind of cold, and it smelled good… A corsage. _Yep, he put a fucking corsage on my wrist._

And then I thought about it. This weekend, and all the buzz about it. The event that I told Edward I didn't want to go to. The one that Alice bugged me about everyday for two weeks. The one I told her that I wouldn't go to, no matter what, under any circumstances. And then the car stopped and I heard the sound of music in the distance and happy teenagers all around. I whipped the blindfold off and was met with what I already knew. Prom. _The asshole brought me to Prom!_

And now, here I am, walking into the place I don't want to be. _I can't believe he did this! And I can't believe she helped! She knew how much I didn't want to come. She's my best friend! She's supposed to help me with these things, not trick me into them! Ugh! I'm gonna kill her!_

"Are you excited Bella?" Edward asked me as we walked to the entrance.

"Not in the least," I told him honestly.

"Why? You look beautiful and all of your friends are here. You'll have a good time, just wait and see," he tried to pacify me.

"I told you I didn't want to come," I told him through clenched teeth. There were people all around and I didn't want to make a scene.

"I know, but I figured you'd regret missing such a big human experience. I think in the long run, you'll thank me love."

"Yeah? Well, I think in the short run I'll hit you," I again said only low enough for him to hear.

We were getting closer and people were starting to notice us, so I plastered a big, fake smile on my face and kept walking.

"Violence is never the answer, Bella dear," Edward said lightly, obviously thinking I was kidding.

I scoffed at him. "Whatever Edward. Just get me inside and to a chair. I need to sit down before I break my ankles," I whined, wobbling in the stupid stilettos that Alice made me wear.

We made our way inside, stopping briefly to talk to Angela and Ben who promised to come check on us later and Jessica and Mike, who didn't look very happy to see us. Finally, we made our way to the back corner of the room to a table that was almost empty. Relief spread through me as I saw Rose and Em, knowing I'd have someone to whine to about my stupid boyfriend.

Rose looked like a Greek Goddess in an emerald green draped gown with a slit that showed just enough of one of her legs to make all the boys in the room sweat; and that was before she turned around, as it had a low backline that showed off her perfect physique eloquently. Emmett looked like a model, in an all black suit that fit him perfectly and an emerald tie; they looked perfect together. It made me happy.

Then. I saw them. Alice was wearing a perfect baby blue strapless dress that had a tulip skirt; she looked amazing. And Jasper… _Oh. My. God. _He looked like a rock star; but one who was still down to earth. Gray slacks with a gray button up, a black vest and a baby blue tie; all finished up with his black boots and a black fedora with a baby blue sash around it. He looked absolutely delectable. His honey hair framed his face perfectly and his huge smile made me want to run to him and tell him how much I miss him.

But I didn't. No; I couldn't. Not when I saw the perfect picture in front of me. They were dancing, and he knew exactly what he was doing. They were so graceful on the floor. He was spinning her and holding her like she was the most important thing in the world to him. _Because she is…_

My heart broke all over again_. How could I want to break up something so perfect? They were made for each other. They need each other. Just like I need Edward, right? My gorgeous, loving Edward…_

The thought of me needing Edward only pissed me off more. This night was not getting any better. I didn't want to be here. I had to walk around in stupid shoes. I feel like a frilly little girl in this crappy dress. I have to watch the man I love be in love with his perfect wife, who, by the way, I still wanted to kill. Ugh!

It was at that moment that Rose and Em saw us. They ran over to say hi, making sure they told me how hot I looked, or, in Emmett's way of saying so, telling me to put some more damn clothes on. It was funny how protective of me he was and it broke the ice, making me laugh as Rose led me to the table.

"You do clean up very well Sis," Em told me over the music. I smiled at him.

"Of course she does. Isn't she a beauty?" Alice said, suddenly at the table. I scowled at her.

"Oh, don't be a brat Bella. Just relax and have fun!" She tried. I intensified my glare.

"Bella, would you like to dance with me?" Edward suddenly asked. _Would I like to dance with you? Yeah right! I don't even want to look at you! Jerk!_

I wanted to tell him no, but I was suddenly laughing… uncontrollably.

I don't know why. But I do know that Edward asked me to dance and I was laughing in his face. He didn't take it well, getting up and storming away from the table, Alice following behind to comfort him I assume. And then I was done laughing. _What the hell?_

"Well lookie here, looks like Little Miss Bella done dolled herself up tonight," a sexy, southern voice drawled at my ear. I smiled.

"That wasn't very nice Jasper! Edward's feelings are probably hurt!" I told him. _Like I care!_

"He'll be okay. He's a big boy. Plus, he deserves it for dragging you here. We all told him you'd be pissed," he finished. _We all? What? They knew?_

"You guy's knew! Why didn't you warn me?" I yelled at them. They all just looked away, ashamed to have been caught.

"They threatened our cars. Sorry Bells. Plus, we wanted you here," Emmett defended.

"So your stupid cars are worth more than my happiness?" I asked incredulously.

"No. But we didn't want to upset them and we knew it would work out and we'd have fun," Rose said.

"Fun? I'm not having fun! I can't even walk in these shoes, I look ridiculous in this dress, and my hair is done too tight and it's giving me a headache!"

"Yes, yes, we know. Don't worry! We thought of that. We brought you reinforcements. Come on, let's go to the bathroom," Rose said, getting up to leave. _Reinforcements? What the…_

Within a second I was being pulled through the crowd and into the bathroom. When we entered there were three girls in there. Right away, two of them left, intimidated by the presence of Rosalie Hale. The last girl stayed, fixing her makeup in the mirror; Lauren. After two minutes, Rose grew very impatient, tapping her foot in a motion that said 'hurry up'. Still, she stayed there, reapplying and adjusting whatever she could. I think she was doing it on purpose; she didn't like either one of us.

Finally, Rose hit her boiling point; "No amount of mascara or lip gloss is going to help. If you really want to make yourself look better, you should take off that hideous dress!" Rose insulted her. Lauren just turned to glare at her, but Rose's glare is much scarier, causing her to flee the room very quickly. We enjoyed a laugh at Lauren's expense before Rose locked the door and got busy.

"Okay. Here, put this on," Rose said, handing me a black leather jacket, that looked way too small, from a bag I didn't see before. I just looked at it, confused.

"It's from Emmett. We all brought stuff to help make you more comfortable. Trust me, just put it on," she said. I listened. It fit like a glove, stopping at my waist and only covering ¾ of my arms. It was cute; I liked it.

Then, she bent down and started unfastening my shoes. "Here, step into these," she instructed. I looked down and saw a pair of beautiful black leather boots with a low heel. They weren't cowboy boots, but they had a western feel to them. They were perfect. I hurriedly stepped into them; perfect fit. "I'm guessing these are from Jasper," I told her. "Of course. Who else?" She said with a smile.

"Okay. So, what did you bring?"

"Well, Bells, you look pretty badass now, but your makeup and jewelry are not working. Just wait," she said, before I saw her rush around me in a blur, pulling and poking and soon, she was done. I looked in the mirror and was happy with what I saw. She had taken my hair down, so it fell in big curls around my face. She replaced my drop earrings with big black hoops and added like twelve black bangles to each wrist. With a couple sweeps of her hand, she had turned my soft eye shadow into a dark, smoky look and replaced my shimmering pink lip gloss with a nude sheer one. I looked great; I looked like a sexy version of me!

"Wow. Thanks Rose. I look great! This is perfect!" I told her, hugging her tight.

"Anytime Bella," she said, gathering the stuff into her bag and walking out of the door. As I followed her back to the table, I felt like all eyes were on me. I heard a couple whistles from Tyler and Mike and a shrill shriek from Alice. _Great._

"What did you do to her?" Alice asked Rose when we took our seats.

"Just helped her get more comfortable. Admit it, she looks good," Rose challenged.

"Well, she does look pretty good. But still, a lot of work went into her today Rose, you should've told me."

"Oh, you mean how you told her you were bringing her here?" Rose spat. Alice was shocked, but then her face softened. "True. Bella, are you more comfortable?" She asked me. I nodded. "Well then good! I'll go find Edward and then we can all dance!" She said happily and disappeared.

"Thanks guys, for doing this. I feel so much better now," I told the boys and Rose.

"Anything for you Sis. I see you like my jacket," Em boasted.

"I love it! It's perfect. And the boots! I love them! I love everything!" I told them. I was starting to have fun now that I felt like myself again.

"I'm glad you like 'em Darlin'," Jasper leaned over and whispered in my ear, accent at full force. "Care to join me for a dance?"

I wanted, so badly, to say yes, but just then, I saw Edward and Alice round the corner to come and join us. Edward looked like a scolded puppy. I felt bad. Plus, as envious as I was over Jasper and Alice's perfect dance earlier, I was also mad that he was dancing with another girl in front of me; even if it was his wife. _Hey, it may not be logical, but that's how I felt._

"Sorry Cowboy, but I have to make up for what you made me do to poor Edward," I told him, giving my best innocent eyes and smirking at him. He caught on to the game and plastered the sly smile right back where it belonged. _It's crazy how a smile can make me want to jump his bones, while at the same time making me want to slap him across his smug face._

Once Edward got to the table, Jasper's asshole side came out in full force. "Hey, Ed. Look man, I'm sorry about earlier. You see, Bella played a little prank on me last night and I just wanted to get her back. Sorry you had to be a casualty in our little game," Jasper told him like a perfect gentleman. "She told me she wants to make up for it and take you for a spin on the dance floor. Isn't that right Isabella?" _Ugh! Ass! What a sly little jerk. I'm gonna get him back for this!_

I simply nodded and stood to let him guide me to the floor, flashing Jasper the evil eye on my way. When we were on the dance floor, Edward put his hands out in a motion that said, 'come on!'. It was then that I remembered that I don't know how to dance. _Great._

"Uh, I don't know how to dance," I told him, looking away ashamedly. _God, why am I such an idiot?_

He chuckled and grabbed my hand. "Don't worry love, I'll show you," he said, putting one hand on my waist and pulling me onto his feet.

And just like that, we were dancing. He was gliding us gracefully around the floor and it was kind of fun. It was like... Like how I used to dance on Charlie's toes when I was younger. And, just like that, it wasn't fun anymore. I felt like a child. _Why is it that I always end up feeling like a child when I do anything with Edward. God, could this night get any worse?_

"I see you changed," Edward suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Uh, yeah. Rose, Em and Jazz brought me some things to help make me more comfortable," I explained, though he had probably already figured that out.

"Yes. It seems that making you feel more comfortable has also made the children in this room more comfortable in staring at you," he told me, not seeming very happy. "I, on the other hand, prefer you the way you were. You looked stunningly beautiful."

That statement made many thoughts pop into my head. _He didn't say that I still look beautiful. He didn't compliment this look at all, which must mean he doesn't like it. But I love it! It's so me! Which shows, yet again, that Edward doesn't love the real me. Just the 'me' that he wants me to be. Ugh... I hate the prom._

I don't know if I was wearing my discomfort on my face and she came to save me, or if she really just wanted to dance with Edward, but soon enough, Rose saved me by asking to cut in. _Can you cut in? Hell yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

In haste, I tried to make my exit from the dance floor, but before I made it all the way a strong hand grabbed mine and spun me towards them. Looking up, I found myself looking into the honey eyes of Jasper. I was frozen. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Now, may I have that dance that I was so politely refused earlier?"

"No," I told him and tried to walk away. Again, he grabbed my arm and spun me into him.

"Don't be stubborn woman," he warned, looking pissed off by my refusal.

"Why don't you go dance with your wife?" I spat venomously. He looked down calmly at me, lifted me up and spun us over to a corner, where he blocked me in it.

"What reason on earth would I have not to dance with my wife at our Prom? Be reasonable Bella. Yes, I danced with her, but I wished it was you."

I was trying really hard to stay mad at him, but being in his presence, taking in his scent, staring into his eyes… They were all taking a toll on me. I missed him and wanted nothing more than to dance with the stunning man before me. The baby blue in his outfit was reminding me of the picture I saw of him earlier, and how his blue eyes called out to me even on the page. I was losing the battle with myself and had to stop myself… _Stay mad, Bella. You can do it! Think of something to say…_

"Yeah, sure. You looked like you were enjoying yourself. And I like the blue, let me guess, you picked it out?" _While he looked amazing, I was sure that Alice had at least picked the color scheme. I don't know why, but the thought of her dressing him really bugged me. Besides, I had to have something else to be mad about, even if it was stupid._

He smiled. "Actually, I did pick it out. What else would you like to nit-pick me about? Don't like my hair? Do my shoes not go with this outfit?" He joked. His big cheeky grin sent me over the edge and I laughed at him. _Damn it!_

"Look, I'm really sorry that you had to see us dance. I know how you feel; I had to watch you and Edward dance too. But let's remedy the want we both have to share that with each other. Please, Darlin', dance with me? The night won't be complete if you don't," he tried to sway me. The adorable, pleading look on his face is what made me cave, but then I heard the music. It was a faster song now; I definitely couldn't dance to this!

"I don't know how to dance, especially to this. Plus, Edward would freak."

"Don't worry about Edward, Rosalie is taking care of that. And I'll show you how to dance Doll. Please don't deny me anymore. You're breaking my heart..." _Aww, fuck. He's done it now. I have to dance with him, don't I? Oh well, maybe it'll be fun. _

He must've felt my decision, because soon I found myself back on the dance floor. The music was thumping through me, a Latin-sounding song, but I had no idea how to move to it. I looked up at Jasper for guidance, but he was just staring at me. "What?" I asked him.

"Have I told you how fuckin' gorgeous you look tonight?" He asked, which I answered with a, "You don't look too shabby yourself there." He smiled. _I love seeing him smile._

Without another word, he put his hands on my hips. "Listen to the music, Bella. Move with it. And follow me," was all he said before we started dancing.

First, he guided my hips for me, helping me move them to the rhythm. I was a little shy, but when I felt a wave of confidence flow through me, I welcomed the task. Once I got that down, he grabbed one hand, left on my hip and stepped towards me; instinctively, I stepped back. He smiled. "Good job." We repeated this motion, me following him when he went forwards or backwards, all while moving my hips and I seemed to get the hang of it. Once he was sure I knew what I was doing, he really started dancing! _And, oh boy, I'm sure we were a sight to be seen._

He started moving his hips to the rhythm like a pro and I was instantly turned on. We moved around the floor smoothly, with me loving every second of body contact. He'd spin me, dip me and run his hands along my body. I was loving it and enjoying every second. I was in heaven, and I never wanted it to end; but then, it did. I pouted when the rhythmic music was replaced with a slow, pretty song.

He just smiled and pulled me tight against him. He hummed the melody in my ear while we swayed and moved together to the music. It was sweet and reminded me of the many sides of Jasper. I loved how complex he was and couldn't wait to peel back more layers.

The song seemed to be coming to a close when he thanked me for the dance, telling me I was amazing. I thanked him for showing me how, not missing how different he and Edward's idea of 'showing me how' was. Edward wanted me to lean on him to move us; Jasper wanted to teach me so I could move with him. _That's why I love him…_

In the span of ten minutes, Jasper had brought the feelings that I've been trying to bury for the past month to the front of my mind. I love him. I want him. Yet, he's not mine. I was reminded of this cruel fact when he spoke to me. "Darlin', as much as I love holding you like this, Edward and the others will be back soon. We should head back to the table."

I hugged him close. "No. No, no, no. I don't want to stop. I'm in heaven Jasper. Please… Just keep holding me." He pried my arms away. "Bella. Stop it. You know why it has to be like this. Please. Don't make it harder than it already is…"

_Damn it! Why does this always happen? As soon as I'm happy, Edward comes along to take it all away. It's my own fault. I need to stop putting myself in this position… But I tried to stop. It was Jasper. He made me… He has to stop._

I hit him in the chest, only hurting myself. "Me don't make it harder? Me?! I tried! I didn't want to dance. I didn't want to do anything but go sit at the table like I should've. You did this! So why don't you not make it harder? Why don't you not dance with me and hold me and be perfect and then take it all away? How about that!" I yelled and stormed off, making it to the table in record time and taking a seat. Of course, he was next to me in no time.

"Bella, Darlin', please don't do this. You can't go makin' a fuss every time somethin' don't go your way. We're on the same boat here. We gotta look out for one another," he told me, his accent getting worse the angrier he got.

"Don't 'Darlin' me, Jasper. And don't give me that bullshit. You aren't looking out for anyone but yourself. When you want me, you have the power to make it happen. Like I'm a toy; you play with me when you want me and then give me back to Edward. Well, I'm not gonna play that game with you. Sorry. Game over." _Whoa. Guess the big balls are back…_

Jasper recoiled from me like I slapped him. And then I felt it, only for a short time, he must've caught himself. But I felt it; the pain. It felt like a hole ripping through my chest. It was excruciating… I'd hurt him. And the worst part; I didn't mean it. I didn't want it to be over. I didn't ever want it to be over.

I reached for him, "Jazz," I whispered. He dodged my hand.

I didn't try again. We sat there in silence for a couple minutes, him still as a statue with pained eyes. I was replaying the scene in my head, trying to figure out how much damage I'd done. Trying to gauge how bad this was… I came to the conclusion that I'd probably ruined everything. Tired of the silence, I tried one last time to talk to him…

"Jazz, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," I pleaded, the tears welling in my eyes.

He looked at me. His face showed no emotion he was stone. "Sorry Bella. Game over. We have to move on"

And then he stood, and walked over to them. They were back. Our time was over. _But I need to talk to him. I need to apologize; to make him understand. I need him. No. Please. Come back!_

But he didn't come back. He went to her. He scooped her up into a hug. He kissed her, and he held her. He held her like I wanted him to hold me. _No! Stop it! That's my hold. My hug. My man… _

I wanted to scream it out loud. Let everyone know he was mine. But then I saw him; the one who is mine. He was headed directly for me. I stopped the tears and wiped my eyes. Resigned, I decided that if I can't have who I want, at least I can have someone who wants me.

He came. He looked so happy to see me. It made me feel wanted; something I desperately needed. "What's wrong love?" He asked. _Nothing. Nothing was wrong now that someone was holding me, I lied to myself. _"Nothing now. I just missed the man I love," I told him. Too bad I wasn't talking about him. Too bad I still missed him, even though he was only ten feet away from me.

I didn't stop missing him when we left ten minutes later.

I still missed him on the ride home.

I longed for him as I showered and rid myself his smell; then, I missed that too.

I felt empty when Edward kissed me. _That's not how Jasper would kiss me, _I thought. Still, I urged him on. "Don't stop," I told him as I kissed him with all my might. _Sure, he didn't kiss me the same. But at least he wants to kiss me. At least he's here. At least he loves me. _

I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be with him either. But he was all I had. He was the only one who wanted me. Until he didn't want me anymore. No, I had pushed him too far. Now, nobody wanted me. The rejection hurt. _I'm tired of being rejected!_

Alice was here to take him hunting. I whined and protested. It was all an act. I felt wrong, wrong for kissing him in the first place. He wasn't who I wanted; wasn't who I needed.

What I need is no longer available to me. What I need no longer needs me. I was all alone and again, I was freezing. No blanket could warm me. No fire could heat the frozen tundra that is my body.

Defeated and resigned to living my life in the freezing cold, I turned off my light and put in my head phones. There, on the brink of tears, all alone, freezing, I sang my heart out. I sang to a person who would never hear; who would never know.

"**Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed."**

_He was perfect._

"**You said move on, where do I go? I guess second best is all I will know."**

_Nobody will ever compare…_

"**'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do… If you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes."**

_How I wish. _

I wish so badly that I could look into his eyes right now and tell him I was wrong. Tell him I need him. Tell him I miss him. God, tell him anything!

I closed my eyes and I could see his amber eyes... The beautiful eyes that bore into mine like I mattered; like I was special. He had perfect eyes…

And then I opened my eyes and they were still there. I was looking into Jasper's eyes.

* * *

**I own nothing Twilight. I do, however, enjoy breaking their hearts. I know, I'm evil...**

**I also don't own that song... Katy Perry does. I know... I suck, huh?  
**

**Let me know what you guys are thinking thus far... It may help my writing issue! At the very least, it'll make me smile (hopefully!)  
**


	16. Ooh I Like You

**A/N: Sorry for the late update! Had a super-busy week and just now realized that it's update day! Please forgive me!**

* * *

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

I wish so badly that I could look into his eyes right now and tell him I was wrong. Tell him I need him. Tell him I miss him. God, tell him anything!

I closed my eyes and I could see his amber eyes... The beautiful eyes that bore into mine like I mattered; like I was special. He had perfect eyes…

And then I opened my eyes and they were still there. I was looking into Jasper's eyes.

---

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 16_

**Ooh, I Like You**

_Good God, if this woman doesn't get her tiny hands off of me I might break them._

"Alice, I'm not in the mood for this right now," I growled at her, trying to get her to see I was serious.

"Jazzy… Don't be shy. Let me make you feel better," she said, trying to take my shirt off. _Doesn't she know that she isn't what I need? _

"Trust me Ally, you can't make me feel better. It's impossible right now. Please, just go do something else. I want to be alone."

She looked hurt. _Good, maybe she'll leave me the fuck alone now._

"God, you are such an asshole sometimes, do you know that?" She told me, standing and putting her clothes back on.

"As a matter of fact, I do," I told her, lacing my fingers behind my head and enjoying the distance between us. I didn't have time to ponder my newfound status as a pussy who sent his naked, horny wife away, before she was back and livid.

"What is it Jasper? Do you not find me attractive anymore?" She yelled. _Great, let the whole house hear us..._

"Of course not; you're beautiful Alice. Can't a man just not be in the mood?"

"If it's not that, then what? Are you sleeping with someone else?" She yelled, louder this time.

"What? No," I told her truthfully. _Though I wish I was…_

"So what Jasper? Why the fuck is it so hard to get you into bed? You're still attracted to me, there's no one else… What is the problem? Jasper, honey… are you gay?" She finished her statement in a whisper; the direct opposite of the volume of my voice when I responded.

"Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of a stupid question is that?" I stood and screamed at her. I was pissed. _How dare she insinuate that I, Major Jasper Whitlock, could be gay! Shit, I've been with more women then all of the men in my family combined. I'm a sex God; how the fuck could she even consider that?_

She took a step back at my outburst. _So she thinks I'm gay, huh? I'll show her gay…_

I reached out and grabbed her, slamming her roughly against the wall. I attacked her mouth with mine, moving to her neck, her collarbone, her breasts. I was lost in the moment in a desperate attempt to defend my manhood; to show her that I was only interested in the soft, supple body of a woman. She was loving it; her clothes a torn mess on the floor and her body responding to my expert touch.

Lust was pouring from her, but she was also feeling triumphant. _What the… _

_Son of a bitch! She got me just where she wanted me… I can't believe I fell for that shit!_

I was getting ready to call her on her blatant manipulation of my macho emotions, but before I had the chance her face went blank and her eyes got the faraway look that meant she was having a vision. Thankful for the interruption, I stopped what I was doing and carried her over to the bed, sitting her down on it.

After waiting patiently for her to come out of it, she told me that she had a vision of Edward taking off for a hunt in Canada. She said he looked upset, so she wanted to go with him. With a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a pat on the ass, she threw on some clothes, told me they'd be back the next evening and dashed out of the door.

I was glad she was gone, but please believe, she is gonna hear from me about that manipulation shit when she gets back. I plopped back onto the bed, hands behind my head, and relaxed. Well, my body relaxed. My mind, however, was working at hyper speed.

This night was sweet and sour. I loved seeing Bella look so smokin' hot tonight, especially when she was dancing with me. She looked like a sex kitten straight from my fantasies. She was perfect, but I wasn't. I just kept hurting her every chance I got.

I don't know what it is about that girl, but I couldn't get enough of her. She had taken over every part of my life and filled every inch of my brain. I'd never known a love like what I already felt with Bella, and she wasn't even mine yet. There was so many things we hadn't done, hadn't said. I wanted so badly to make her mine and spend the rest of my immortal life showing her how much I loved her…

But I couldn't do it. Edward loves her. And as much as I hate to admit it, my wife had done so much for me. She saved my life and loved me to the best of her ability, though she sometimes has a funny way of showing it. I love her. I love them both, and I don't know what to do. I try to be good, but it's hard to resist Bella. My beautiful Bella... I seriously think my dead heart broke when she told me it was over.

_How could it be over? How could she not be mine? How could she do this to me?_

Well, it was over because it never began. She wasn't mine because she never was. And she didn't do this to me, I did it to her. _How am I supposed to do this? _I can't live without her. She's become my everything; my breath, my heart, my life. I have to fix this. I'll beg, grovel, I'll do whatever it takes. I'll work for the rest of my immortal life if I have to if it means I can have her back; in whatever capacity she'll have me.

If anything, I had to mend our friendship. I have to show her how much I caree for her and make sure that she was okay. She'd looked so hurt when I walked away from her… _God, I'm such an asshole. _

_I don't know what I'll do or what I'll say, but I have to go over there and talk to her. I have to see her. I have to hold her. I just, have to. Now…_

I quickly changed, throwing on some jeans and a shirt, slung my guitar over my shoulder, dashed into Esme's garden to pick some flowers for her, and ran to her house.

---

The pain coming from her room was like a ton of bricks. _Did I do this? Or was it Edward? _Either way, I had to make it right. I couldn't stand to feel her in so much pain.

I climbed the tree outside her window quickly, looking in to see her room dark and her lying on her bed. From the smell of things, Edward and Alice had just left the area. At first she just laid there, but just as I was about to enter, the sweetest sound I've ever heard poured from her mouth. She was singing… And from the sound of things, she was singing to me.

She looked and sounded like an angel. She sang about how my brother would never compare to me. About how she thought of me when she was with him. How she couldn't move on. How she wished she were looking into my eyes. I was in heaven at what I was hearing, what I was seeing. She longed for me just as I longed for her. _Well, how can I deny her?_

She got quiet, seemingly lost in herself. She must've been deep in thought, because she didn't hear me set down my stuff, didn't feel me climb onto her bed. I straddled her body, staring down into her closed eyes, willing her to open them. And then she did.

She just stared into my eyes for a few seconds, confused. She blinked. She looked around the room, seemingly desperate to solve the riddle she found herself in. Still confused, she looked back into my eyes. "Jasper?" She asked.

Hearing my name fall from her lips made me instantly hard. Fuck! "Bella," I said her name in a fashion that sounded more like a moan. _Smooth move asshole..._

"Jasper!" She said, realizing that I was really here. She was excited and determined. _Determined?_

Before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. Hard, fast, urgently, she kissed me. She kissed me like I had just returned from war. Her need for me wasn't physical; it was emotional. She missed me! Just like I'd missed her...

I returned the kiss with a fervor unknown to me these days. I'd never needed someone as much as I needed Bella. When we finally broke the kiss, Bella pulled me to her chest, holding me tight as she sobbed. It felt like heaven, like I was finally home. Here, in her arms, was exactly where I wanted to stay for the rest of my life.

I knew her tears were tears of joy, the same ones that longed to break free from my eyes at the same moment, but it still hurt me to see her cry.

"Shh, Darlin'. It's okay. I'm here, we're together. I'm not goin' anywhere. Please don't cry," I urged her.

"Jasper, I'm so... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Please, forgive me. I can't..." She choked out, filling my mind with exactly what I wanted to hear.

"Shh. I know, I know. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot," I told her, trying to move to rest my weight on my elbows and look at her. Bella had other plans; she held me to where I was.

"No. I'm an idiot. I don't know what is wrong with me. Jasper, please, tell me we're still... us," She said, for lack of a better word to define this mess of a relationship that we weren't technically in. Breaking free from her grasp without hurting her, I propped myself onto my elbows and grabbed her face tenderly in my hands.

"Bella, we will always be us. Don't cry. We're gonna be fine..." I told her, hoping I wasn't lying to her.

"Good," she sobbed. "Because I need you in my life."

"And I need you in mine," I told her, running my hand down her face and staring into her beautiful chocolate eyes. She smiled warmly, before beginning to sob again.

I rolled us over, pulling her tiny body onto mine. She nestled in against my chest, hugged my body the best she could and I held her tightly in my arms. I pulled the blanket over us, surprised that she wasn't shivering cold by now, and rubbed her back.

We lay like that for close to an hour, holding each other and reveling in it. Occasionally, we'd whisper something to the other; usually about how much the other meant to us.

As the minutes passed, Bella still cried. Though they were still tears of joy and relief, I grew tired of it. _She's happy! I wanna see a smile, not see her cry. _Determined to see a smile on her face, I did the best thing I could think of; I snaked my hand down to her waist and began tickling her. She giggled and squirmed, trying to get away, but I held her there. I kept it up until she was laughing and I was laughing at seeing her look so silly. When I finally stopped, she hit me with a pillow, "That wasn't funny Jazz!"

"Quite the contrary, my dear. I found it quite hilarious," I told her with a smirk, which got me a stuck out tongue in return. Just like that, the tent in my pants that had previously disappeared was back in full force.

"Watch it, Missy, before that tongue ends up somewhere you didn't mean it to!"

"I'm not scared of you Jasper," she said, slinking over to where I was seated at the edge of her bed.

"You should be," I told her, my voice husky, and grabbed her hips, pulling her until she was straddling my lap. She made a yelping noise at my surprise movement, and I figured I'd spooked her now and she'd bolt. But no, the little minx sat on my lap, ground herself onto the bulge in my pants and looked me dead in the eye. _Oh, so she wants to play, does she?_

"Looks like someone's feeling a little bold. Let's see you stick that hot tongue out at me again and see what happens when one thinks themselves unafraid of me; or are you too scared?" I egged her on.

Of course she stuck it right back out at me. Trying to take her by surprise, I took it into my mouth; but she wasn't surprised. She swirled it around my mouth, making the little stallion twitch against her ass as she moaned into my mouth, biting down on my lip. With a devilish look in her eyes, she lifted up my shirt, pulled it over my head and pushed me down onto the bed. _Fuck! She knows what she wants..._

The feel of Bella's hot little tongue all over my chest had me thinking about how it would feel a little south of the border. She kissed, licked and sucked every inch of my chest, telling me over and over how "fuckin' sexy" I was. I don't know if she didn't notice the scars covering my chest, or if she just didn't care, but she didn't mention or shy away from them. I wanted nothing more than to flip her over and plow into her all night. But I knew it would be wrong. I knew we were breaking the rules. But it felt too fucking amazing to make her stop.

She trailed a line of kisses lower and lower until she was kissing the jean-covered bulge in my pants. Even through the fabric, I could feel the heat of her hot breath. It felt amazing. I wanted nothing more than to feel her milk me dry, knowing I wouldn't even fit all the way into her tiny mouth. But, as I felt her unbutton my jeans, next unzipping them and starting to pull them down my hips, she looked up at me and I remembered where I was and who we were.

I growled, more at myself for once again proving how soft I was becoming, and scrambled off of the bed in the blink of an eye, pulling my pants uncomfortably over my too hard member and tried to think of dead puppies, starving children, Carlisle... Anything to round the stallion back into his stable.

I heard her sniffle before I felt her pain and rejection; that sure as hell did the job. With my dick now dead as the rest of my body, I focused on the again crying woman on the bed in front of me. _Fuck me! If she cries one more time tonight..._

I knelt in front of her. "Bella, Doll, please don't cry. You know why I had to stop before we went too far, don't you?" She nodded. "So then why do you feel rejected? You know I want you almost more than I can handle..."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You want me so badly that it's supposedly unbearable, yet when I offer myself up to you, you won't take me!" She shouted. I had a feeling that this might be about more than just me...

"Shh, Bella," I told her, trying to calm her and also worrying she might wake Charlie. "And I do want you! But you are too pure, untainted. I can't take these things from you when you're not even mine. You deserve better than that Isabella," I explained, hoping the use of her full name would convey my seriousness.

"I don't care what you think I deserve, Jasper. Stop acting like Edward!" _Ouch… Well that fuckin' hurt._

"That's hitting below the belt Bella," I told her, sadly.

"Yeah, well, I guess that's the only thing I can do there, isn't it?" She snipped at me.

"Look, Bella. I'm a man, and I've been around for a long time. I've had a lot of sex, and would normally have no qualms about bending you over any surface and pounding into you. Trust me, I'd love it. But I can't, and it's not even about the blood. Fuck, I don't even think about your blood anymore; not since I've tasted something much sweeter from you. It's about you; you deserve the best there is, and that's not me," I told her.

"Yes, it is. He doesn't compare to you Jazz!" She told me, softer now.

"And he doesn't deserve you either," I assured her. _My dickhead brother didn't deserve her by a long shot; as if he would know what to with her anyways…_

"You more than deserve me Jasper… I don't deserve you! Look at you!"

"Don't even try it! Your name is Bella for goodness sakes!" I tried to lighten the mood; she giggled a little. "Plus, I deserve you even less for the sole reason that you aren't mine." She nodded, understanding what I meant. She was starting to feel better and I had the perfect idea to make her smile again.

"Do you believe me Bella; believe that you deserve the best? Do you believe anything I say to you?" She shrugged playfully, her tears gone.

"Come here Darlin'," I told her, kissing her on her forehead, guiding her to sit in the rocking chair, grabbing my guitar and going to sit on the edge of the bed directly across from her.

"What are you doing Jasper?" She asked, lighting up when I strummed my guitar. I started playing the song, an upbeat melody;

"**You don't have to believe me, I'm just speaking my mind; you look lovely as always, you get that all the time. You don't have to believe me when I tell you that I'm impressed, but you sure better believe me when I say you deserve the best**," I sang to her. She looked bashful and hesitant to bask in her own glory. _Fine, I've got more!_

"**You don't have to believe, but I'm not gonna lie; I've seen all the attention, you get from other guys. You don't have to believe me when I tell you I like your dress, but you sure better believe me when I say you deserve respect,**" this time, the smile was prominent on her face and she moving her body slightly to the beat. _She's starting to believe me now…_

"**It feels like nobody's on your side, no access to your pride. You gotta learn to take control; your whole body is a temple so, you've got a choice to make and your mind is what's at stake. So before we build this love, please believe that you're good enough!**" I finished the chorus of the song, glad to see her totally into the song, watching me with hungry, appreciative eyes. I could feel her finally believing what I was saying to her, and, I could feel her confidence in herself rise. _Good, this is working!_

I kept playing as I stood and walked over to the corner, grabbing what I'd stashed there. I made my way over to where she was sitting and surprised her with the flowers I had brought for her. She was happy and stood to hug me and thank me for them. I leaned down to kiss her forehead, and when she tried to sit back in her chair, I caught her arm and spun her around, urging her to dance.

She was hesitant and just stood there as I strummed out the upbeat melody that was perfect to dance to. I slowly began circling her, while continuing to play and throwing in some of my own dance moves. Eventually, she started to laugh and began to move her glorious body to the rhythm, losing herself in the moment. She looked absolutely, mesmerizingly, sexy.

"**You don't have to believe me, when you're shaking what you got; but you sure better believe me when I tell you your mind's what's hot!**" I finished, swinging the guitar around my back and scooping her up to sit in the rocking chair with me.

"Hey!" She whined, "So you don't think I'm hot?"

"Oh, of course. You are too sexy for words. But, your mind is what makes you absolutely irresistible, and that is a definite compliment," I explained to her, truthfully. _You can resist a hot body, but never a hot mind._

She just laughed and slapped me playfully on the arm. "Thanks for the flowers, by the way. And the song. They were both utterly perfect," she said demurely, biting her lower lip. _So hot…_

"You are more than welcome. Anything to see you smile, remember?" She smiled, giving me exactly what I wanted. Then, she was suddenly very animated and excited.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I have something for you too!" She stood and went to her closet, pulling out a book and coming back to sit on my lap. "I found this in the bookstore today and bought it for you. Guess who's on page seventy-nine?!" She said, opening to it.

I was stunned. There I was; Major Jasper Whitlock at twenty years old. In fact, that portrait was painted just months before Maria changed me. I couldn't believe it. I had seen mention of myself in countless books over the years; being the army's youngest Major and then disappearing didn't go unnoticed. Never, however, had I see this picture. I remembered sitting for it and tried to track it down, but I could never get my hands on it. Now, here it was; she had found it. She had given me the one thing I could never manage to give myself. I was overjoyed!

I thanked her, praised her, kissed her… Anything to show how much this meant to me. Still, I don't think she realized.

We sat there, together, and read the short detail about me. I pointed out to her some of the people I knew. We talked about my life as a soldier; a human soldier. For hours, we sat in the rocking chair talking and laughing. We never ran out of things to say. After I was tired of talking about myself, we talked about her. She told me stories about Renee and Charlie, about her and Jacob, even about her and Edward. We just talked about everything, about nothing. If was one of the best nights of my life and it wasn't even over yet.

---

At about two o'clock in the morning, I realized that she was probably tired and… cold! _How could she not be freezing by now? She'd been in my lap for hours…_

"Bella, are you tired by now? And how is it that you're not freezing cold?" I asked her.

"No, I'm not tired. And I'm not cold either. I don't know why. I mean, I feel your body and I know its cold, but for some reason, my body is warm. In fact, I get cold inside when I miss you too much. When you're near, I get warm inside. I can't explain it, but it feels nice," she explained, shocking the hell out of me. _What the... Guess that's something else to ask Carlisle about._

While my mind was still trying to process what she had just told me, her foot accidentally kicked my guitar. Feeling curious, she picked it up. "Jasper, will you play something else for me? I love watching you play and hearing you sing," she asked, trying her best to give me a pleading puppy dog face.

"Okay Bella, I'll play," I told her and her face lit up, "But, you have to sing for me." Her face fell.

"But, what?! I can't sing!" She tried.

"Oh yes you can! I've heard you, now more than once, and you sound amazing! Please Darlin'? For me?"

"Ugh! Fine! But I don't know what to sing…"

"Write something," I told her, seriously. She laughed. "Yeah right!"

"What? I'm serious. Write me a song Bella. It's easy! Just think about how you're feeling, what you like, what you want; and sing it… You can do it!" I urged her on, sending out waves of my love to her, hoping she'd find inspiration in how I felt for her. She smiled.

"Goodness gracious! How do you always get me to do things I would never do?" She said, smiling again.

"I can be very persuasive," I told her with a wink. "So, you'll do it?"

"Sure. I'll so it. But you better not laugh at me!"

"Of course not, Doll. Come on," I told her, moving to the bed. We sat, facing each other and I started to play.

I played a very slow, melodic tune that seemed to fit the mood and waited for her to begin… She never did.

"Any day now Bella!" I joked. "I know, I know. Okay, I got it now. Start again," she said. So, I started over, and she started singing.

"**I haven't got a clue if you're the one… But I like you, and ooh I like how you make me feel**," she began. It was lovely. She looked up at me, hesitantly, and I gave her a look that urged her on.

"**I wanna do this right. Don't wanna waste this night. But I'm drowning, drowning in your love**," she sang, looking into my eyes as I felt my body loosen up and relax at the sound of her lovely voice; her perfect words. Then, she began the chorus and I changed the tune to keep up.

"**Bring me flowers, and talk for hours, and ooh I like you… And ooh I like how you make me feel. Kiss my face, your warm embrace, and ooh I like you… And ooh I like how you make me feel**." Her voice held so much depth, so much soul. I loved it. And I liked how it made me feel… Just like the song said. It's like she was pulling words right out of my mouth. We looked right into each other's eyes as she began again, her voice like an angel's.

"**I'm a little scared to hold you close, cause I just might, never ever let you go. Caught up in your smile, I'm happy as a child, but I'm still drowning, drowning in your love**."

_And I'm drowning in your love, baby. I guess we're drowning together…_

"**Bring me flowers, and talk for hours, and ooh I like you… And ooh I like how you make me feel. Kiss my face, your warm embrace, and ooh I like you… And ooh I like how you make me feel**." She sang, scooting closer to me and reaching up to run her hand along my face.

I continued to play as she hummed and scatted with the music, her voice like nothing I'd ever heard before; so sensuous and soulful. I got lost in her eyes as she held my gaze, and I fell a little more in love with her. Then, she leaned her head on my chest and started again.

"**Your heart gives for nothing in return, and I'm just taking, taking you in. Caught up in your smile, I'm happy as a child, but I'm still drowning, drowning in your love**."

_Nothing in return? She's crazy. I get this in return. Her… Us…_

She sang the chorus again, and this time, I sang it with her. It was amazing, being that connected to another person. Her voice, her heart, her mind, her body; everything about her was driving me insane. I wanted her, need her, had to have her.

Then, like she knew what I was thinking, she spoke softly. "Jasper. I know you think you don't deserve me, but you do. In fact, I think you're the only person that does. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but will you at least hold me tonight? I at least want to be in your arms…" _Oh, I'll do more than hold you, Darlin'._

Without stopping to think, I grabbed her and softly threw us onto the bed. I kissed her, soft and delicately. Pulling off my shirt first, then hers, I showered her with kisses. I suckled on her neck, fighting the urge to leave my mark.

When I removed her bra, amazed by the perfection of her perfect breasts, she gasped before moaning in pleasure at our bodies touching skin to skin. Taking my time, I worshiped each mound, using my tongue and teeth to make her moan my name repeatedly, grasping at my hair.

When she tried to turn us over so that she could return the favor, I stopped her. "No, Bella. Tonight is about you; only you. Let me make your body sing for me now."

Tonight, it would be all about her. I kissed my way down her beautiful frame; taking my time and making each inch of her skin alight with pleasure. As I neared the final destination, her lust doubled and the smell of her arousal swirled in the air.

Not having the strength to resist anymore, I lapped at her like a starving cat at a bowl of milk. It was the sweetest nectar known to man and I made sure to gather every drop. When she reached her peak, I let myself swim in the wonderful feelings of her pleasure, glad I could make her feel in such an extraordinary way.

When I finished, I dressed her and straightened her room in a flash. I turned off the light and crawled into bed with her. She snuggled into my chest, kissing me one last time before whispering "Thanks Cowboy. You're amazing," and then fluttered off to sleep.

She slept soundlessly, hugging me tight. I lay there, Bella in my arms, her taste on my tongue, her scent all around me, and her body pressed against mine. I was in pure ecstasy. _This is the way I want to spend every night; and I won't stop until I do._

_

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_**A/N: I own nothing Twilight. I also don't own Eric Hutchinson's- You Don't have to Believe Me or Hope's- Bring Me Flowers (Great songs, listen to them!)**

**What did you guys think? Let me know! **

**Also, illness and busy-ness (yes, I know that's not a real word) my prevent next week's update.... I know, sad! Who knows... Maybe I'll surprise you guys ;)  
**


	17. What's Going On?

**A/N: This chapter took some unexpected turns and was waaay longer than I'd planned. So I broke it off her and you guys will get the rest of it later this week. It's a little fluffy, but I like fluff! (20 points to the first person who catches the irony in that statement... I swear, I didn't do it on purpose!)**

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Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

She slept soundlessly, hugging me tight. I lay there, Bella in my arms, her taste on my tongue, her scent all around me, and her body pressed against mine. I was in pure ecstasy. _This is the way I want to spend every night; and I won't stop until I do._

_---  
_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 17_

**What's Going On?**

If the four texts messages that I had ignored already made me sweat, the doorbell that sounded a second ago made me a nervous mess. _Damn it! Why the hell are they early?_

"You're late Bella!" Alice chirped as she suddenly came charging through my bedroom door.

"Of course I'm late, you're early!" I told her, rushing to pull on my boots. "What are you doing here so early anyways?"

"Well, I figured you were running late since you weren't answering my texts and decided to come help you get ready," she said, innocently. _You aren't fooling me, Pixie. You wanted to dress me..._

She was right, though, I was running pretty late. Last night had been a long night; Jake had come over to visit after being gone for two weeks and we ended up talking into the wee hours of the morning. He told me about his trip; apparently he and Billy had visited an elder of the tribe who had moved in with his family in Seattle after falling ill. At first Jake was pissed that he had to go, but he got out of school two weeks early and ended up enjoying himself. He told me about his trip and I complained about my crazy, overbearing boyfriend; it was fun!

Apparently I had fallen asleep on the couch while we were talking and woke up this morning; me on the couch, Jake on the floor, with thirty minutes until I had to be out of the door. It sucked! I forgot what it was like to be running late with a vampire boyfriend who doubled as your personal alarm clock.

Edward had stopped spending the night every night now; not that I wanted him there most days anyways. The fighting had only gotten worse and nothing I did helped. His controlling ways were just as bad as before and when he didn't get his way, he'd pout like a petulant child.

Suddenly, I felt a breeze of cold air rush past me. _Speak of the devil..._

"Isabella, you better get a move on if you want to make it on time," he told me. "Where are your clothes? Why aren't you dressed?"

"Good morning to you too, Edward. And I am dressed. See these clothes," I motioned to my outfit, "Or are you picturing me naked again?" I joked. Alice giggled, Edward glared.

"That is neither appropriate nor ladylike, Bella." He told me, clearly not amused.

"What can I say? I try!" I told him, again joking. Again, he didn't like it.

With his mouth set in a straight line, he looked to Alice for a quick second, then, with an "I'll see you in the car," dashed out of my window.

"That wasn't very nice Bella," Alice said, seemingly torn being amused and feeling sorry for her brother.

"What?! It was a joke. He needs to loosen up and just learn to accept that I'm not the little girl he tried to mold me into anymore," I told her, knowing she already understood where I was coming from. They all did.

I had changed in just about every aspect of my life and Edward was having a really hard time getting used to it. I felt like I was coming into my own and I liked the person I saw in the mirror now. Edward, however, seemed to hate it. I didn't feel bad in the slightest; he could love me for me, or he could take a hike. _Whoa... Slow down there Bella. _

I blame the Cullen's for the changes in me; I seem to have picked up traits from each of them. Emmett's playfulness, Rose's up front nature, Jasper's confidence, Alice's individuality.

_Speaking of Alice's uniqueness, why is she so dressed up? _I was about to ask her about her clothes, but she beat me to it; "Bella, don't you think you're a little, casual, for the occasion?" She asked politely.

Standing next to her I sure felt "casual", but she was in a fancy pencil skirt and blouse with an intricate coat over them. I was dressed normally in a pair of light skinny jeans, a white shirt, my Emmett jacket and my Jasper boots. Personally, I thought I looked very appropriate for the graduation in the Forks High School gym. "Alice, we're going to a gym Graduation, not Buckingham Palace. I think my outfit is just fine."

"Fine. Wear what you want, Bella. Just hurry and finish getting ready. We have to leave in ten minutes!"

Without another word, I escaped to the bathroom. I got to work quickly, brushing my teeth and washing my face in haste. Luckily I had braided my hair after my shower last night, so doing my hair was as easy as upbraiding it, combing through my hair and applying a little mousse, and just like that, I had soft, wavy hair. _Ahh Rose, how I love you! _

At this point, I was in love with that girl. She had done so much for me, including teaching me easy ways to make myself look good; the braid trick being only one of the many. She had also helped me shop for some clothes that I actually liked and suggested some cute accessories to match. Just a couple days ago, we had gone to the beauty supply store where she helped me pick out some no-fuss makeup and she showed me how to use it. I put those skills to use as I quickly applied some mascara, eye liner, a soft blush and cute lip gloss. I smiled at my appearance as I put on the earrings and bangles Rose had give me a month ago and went back into my room. I grabbed a gray-plaid scarf to complete my look.

"Wow, Bella! You look good!" Alice exclaimed when I was done.

"Thanks Al."

"You're welcome. Wait, isn't that the stuff that the boys and Rose gave you for Prom?" She asked.

"Yeah. I wanted to wear it all because today is their day. Makes sense right?"

"Perfect! They'll love it. Now let's go before we're late and they kill us!" She said, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door.

"Whoa, wait Alice! I have to grab my presents!"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Where are they?" She asked.

I led her to the hall closet, and cowered at the shrill shriek I heard when I opened it. "Wow Bella! You really are becoming one of us!"

I figured she was either referring to the amount of gifts in the closet or the delicate wrapping. "Don't get too excited Alice, the wrapping took me a whole day and three of those are from me and Jasper; one of them is for you," I told her with a wink.

"Well, still, there looks to be at least two gifts per graduate, plus the extras, and the wrapping is flawless. You were born to be a Cullen!"

"Whatever Al, let's just start taking them down," I told her as I grabbed as many as I could handle and started down the stairs.

I admit I had gone a little overboard with the presents, but they were for some of my favorite people in the world. My best friend, brother and sister were graduating; I had to get them gifts! Plus, it was really fun shopping for them. The down point was that I had used up my cash reserve, which meant I needed a summer job to replenish it. Oh well, at least it'll get me out of the house more.

By the time we had all of the presents in the trunk of the Volvo we really were running late. I said a quick goodbye to Charlie and a still sleeping Jake and dashed into the car. Edward drove like a madman, but got us there just in time to take our seats with Carlisle and Esme before the ceremony began.

Watching them graduate was fun. Esme had tears in her eyes that she'd never be able to shed and Carlisle looked as proud as can be. Edward and Alice looked bored, but I enjoyed every minute. Emmett was the first to receive his diploma, and he sure made sure to ham it up for the cameras. Jasper was next; he walked across the stage with so much grace that it was impossible to take my eyes off of him. _How can someone look so good in an ugly blue gown? _Rosalie was the last of our group, and you could hear the gasps from the parents in the audience at her beauty. She looked perfect.

After the ceremony was over, we parted ways. Alice and I headed back to the house to setup for the party while everyone else went hunting. Apparently they had some sort of post-graduation tradition of hunting games. It was all very comical to me.

Setting up with Alice was fun; we hadn't had any real alone time in awhile, and it was just nice to spend time with her. Though she did most of the work, I was amazed at how good of a job we did. There was blue and yellow everywhere, but it didn't look cheesy. There was a ridiculous amount of food considering I'd be the only one eating and a huge cake. It's safe to say that Alice never did anything half-ass. We had just finished setting up the karaoke when everyone returned.

"Alice, Bella, you girls did a wonderful job here!" Esme exclaimed when she saw the room.

"Thanks Mom. How was the hunt?" Alice asked.

"Well, it was rather, interesting, to say the least," she told us, which meant that something had happened.

Just then, Emmett came crashing through the door with his arms wrapped around an irate Rose. She was thrashing against his hold and trying desperately to get away from him. It wasn't gonna happen.

"Emmett, so help me, I swear I will castrate you if you don't let me go!" She screamed at him.

He snorted and chuckled, pissing her off even more. "Yeah right, that'd just be punishing yourself silly," he joked.

I had no idea what was going on, but Rose was pissed and I wanted to know why.

"What's going on?" I asked no one in particular.

"I have an insensitive, jackass for a brother, that's what's going on!" Rose said, way too loudly. _That doesn't sound very good... _

"Her and Edward got into it and she wants to rip his head off. I'm gonna get her upstairs and try to calm her down. Let Edward know that I'd like a word with him when I'm done." Emmett informed me, looking none-too-pleased, and dashing up the stairs with an unwilling Rose. _Of course it had to be Edward. And it must be bad if Emmett's mad. Great._

"I'll be back," I announced to the room, dashing out of the door before anyone had time to protest.

I made my way into the trees, knowing which way they'd be by following a trail of destruction undoubtedly left by Rose. I was about two minutes into the thick brush when I heard his voice. "Looking for someone Bella?"

I stopped immediately and looked around; I didn't see anybody. I looked and saw nothing other than a swaying branch; someone had just been there. And then someone was there…

"You look a little lost, Darlin'," came his sweet voice and cold breath at my neck. I shook off my shock at his sudden appearance and tried to remember what I was there for before I got pulled into his presence.

"Where's Edward? I need to talk to him." Before I knew it, I was flying through the air in Jasper's arms. We landed in a tree high atop the forest and I clung to him for dear life. "Shit! What the hell Jay? Stop acting like a vampire! I just told you I needed to find Edward!" I spoke into his shoulder, scared to let go. He laughed. Ugh!

"Calm down. Look, right down there is your precious Edward," he whispered.

Tentatively, I looked to where he had pointed. He was right. There was Edward, sitting on a boulder while Carlisle paced in front of him. He looked like hell. "What's going on?"

"Well, Carlisle just finished readjusting Edward's jaw, and now he's lecturing him on proper behavior for a gentleman," he said, like that would make sense to me.

"Readjusting his jaw? Why? What happened? Did Rose or Emmett hit him? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. And no, Rose couldn't get to him and Emmett was too busy holding her back. I hit him; felt good too..." He said, again leaving me confused.

"Why did you hit him? Why is Rose mad? What is going on? And don't give me anymore half-ass answers!" He laughed again. I gave him a look that promptly shut him up and then he explained.

"We were done hunting and on our way home when we came across some bunnies. Rose got excited and tried to play with one, but they all ran from her. We'd all been joking with each other, but Edward took it too far when he brought up babies and set Rose off. It's a sensitive subject for her; you should ask her about her human life to find out why," he explained quickly. "Then she tried to attack him, Em dragged her off, and I clocked him for hurting my sister's feelings. Now Carlisle is laying into him about it. I think you're all caught up now."

"Ok, so Edward was a jerk and he pissed Rose off. Happens all the time. What's so different about this time? Why is everyone so mad?" I asked, still feeling like I was missing the meat of the story.

"Like I said, that's a conversation you should have with Rose."

I gave him an evil eye and asked him to take me to the ground so I could go find her. Instead, he decided to stick his tongue in my ear.

"Stop it…" I told him, breathlessly, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. Instead of letting me go like I wanted him to, he grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap. When I felt how much he was enjoying it, I no longer wanted him to stop. I wrapped my legs around him and leaned into his mouth that was now making its way down my neck. It felt amazing and I wanted nothing more than to stay here all day, but we had business to take care of and my boyfriend was less than a mile away. It was too risky. I mustered all of my strength and self-control and pulled away from him. He pouted.

"Are you seriously pouting? You are way too old for that mister!" He made his pout even bigger and more adorable. I almost melted. Then, he pulled me close, resting his head on my chest and hugged me tight. "Don't leave. I haven't been with you for so long. I miss you babe."

I rubbed his head. "I know. I know. I miss you too. But we can't do this here, with them so close. Later. I promise. We'll make it work somehow."

He thought for a second before responding. "Okay Darlin', but I swear, if we don't find a way, I'll die. I need you." Then he swung me around to his back and jumped out of the tree and raced towards the house.

As we sped through the forest, I couldn't help but feel completely at ease. I was wrapped around my man and it felt great. That's why I loved being with him; it was so easy. It was the time we spent apart that wasn't so great...

Ever since the night of prom, Jasper and I have known that something has to change. We tried to ignore it and it didn't work. We tried being just friends and completely failed. That night was the best night of my life so far and planned to have many more like them in the future, but I knew it would be a long road. We have a lot of obstacles in our way, and I was starting to doubt we'd ever be rid of all of them.

The two biggest obstacles were our significant others. As much as Jasper and I wanted to be with each other, we couldn't hide the fact that we were still in love with them. So, our relationship became an affair. I felt like I was living in a soap opera. My life was full of secrets, lies, sneaking around, an abundance of showers and laundry and a guilty conscious. It was hell, but the heaven I felt with Jasper made it all worth it.

I'd always looked down on people who had affairs. I scoffed at their selfishness and judged their hurtful behavior. I always thought, _Why don't they just end the relationship if they're unhappy?_ I don't think like that anymore. Do I think I'm selfish and hurtful? Of course. But I now know why it's not that simple. We have many ties that bind us to people, and cutting them is hard. So, in order to keep my sanity, I'm doing something I always vowed I'd never do, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying myself.

Sure, I felt bad for betraying two people that I loved, but I couldn't live without Jasper. He was my life. We both planned to break it off with them, but something always stopped us. I was starting to fear that I'd live my life as the other woman.

I was actually surprised that the two of them hadn't figured it out yet; but then again, those two had been a little distracted lately. I don't think they knew that I realized anything, but they were constantly locked in their silent conversations or taking off to hunt together. They'd both stopped coming around so often and were slowly drifting away from me. _Maybe they did know..._ Either way, we'd have to come clean soon.

It'd only been four days since our last rendezvous, but Jasper and I were desperately in need of some alone time. He had woken up a new side to me. Though we hadn't had sex yet, as he wanted to save that step for a time when I was "all his," we had done just about everything else. I thrived in my sexuality, and it made me more confident. I never knew what I was missing, and it only made me resent Edward more for refusing to share it with me. Though, I was glad that I had waited for Jasper. He was amazing, and made me feel like I was a queen; his queen. As much as I hated when Edward called me his, when Jasper did, it was unbelievably sexy and accurate. I was Jasper's, but only he and I knew it…

We arrived at the house way too soon and I groaned as I had to untangle myself from his body. He smirked at me and opened the door, motioning me in; then, he was gone. _So annoying! I hate when he does that._

Not having the energy to contemplate where he'd disappeared to, I made my way straight to Rose and Em's room. I wanted to know what Edward had done to her. I wanted to be mad at him too, but I had to have a reason right? _God, I'm an asshole. Looking for reasons to be mad now Bella? This is getting ridiculous…_

I tried to push the thoughts of my twisted mind away and focus on being there for Rose. Before I had a chance to knock, the door swung open and Em was looking at me sadly. "Thanks," he said quietly, before darting down the stairs and leaving us to talk.

Rose was sitting on the floor, her back against her bed frame, with a photo album in her hands. Her hair was a mess and she looked so sad that it hurt for me to see her that way. "Rose," I called to her. She didn't answer, but she nodded her head, almost imperceptibly to my eyes, telling me that it was okay to approach her. I slowly made my way over to her and settled in to her side. She was staring longingly at a picture of a woman and a little boy. I wanted to ask her who they were and what was wrong, but she seemed lost in thought so I let her be. After a few minutes, she finally spoke.

"I had it all Bella. The beauty, the money, the status, the perfect man. Everything I ever thought I wanted, I had. My parents wanted more; higher status in society. My friends wanted more; more beauty, a better man. Even my man wanted more: more money, more praise. But not me. No, I was beautiful, wealthy and engaged to Royce King; what more could a girl want?" I reached out and grabbed her hand, knowing the question was rhetorical and sensing that she was in pain. The silence lingered for a minute or so before she began again.

"It wasn't until late in my engagement that I realized I had it all wrong. I did want more. I wanted what Vera had. I wanted the love that she and her husband held in their eyes for each other. I wanted the crumbling house with the picket fence and fresh baked apple pie on the ledge. I wanted the endless conversations and admiration that flowed through that house, even through the imperfections. But most of all, I wanted the pitter-patter of little feet and sticky handprints of a child. Her Henry was beautiful; so happy and playful. I spent hours with him that day, seeing how he looked to his mother like she was his whole world. I wanted that. I wanted a baby boy of my own; and a baby girl too. I wanted a simple life of kids and love, and I vowed that I'd get it, whether it was with Royce or not." The pain flowed from her almost tangibly as she silently sobbed. I pulled her to my chest and rubbed her back.

"As I was walking home that night, I took a shortcut as it was already dark and I wanted to get home as quickly as possible and tell Royce of my new revelations. My path took me down a dark alley that left me essentially blind. As I neared the end of it, I heard the laughter and merriment of a group of men, whom I bumped into as I made my way back onto the well-lit street. It was my Royce and his friends. I was so happy to see him and ran to embrace him. Unfortunately that embrace led to the worst night of my life," she stopped to let out a sob. I held her as tight as I could, almost unwilling to hear the rest of a story that could break down my strong Rose so thoroughly.

Unfortunately, she continued. "They used me, Bella. All of them. They took my innocence for their own carnal desires, passing me around like a toy. But that wasn't enough, no, humiliating me and striping me of my spirit didn't satisfy them. When they were done, they beat me, and left me to die. The last thing I remember seeing before the burning began was the face of my fiancé, twisted in inebriation without a care in the world for me. He left me to die, but instead, I'll live forever."

"Oh, Rose. I'm… I'm so sorry," was all I could get out before I lost it. Breath wasn't coming to me easily, but Rose was in far worse shape. We cried together, me cursing the world for bringing such a cruel fate to this beautiful girl in my arms. After a few minutes, I felt the atmosphere in the room change. Rose's sobbing quieted and she pulled herself from my embrace, only to hold me instead as my cries slowly quieted. I was beginning to shift from sadness to an anger that radiated throughout my body. "How could they? How could they do such things to you? How could you let them get away with it? It's not fair…" I yelled in my indignation, still unable to grasp the cruel reality of the world.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay. I didn't tell you this story so you could be in pain. I told you because I wanted you to know more about me. See, if that night was the worst of my life, the night I woke up from my change was the worst of my un-life. When Carlisle told me what I was, that I could never have my normal life or my little boy, I no longer saw any reason to live. I was cursed with immortality and nothing to fill it with. My family became what I filled that void with. And my Emmett. God, he looked so much like Vera's Henry that it was love at first sight. I knew I had to save him. I knew I had to know him," she drifted off, lost in her love for her husband.

"That's why I was so mean to you before, Bella. You were walking down an alley blind, just like I did. You were walking towards this immortal life with no concern for what awaited you on the other side. I wanted you to see, to get out while you still could. I wanted you to have a normal life, a picket fence, a family… But when I heard what you did in Phoenix, how you not only chose to forgo the change, but trusted Jasper to give you back your humanity, I fell in love with you. I knew that you really did want this life for all the right reasons, and I knew that you saw us as people, as family, not as the monsters we all see ourselves as. You are so special, so loving, so… my sister. I can't wait until you become one of us…"

It's funny, because I already thought that my love for Rosalie Hale ran as deep as it possibly could. But that conversation, that candid explanation of her life, her loss, her feelings about me, only made me love her more. Not only did I respect her for being able to pull herself out of darkness after her change, but because she was a good person who only wanted the best for those she loved. I felt like I was truly part of this family now, with or without Edward, and it gave me the courage I needed to tell myself that I could survive without him, as long as I had my family.

The tears eventually ended and I got to hear how Rose got her revenge on those who had wronged her. She told me how she was meant to be a mate for Edward, and we both enjoyed a laugh at the idea of it.

She also told me what Edward had said to her that set her off. It was after the bunnies ran from Rose, and Edward joked about how it was good that they weren't allowed to have babies, as they all hate them anyways. She didn't mean to get so upset, but he had hit buttons in her and she lost control of her emotions. I personally thought it was a pretty shitty thing for him to say, but she told me not to be mad at him; he didn't mean to hurt her. Still, I'd have to have a talk with him about being more sensitive to people's feelings.

It seemed like the emotional climate had just calmed down when we heard a soft knock at the door. "Ladies, can I come in? I have a surprise for you Rosie," Jasper drawled.

"Of course you can brat! What do you have for me?" Rose said, excitedly.

Jasper chuckled as he approached hands behind his back. "You sure you're ready for it?"

"Yes! Give it already!" At her urging, he revealed what he'd brought; the cutest, fluffiest, whitest bunny I'd ever seen. The room fell silent until we heard a quiet sob come from Rose, followed by "Jasper, he's perfect. Thank you, so much, Brother. Just, thank you…"

Rose gathered the bunny in her hands, gently petting it, lost in her own bliss. I suddenly found myself sitting on a cold, hard knee, with Rose next to me. Jasper hugged us close and spoke softly to us. "Now, I can't have my two favorite girls unhappy can I? Cheer up you two, or I'll make you. And we all know I can, so let's just make this easy, okay?" Then, he ruffled our hair, causing us to look at each other and laugh. It felt so good to laugh, and let out some positive energy after such a draining hour or so. The fun continued as the three of us played with the bunny, whom Rose aptly named Henry, and before we knew it, Alice was yelling at us to hurry and get our butt's downstairs for gifts.

"I'm gonna go take him back to his Mama, I'm sure she's missing him," Rose said sadly before darting out of her window and disappearing into the forest.

"Are you okay Darlin'?" Jasper asked me once we were alone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was a lot to grasp, but Rose is so strong, she won't let anyone feel bad for her. I'm just glad I get to know her; she's amazing."

"Yes, she is. It's just sad that most people don't get to see that side of her."

"Yeah, but it's better this way. That was very nice of you, by the way. Such the southern gentleman you are," I praised him for cheering up his sister.

"You could say that," he responded with a wink. "But damn, those little fuckers are hard to catch!" I laughed at the image of him trying to catch a little bunny and led him downstairs at Alice's incessant urging.

"Finally, you're here. Where's Rose?" Alice asked us as soon as we got downstairs. Emmett looked panicked as he emerged and didn't see his wife with us. Edward followed him in and didn't look to be in the best of moods. Without realizing, I moved over to stand with him and take his hand. The smile he displayed lit up his whole face, and I felt a spark between us for the first time in weeks.

I was about to tell Alice that Rose would be back in a few minutes, but the beautiful voice answered for me. "Here I am. Let's start!" Emmett immediately ran over to her side, wrapping his arm around her and stroking her hair.

"Where's Henry?" I asked her, surprised at her quick return.

"I let him go."

"Are you okay baby?" Emmett asked, concerned for her well being.

"Always, as long as I have you," she answered, pulling him into a deep kiss.

I smiled, unconsciously clutching Edward's hand tighter. Carlisle and Esme walked in, hand in hand and joined in basing in the love of the two beautiful creatures that I was glad to call my brother and sister. Looking around the room, I saw that Alice was also reveling in the happiness that these two seemed to be emitting; it was almost tangible. But, when I got to the last face, my happiness disappeared. With a deadly glare directed at Edward's and my intertwined hands and a look of pain written all over his face, Jasper turned on his heel and left the room in haste.

It took me a couple of seconds to comprehend what had just happened, but then it all came back to me. _Shit, Jasper!_

I dropped Edward's hand like it was the plague and took off in the opposite direction that Jasper had gone. Throwing myself onto the couch, I put my head and my hands and tried to sort out the mess in my head. _What the fuck am I doing?_

_

* * *

_**Yep still belongs to S.M... I know, tragic! **

**Ugh... I tried to make it as painless as possible... :\**

**Peace, love and Jasper!  
**


	18. Right to Be Wrong

**A/N: Yes, yes, I know. I suck. I'm horrible. You hate me. I'm worse than bitchy Rose and possessive Edward combined. I know!**

**So, I dropped my laptop, breaking my hard drive and losing all of ABM. How nice, huh? So, I had to rewrite this chapter on my OLD desktop which runs so slow that I almost pulled ALL of my hair out. Between that and throwing my niece a kick-ass Twilight Saga/New Moon release 13th birthday party, being sick, writing papers and getting ready for Christmas, I completely neglected you guys. Yes, I'm aware. I'm a bad girl! Please forgive me!**

**Even worse, I return to you with fluff! I'm sorry! The next chapter will be action packed though, and I'll get it to you guys as soon as humanly possible.**

**Thanks for reading!  
**

* * *

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

It took me a couple of seconds to comprehend what had just happened, but then it all came back to me. _Shit, Jasper!_

I dropped Edward's hand like it was the plague and took off in the opposite direction that Jasper had gone. Throwing myself onto the couch, I put my head and my hands and tried to sort out the mess in my head._ What the fuck am I doing?_

_---  
_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 18_

_**Right to Be Wrong  
**_

_Jesus. Pull it the fuck together Whitlock!_

I sped through the forest; no destination, no purpose. I just had to get out of the fucking Love Den.

I mean, great, Rose feels better and Emmett loves her. I get it. And of course Carlisle and Esme had to join in and bask in the sickeningly sweet display; but really? Alice has to come join in with that faraway look that she's been wearing so much lately. I don't know what the hell she was so happy about, because things sure aren't good in our relationship.

Of course, surrounded with enough love for a small country, I yearned to be with my girl. I wanted to hold her and whisper sweet, pansy-ass nothings in her ear because that's the kind of love-sprung man she makes me. But, no, not so much. I look over to at least catch her eye and send her a wave of what I feel for her and see her hand-in-hand with the bastard formerly known as my brother. And that spark? That fucking spark! I couldn't take it.

Sure, I know she still cares for him, maybe even still loves him. But I haven't felt much from her towards him in a long time. I thought it would be easy; like taking candy from an immature, possessive baby. But I wasn't counting on Edward being much competition. I know Bella loves me, but is it enough to eclipse her feelings for Edward? _Ugh, this is too much! Fuck!_

A tree felt the brunt of my anger as I pummeled it into wood chips. I found a huge boulder and sat with my back against it. _What am I doing? I'm cheating on my wife. I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend. What will the family say? Do I even care? Dammit! Maybe I should just give up..._

Before I could finish my thoughts, my phone rang. "What?" I spat into the receiver before I had time to check the caller ID.

"Well, nice to talk to you too, Jackass."

_Wait, what? Is this really… _"Peter?"

"That's P-Money to you sir."

I smiled because I hadn't talked to this fucker in way too long. "How the hell are you? How's Char?"

"Yeah, yeah. Enough about me. What's going on with you old man? Have you been a bad boy?" Great. The all-knowing one has something on me.

"Always. What's it to you?" I replied, shortly, knowing he'd beat around the bush as long as I let him.

"Patience, grasshopper. We'll get to it. Now, tell me, how was your day? Graduation, right? Aww, my little boy's growing up!" Peter teased with mock emotion.

"Technically, you'd be my little boy. And my patience is wearing very thin at the moment. So cut the bullshit and spill whatever prophetic nonsense you have for me this time." Even though he was like a brother to me, I couldn't stand this guy. He always knew everything and I hated him for it.

"Fine. Me and Char are coming to visit..." He didn't sound like he was done.

"Okay…" I urged him on.

"Okay? That's all the excitement I get! I haven't seen your punk-ass in seven long damn years and all I get is an "okay"? Well, isn't that some shit. Oh, just wait till I get there! I swear, the nerve of some people. I oughta-"

"PETE! Chill! I'm ecstatic, okay? I just had a feeling that you had more to say," I told him, stopping his rant that could've lasted for days. Really, days.

"Oh. Well, yeah, I did have more to say," he said, stupidly. I waited for him to continue, he didn't.

"So… spill?" I finally urged, trying not to be an ass.

"Oh, yeah, that. The booster seat in the truck better be gone by the time I get there or I'm kicking your ass," he told me, matter-of-factly. _What? Booster seat?_

"Dude, what the hell are you talking about? And when are you coming? I'm not in the mood for your cryptic shit man!"

"For your vertically challenged ball-and-chain. Goodness. And I'll be there when the time is right." _Alice? What does this asshole know? _I was lost in my thoughts when he spoke again.

"Oh, and Jasper? Whitlocks don't quit. Man the fuck up." Click.

That was it. The call was over.

I swear, if that man wasn't family I just might kill him. He'd essentially taken an irritated me and doubled it. _Why is he coming? When is he coming? What does he mean about Alice? About quitting? Does he know about Bella? Dammit! This shit is too much..._

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of a twig breaking behind me. _Fuck! Who's there? Is it an ambush? Shit, the family! I have to get to them, I have to protect them--_

Before my mind could catch up with my body, I had pounced on the intruder, taking him down and landing a few swift punches to the monstrosity that I would be forced to kill so that I could save my family.

"Jasper," the intruder spoke my name. _What?_

"How do you know my name? Who sent you?" I screamed; my vision clouded with rage. _What is that noise? _A loud rumbling was shaking the trees around us, in a strangely familiar sound. _What is that? Laughter?_

"Jasper, get the fuck off me you crazy bastard!" The intruder spoke again. _Why is he talking to me like this? Doesn't he know he's about to die?_

I looked down at him, confused by his weird behavior, and that's when my mind finally caught up with me. Rational thought returned to me as I quickly jumped off the intruder and helped him to my feet, only to catch a powerful punch to the side of my face. _Ouch. I deserved that, I guess._

"What the fuck, man? Have you completely flipped your lid? I should fuck you up for that, but since I'm concerned for your sanity, I'll give you a chance to explain!" Emmett screamed at me.

I smiled at the thought of him being able to take me on, but the growl that rumbled through his chest quickly erased it. "I'm sorry Em. I have no idea what just happened. I was mad, and then I heard you and thought it was an ambush. I was trying to get rid of you and go save the family. Maybe I am crazy," I explained, still not sure why I lost it like that.

The rumbling laughter returned as Emmett doubled over in hysterics. I couldn't help it, it was contagious, and pretty soon I was right there with him, rolling in my own laughter. I'm pretty sure we looked like we needed to be locked up in a loony bin. After about five minutes, we regained control of our bodies, and sat leaning against trees on the forest floor.

"So, what the hell is going on with you, bro?" Emmett asked after a minute of silence.

"What do you mean? Nothing." I lied.

"Bullshit. Don't even try to give me that. You and Alice hardly ever talk anymore. You and Edward don't even seem to like each other. You are always really happy or really sad, and then, of course, there's the irrational anger. So obviously somethings going on."

Great. He had me there. Ugh, I wish he could just be the big, dumb lug that everyone thinks he is. "It's, just, there's some changes going on in my life Em; and you know we don't do well with change." I told him the closest thing to the truth that I could.

"Trouble in paradise?" He asked.

"Something like that." He had no idea how close he actually was.

"Well, you need to do whatever you have to do to be happy Jazz. You deserve a little happiness too, you know?" _If only you knew..._

"Thanks Em," I told him.

He smiled and stood to leave. "Come on. We gotta get back to the house. Bella said we can't open presents without you, and I want my presents! Race you!" He said, calling the last part over his shoulder and disappearing into the forest.

I took a second to laugh at his antics before taking off behind him.

---

Pride. Joy. Jealousy. Guilt.

These are the emotions swirling through the room; quite a mix. The pride is coming from Carlisle and Esme, the joy from Em, Rose and Bella. I like these. It's the jealousy from Edward and the guilt from Alice that are pissing me off. _What, the golden boy can't bear to have one minute of the day focused on someone other than himself? And why the hell is Alice guilty? She's been hiding her emotions from me for awhile now, and I finally feel one, and it's guilt? Well that's just fucking great. _

I glanced over at Bella and saw the tears of joy in her eyes, and soon, all of my anger vanished. I didn't let her know though, no. I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I don't want her to know the power she has over me. Not while she sits hand-in-hand with her fucking boyfriend.

Esme was still sobbing into my shoulder while I rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. "I know Mom. I know. Thank you so much for putting it up in your office."

"Of course, Son. That's where it's always belonged. Thank you so much; you have no idea what it means to me. Both of you," she said, glancing over to Bella, "You've made me the proudest mother there is."

All of this over a picture. _Jesus; women!_ Though I couldn't deny that I was feeling a little emotional too. As much as I wanted to be upset with her, Bella's idea was brilliant. Since she'd found the only human portrait of me, ever, she thought it would be wise to have it blown up to complete Esme's collection. We'd taken it to a painter and had him duplicate it for us.

Esme and Carlisle got a huge one to go in Esme's office, where she had a portrait of each one of us as a human. She said that it was to help us remember why we live the life we do; remember our humanity.

Bella insisted that we make one for Alice too, which I was very against. Though she doesn't deserve it, she got one too. And she's done nothing but stare at it feeling guilty. Nice.

Of course Rose threw a fit when she thought we'd forgot about her; like I'd ever forget about her. Rose got one too, and Bella had one made for me to keep. She also made herself a smaller one, and because she had "a hunch that we should make an extra one," she did.

Esme finally pulled herself together and excused herself for a second to go freshen up. Rose did the same, and of course, their husbands followed them. Suddenly Alice flitted over to where I was, grabbing my hand and placing her tiny form in my lap. She still held the picture in her hands. "This is amazing Jazzy. The best present I've ever received. Thank you so much," she said, genuinely. Then, with a kiss on the cheek, she was gone and thanking Bella too. She disappeared up the stairs just as everyone else returned, but was back in less than thirty seconds.

"Okay, we need a happy break. Why don't we do some karaoke and then we'll open the rest of the gifts?" Alice asked, all emotion gone, with her usual smile on her face. Emmett pouted, but the rest of us agreed to Alice's idea.

Karaoke was interesting, to say the least. Edward and I flatly refused to partake in singing of any kind; Edward because he's a square, and me because I was still in a horrible mood. We did agree, however, to play the instruments for everyone else.

Alice was up first, singing a bubbly song with no depth to it at all; but she looked cute doing it. It made me happy to see her happy. Rose was next and was a direct contrast to Alice. Her song was sad and meaningful, and her voice conveyed the emotion of the song brilliantly. Carlisle and Esme got duped into singing a duet, dripping of love, and actually seemed to enjoy themselves. Rose got Em up there with a kinky compromise that I'd rather not think of, and he thoroughly made a fool of himself with some stupid boy-band song that his wife picked.

My interest peaked when Emmett begged Bella to go next. She would've refused, too shy to sing in front of even the family; but, before she had a chance to respond, Edward began to emit an annoying chuckle.

"Bella, sing? That's hilarious Emmett," he said, sure of himself.

"What's so funny about that, Edward?" I clipped shortly.

"Bella doesn't enjoy singing, nor attention. We all know this!" He answered, fully enjoying himself. It bothered me because he was answering for her when she was fully capable of answering herself, but more so because he didn't know her at all. _Stupid, presumptuous dick._

I was about to give him an earful, but Bella shot me a look that stopped me dead in my tracks. _Fine. I'll just pick a fight with him some other way later._

"Fine!" Emmett whined. "Can you at least give me my present now then?"

Bella laughed an adorable little laugh and agreed, so we all made our way back to the pile of gifts.

"Me first!" Alice proclaimed, dropping multiple boxes in the three graduate's laps.

I didn't need to open mine to know what they held. The same thing they always held; clothes. True to form, I'd received three new suits, a pair of fancy dress shoes and a large selection of ties. _Just what I always wanted honey! _

I looked over and saw that Rose and Em were faring the same; must be the start of our new work wardrobe. None of us wanted to go away for college because we're having so much fun in Forks, so Esme and Carlisle decided to create a new board at the hospital and secure all three of us a spot. So, come Fall, we'll all be working with Esme at the hospital securing donations and planning fund raisers. _Oh joy!_

My siblings did a good job at faking their glee at receiving the same thing we always did from Alice, but I had a harder time. I was in a bad mood. Bella was acting like she was in love with Edward again. Peter's call was still nagging at me. My wife was feeling very weird lately. And, I wasn't sure if Bella would like my gift or not. When Edward gave us his patented "A Donation has been made to (insert the newest social charity fad here) in your name" that he gave at every holiday, my fake happiness was nearly non-existent._ Really, I don't need him making donations in my name; I make plenty in my own damn name! And why are we even giving gifts? This is stupid!_

"Okay, Okay; my turn!" Bella announced excitedly, grinning from ear to ear. _Okay, not so dumb anymore. I love that smile._

Bella gave all three of us a smaller box first. It's contents made me smile. She and Emmett had taken a liking to graphic tee's and Rose and I had gotten caught in the crossfire. Now, whenever we were hanging out in the house, we all wore one in a silly little game that made us all feel happy and young again. Of course, she'd given us each a new one to add to our collection. Emmett got one with graphics of a groom and bride walking down the isle at their wedding with "Dead man walking" written above it; which, in Emmett's case is true in multiple ways.

Rose got "Take a picture; it'll last longer," which is perfect because she mutters that exact sentiment at least once a day. And I got one with an old couple in rocking chairs that says "Old people rock," which, if it wasn't so fuckin' funny, I might be offended at her calling me old. They were perfect and we all told her so.

Then, Bella gave us our other gifts. Emmett jumped, screamed, hugged and, essentially, acted like a little girl when he opened his Rock Band. We had forbidden him from buying one after he broke every piece of his last one, but Bella was a sucker for her big brother and bought him the whole set. Rose's gift was a little more sentimental; Bella used Rose's human portrait to have a custom cameo necklace made. Rose sobbed as she put it on, saying that now she truly wore her humanity around her neck. The girls shared a loving embrace before they brightened up and turned to me.

"Okay Jazz, your gift is actually from all three of us. Here," Bella said, handing me a large box. I was speechless when I saw what it held. Inside a perfectly aged leather case was the most beautiful acoustic guitar I've ever seen. It was all made from natural wood; like I was holding a piece of nature in my hands. It was perfect.

"Bella designed it," Rose told me. I was touched; Bella knew me well enough to pluck this beauty right out of my dreams. I hugged all of them and let them feel how much I loved my gift, promising to play them something on it later.

Now it was time to give my gifts; Em got a new sound system for his Jeep and Rose got an old beater car for her to fix up; they loved them. Bella told me how perfect she thought my gifts were and I was glad to have done something right, Then, she went and sat with Edward, letting him drape his arm over her and I wasn't so glad anymore.

_Dammit! Why is she acting like this? Is she trying to hurt me? _I tried to tell myself that she was just keeping up appearances, but it didn't help my mood. I sat in a funk, not paying attention to the rest of the gifts until I heard Edward and Rosalie fighting. _Great, what now?_

"Stop being irrational Edward. It took a lot of work to get Charlie to agree. She's coming!" Rose yelled.

"No, she's not. It's too dangerous. Hell, her being here now is dangerous! I'm not going to put her in anymore danger. What if she falls on a hike, or crashes a go-cart? It's too risky!" Edward lividly defended himself.

_Hiking? Go-carts? Charlie? What's going on?_

"Now, now kids. Let's all calm down and discuss it rationally. This is our gift to the graduates and they wish to bring Bella along, as do they rest of us. We're only going to the cabin for a few days; I'm sure Bella will be perfectly safe Edward." Carlisle reasoned. _Okay, so our parents got us a trip to the cabin for a gift, Charlie said Bella could come, but Edward doesn't want too... I guess I'm all caught up._

Edward looked defeated. "I just don't have a good feeling about it. I'd rather that we didn't continuously risk her life. What if--"

"Edward, I'm going," Bella spoke from the corner of the room.

"What?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I said, I'm going. I was invited somewhere by my family and if you don't want me there, you can stay here. It seems that you've forgotten that I can make my own decisions," she told him lethally, trying to contain her anger.

"But, what if something happens?" He tried to spook her.

"Then something happens. I'll be with a family of super-humans that love me, so I'd like to think I'll be safe."

"And what if you're wrong?" _This guy needs to learn when to shut it._

"Then I am. It's my right to be so. And my decision to make. I've made it; so deal with it or go away."

With that, Edward sped out of the house and I laughed at the crybaby's latest performance. _Bravo, dipshit. _

---

"Really? She pushed you down the stairs? Ha, that's what you get you brat!" Bella joked happily with Emmett. We laughed. He whined until she rubbed his back. "It's okay, at least you learned your lesson, right?"

We had transitioned into easy conversation after Edward stormed out of here like a teen aged girl. We were sharing some funny stories with Bella and generally having a good time. I was even contributing a little bit and smiling occasionally, which was weird because I was trying to stay mad at my indecisive heart breaker at the moment.

Rose was telling Bella about the time she and Alice had bought eighty pairs of shoes in one trip when Carlisle's phone rang and he excused himself from the room. When he returned he felt flustered.

"What's wrong dad?" I asked, concerned. After his spike of love at my usage of the word "dad" he told us. "That was my secretary. She's leaving town and had to resign. I'm off for a month to enjoy the summer, but when I get back I'll be extremely busy. I don't have time to find a replacement until I'm back at work; it's just a little stressful is all."

"Don't worry about it. When we get back, I'll fill in and help you find someone new, okay?" Alice decided, saving the day like she always does.

"Thanks Alice, that helps a lot," Carlisle told her, turning to leave.

"I have another idea," Bella suddenly spoke up causing Carlisle to stop in his tracks. "I'm actually looking for a job. What if I helped you out?" She asked, confidently, but then she grew embarrassed and added "If its not too much to ask," in a very tiny voice.

Carlisle had a grin on his face that looked painful it was so big. "Of course, Bella. I'd love for you to be my secretary; I can't think of anyone more suited for the job."

She smiled and thanked him before the bouncing began. "Yey! This is great! Now I get to take you shopping for office clothes!" Alice said, clapping her hands and feeling truly happy.

Rose was also excited. "Awesome Bella! Now we'll be working in the same building!" I hadn't thought about that. Bella working so close to me could either be good or bad; great.

Edward walked in during all of the commotion. Carlisle immediately locked him in a stare down, communicating silently. The room fell silent. I felt his anger before I heard it. "YOU WHAT?"

"Edward, let's calm down before things get out of hand again," Carlisle tried to mediate.

"You expect me to calm down when you offered my girlfriend a job without consulting me? What were you thinking?" Edward spoke to Carlisle through clenched teeth. _Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?_

"He was thinking that she is the only person who has any say-so on this subject. Not you. She's your girlfriend, not your child!"

"I don't see how this concerns you Rosalie," he was trying to stay calm, Rose wasn't helping. But she was right.

Before Rose could respond, Bella put up a hand to stop her. "Edward, let's not do this again please. My decision is made, my mind isn't changing and all you're doing is upsetting me."

"Bella, why do you have to work? Is it about money? I have money, let me support you." He tried. Bella's anger grew. _Idiot. Strike one. _

"I neither need nor want you to support me Edward. I can take care of myself." He snorted. She gave him a look that might have killed lesser men._ Dumbass. Strike two._

"Bella, it's not about me trying to take care of you. It's about me loving you. All the time you spend at work is less time you can spend with me." _Complete fucking moron. Strike three, and you're out!_

"I'm not here for your entertainment Edward. I have a life to live, seeing as you're never going to change me. You could have an eternity with me, but since you refuse to give me that, I'm damn sure not going to let you monopolize the short amount of time I have to live my life," she told him, effectively putting him in his place.

Edward didn't seem nearly as phased by her words as I thought he'd be. "You are the most infuriatingly stubborn woman I've ever known. I'm just trying to protect you. You're making a mistake. Don't you see?"

Edward finished crying just as Bella and Rose stood and walked to the karaoke set-up. Rose sat at the piano and Bella stepped up to the microphone. _What is going on?_

She was feeling defiant; confident. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared in confusion. Rose started playing.

"Bella, what are you doing? We're in the middle of a conversation!" Edward nearly shouted. She smirked at him, and then my angel started singing.

"**I've got a right to be wrong. My mistakes will make me strong.**"

Shocked gasps sounded throughout the room at her beautiful voice. Edward looked on, dumbstruck.

"**I'm stepping out into the great unknown; I'm feeling wings though I've never flown. I've got a mind of my own. Flesh and blood to the bone, see, I'm not made of stone**."

Pride. Not just from me, but from everyone except Edward, filled the room.

"**I've got a right to be wrong... So just leave me alone.**"

_Damn, that's gotta hurt._

"**I've got a right to be wrong, I've been held down to long. I've got to break free, so I can finally breathe.**"

She'd been looking at Edward the whole time, now she turned to me.

"**I've got a right to be wrong. Got to sing my own song. I might be singing out of key, but it sure feels good to me.**"

I smiled at her, and she returned it. _Not out of key at all; perfect. _She turned sharply to glare at Edward again.

"**I've got a right to be wrong, so just leave me alone.**"

With that, she dropped the microphone, turned, and marched out of the door. "See you guys tomorrow," she said, before getting in a car that I assumed was Rose's and slamming the door.

Everyone was still in shock as Rose stood, shook her head at Edward and bolted out of the house.

Five minutes after the car sped off, Edward ran to his room and began playing his piano. Everyone else slowly dispersed until I was the lone person left in the room. Without thinking, I darted into the garage, hopped on my bike, and took off; no destination in mind. Before I knew it, I found myself in front of Bella's house.

_---_

I sat there, impatiently, waiting. Even though I took a longer route, by the time I'd stashed my bike in the forest, climbed in through Bella's window and fixed my disheveled appearance, she still wasn't back.

Jake and Billy were over tonight. They sat downstairs talking about the baseball game they were watching while something revolting was cooking in the oven. My patience was wearing thin and I was literally debating whether or not to go strangle something when I heard the purr of Rosalie's BMW. _Thank God!_

Bella talked with Charlie and Jacob downstairs for a minute before excusing herself to her room to put on something more comfortable. As she climbed the stairs, I could feel her anger return.

She marched into the room and went straight to her window, slamming it shut and locking it.

"I hope you're not trying to keep me out," I spoke softly, startling her.

She recovered quickly. "No, but I must say I'm surprised to see you here. You hardly said a word to me all afternoon."

"Can you blame me Bella?"

"Uh, yeah. Who else am I supposed to blame?" She asked, I could tell she was hurt by our lack of communication today.

"How about yourself? How do you think I feel seeing you play the part of 'loving girlfriend' with that jackass who doesn't even deserve to breathe the same air as you?" I spat, much more harshly than I'd planned.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably like how I feel when I see you with your wife!"

"I'm not running around hugging and kissing her in front of you. I don't hold her hand. I don't even sleep with her anymore. You still let him sleep with you, and hold you, and kiss you. And I understand, but must you do it right in front of me?" I asked her, trying to hold it together. "That shit hurts Bella."

She looked at me sadly, "I know Jay. I know. Things will get better. I promise."

"Yeah, yeah. I know the whole spiel. 'Things will get better. I want you. I'll leave him.' Blah, blah, blah. I'm starting to think you're never going to leave him; I'm just a fool." I was getting angry.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to be leaving your wife? Or did you just forget to tell me when you did? We're in the same fucking boat here Jasper, so don't give me your shit." She told me, in a whispered yell.

I stood up and went to stand by the window with her. "We're not in the same boat. My decades-long marriage and family is on the line. All you stand to lose is a high school boyfriend that you're sick of anyways."

"Screw you Jasper. Beside the fact that I'll be leaving my first love, I'm risking my relationship with the family too! I love them too! And don't try to pretend that you're happy in your marriage. We both have a lot on the line here. So why don't you stop worrying about what you're losing and focus on what you're gaining." She had me there. I didn't know what to say, so I stood there looking like an idiot. She obviously grew tired of my silence.

"You know what, I don't want to do this right now. I have people waiting for me downstairs; my family. So if you'll excuse me," she said, walking over to her dresser and pulling stuff out, then she walked towards the door, preparing to leave. _Fuck! I don't wanna leave it like this._

I sped over and blocker her escape. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to change."

"It ain't nothing I haven't seen before darlin'. Plus, we're still talking."

"No, we're done talking. But you're right I guess," she said, stepping back and taking her jacket off and pulling her shirt over her head. He bra was black and she looked dangerously sexy. She took her time taking off her jewelry, and then, obviously trying to kill me, slowly wiggled out of her jeans.

The little minx was standing there in lacy black underwear and boots; a scene straight from my fantasies. I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips.

"See something you like Cowboy?" Yep, just like that, the little stallion reared to life and I was all over her.

My hands roamed her body, leaving trails of goosebumps everywhere they touched. My lips nibbled on her ear and neck as kneaded her in all the right places. Tiny sounds of pleasure fell from her lips and I couldn't help myself any longer. I picked her up and almost died when she wrapped her legs around me and ground onto me.

I sat her on her dresser and attacked her mouth with mine, hungry for more than this world could ever give me. _I need her. Now!_

_Too many clothes. Off! Take them off you dipshit!_

My brain and body weren't cooperating, but luckily Bella was on the same wavelength as me. She hopped off the dresser and reached down to unbuckle my belt. Once that was done, she began to push me backwards. I was in heaven as I felt the back of my knees hit the bed, but then my stone body fell back, making a loud boom and I heard Charlie begin to make his way up the stairs. _Fuck my life!_

Bella was oblivious and still trying to take my clothes off. I pulled her off of me and she looked at me confused. "Charlie," I whispered.

"Shit!" She said as she jumped up and threw her pajamas on.

Charlie knocked on the door. "Is everything okay Bells?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah dad, I just knocked something over. I'll be right out." He grumbled something that I didn't catch because I was listening to Bella's frantic whispering.

"Don't leave. Please. I want you to stay; I need to you stay." The longing was evident in her voice and it matched my own. _But what does she want me to do? Sit in her room and wait for her all night? What if Edward drops by?_

"Just- come over. Give me five minutes then come over. Okay? Please?" _How can I deny her anything?_

"Okay, see you in five," I told her, kissing her on the forehead and making my way out of her window. When I looked back up at her room, she was standing in the window blowing me a kiss. She sure had a way of warming my cold body up.

After I spent some time preparing myself for a night with Bella's family, I snuck my bike back onto the road and pulled up to her house. Charlie was happy to see me as we had gotten close lately. Even Jake was friendly enough. But not Billy; nope, he didn't like me. Actually, it was worse then that; he hated me. He felt hatred, dread, disgust, and every other unpleasant feeling you can have towards someone. I figured it had to do with the history of his people and ours; the legends assured we'd be enemies. He was happy to leave with Charlie to go pick up pizzas when they realized dinner was ruined.

That left me, Bella and Jake. At first it was tense, but once Jake got a look at my Ducati, we became fast friends, bonding over our love of fast vehicles. He was really happy and full of jokes; a similar sense of humor to Bella. I liked watching them together; they really did care for each other. And they were good for each other. I was glad Bella had someone outside the family to turn to for support. They shared some stories about growing up together and I got to know both of them a little better. By the time the night was over, I left feeling very good about the other man in Bella's life.

When she and Charlie walked us out, I could tell Bella wanted to be alone for the night. I gave her a hug and kiss on she told me she'd see me tomorrow.

I was excited about getting to spend a whole weekend with Bella and the family; it sounded perfect.

And then I got a text from Rose:

** I know your secret. We need to talk, NOW. -R **

_Great. Just fucking great!_

* * *

**A/N: Dun, dun, dun! Lol... J/k. **

**I don't own, S.M. does. But I do own the details of Rose and Jasper's conversation...**

**Let me know what you thought and I'll share it with you guys!**

**Oh, don't own the song either... that all Joss Stone. **


	19. This Day Sucks!

**A/N: **

**#1: Thanks to all of you loyal and new readers. I've been MIA for awhile and all of the reviews and notes and encouragement are truly appreciated! I love my Jasper and Bella and I'm glad to see that you guys do to! thanks for the love! And that leads me to**

**#2: I'm sorry it took me so long to get out. This chapter was a bitch to write because of the holidays and the "great laptop drop of 2009". But I finally got it done. Which leads me to **

**#3: Sorry about this chapter! It's kinda long and all over the place. I tried to cut it at multiple places and leave you all with a bitch of a cliff hanger, but instead I decided to give you the whole thing since I'm so horrible with updates. So, if your reading and think to yourself "What the fuck?" I'm sorry! **

**Anywho... prepare yourself for what I like to call "a scattered sampling of the events of the lake house" :/ I know... sue me!**

* * *

Last time on _A Beautiful Mess:_

When she and Charlie walked us out, I could tell Bella wanted to be alone for the night. I gave her a hug and kiss on she told me she'd see me tomorrow.

I was excited about getting to spend a whole weekend with Bella and the family; it sounded perfect.

And then I got a text from Rose:

** I know your secret. We need to talk, NOW. -R **

_Great. Just fucking great!_

**---**

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 19_

_**This Day Sucks!**_

Well this is fun... Or not. Actually, it's quite horrendous. I don't know what I was thinking coming along. I should have realized that things tend not to work out like they do in my head. The rest of the world doesn't live in Bella-land; which is why I'm in my own personal hell at the moment.

I mean, how was I supposed to know that Rose would turn all super-bitch and declare that she couldn't stand either of her brothers and wanted to ride with Carlisle and Esme? _What's that all about anyways? And why must I be tortured for whatever they did?_

I had planned on riding up with her, Em and Jazz since Edward and I were so clearly in a fight; but I knew he'd never let that slide. But, if we rode with Em and Rose or even Carlisle and Esme, at least I'd have someone to talk to and I'd be able to enjoy myself.

Yeah, not so much when I'm in the car with Edward, Alice and Jasper. _What the hell did I do to deserve this?_ Well, I guess I do deserve it... But still, this sucks!

Alice has been acting weird this entire car ride, Jasper is aloof and Edward is overbearing and driving me completely fucking insane. "Are you hungry Bella? Thirsty? Tired? Too hot? Too cold? Do you need to stretch? Use the facilities?" It's getting ridiculous. And fucking Jasper is enjoying the whole show; I catch him every once in awhile smirking that sly little way he knows riles me up. Ugh!

_Are we there yet?_

---

Finally! Thank God! That was the longest car ride of my entire life; literally and figuratively. But this house! Oh. My. God. Perfection!

It sits on a small hill surrounded by nature; to one side there's a lake, to the other there's a forest. It looks like an over sized cabin that I could've only dreamed up. I could've stood and stared at it all day if it weren't for the bellowing "Boo Boo" and bear hug that came in the next seconds. "Hey Yogi. Nice digs!" I told Emmett as he sat me down.

"I know. It's great right? And the bears are easy to find!"

"In the mood for some irritable grizzly Em?" I asked, teasingly.

"Always! But first I think I'm in the mood for some irritable Rosie. See ya later!" He shouted as he ran and scooped up a giggling Rose before darting inside. _Won't be seeing them for awhile…_

The rest of the boys grabbed all of the luggage as I got over that cringe-worthy show of affection and the unwanted images it put in my head. Though I'd gotten a little more used to their sexuality it was still gross to think about.

Alice dashed upstairs muttering something about boys and their mistreatment of her clothes leaving me and Esme alone in front of the behemoth of a house born straight out of an architect's wet dreams.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Esme asked, draping her arm over my shoulder.

"Oh God yes! She's perfection! Thanks for bringing me here."

"Of course honey. We only let the kids come here every couple of years since they like to rough house a little too much for my sanity; but we'd never think of excluding you from it. You are family dear," she told me, sincerely.

When she and the rest of the family said things like this it used to give me such a warm, tingly feeling deep down inside; but lately all it does is make me hate myself. They all treated me like they loved me, and I couldn't deny that I loved them too. But I get a sinking feeling from my head to my toes every time I think about how I could lose it all with just one mistake, one slip of the tongue. I don't know how I'd ever live without them, and I sure don't want to find out. I have to keep my family; I just don't know how to anymore. _What can I do? Forget about Jasper and stay with Edward? How could I face him ever again if I were to do something like that? Damn it! I need a distraction._

"Hey Esmom? Can we go in and make some lunch? I'm starved!" Cooking with Esme always took my mind off of the world. She laughed at my nickname for her and led us inside.

---

"Come on scaredy cat! Jump!" Emmett yelled up at me.

"No! I'm scared!" I screamed back, trying to still the shaking of my hands. _Shit, that's far!_

After I ate lunch, we had all gathered in the sunroom, which housed a ridiculously huge pool equipped with a slide and two diving boards. Carlisle and Esme opted to sit out of the pool and watch their children frolic. Alice and Rose were floating around on inflatable rafts and soaking in the sun; Rose not wanting to get her hair wet and Alice going in and out of visions and mostly keeping to herself. Jasper and Edward were relaxing in the hot tub and at times even carrying on somewhat pleasant conversations. It was good to see them act like family again, though I knew it wouldn't last very long.

What a pity that the outside was tinted and I couldn't see them all sparkle; I'm sure they'd be breathtaking. _Not that they weren't already hot as hell. I mean, just Rose and Alice themselves were sexy enough to make me consider switching teams. And when Jasper and Edward walked out? Fuck me; I almost came on the spot._

They were both so yummy, Edward in a 'perfection' kind of way and Jasper was simply sex on a stick. Fuck, I was gonna need a taste of that later or I might explode. He knew it too, the way he kept looking at me said it all. Though I wish he'd stop looking at me; I feel ridiculous in this teeny tiny bikini Alice made me wear.

I was startled by a deep voice behind me; "Either jump or I'm pushing you off. It's time to face your fears Bells" Emmett told me, and I knew he was serious. _Fuck!_

I stood there, frozen, looking down. Everyone was looking up at me expectantly, though Alice looked bored and Edward look frightened. _I can't do this!_

I felt the board move as Emmett placed his weight on it. _Damn it! What was I thinking betting him I could jump off of the top board? I'm an idiot._

He inched closer and closer and soon enough he was only a step or two away from me. I looked down again and caught Jasper's eye. He gave me a look of encouragement. _He thinks I can do this; I can do this! _I closed my eyes, keeping the vision of his beautiful face in front of me, said a little prayer and threw myself off the board.

What a thrill! Falling through the air made me feel invincible; and the rush of the water encasing me sent chills down my spine. When I came up I was on cloud nine; until I saw Rosalie that is. She was fuming! _What? What is wrong with her now?_ And then I saw it… her wet hair. _Son of a…_

"Twenty, Bella," she said to me.

"Twenty what?"

"That's how many seconds of a head start I'm giving you. Use it wisely!" She said with a devious smile on her face. _Uh oh!_

I tailed ass out of the pool and ran as fast as my feet could carry me away from my psychotic sister. Adrenaline kicked in when I saw her coming behind me and I pushed a little harder. _Shit!_

And then I heard the voice of my saving grace before I was lifted off the ground; "Gotcha Boo Boo. Let's lose this forest ranger!" Emmett yelled as he scooped me up and we sped off into the forest with Rose hot on our heels. I'm sure our laughter could be heard for miles as we played our little game of cat and mouse that afternoon. _Oh, how I love my family!_

---

"Do you believe in God?" Alice asked me suddenly as she was applying the second coat of turquoise nail polish to my nails.

"Uh, yeah. I do. Why? Do you?" Religion seemed to be a sensitive subject around here.

"I didn't use to," she told me sadly, "when I woke up in this life I was all alone. I had visions of a happy future and a beautiful man, but when years and then decades passed and I still had neither, I didn't see how God could force this lonely life upon somebody." I'd never thought about her time alone and how she must've felt. _Poor Alice._

"But then I found my Jazzy, and then I found my family and my faith slowly started to return," she said, perking up in the blink of an eye. "But now… Now everything is all messed up. And it's all changing. I just don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel." _What does she mean everything's changing? What's changing? What's messed up? Does she know after all? Oh God, does that mean Edward knows? Oh no. I need to talk to Jasper!_

"What do you mean Alice?"

"Oh, you'll see soon enough Bella… But, lately I've been thinking; maybe this is just how it's all supposed to be. Maybe God, or whoever is up there, has a plan for all of us, and everything we do is just another step on his path. Maybe my gift isn't seeing the future; maybe it's seeing his plans... What do you think?" She asked me, but I was too caught up in my worries about what she knew, what was changing and what was messed up. _Fuck!_

"I think that if that is the case, he chose the right person for the job," I told her after a moment of silence. Her face lit up and she hugged me.

"Oh thank you Bella! That means so much to me! I just hope that everyone will see it that way. You know? I hope that everyone else will see that I'm only following my plan." She trailed off, getting that far away look in her eyes again. _What is she talking about? This is just fucking odd…_

I was about to ask more questions as to what the hell she was talking about when my phone rang; Jessica. _Well that weird, she never calls me. I better answer incase something's wrong._

"Hello?"

"_Hey Bella, It's Jessica. How's your summer going?" _She seemed oddly chipper.

"Great. I'm actually on a little vacation right now. How's yours?"

"_Mine's great too. Actually, my parents are going out of town next weekend and I'm throwing a party. I was hoping you'd come." _

_A party? And she's inviting me? Wow… Who'da thunk? _"Uh, sure Jess. I'd love to come," I told her before I saw Alice jumping around and pointing at herself. _Oh, that's a good idea!_ "Do you think that, uh, that the Cullen's could come too?" I asked her knowing she'd agree readily. She was just as entranced by them as the rest of the school.

"_Sure Bella. That sounds perfect. Be there around nine on Saturday. Oh, and it's a western theme!"_

"Great. See you then!"

"_Bye!" _And then the line was dead.

_Did I really just agree to attend a western themed party at Jessica's house with all of the Cullen kids? What the hell was I thinking? _

I internally cursed myself even more as Alice pulled my out of the room with her, bouncing and squealing all the while, to go tell everybody about our plans. _Great. What did I get myself into?_

---

"Are you warm enough love?" Edward asked me. What a joke. I had on two sweaters, a jacket, mittens, ear muffs and a knit hat. I was actually sweating, but he insisted I wear all of this so I gave in. I don't even know why I'm here. He guilt tripped me into joining him for a walk along the lake by accusing me of not spending anytime with him all day. _That's crap! He was there; I can't help it if he faded into the background!_

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" He asked me.

I snickered. "Aren't those the words to a song?" _The nerve of this guy!_

"Uh, well, I guess I do recall a song similar to them. But that's not the point. Have I? Do you know how much I love you? How you mean the world to me? How my life revolves around you? How I can't live without you?" _Really? All that Edward?_

"I think you might've mentioned it a time or two."

"Well it's true. Do you believe me?" He sounded a little desperate. _Gross._

"I don't know hat I believe anymore," I told him truthfully.

"See. That's the problem. I feel like you're slipping away from me and I don't know why or how to stop it. Please, tell me, what is it? Don't you love me?"

"Of course I love you Edward. It's just, sometimes people grow apart, you know?" I could see how hurt he was just by those few words of doubt.

"No, actually I don't. I'm not a person; I'm a monster, who you happened to fall in love with. Now, I know that I don't deserve you, but I always hoped that somehow you'd still love me anyways," He grabbed my face and stared deeply into my eyes. In his, I saw all of the love I knew he had for me. I couldn't look away… "Isabella, please, just tell me what I need to do. Tell me how to make this right." And then he kissed me.

And that's how we ended up here; in his bed, doing naughty things. Well, naughty for Edward at least. Sure, it wasn't the smartest thing to be doing. And yeah, probably not the nicest either considering Jasper was under the same roof; but what could I do_? He was beautiful and sexy and mine and, damn, I couldn't help that I was still in love with him…_ _I think._

I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe that it would be nice to have one last pleasant night with him? Or maybe that I would give him one more chance? But I knew what the real reason was; maybe I shouldn't leave Edward. After the great day I had with my family and the realization of how much I could lose if my secret gets out, how could I continue down the road I'm on? I was hoping that maybe Edward could prove me wrong; he could be the one. _I could spend my life with him, couldn't I? How bad could it be? He's hot. He's smart. He's sexy. He's…_

And then he pulled away. And the feeling, you know-- the feeling where I want to throw myself off of a bridge? Yeah, that one. Well, it came back. The cloud of lust and longing cleared from my mind and I remembered everything that made me want out of this relationship. I jumped out of bed and made my way to the door.

"Bella, love, I'm sorry. Please. Let's try again. Please don't go." He pleaded, suddenly kneeling before me.

"Edward, please. Just let me go. I just need some time. I'll see you in the morning." And with that, I was out of his room and standing in the dark hallway. Love or not, Edward and Bella just weren't working out. It was a lot to process. My head was swirling and I felt like I needed to splash some water on my face, but before I had the chance, I was no longer alone in the dark hallway.

Jasper's hand reached out and stroked my cheek. Suddenly everything was clear as day. If things between me and Jasper had never transpired, maybe I could be with Edward. But know what else there was, knowing how happy and fulfilled I could be, I could never settle.

I almost asked him to hold me, but he silenced me with a finger to his lip. He grabbed my arm and I followed him around a couple corners and into a room. "What's wrong Darlin'? Your emotions are all over the place. Did he do something to you?" He asked, ready to go storming in to beat Edward up.

"No. I'm fine. I just have some thinking to do. Everything is just getting to be too much for me."

He looked down. "I'm sorry to be causing you so much strife Babe. I just wish we could make it all go away; even just for a little while."

"Yeah, me too. But we can't. We have to face it Jasper. Eventually, we'll have to face it. But… Just know that you're worth it, okay?"

"Same goes for you sweetness," he said, leaning in for a kiss.

I stopped him. "No. Not now. I just need some time, okay? Can you give me that?"

A small smile graced his face. "Anything for you." And just like that, he was gone.

I slowly dragged myself to the only place in the house that I knew I'd be okay. I'd only knocked once before the door swung open and I was cradled against my big brother's chest.

He wiped away the tears that I didn't even know were falling and hugged me close to him. Without words, he walked me over to the bed where Rose pulled to her chest and rubbed my back. "Shhh Bella. It's gonna be okay." She whispered softly to me, comforting me without even bothering to ask what was wrong.

That's why I came here; this is the only place where I could get unconditional love and support with no explanation necessary.

The last thing I remember before Emmett covered us with a blanket and I drifted off to sleep was thinking; _God, I love my family!_

---

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! If you don't give me back that damn blanket now I'll burn you alive. You hear me? I know where you sleep!" Stupid non-sleeping ass vampire!

"Sorry Bells. Orders from the chief. You've slept enough for today. Plus, Mom made you a kickass breakfast! I swear, I'm tempted to eat it all myself! Now get up before I throw you in the lake!" He threatened me.

"You wouldn't!" I challenged.

"Now now, don't challenge me little one; that never ends well," He warned, inching closer. He was right. And I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Emmett's shenanigans. Thus, grudgingly, I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom; making sure to slam my door before I started the steamy shower that would start my day.

When I finally emerged from Rose and Em's bedroom, it was 1:30 in the afternoon and everybody was looking at me like I'd grown a second head.

"What?" I snipped, irritated that everyone was staring. It worked well as everyone got the hint and went about their business. Everyone but Jasper, that is, who continued to stare at me with eyes that said 'we need to talk'. _Yeah, definitely not in the mood to deal with you, buddy!_

Averting my eyes to avoid his gaze left me face to face with the perfection that is Edward and his crooked smile. _Damn he's pretty!_ Unfortunately, after last night it just didn't do it for me anymore. To me, Edward was like a pair of gorgeous five-inch stilettos; you want them, but you know they'd be too painful to handle. Plus, what you really want is a pair of broken in converse; the ones that fit you perfectly and have all of the tiny imperfections that make you love them. _If only…_

"…love?" Huh? Silence…

"Did you sleep well love?" Edward asked again.

_Did I sleep well? Hah. Quite the comedian you are Eddie boy._

"Let's not pretend, okay Edward?" I just wasn't in the mood.

He recoiled from my venomous words. Anger flashed in his eyes… Then hurt... Then resignation. _Yes! Give up! Please! Make this easier on me!_

"As you wish, love," he said sadly, turning to take a seat at the massive oak table. I cringed at his term of endearment, looking up just in time to catch Rosalie's eye. She had an odd look on her face. It simply irritated me further.

"Everyone, come please. Let's sit and talk while Bella eats her breakfast… err, lunch… Uh, brunch! Yes, her brunch!" Esme rambled, obviously confused about my sleeping in this morning. Luckily, no one questioned me about it, probably having overheard my sobbing last night and doing the math. _Ahh, the joy of vampire hearing!_

The food was glorious: French toast, fresh fruit, bacon, potatoes, juice and my favorite tea. Perfection on a plate! I scarfed it down in a rather unladylike manner while the family chatted quietly around me. Once I'd finished, I felt a thousand times better, physically at least. I made sure to thank Esme for the grub and turned my attention to the conversation.

They were discussing options for the day; blah, blah, blah jet skis… blah, blah, blah go carts… blah, blah, blah fishing…. blah, blah, blah monopoly. _Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass._ I wasn't in the mood for any of it. Call me a brat, but all I wanted to do today was lounge with a book or two and my ipod; stat!

"Actually guys, I'm in a lazy-reading-day kind of mood, if that's okay with you guys," I told them.

"Oh, well that's fine dear. I have a couple antique stores that I'd love to peruse and this gives me the perfect reason to drag my old man along with me!" She said, playfully ruffling Carlisle's hair.

"Well, I guess my day is planned. We'll leave in a few, okay honey?" He responded, looking at Esme with eyes full of love. I was jealous; legitimately jealous that they were able to be together. _Ugh! I do not have high hopes for this day!_

We fell back into a comfortable conversation; me more observing than adding anything to it. I took some time to catalogue everyone. Esme and Carlisle talked animatedly, smiles gracing their faces, assumingly ecstatic to have their family together. Rose talked with her parents, but something was off about her today. Emmett also joined in the conversation, but most of his attention was directed towards Rose in the form of adoring and longing glances. I'm sure those two will find something to occupy their time today!

Jasper didn't look much happier than I did, but I only caught him looking at me a few times. His attention, instead, was on the same two people that mine was on most of the time; Edward and Alice. They were acting weird again. Alice was exchanging knowing glances with Edward every few minutes, usually after coming out of one of the myriad of visions she was having today. It was weird seeing her have so many, considering she couldn't see much anymore now that Jasper and I were blind to her. But she had them just about as often as Edward's phone buzzed. Who he's talking to, I have no idea. Honestly, I didn't even really care. But it was kind of strange.

His phone would buzz with a text message, which clearly weren't making him very happy; the looks on his face gave him away. In fact, I might argue that he was furious at the content of those messages. Then, Alice would get a vision, they'd share a silent conversation, join the conversation for a minute or two, and the cycle would start all over again. Jasper was studying them, obviously picking up on their emotions and trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

At one point, our eyes met and I'm sure our faces held the same 'what the fuck?' look as each other. It was during this silent declaration of our confusion that Edwards's phone buzzed again, this time a different buzz, and he excused himself to take a call outside. And now, here we were, conversation on hold, waiting for him to return.

"Mom? Dad? Do you think you could give me a ride into town too? I have a couple supplies I'd like to pick up," Alice asked, a twinkle in her eyes. _This girl and her shopping, I swear!_

"Sure honey. Let me just grab my coat and we can head out," Esme answered, standing to leave the table.

"Would you mind if I tagged along too? I'd like to get some supplies to make Bella dinner and a couple other personal items. I'll accompany Alice and we can run home together when we finish," Edward suddenly asked as he re-entered the dining room.

"Of course. I'll meet you guys in the car," Esme said, dashing upstairs.

_Great, he wants to make me dinner. Perfect! At least he'll be out of my hair for awhile…_

"Bella, love. I hope you'll be okay while I'm gone," he said, turning to face me.

"I'm sure I can manage."

"Don't worry Edward. She and I have a lot to talk about. I'll keep her busy," Rose added. _Great! Just fucking great! Don't these people realize that I'm not in the mood?_

After a rather unnecessary round of goodbye hugs, the house was four people emptier and I was feeling a little better.

"Alright you two, we're going for a hunt. We'll be back in a couple hours," Rose said to me and Jasper as she and Emmett made their way to the door. Wait, what?

"I thought you needed to talk to me Rose?" I asked, confused. She just winked; "Let's just say you owe me one Sis."

I was still confused at her behavior when Jasper approached me with that sly little smirk on his face. He motioned for me to follow him up the stairs. I thought about saying no, but when he started marching up them and I got a look at his tight little ass in his jeans, I was no longer thinking with my head.

_Fuck it, this day can't get much worse, can it?_

---

"What do you mean she knows? How can she know? What are we gonna do?" I was losing it. _Shit! This is exactly what I was afraid of! The secret would get out and my life would be over. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

"Isabella! Calm down! Jesus. She knows, but she doesn't plan on telling. In fact, she's oddly supportive," Jasper tried to be supportive.

"Supportive? She's not even talking to you! Doesn't seem very supportive to me!"

"Well, she's upset that I'm going behind Alice's back; she doesn't want to see her hurt. But she's also upset that I haven't made you mine yet," he told me. _Well that makes two of us…_

"What do you mean?"

"Well, apparently she's known something was up since we got back from Phoenix. She thinks that we're perfect for each other; that neither of our mates deserve us. She wants us to stop beating around the bush because we're only hurting ourselves and those we love."

_Wait, is he serious? Rose wants us to be together? She supports us? How did I ever get so lucky?_

"So you're telling me that she is 100 percent okay with us being together? She'll support us? We won't lose her?" I had to be very clear on this life altering news.

"Yes Doll. I know, I was shocked too. But she means it. And, she's pretty sure that everyone else will be supportive as well, aside from Edward and Alice. She says that we need to come clean and, after some healing, we'll still be able to be a family."

_Oh this shit is too good to be true. I can't believe this! We really can do this now! We can be together!_

"Oh Jasper!" I said breathlessly, jumping into his arms. "This is perfect! We can really do this now! We can be together! We won't lose them!"

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him where I could breathe in his mouthwatering scent.

"This was all that was holding me back, J; the thought of losing the family. But we haven't! We have Rose, which means we'll have Em. And Carlisle and Esme may take awhile, but I'm sure they'll come around, don't you think? Oh, it's so perfect!" I was rambling on like an idiot, but I couldn't help the feeling that coursed through me at his words. It felt like freedom.

"Tonight," I said, earning a confused look from him. "Let's tell them tonight. Okay? Let's stop waiting and be together now. I'm ready to leave him. I'm ready to be us." I was so happy! So in love! Things couldn't get better… until they got worse. That's when I saw it; the hesitation.

"Jasper? Baby? What do you say? Tonight?"

Nothing. No words. He wouldn't even meet my eyes.

"Jasper?"

He sat me down on the bed and walked to the window.

"Jasper?" I tried again, this time it coming out a tiny, weak whisper.

"I want to be with you Bella. So much that it hurts. But you can't just spring something like this on me. Alice deserves more than that." _Hold on… What?_

"What? How can you think that way? She's horrible to you! She doesn't support you, doesn't trust you. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I saw you two speak a word to each other!" I was livid. _We can finally be us, and he pulls this shit on me now?_

"All of that is true Bella. But… She saved me. Brought me home. Brought me to my family. She gave me a second chance at life Bella. She's been my rock for so long… My everything. I just can't do it to her. Not like this. I thought you'd understand!" He was getting angry now too.

"Well I don't! How can you do this to me? To us?" I yelled, hoping no one was around to hear.

"I'm doing this for us Bella! If I break her, I'll never be able to forgive myself. And you won't either. Just trust me, okay? Can you do that?" _Of course I trust him. I trust him with my life. But I'm also a hormonal, emotional girl; he just crushed me, why not crush him too?_

"Why should I trust you? You can't even stay faithful to your _wonderful_ wife!"

Ouch. That hurt… No, really. It hurt. He projected it, on accident I'm sure, and I felt how much I'd hurt him. _God, I am such a bitch. He doesn't deserve this!_

I couldn't even look at him. Instead, I grabbed my ipod off the dresser and walked toward the bathroom. Just as I stepped into the doorway, I heard the strum of his guitar. It took everything I had not to turn around as he played. And then he sang:

"**All of your ways and all your thunder, got me in a haze runnin' for cover. Where we gonna go from here? Where we gonna go from here?"** _Okay, I deserve that._

"**The back of your eyes look like my mothers, when we talk you're like my brother."** _Don't compliment me when I'm a bitch to you. I don't deserve it!_

"**Where we gonna go from here?"** His voice cracked.

"**Where we gonna go from here?"** _I don't know! I don't know! _

_God, I hate this. I hurt him out of sheer spite. I don't deserve him!_

I heard him stop playing and put his guitar down. I wanted to run to him. To hug him and kiss him; to take his pain away. But I knew that as soon as I saw his face and the hurt in his eyes, I'd be disgusted with myself. I couldn't take it, so, like a coward, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Minutes later, I heard him leave.

_Seriously, this day sucks!_

---

Even the steaming hot water and this amazing bathtub couldn't keep the cold from taking over my body. It seems like now matter what I do, I can't stop hurting him. I can't stop loving him. I can't stop needing him. _I think I have a problem._

The swift knocks on the door startled me, but I was glad to see Rose was on the other side and not Jasper. I still couldn't face him.

I pulled my earphones out of my ear and sat up, trying to stay covered by the bubbles. "Hey Rose."

"Hey Bells. Are you okay? Jasper told me what happened." She said with eyes full of sympathy.

I didn't have time to beat around the bush. "How did you know Rose?"

"Deep down, I've known since I saw the changes in him after Phoenix. But officially, I've known since the night of graduation. I smelled him there."

"Oh. Does anybody else know?" _If she caught us that easily, couldn't the others too_?

"No. Emmett's clueless, Carlisle and Esme would never even consider it and Alice and Edward have been preoccupied lately. But, you should count your blessings, because if they weren't, I'm sure they would've figured it out by now."

"I'm scared, Rose." I told her before I could stop myself.

"Why?"

"I don't want to lose anyone. Not the family. Not Jasper. Not Alice. Not even Edward. I don't want everyone to hate me!" _A little late to be thinking about that Bella!_

"You won't sweetie. I'm here for the long haul; same for Emmett and the others. It doesn't matter what you do. You came into our lives and changed them for the better. Sorry Sis; you're stuck with us." She said, reaching over to rub my arm with reassurance. "But you better keep your paws off Emmett you little jezebel!" She joked, splashing water in my face.

"Hey, I'm already two out of three, might as well go for the win, right?" I teased right back. We giggled, falling into a comfortable silence.

"How do I fix this Rose?" I asked her, hoping and praying that she'd have an answer for me.

"Just give him time. He's smart, but he's been around for a long time. He doesn't take anything lightly, and this is no exception. He loves you; I can see it in his eyes. Just give him his time and he'll come around," she said, standing to leave.

"Thanks Rose. And thanks for being here. I've really needed someone to talk to about all of this. You're amazing."

"Ah yes," she said, smiling cheekily, "So I've been told." I laughed at her silliness as she slipped out of the room and settled back into the bubbles. Though there was a small weight off my shoulder, I was still freezing. _I have to get out and find him; I have to fix this!_

I quickly navigated my way out of the tub and into some jeans and a t-shirt without injuring myself in the process. I rushed out of the bathroom on a mission to find my man, but just before I closed the door, I caught a flash of something red on the bed. Upon further examination, I realized that it was a rose and a note. It simply said **"**_**Tonight."**_

_Well, I know one thing's for sure; I'll never doubt Rose again. She said give him time, and thirty minutes later we were back on track. Bless that girl! _

So that was that. We'd do it tonight. We'd tell them and we'd be free to be together; to be us. I could hardly contain my excitement at the prospect. Surprisingly, I wasn't scared in the least. I was determined and positive that this is what I want. _Jasper and Bella. Bella and Jasper. I liked the way that sounds…_

Slowly making my way through the house, the coldness began to leave my body. I grew warmer and warmer until suddenly I was right where I wanted to be; toasty and in his arms.

We shared a kiss, only breaking away when I needed to breathe. Panting, I tried to apologize; "Jasper, I'm so—"

"Shh Babe, I don't want to talk about it. Please, just let me hold you."

Just what the doctor ordered. "Of course. Anything."

_Heaven. I'm in heaven right now. I never want to leave his arms; I never want to leave him. After tonight, I won't have to. I can't wait. Maybe this day is looking up after all!_

---

"Hey Boo Boo? It's time to go!" Emmett called into the room, breaking me and Jasper out of our lovely little bubble. Suddenly, Jasper was across the room and I was sitting there by myself. I was still trying to catch my bearings when Emmett barged in.

"What are you talking about?" _I'm not going anywhere._

"I have a surprise for you," he said, smiling.

"I'm not really in the mood Em. Let's do it tomorrow, okay?"

"Oh no, no, no! No way. You need some cheering up and I'm gonna do it. Now up!" He demanded.

"How do you know I need cheering up?" _Did Rose tell him?_

"Cause' I'm smarter than the average bear!" He joked. "And besides, you haven't exactly been Little Miss Sunshine today."

"Okay, I'll give you that. But I'm still not in the mood."

"Aww, come on Bells! I put a lot of work into this. Please? For me?" And there come the puppy dog eyes. _Damn it; gets me every time!_

"Ugh, fine. But it better not involve any work on my part!"

"I'll give you one hint: Right outside this door I've got a 'pic-a-nic' basket for you!" He said, perfectly imitating one of our favorite cartoon characters.

"Wow Yogi! You packed me a picnic? That's sweet!" I told him, touched. "Alright. Let's go. Can Rose and J come too?"

"Of course dummy! Let's go. Jay-man, carry the lightweight," he called behind him. _Jeez, way to make a girl feel better Em!_

After about a ten minute run, we arrived at a small clearing in the forest. It was fun. We joked and laughed like the four of us always do and all of my problems were off my mind. The food was great, the company was pleasant and the weather was perfect. We must've lost track of time, because before we knew it, it was twilight.

"It's getting late guys, we should get Bella home," Jasper said after he finished telling me a story about Edward at a strip club. _It was some funny shit too!_

We agreed to go our separate ways and meet back at the house as Em and Rose had some business they needed to attend to. _I swear those two are like rabbits!_

Rather than carry me, Jasper agreed to let me walk for awhile and we enjoyed a leisurely stroll through the woods. It was going great until suddenly I was tumbling across the forest floor. _What the fuck?_

I tried to stand, but before I had the chance I was thrown down again. I tried to call for Jasper, but for some reason my voice wouldn't come to me. And then I saw him.

Approaching me like an animal stalking its prey was the scariest man I'd ever seen. He stood even taller then Emmett, but leaner. He wore only a pair of tattered trousers leaving his upper body exposed to me. It was chiseled like stone, proving to me how powerful he was. He had long white-blonde hair and piercing red eyes. _Shit; he's going to kill me._

I scurried to my feet, hoping to run, but he got there faster, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to scream, but again it wouldn't come out. Then, the blonde man turned me around and I saw the most horrifying thing ever; Jasper, on the ground being beaten by Laurent. _What the fuck is going on? Has he come for vengeance on James' death? I guess it was only a matter of time._

I tried to scream Jasper's name. Again, nothing.

Jasper managed to get Laurent off of him and they were fighting hand to hand. Jasper easily spun and kicked him away, rushing towards me and the blonde man with fear evident in his eyes. Before he had time to get to me, he was tackled from the side by Laurent. Time and time again, Jasper fought Laurent off of him and tried to get to me, only to be stopped in the process. I realized that normally he could take both of these men out in a heartbeat, but in his desperation to get to me, he was fighting sloppy.

All I could do is watch on in horror as Jasper fought for his life; my life. I found it strange that there was no noise coming from either of us. In fact, there was no noise coming from anyone. _Have I gone deaf?_

But then, the blonde man began to run his hands down my body. "You smell quite delectable. I do hope I'll get a test run with you before your death arrives." I tried to wriggle away from him, but he held me there, continuing to touch me and whisper inappropriate things in my ear. I wanted to throw up, but all I could do was watch and hope that Jasper could control himself enough to save us. Or, that Emmett and Rosalie would find us. _Shit, what if they already got to them? Will I ever see them again? Will I ever see anyone again?_

I was panicking when I heard a loud crash and looked up in time to see Laurent slamming Jasper into a tree. He stopped, holding Jasper still and snapped his fingers at the blonde man. "Thank you Rorik," he spoke in his lazy French accent. Jasper looked like he was growling, but I couldn't hear him. I tried to scream, again, but it didn't work.

"Ah, Bella dear. I see you've had time to meet my friend Rorik here. Yes?" I defiantly looked away. "Don't be shy human, we're all friends here. In fact, we know your little secret."

Well that sure got my attention. _What? He knows about us? How the hell?_

"You see, your actions have hurt a man and woman that I care deeply for. I've been sent here for retribution," he told me, as if he were telling me the weather. _How can this even be possible? A man and woman? Edward and Alice? They know? And they sent Laurent here to kill us in revenge. This can't be happening! I must be dreaming_.

I began thrashing wildly, screaming 'No's' that would never be heard. _He can't kill us! Not when we've just got a chance to be together! _

"Ah ah little one. Scream all you want, but no one will hear you. That's why I've brought my friend Rorik along. Handy little gift, isn't it? We wouldn't want anyone to hear and interrupt our fun, would we?" _So that's it? This blonde mother fucker is blocking our cries for help? Well fuck that! If I'm going to die at the hands of this asshole, I will get my last words to Jasper. I have to tell him that I love him._

I began focusing on how much I didn't want this mans gift to work on me. I tried to wish it away, if you will, like I did with Alice's. But it didn't work. Just then, Jasper broke free and bit into Laurent's shoulder. His wail of pain filled my ears before it was quickly silenced, presumably by Rorik's gift.

They tumbled around a bit before Jasper had him pinned against a tree by his throat. In the blink of an eye, I was dropped to the ground, only to be picked up again and find that it was Jasper, once again who was pinned. Again, Jasper was thrashing wildly, trying with all his might to get to me. _Fuck. This is bad. Focus Bella! You have a shield. Use it!_

"Victoria will not be pleased, but I don't think I can let you live. You are the empath, no? Mate of the seer? She will be crushed as well, but duty calls. We know that you are indeed the one that killed dear James. Did you think you'd just get away with it? That we'd let you live?" he laughed. _So it all goes back to James after all. At least I can die now without thinking my boyfriend put out a hit on me._

"Victoria wanted to kill you herself, but that stunt there just got you an early termination. Say goodbye to your friend Isabella," Laurent said, with a snap, and I was again dropped to the ground as Rorik made his way toward Jasper. _No! Please, God, no! Don't take him from me! Please! _

And then the forest above me began to spin and soon enough I was seeing black.

I was awoken by the most ear shattering growl I had ever heard. "Do you really think you assholes can take me?" I heard the murderous voice of my Jasper spit as his attackers._ It worked! I'd blocked him! Fuck yes!_

And then I looked at Jasper and he looked determined. Major Jasper Whitlock was back. "Bella run!" He yelled to me before sending a swift kick into the face of Laurent and pouncing on Rorik who had turned to advance on me. "Now. Run! Get out of here!"

"YOGI!" I screamed as loud as I could. I wouldn't leave him. I just hoped my siblings could hear me. "ROSE! EMMETT! HELP!"

That was all I could get out before I was grabbed roughly by Laurent. "Shut up you stupid human. I will snap your neck right now if you don't shut the fuck up!" He screamed at me.

Rorik and Jasper were locked in an intense battle, and Laurent left me there to watch as they fought two-on-one. It didn't look good, but I couldn't see much as they were moving at vampire speed. Growls and snarls came from the blurs as I watched on in horror. _Come on Jasper…_

And then the blurs stopped. Jasper was on the floor, Rorik and Laurent above him. "Time's up Empath. Say goodbye."

"NO! PLEASE! DON'T—" I stopped short when I saw another blur whiz past me and take out Rorik.

"Bella! Bella are you okay?" It was Rose. Glorious, beautiful, amazing Rose! I'd never been so happy to see her in my life. I assumed the other blur I saw was Emmett and Rose assured me of that. "It's okay. Don't worry. Emmett is with Jasper. They _will_ be okay."

Then the sound of tearing metal rang throughout the forest and my heart stopped. _Please don't be Jasper. Please don't be Emmett._

My prayers were answered when the head of Rorik, white blonde hair, terror filled red eyes and all, rolled past me and Rose. And as disgusting as the sight was, I'd never been so happy in my life.

Emmett and Jasper came back into view, dragging Laurent between them. They shoved him against a tree and began to interrogate him. "Who sent you?" Jasper screamed.

"Victoria," Laurent answered, shaking with fear.

"For what purpose?"

"To bring the empath and the human to her." _That bitch._

"How did you know that it was I who killed James?" _Yeah. How the fuck did he know?_

"My mate, Irina, told me. She heard from her sister Tanya. I'd assume that she heard from one of your own." _What? Why would Tanya know? Who would tell her knowing that it could get to Victoria?_

"Thanks for spilling your guts coward. In reward I'll kill you quickly rather than the torture I had planned," Jasper roared into his face.

Jasper drew back, ignoring Laurent's pleas for mercy and prepared to end his life, but before he struck, he stopped, a look of confusion gracing his face. All of the vampires turned and looked to the East. And then I heard it. "Stop! Don't do it Jazzy!"

She was still screaming it as they came into view; Alice and Edward. Edward darted straight to me. "Bella, love. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I shook him off of me.

"I'm fine. Why did you stop him? He tried to kill us!" I screamed, angry that this man was still breathing.

"Well, there's a slight complication. We've just left the Denali house. It seems that Laurent here has mated with Irina. When she discovered his plans, she alerted us immediately. It seems that if we are to harm Laurent, the sisters have decided to join Victoria's cause," Edward said sadly. _The Denali's huh? I'd heard mention of them. They were supposed to be extended family; why would they join Victoria?_

Rose spoke first. "Those bitches! Why would they join her over this? He tried to kill Jasper and Bella!"

"It seems that Irina and her sisters are quite taken with Laurent here and consider him family. They asked us to come and stop him and bring him home, where they surely would talk some sense into him," he explained. _What the fuck? They expect us to just let him go? He'll just come back._

"Absolutely fucking not! This piece of shit tried to kill me. And your girlfriend you stupid prick! Why would I let him walk? He'll just come for us again! Are you stupid?" Jasper was livid, venom dripping from his mouth in anticipation for the kill. _Is it wrong that I was completely fucking turned on?_

"Jazzy, please. I can see his future. If he decides to come again, I'll see it. For now, let's give him the benefit of the doubt," Alice spoke, turning to Laurent. "Do you promise to stay away from my family and out of Victoria's plans? Can we trust you?" She asked him.

"Yes! Yes. Anything. Please. Spare me and I will forever be in your debt!" Laurent pleaded.

"Please Jazzy. He means it; you can feel it, I can see it, Edward can hear it. Let him go. We don't want a war; we could all die," Alice begged, rubbing his back. He growled at her.

At the mention of a war, and even more danger coming the Cullen's way because of me, I realized that they were right. We had to let him go. "Jasper?" I called, he turned to look at me. "Please let him go. For me?" I knew he'd never be able to deny me, and I was right.

He threw him to the ground. "If I ever see you again I _will not_ hesitate to kill you. Mark my words. Stay far away from us and you advise Victoria to do the same. I will not be so lenient a second time," he warned and I literally saw Laurent quiver in his boots.

"Get this trash out of here," he spoke to Edward. "I'll deal with your sorry ass when you get home."

And just like that, Edward and Alice left with Laurent. Apparently they'd all learned their lesson when it comes to listening to Jasper.

It was silent for a few seconds. I was counting my blessings. _We're alive; all of us. I didn't lose anybody. And my Jasper… Oh, he's okay. It's too good to be true!_

Emmett broke the silence. "I'm sorry about that bro; I should've been here sooner."

"Don't worry about it. We can discuss this mess more at the house. Right now, I need to get out of here. Can you take care of the blonde one?" Jasper asked Emmett who nodded.

"Sure. I'll take care of this fucker and Rose can take Bella home."

"No. Bella comes with me!" Jasper yelled possessively.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Jazz. You're upset," Emmett argued, sensibly.

"I said Bella comes with me!" He shouted again. _I guess I'm going with him! Not that I'd want it any other way._

"It's fine Em. I'm going with Jasper. See you at home," I told him. He nodded in acceptance and started gathering body parts. Rose kissed me on the cheek and handed me off to Jasper who scooped me up and darted away from the others.

_So much for the day getting better, huh?_

---

"I thought I'd lost you Darlin'," Jasper breathed into my ear as he removed my shirt. "Never leave me! Do you hear me? You're not allowed to ever leave me!" He was frantic as we returned to the clearing. He wasted no time in getting me worked up. _The things he does with his mouth!_

He was topless and I soon followed suit. He sucked and kissed every exposed inch of my flesh, making sure to leave his mark multiple times; branding me. I didn't mind.

"Those pieces of shit tried to take you from me. How dare they! You are mine damn it! Mine!" He tore off my pants. "All mine!"

Within seconds, my panties were shreds of material and he face was buried in my dripping center. Add his expert fingers to the mix and I was coming in no time flat. I screamed his name, not caring if the whole world heard me.

"That's right. Come for me baby. Scream my name!" His words almost brought me to the edge again.

I was panting, trying hard to move my body that suddenly felt like jelly when he spoke again. "Get up," he told me. _Uh, not happening anytime soon._

"I said, get up." This time he sounded more demanding. I quickly stood up, naked for the world to see, on shaky legs. Jasper led us over to a tree stump, where he sat down and pulled my on to his lap, straddling him. I felt his little stallion and wanted nothing more than to have it in me. I ground on him, but he stopped me and held me still.

"Isabella, do you recall when I told you to run earlier this evening?" he asked me in a buttery voice that held something behind it. I nodded. "Did you run?" I shook my head.

"So, you were a bad girl?" He asked. Again I nodded. He pulled me in for a passion filled kiss and when it broke he had a strange look on his face.

"Do you know what I do to bad girls?" He asked, moving his hand to where I needed it most and teasing me. I shook my head.

"Would you like to find out?" He asked as he slipped a finger into me, causing me to moan out in pleasure "Yes!"

"Good," he said with a devious little chuckle. "Cause' I really wanna show ya."

Just like that, I was flipped onto my stomach on his lap. His fingers entered me and at this angle they felt like heaven. Than he pulled out and I whimpered. "What's wrong Doll? Did you like that?" I nodded. "I can't hear you!"

_Son of a bitch!_ "Yes! I liked it. Please. More!"

"Your wish is my command," he said as his other hand reached the spot and began to tease with just the right amount of pleasure. I began moaning and writhing on top of his lap in pure pleasure. And then his hand came down on my ass. _Did he just spank me?_

I thought that maybe I imagined it. It didn't hurt much, just a little sting. And his fingers never stopped their magic so it wasn't unpleasant at all. I actually think I liked it…. And then it came down again. This time I knew it was real. His fingers slipped inside now. And his hand came down again. And again. And again. _Oh. My. God._

The fingers, the hand, the man; it was all too much! It felt amazing. I was loving this spanking shit way too much; there must be something wrong with me! All I know is that when that hand came down again, I came harder than I ever had in my life. I was in pure ecstasy.

Once I was able to get my breathing normal again, I sat up and looked into his eyes. _Beautiful. _

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me, softly.

"What else I can do to be a bad girl," I told him with a devious smile. He laughed with me.

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of a few things," he said, kissing me deeply. "Bella, the next time I tell you to do something, especially in a situation like that; do it, okay? I'll only order you to do something if it's important. I can't risk losing you," he told me, all the edge gone from his voice.

"Yes sir," I told him. He smiled.

"Thank you. Bella, I—I love you." My world stopped when I heard him utter those three words to me. The most beautiful symphony I'd ever heard. They meant so much to me, and I knew of only one way to repay him; "I love you too, Jasper."

The kisses lasted for a long time, leading us back to the floor in the clearing. I brought him to his release. He brought me mine one more time. It was perfect; he was perfect. I wanted nothing more than to give him all of me; so I offered it. "Jasper, please. Take me. Make me yours, fully."

He froze, taking in what I had just said. Considering it, I'm sure. Unfortunately, his response was not the one I wanted. "I will Bella. But not here, not like this. Not on the dirty floor of a forest. Your first time will be special Darlin'. And it will be soon."

I smiled at this, feeling no rejection like the times before. He was right. We were gonna do this the right way. We left after that, me cradled in his arms as he sped us home. I couldn't wait to walk through the door, hand in hand, and proclaim our love to the world. We'd finally be together! I couldn't wait.

As we reached the end of the forest where we could see the house, he put me down. He held my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said four words: "Not tonight. Let's wait."

So I slapped him.

_Seriously, fuck this day!_

_

* * *

_**A/N: I know right? Assholes! We should beat them for all of this bull they're putting us through! Ugh! The nerve!**

**Hehe... I know, I know! Sorry! had to be done. **

**I own nothing, and if I lied about that Bella might slap me. (She's pretty trigger happy, that one!)**

**I don't own Mat Kearney's song either. It's call "Where We Gonna Go From Here" and it's great. **

**Reviews equal love and love equals me sitting at my ancient desktop and writing for you guys... ::sniff:: I miss my baby! **

**Peace, Love and Jasper to us all!  
**


	20. My Life is Over

**A/N: You would've had this much earlier if would've let me post it. Sorry for keeping you waiting so long.**

**I went to the 100 Monkeys show Rock City Studios last week, so if any of you are fans of the boys (or Jackson), I'll post the link to my pics on my profile.**

**This chapter is another long one, sorry! Also, there is a lot going on. Please forgive Jasper's mouth, he's just a little upset. :)  
**

* * *

"Thank you. Bella, I—I love you." My world stopped when I heard him utter those three words to me. The most beautiful symphony I'd ever heard. They meant so much to me, and I knew of only one way to repay him; "I love you too, Jasper."

The kisses lasted for a long time, leading us back to the floor in the clearing. I brought him to his release. He brought me mine one more time. It was perfect; he was perfect. I wanted nothing more than to give him all of me; so I offered it. "Jasper, please. Take me. Make me yours, fully."

He froze, taking in what I had just said. Considering it, I'm sure. Unfortunately, his response was not the one I wanted. "I will Bella. But not here, not like this. Not on the dirty floor of a forest. Your first time will be special Darlin'. And it will be soon."

I smiled at this, feeling no rejection like the times before. He was right. We were gonna do this the right way. We left after that, me cradled in his arms as he sped us home. I couldn't wait to walk through the door, hand in hand, and proclaim our love to the world. We'd finally be together! I couldn't wait.

As we reached the end of the forest where we could see the house, he put me down. He held my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said four words: "Not tonight. Let's wait."

So I slapped him.

_Seriously, fuck this day!_

---

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 20_

_**My Life is Over**_

I glanced down at the beautiful, albeit slightly crazy, woman in front of me. I didn't feel any of the emotions that I expected to feel; no anger, no rage. I didn't even have to chant my standard 'never hit a woman, never hit a woman' mantra that I had to use every time Rose or Alice hit me. It was like she got a free pass to do whatever she wanted to me and she'd still be the person that I want to spend forever with. I was just concerned about her hand; it has to be throbbing by now. "Are you okay Doll?"

"Screw you Jasper," she spat before storming off toward the house. I caught her quickly.

"Would you let me explain?"

"No, I won't. I'll go upstairs, take a shower and begin ruing the day I ever let you into my life," she said, completely serious. Though how anyone can utter the word 'rue' seriously is beyond me. I grabbed her arm, "You don't mean that."

"You sure about that?" She asked lethally. I smirked at her, "Empath, remember?" I told her, wiggling my eyebrows and angering her further. Great. "I feel your pain Darlin', but now is not the right time."

"Yeah, well the right time better get here very soon Empath. My patience is wearing thin. Can you feel that too?" Of course I could. In fact, her emotions today have been a storm. She feels like a mentally unstable person and I'm worried that she might snap. With everything she's been through lately, I wouldn't blame her.

"Soon, Babe. I promise," I told her softly, leaning in for a kiss. She turned her head from me, pulled her arm from my grasp, and stormed into the house. I didn't miss her muttered 'stupid fucking indecisive vampire' either. _This day just keeps getting' better and better. _

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair for a few moments, trying to center myself and calm down. Knowing it wasn't working, I gave up and made my way in the house. As soon as I stepped in the door I was attacked by Emmett's questions, questions that I didn't have answers for yet. This whole situation seems entirely fucked up. I shot him a glare that promptly shut him up and made my way into my shower.

The warm water only made me think of Bella, so I showered at the speed of light and was soon dressed and lying on my bed, hands behind my head, trying to calm down and analyze the fucked up chain of events that led me here. Before I had time to come up with any kind of logic regarding the mess, I heard Esme and Carlisle enter the house. I rushed downstairs, knowing that Rose and Emmett were ready to spill their guts and my patience level could only handle rehashing the events of the night once. "Not a word," I silenced them. "Let's sit and wait for the traitors to get home so we only have to do this once."

They could hear in my voice that I wasn't fucking around, and rather than deal with me, they followed me into the dining room. Carlisle looked to be barley containing himself, his curiosity and worry growing with each tick of the clock. Bella joined five minutes later and we sat in an awkward silence for another five before we heard them approaching. Everyone's emotions picked up and I did my best to block them all out. I stood near the door and waited for them to enter.

Alice stopped abruptly when she saw me, a look of shame plastered on her tiny face, and ducked her head as she went to join the others. Edward entered next, and I wasted no time before I clocked him one, dropping his dumb ass to the floor and leaving him there as I joined my family at the table. Esme was shocked, Carlisle holding her back from attending to her punk-ass son; he really is a smart man. Everyone else looked smug, aside from Alice who hung her head.

Thirty seconds later, Edward joined us at the table. "I guess I deserved that." Rose snorted. I fought with myself to keep from giving him just what he really deserved. Little bitch.

"Alright, that's it. Would somebody care to tell me what the hell is going on here?" Carlisle had apparently reached the end of his rope. Everyone stared at me, expectantly. Great. I tried to center myself, not wanting to scare my parents with my words, but the sight of Edward and Alice across from me was making it very hard. Apparently my silence lasted too long, because Bella decided to fill them in.

"Well, Pops, to make a long story short, Jasper and I were attacked in the forest by Laurent and some big ass blonde dude. They were sent by Victoria, who knew that it was Jasper that killed James and not Edward. She wanted both of us brought to her alive, but Laurent was ready to kill Jasper when Barbie and Ken came through and saved the day. Jasper was all prepared to give Laurent his just-deserts when Dumb and Dumber showed up and begged him not to kill him. And now, here we are."

Shocked gasps rang through the room as I Esme and Carlisle got the gist of what went down. My mood improved as I suppressed a chuckle at Bella's nicknames and the fact that Carlisle and Esme knew her well enough to know who she was talking about. I smiled at her, but she glared at me. _Oh yeah, she's mad at me. Damn._

After he recovered from the shock of Bella's words, Carlisle asked exactly what I though he would; "Why did you guys beg for his mercy? Why spare him?"

"Oh yeah, they didn't want to piss off those Denali cunts you guys are so fond of," Bella answered bluntly. Esme looked like she was about to faint. 'What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry Esmom, but you're gonna have to ask these assholes for that information. It still confounds me." Obviously, Bella wouldn't be forgiving them anytime soon.

Esme never took her eyes off of Bella, obviously sensing her hurt and instability. She simply hissed, "Explain," and soon enough we were hearing the other side of the story.

Alice, head still hanging, began the tale; "We decided to pay a quick visit to the Denali's before coming home since they aren't too far away. Right when we arrived, the girls were frantic. Irina had found a note from Laurent, saying that he loved her but had to take care of a certain Empath and human that had wronged him in the past. They quickly realized who he was after and that they may have given him just the information he needed to find what he wanted. They felt terrible, but knew that Jasper would be able to protect himself and Bella. They didn't know he had another with him. They were worried that Jasper would kill Laurent and said that if a Cullen were to kill a member of their family, they'd have to choice but to seek vengeance."

"Oh my goodness, that's just horrible! How could they? I love them like family. What a sad, sad day. I'll have to call Carmen and try and mend this," Esme said, the sadness radiating off her in thick waves.

"Carmen and Eleazar are out of the country. As far as we know, they are not involved. But I don't think that there is any coming back from this. On our way home, we received a call from them warning us that Laurent decided to leave the coven and join Victoria. They now blame us for his abandonment. I don't believe they wish to harm us, but all ties have seemingly been severed," Edward explained.

The stupid fucking rat bastard! I slammed my fist on the table, cracking it. "So you mean I let him go free just so that he could have a better chance at killing Bella? You stupid piece of shit! Do you realize what you've done?" I screamed, furious. Edward cowered, knowing I was right.

"Now he knows my skills. He knows Bella's! We've just given them the boost they needed. I should fucking kill you for that shit!"

"Jasper, enough. Your brother was only trying to protect the family. We need to stick together right now, because from what I've gathered, Victoria is after us and seems to have minions fighting her battles. Who knows how many are at her disposal. Now, please, explain to me what you meant by 'Bella's skills' son," Carlisle finally piped in. Of course that's what concerns him.

"The blonde had the power to block sound from escaping; we couldn't call for help. Bella blocked him. Right? Isn't that what happened Bella?" I asked her, not really sure, only having assumed.

"Uh, yeah. I guess. It didn't work at first, but I was finally able to do it. I only blacked out for a little while this time," she answered timidly.

"Well, that is just great Bella. So you were able to use your voice and you called Emmett and Rose?" He asked her, loving this.

"Yeah, I guess. Although it might have been Jasper's growls that got their attention. They were louder," she said sheepishly, embarrassed by his praise.

"Wait, Jasper could speak too?" She nodded. He thought for a moment. "Well that just shows that your bond still stands from Phoenix. Amazing," Carlisle declared, pensively. I smiled, inwardly of course.

"Uh, I could actually hear Rose too. It was right before he was killed, but I definitely heard her," Bella told us. "Yeah, I could hear them too. They were yelling for me to hold on, that they were on the way," I explained, confused at how this was possible.

"Maybe you blocked him from using his gift, instead of shielding us," Emmett added, and it sounded plausible to me. I looked to Carlisle. "That is a very good theory Emmett. I'll have to look into it." Emmett beamed.

I looked around the room. All eyes were on me, including Bella's. I can't believe I almost lost her today. I fought like a complete amateur, wanting only to get to Bella. I could've lost her because I was too worried about protecting her. That can't happen again. Getting caught off guard really fucked me up. I have to be ready; we all have to be ready. Time to formulate a plan.

"Alright, now that we've figured that out, it's time to come up with a game plan. Our allies are gone and Victoria is after us. Alice, can you see her at all?" I'd transitioned into Major-mode and protecting Bella was my number one objective.

"No, damn it! I can't see hardly anything anymore!" She was frustrated; I didn't have time to deal with it.

"Alright, here's the plan. Pay attention," I told them, giving them a play by play of how we were going to protect our girl. We decided that we'd leave in the morning since they knew where we were and we'd feel safer at home; plus, Bella wanted to make sure nothing happened to Charlie or Jake.

Once our game plan was down pact, Bella retired for the night and we went out to hunt and patrol in shifts. Bella slept alone, stating that she wasn't in the mood for company. I took this as my cue to leave her be; hopefully we can talk it out when we get home.

---

_T-minus one hour until were back in Forks and I can get out of this fucking car! _

You'd think it would be great; since Edward and Alice pissed everyone off, we nominated them to ride back with Esme and Carlisle. But no, everyone's emotions are bordering on panic, aside from Bella's, that is, whose are cycling so frequently that I don't know what to make of them. Then, to add insult to injury, she won't talk to me. She's avoiding my glances, leaning away from my touch, ignoring my pleas for conversation; fucking teenagers! Rose continues to send me pitying looks from the front and Emmett is as oblivious as the sky is blue. _I mean, really? How dense can he be?_

When he started singing some stupid rap song I really wanted to slap him, so, in an effort to keep from injuring him, I began going over our plan of defense. Bella would never be alone. Whether at home, school, work or out and about, one of us would always be with her or near by. We weren't taking any chances. We'd pull shifts keeping watch at night and patrolling the area surrounding Forks.

We'd also be trying to track Victoria down. We figured it would be better to keep her away from us and seek her out instead, but nobody was willing to leave Bella for too long. So, we'd do what we could and hope for the best. All I know is that I would kill every living thing on Earth to keep Bella safe; that red-headed bitch had no idea who she was dealing with.

The buzzing of Bella's phone pulled me from my thoughts, which was good because I was getting angry again. She ignored the call without a glance at the caller info. It rang again and she did the same thing. I was sad; she looked so broken, so frightened. If her emotions were any indication, she was mentally very fragile; it wouldn't take much to push her over the edge.

This time, the caller changed tactics and sent a text message. After a minute or two, she finally gave in a read it... _And there she goes._

Bella's emotions were crazed; slightly hysterical. "What happened? What's wrong?" I asked her, trying not to let her emotional state effect me.

"Charlie's friend, Harry. He was just killed," she told me in a small, cracking voice.

"How? How did he die?" I was growing irrational, my fear that Victoria was in Forks increasing with every passing second. Rose swerved a little, clearly affected by my fear. Emmett simply got angry; he was ready to fuck somebody up.

The next two words out of her mouth set us both into motion, jumping from the car and telling Rose to alert the others. We ran as fast as we could, hoping to catch whoever had done this and stop further lives from being lost. I pushed myself harder than I thought I could as I ran towards the exact danger that I was trying to save my family from. I'd face it head on willingly, as long as Bella was safe. All because she had muttered the exact two words that I'd been fearing; "Animal attack."

_Please, please, please let me catch this bitch. _

_*_

But we didn't. We picked up her scent and tried to chase her down, but it had disappeared at the road; she must've had someone waiting as her get away driver. We could've split up and continued to search for her, but we figured it would be better to get back to the family in case it was some kind of trick.

We hunted on the way back, not knowing if this would turn into a fight to the death or a waiting game, but wanting to be prepared either way. Rose informed us that Carlisle, Esme, Edward and Alice would stay at the Swan's for awhile and she'd meet us at the house. Then, the three of us sat and waited for the others to return; it was torture.

My pacing was leaving a mark on Esme's hardwood floor when we finally heard them drive up. Esme entered first followed by an angry Edward; what else is new?

"How is she? Is everything okay?" I was desperate for some information.

"Bella's doing okay," Esme explained. "But Charlie, Billy and Jacob aren't doing so well. They were all close to Harry and his death is hitting them very hard. Bella's trying to be strong for them. Alice stayed over to help out and keep an eye on things, but one of you should head over to help her out."

"I'll go!" I shouted before I had a chance to rein it in. Everyone glanced at me like I was crazy. _Shit… Think fast!_

"What? So I can help with their grief," I explain my faux-reason. They fell for it. Good.

"That sounds great honey. Carlisle is at the hospital now, but should be back soon. Then the rest of us will patrol the area and see if we can find anything to help us."

"Perfect. Emmett will fill you in on what we found. I'll see you guys later," I exclaimed, trying to get out if there and to Bella as quickly as possible. But I wasn't free yet; Edward grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Keep her safe, please?"

"She's my best friend Edward, I'm not gonna let anything happen to her. Why aren't you there, anyways?" _Please say she made you leave. Please say she made you leave._

"She asked me to go. So since I can't be there, can you just keep her alive? You obviously do a much better job at it than me," he looked sad. I couldn't care less. "Yes, I do. And yes, I will." And then I was gone.

*

When I got to the house, Bella was the first person I saw. She was in sweats and a too big t-shirt with her hair pulled into a ponytail. He eyes were red and her cheeks were flushed; she had been crying. _Not okay._

She stood with Jake, holding his hand and rubbing circles on his back. Next to them stood their fathers, talking intently about something I couldn't bother to listen to. All I wanted to do was hold my girl and make her feel better. Once the conversation was over, Jake hugged his father, and then a tall boy that I recognized from around the town walked over to help him in the car. I could see two other young men in the car, and when he opened the door to help Billy in, the smell that radiated from it was repugnant. It made me a little upset. I was confused about my reaction and the horrible stench, but Bella's tiny, warm hand on my shoulder made me forget all thoughts of it. "Jay, what are you doing here?"

"Really Bee? What do you think?" She gave me a 'don't mess with me right now' look, so I threw one right back at her.

"I thought I made my feelings quite clear the other night," she said through clenched teeth. _Really? Is she fucking kidding me?_

I tried to remain a gentleman, plus, Alice was somewhere in the vicinity and didn't want her to hear anything she shouldn't. "Quite the contrary my dear. Why don't you explain them to me, 'cause I can't figure them out for the life of me."

"I'm not jumping off my horse until you're off yours and ready to catch me," she explained, glaring at me.

"Well that's quite selfish; who's gonna catch me?" I asked her, quirking my eyebrow in a fashion that showed her I wasn't too happy with this conversation.

"You're a big boy' you can handle the fall," she smirked at me. _No fucking way! She can't be serious..._

"And you're a big girl. Though I'd thought the plan was to jump together; catch each other. When did the plans change?"

"When I was ready to jump with you and you fucking bailed on me. That's when!" She played the part of angry, but I could feel her pain. I'd hurt her. She was right; she was ready and I punked out. Regardless of my reasons, which were very logical in my eyes, she had stepped up to the plate and I left her hanging. _Damn it, I hate being wrong._

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed, dreading the next words out of my mouth. "You're right."

She whipped her head at me, "What?" I pulled her close and whispered in her ear, making sure only she would hear me.

"I said you're right. I'm sorry. I know that was a big step that you were ready to take for me. As far as me jumping; I'm ready and willing, whether or not you are. I'm just waiting for the right time Doll, and right now is not it. You understand, right?" I was just ready to start my new life, with Bella by my side and Victoria a pile of ashes.

She thought for awhile and I gave her the time she needed to process what I'd said. "I don't like it, but I understand it. I'll be jumping soon. Very soon," she said, smiling sadly at me. I returned it. Just then, the sky darkened and thunder sounded throughout the night. Great.

The rain came out of nowhere and we both hauled ass inside, laughing as I shut the door behind us. I brushed a fallen lock behind her ear and we simply stood there, transfixed by each other. Jacob's ungraceful ass is what finally broke us out of our spell.

"Just can't get rid of you Cullen's, can we?" He joked.

"Hey, don't be such an ass Jackoff!" Bella chastised him, quite irate. Jake was just fucking with me, but yes, my dick twitched at her defending me; no matter how unnecessary her anger was.

He looked at me in shock and we both laughed. "Chill Iz, I was playing. I like this guy; it's the little one who I could do without. Oh, and your girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" I asked, confused and intrigued.

"Yeah, Edwardo. He's a marshmallow. He needs to man up. Always all weepy; like a lost puppy. Makes me sick. You need a real man Iz," he said, moving his eyebrows in my direction. _Have I mentioned how much I like Jake? _

I just laughed at him, as did Bella, and clapped him on the shoulder; "Well, expect to see a lot of my mug around. With a wild animal running around, we gotta look after our girl here."

"I thought that's what I was here for; but I don't mind you or Emmett, hell, even Ma and Pa Cullen are cool. Just keep the rest of your family away from me, please!" I felt his desperation.

"I'll try. Just be glad you can go home and get away from them. I'm stuck with 'em." I told him, not entirely kidding.

"Well, for the next week or so, this is home. So try hard, okay?" Huh? Bella must've felt my confusion. "Billy had to take a couple of the boys from the rez to see an elder in Seattle. They are coming down with some weird illness that nobody here can cure, and he thinks this elder will be able to help. So Jake is staying here for awhile," she explained.

While I was glad that Bella would get to spend some time with Jake, that just meant that he was one more person that we'd have to keep safe. "Hopefully he'll be able to get back for the funeral," Bella added, absentmindedly. At these words, the atmosphere in the room changed.

Jake's grief and sadness encapsulated him, sending him to the couch with his head in his hands. He wasn't dealing with this loss very well. Bella followed, trying to comfort him and feeling her own pain at the sight of Jake's, mixed with guilt and anger. All because of Victoria!

All of the emotions were effecting me, and even through them I was certain of one thing; I was gonna find the bitch and tear her limb from limb. Immediately, if not sooner.

---

The next few days passed in a blur of activity. I was an almost constant figure at the Swan household, and Charlie seemed nothing but thankful. Between the hunt for the animal that had killed one of his best friends and doing all that he could to help his family, Charlie hardly spent anytime at the house.

Wednesday, the day after the death, was a somber day. Bella and Jake slept for most of the day, probably both exhausted by their emotional states. When they awoke, I had donuts and sweet coffee drinks that Alice insisted on buying ready for them; which they spared no time inhaling. After that, the two of them spent the rest of the day watching favorite movies of theirs and I split my time between watching them amusedly and scanning the area for the red-head who held a permanent position at the top of my shit list.

Alice and Edward also visited that day, relieving me and irritating Jacob. Bella was pleased to see Alice, but almost disgusted with Edward. Later that night she shared with me how miserable she was with him. She wanted out, but was having a hard time ending it. She didn't want to hurt him.

I had to hand it to my brother however; he was a persistent little fucker. He never gave up. Flowers filled the house and chocolates, perfumes, cards, poems and stuffed animals. He was trying to keep her as hard as his immature mind knew how; unfortunately for him, these material items only pissed Bella off more. Idiot.

That day there was no sign of Victoria or any other vampire in the area. The next day, however, was different. Harry's funeral was held on the reservation, which meant none of us could watch over her. We did the best thing we could; constant patrol of the borders of La Push and Bella on high alert. The day passed safely with no threat of attack, but as the evening arrived, I was feeling uneasy. Bella and Jake were headed home from the wake, a friend of Jake's was driving them because apparently they were trashed._ Great, drunken Bella. That should be fun._

I was standing outside Bella's house in the rain, pacing wildly and waiting impatiently for them to show up when I got the call. "We picked up a scent. It's fresh but the rain will make it hard to track him." Rosalie told me as soon as I answered.

"Him? Who? Laurent?"

"Yes."

"Fuck! Go! All of you. Find him and bring him back to me." And then I hung up. They knew what to do. Just then, the bad driver with stringy hair pulled up with my girl. I frantically rushed them inside and put on a pot of coffee.

Yep, they were definitely three sheets to the wind. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't peg Bella for a drinker, but this didn't seem like it was the first time they partook in this sort of inebriation. Luckily they were happy drunks, alternating from giggling to discussing the silliest of topics. Their giddiness had me longing for a shot of my own and completely forgetting that my family was out chasing after Laurent. Their emotions were affecting me in the best way possible, and after I poured them some coffee, I sat down to join in their antics.

I was enjoying the show, but was glad I was the only one around to see it. Bella surely wouldn't want the family to see her in this state. But, when I saw a flash of red outside the kitchen window I realized what I fool I'd been. I'd sent them all away, after one vampire, leaving me the sole defender of both Bella and Jake.

Silently, I flitted over to the window, peering out and hoping I was mistaken. Victoria wasn't here. Not now. She couldn't be. If so, I was screwed.

But then I saw her, high atop a tree in the forest, her hair blowing in the wind like a torch and she was staring directly at me; a challenge. _Son of a bitch!_

She'd tricked us, using Laurent as bait. Now she was here, challenging me with her icy glare and I had two drunk humans to protect. _What do I do? Do I chase after her? What if she has someone else with her; another trick. I can't leave them unprotected. But can I stay here? She could have us surrounded. I won't be able to fight multiple vampires off and look after Bella; look what happened last time. Fuck! You really stepped in it this time Whitlock._

I quickly opened my cell phone, not taking my eyes of off Victoria in case she tried something. She was emitting nothing but a raw need for vengeance and that frightened me a little. I dialed Rose and muttered three simple words; "Get here, now!" I knew they'd come, but would I have enough time?

As Bella and Jake continued to joke, oblivious to the impending danger, I came up with a plan; scare her enough to stall until my family arrived.

Our eyes were still locked as I began to unbutton my shirt. She was confused, but still determined. Once my shirt was off, I broke my gaze with her and made my way outside. I walked out like a predator to its prey, eyes black as coal and a fierce growl growing in my chest. As soon as she got a look at my marred chest, I felt her fear. She knew what these meant, what I was capable of. I decided to help her along, sending her wave after wave of fear with an addition of wonder; thus, scared shitless but wholly intrigued, she stayed glued to her spot. And so, we continued our silent stare down. Venom filled my mouth as I fought off the urge to attack her.

I knew it wouldn't be much longer until my family got there and I couldn't wait. This was too easy; like taking candy from a baby. Unfortunately, Bella's clumsy ass had to go and trip over her own two feet in the house, distracting me just enough for Victoria to gain a firm grasp on her emotions. I silently cursed my luck as she fled the scene and I was powerless to chase after her. Laurent was still out there somewhere and God only knows who else she had with her. I had to stay.

I didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't speak until I heard them approaching. Edward was first of course, and I quickly told him all he needed to know; "She ran. Get them inside with Bella and then follow me. I'm going after her." And then I was gone.

Unfortunately, the wetness made her scent hard to follow and I lost her; again. By the time Edward caught up to me I was pulverizing a poor, unknowing deer to ease the murderous fury within me. Emmett came bounding through a few moments later and, defeated, we headed back the way we came.

*

The next day was spent nursing massive hangovers and catching Bella up on the events she missed. She was pissed to have put herself in such a venerable place, but said she enjoyed the release the alcohol had given her. Her emotions had been in a near-constant storm and they were hard for even me to decipher. Edward was smothering her, Jake and Charlie were grief-stricken, Victoria was trying to kill her, and then there's me. I didn't blame the girl, but I needed her to be strong. She was trying.

Carlisle and Esme went hunting that night as they hadn't been in awhile. Edward and Alice also insisted on going on their own short hunting trip, which pissed me off. There was no need for them to leave at a time like this when it wasn't at all vital. _Drain a fucking deer and get over it; Bella's in trouble, assholes! _

With our numbers cut in half, we stuck together that night, all three of us going over to Bella's for a video game tournament. Rose did Bella's nails and they spent some well needed girl time while Emmett kicked our asses in every video game we played. Fucking showoff.

Rose stayed the night while Emmett patrolled outside, giving me a much needed break from it all. I took some time to hunt and then went back to the house to shower, change and think. The next day came so quickly that it shocked me. I'd had Emmett drop of a gift to Bella for me, but other than that I'd spent the day holed up in my study. I was disappointed in my constant failure and full of self loathing. I had Bella's favorite black cowboy hat covering my face when Edward knocked on the door.

"Hey Jasper. Alice sent me to summon you for the party. Rose went to collect Bella and Jake and they'll be here any second," he said, hurriedly. He did not want to go to this party. Either did I. Damn it, I could already tell today was gonna be one of those days. I grumbled my acknowledgement, but he didn't go anywhere.

"Uh, Jasper?" _What the hell does he want now? _"Do you, by any chance, have a western hat I can borrow? I forgot to get an outfit and Alice will kill me--" he said, stopping mid sentence when I threw my hat that was covering my face at him. He left the room quickly after he grabbed it. Smart boy.

I dragged myself out of bed and threw on a pair of worn, snug Levi's, a brown plaid button up over a tan undershirt, leaving the buttons open and rolling up the sleeves, my brown boots and my straw fedora. _Western enough for tonight._

When I got downstairs, I was suddenly in a brighter mood. I had to work very hard to stifle the laughter that was threatening to break free at the scene before me.

Emmett was clad in the canon western sheriff uniform, from the studded boots to the cheesy gold star. He looked like a walking caricature. Alice was clad in the whole jean skirt and vest get up with pink boots and hat. _Really? Pink? Ridiculous._ And she was staring very disapprovingly at Edward, whose idea of western wear was his standard jeans and black t-shirt with a cowboy hat on his head.

When Emmett attempted a trick with the plastic guns, trying to draw them for the imaginary duel taking place in his head, and accidentally threw one of the guns into one of Esme's vases, I couldn't control myself. Laughter erupted from me at such a high intensity that all of us were soon giggling and trying to stay upright. It felt good to enjoy some time with Edward and Alice after such stressful times.

All the laugher vanished, however, when the door swung open and the rest of our party walked in the room. Everyone just stood there and stared. Rose looked way too fucking good in a barely there Indian-style fringed dress with thigh high suede boots; if she was my woman, she'd never leave the house looking that sexy. And then there was Bella. And I wanted to go back in time and shut myself up, because she was looking especially yummy tonight. She had a pair of short jean shorts on, with a black and gray plaid shirt that was at least two sizes too small for her. It was so tight that it showed a couple inches of her stomach and barley contained her breasts. Add all that to the gray boots I'd just gifted her with, the twin braids framing her face and the red lips, I don't think I'm making it through this night! _Thank you Jesus!_

And then I remembered Edward and Alice were here. _Damn it! I'm gonna need a drink to handle this shit._

"Well shit, I don't really feel all that comfortable with you guys staring at me like that," Jacob said, breaking the ice and causing the girls to giggle. "Now, let's get this show on the road. I need to find me a cute little thing to keep me company tonight." He said, this time making us guys laugh. It was then that I realized they'd been drinking again.

"Howdy ya'll! We're fixin' ta throw back a couple more before we hit the open road," Bella tried in a horrible southern imitation. I couldn't help but laugh at her adorable ass; but Eddie didn't seem too happy about her current state.

She pulled an almost empty bottle of Patron out of her purse and made her way into the kitchen; we all followed. I assumed that this had been their fuel the past couple of days. "Shoot!" She said, "No shot glasses!"

"That's alright, Iz. We can just chug," Jake said, swiping the bottle and taking a big gulp and then passing it to Bella. Edward stopped her, of course.

"I think you've had enough Isabella." She looked at him like he had grown two heads. "First of all, Edward, don't ever touch my Patron," she snatched it back from him. "And secondly, stop being such a sissy boy. We're pregaming. Get with the program." _Ah, this shit is just too good!_

He sulkingly gave it back to her. "And why are you wearing Jasper's hat?" She asked, but she cut off his response. "I love this hat," she said, lost in thoughts while running her had across it.

"To the hat!" Jake said, raising up an invisible glass. "To the hat!" She replied, gulping down the rest of the bottle. "Oh no! Empty!" She whined. Jake mimicked her sad face. These two are seriously fucking comical.

Suddenly Emmett dashed into the pantry and swiftly returned. "Pregame away my friends!" He said, setting a new bottle of Patron and two shot glasses on the counter.

"Emmett!" Edward hissed.

"Chill dude. They're having fun. Ease up. I won't let anything happen to her."

"Oh Yogi! You're my hero!" Bella gushed. Yes, I was jealous.

"Wait, why do you guys have this? You don't drink!" I'm glad she kept her words thoughtful with Jake around.

"Sure we do, just not very often," Rose told her.

"You do? How? Why don't I know this?" She was shocked. I guess it never came up...

Everyone stood in an awkward silence. "Well, then what the hell are you guys waiting for? Shots for everyone!"

"Hell yeah!" Jake and Emmett shouted at the same time.

Bella looked to Rose while Em got the extra glasses. "What the hell!" She said, gaining claps from Bella. Alice giggled and pulled me over to join them. "We're in!" She said and I winked at Bella. Emmett finished pouring the shots and we all waited excitedly. It'd been way too long since we'd had a drink. Edward, of course, stood off to the side, staring disapprovingly at our display.

"Come on Edwardo, you're missing out on all the fun," Jake called to him. Edward was not happy. "What's wrong? Too much of a light weight?" Edward ignored his taunting.

"Yeah, come on Edward. Take the stick out of your ass and have a drink with us," Bella joined in. He said nothing. "Please?" She said, sweetly with big eyes. _Got him._

_*_

The horrible music was thumping wildly through the crowed house. Lust and joy emanated from all corners, joining with excitement to make quite the cocktail of emotions. The abundance of tequila I'd consumed was making everything remarkably tolerable and I was actually enjoying myself. Everyone was.

Me, Edward, Emmett, Jake and Ben sat on a couch and watched our girls put on a show for us; though I'm sure everyone thought I was watching Alice. Angela had immediately floated over to us and embraced Bella; she really did care about her. Jessica soon joined, her eye on Jake and we've been one big, happy, drunk family ever since. The girls danced together while we watched and enjoyed the view.

Then, Eric had to go and kill it by putting on a slow song. _Really? Ugh! _Our respective dates grabbed us, wanting to dance, but as soon as Jake stood up, he came crashing back down. None of us could get to him in time without looking inhuman so we had to let him fall. Luckily he didn't hurt anything. He was wasted; out for the night. He mumbled something about cowgirls and then became completely incoherent. I felt a spike of mischievousness shoot through Bella, and before I knew it, she had conned Edward into taking Jake home and tucking him in. _Atta girl._

Edward reluctantly agreed and when he asked if any of us would accompany him, the only one who agreed was Alice, stating the need to get away from Bella and see if she could see anything about Victoria or Laurent. _Sounds good to me. _Edward didn't really want to leave Bella, but she assured him that she'd just dance with Rose and the boys while he was gone and he felt better about it. _Dumbass. _

We danced, but it was completely innocent; like a dance between two friends. If only they could hear the shit we whispered in each others ears. _Yeah, not so friendly_.

It's a good thing Em and Rose had slipped out to handle some 'business'. In fact, our conversation was so steamy, I was already making plans for our first time together in my head. I'd do it right with roses, massage oil, strawberries, champagne; you know, all the cliché pansy shit._ Whatever it takes to get me in the tiny ass shorts of hers. _

My mind was still on making Bella mine when my phone rang. Esme. "Is everything okay Mom?" I asked, stepping outside to take the call and dragging Bella with me.

"Technically, yes, but we just got home and we smelled them. They were both here. It seems to be less than an hour old." _Fuck! Well, there goes my buzz._

"Shit! Edward and Alice just went to drop Jake off; I'll have Alice stay with him. Will you go join her and watch after him?" I asked her, trying to formulate a plan.

"Yes. I'm on my way. Carlisle will meet you at the clearing. Hurry Son." And then the call was over.

_I'm so sick of this stupid bitch, damn it! I seriously can't wait to fuck her up_. _I don't care if she's a woman; she's dying tonight._

Once Edward made it back to the party, I had him and Emmett stay there to protect Bella and the people there in case Victoria tracked Bella down. We wouldn't want to leave them defenseless to a psychotic vampire. Rose and I took off to meet Carlisle, who directed us to her their scent paths. We followed them as quickly as we could, but we weren't getting any sight of them. I pushed my legs as hard as I could and soon enough we heard the tell-tell rustling and frantic footsteps of vampires on the run. Their scents came to an abrupt split and I sent Rose and Carlisle off together after Laurent and I continued after the scent that I now associated with hatred.

Her path was a ridiculous twisty-turny nonsensical one that was pissing me off. She was obviously trying to escape me, but I wasn't about to let that go down again. I didn't even know where I was anymore when suddenly I ran right into Rosalie, full speed. Confused, I helped her up off of her ass and then simply stared stupidly at her. "What the fuck?" I exclaimed, intelligently.

"What? I didn't see you!" She thought I was mad at her.

"No. Not that. Why are you here? Where'd she go?" _How did this happen again?_

"That's just what we were thinking, Jasper. Laurent's trail ended here too," Carlisle said, jogging back from somewhere down the road. Road? Damn it, we are on a road. I looked at Rose meaningfully.

"Looks like Firecrotch had a getaway driver again," She said, taking the words out of my mouth.

"Son of a fucking bitch!" I growled out in frustration, "I don't get how she keeps fucking getting away from me!" I was shaking in anger and thoroughly sickened at my own failure.

"Jazz, it's okay," Rose tried to comfort me. "No it's not!" I yelled. She recoiled. I felt bad.

"Sorry. I'm just tired of this. Just give me a minute, okay? Go back to the party. I'll meet you there in a minute and we can get everyone home." She nodded and ran off, Carlisle in tow.

I watched them retreat and the self-hatred began to encapsulate me. _I'm Major Jasper Fucking Whitlock; how does this bitch keeping getting away! Damn it!_

Right on cue, my phone rang. "What the fuck do you want Pete? Now is not the time to fuck with me," I warned.

He chuckled. "How does she keep getting away from you Major?" He taunted me.

"Fuck you Peter."

"I'm not fucking with you, I'm asking you a question. How does she keep getting away from you? Think about it." He sounded sincere.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, how is it that she keeps evading you? You aren't an amateur. Surely you should've caught her by now, right?"

"Well, yeah. I guess." _Is he trying to tell me I suck or what?_

"Seems _unnatural_ to me..."

_It does... _

_No, really. How does she keep doing it?_

_Could she… _

_Does she… _

_Oh!_

_Well fuck me…_

"Are you saying she has a gift Pete? Is that her gift? Evasion?"

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" _Fuckin' asshole._

"So, a fucking escape artist is trying to kill my woman and you barely tell me about it now? What the fuck?"

"Kiss my ass Whitlock." Click.

_Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that man sometimes._

*

When I got back to the party I was ready to grab my girl and go. I don't know why my mind seems to be failing me so much lately; why I'm living in a delusion world where Bella is mine and I can be with her freely. All I know is that my delusions of marching in and taking Bella into my arms only to spend the night with her tiny body wrapped around me were thrown out the window when I walked in and saw her draped across Edward's lap in a fit of laughter.

_Oh yeah. She's his. And you have a wife. Fucking dumbass._

Now, even more angry than before, I gathered up the troops and led them to the car. Me, Rose and Em had sobered up, but apparently Bella and Edward had continued drinking and seemed to be having a great time together. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to slap them; yes, both of them.

We were walking back to the car when she giggled adorably and said "I love your hat. It's so sexy!" _Really? I mean, come the fuck on! She knows that hat belongs to me. How could she really be saying these words? She's not that fucking drunk!_

I tried to hold it back, but the growl that left my throat was menacing. Thankfully Rose is my savior and grabbed Bella to ride up front with her while she drove us home. Apparently Bella would be staying at our house. Great.

Being exactly what he is, Edward sat bitch on the ride home. Which meant his drunken, oblivious ass was real close to getting his head ripped off. I mean, my fists were literally balled at my sides in an attempt not to end his life. _Oh, how I loath his being_.

By the time we got home I was in the worst mood ever. I needed to either kill something or fuck someone really, really roughly. And since the one person I wanted to fuck was walking hand in hand with Edward to his room and fucking her in this state would end up with her dead anyways, I made my way to the forest. I was hoping to kill enough time to miss their pansy ass make out session and kill enough pansy ass animals to cure my fucked up mood.

An hour later I couldn't possibly drink anymore, but I wasn't feeling any better. I fucking hated Victoria. I wanted to kick Peter's ass. I wanted to kill Edward. I wanted to shake some sense into Bella's inebriated ass. _Oh, she would definitely be hearing it from me. Just because she was wrecked didn't mean she could act like this. Not cool. That shit was not gonna fly ever again. My girl didn't kiss other boys. My girl didn't say my hat looked sexy on someone else. My girl was gonna have some splainin' ta do!_

When I finally made it home I figured Bella would be asleep and Edward, hopefully having sobered up, would realize how much he'd let loose and hate himself for being indecent. Idiot.

But I was wrong. It wasn't until I made it to my study that I realized that they were both still in his room, awake, sending off ridiculous amounts of lust. _No. No, no, no; this is NOT fucking happening. She's not in there messing around with him. She knows I live here. She doesn't even fucking like him! Why? Why is she doing this to me? _

The lust pouring from that room was intense, but I couldn't tell if it was one sided or not. Their drunken emotions blended together. And then I heard the sound of sloppy kisses and tearing fabric. The armrest I was gripping cracked under the force of my hands; I was trying not to go in there and steal her away from him. _She's mine damn it! And why are there clothes coming off? What happened to the pansy pecking he usually gave her. Damn you Patron! Damn you to hell!_

I grabbed my ipod off the desk and turned my headphones up as loud as they would go, trying to drown out the sound of MY GIRL in there getting frisky with MY BROTHER. I don't care that he was technically her boyfriend or that I technically had a wife; that girl is MY LIFE.

I kept the headphones on and tried to focus on anything but the emotions coming out of that room. I tried not to think about it. Maybe she was giving him one last night. But why was she taking it this far? Maybe she was just too drunk to realize what she was doing. But she was cognizant enough to recall the hat; surely she could recall our relationship. _God damn it Bella!_

When the lust level skyrocketed, I could no longer take it. I pulled the headphones out of my ears and made my way to Edward's room. I couldn't take it anymore. I was gonna take her away from there and then remind her who the fuck she belonged to. I reached for the doorknob, but the words I heard froze me. "I love you Bella," he said. "I love you too."

Yeah, that hurt. Bad.

"Have I told you how much I love the hat? So sexy," she said breathlessly. And then I heard the sounds of a creaking mattress. _No. Please, no_. Pleasure exploded around me, but couldn't replace the pain that was encompassing my body. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.

A flash of pain. Lust and pain. Lust and pain.

"So tight." _No. _

"So warm." _God no._

"So wet." _Please, dear God no._

"I can't believe I waited so long for this." _Just fucking kill me._

A moan.

A grunt.

A hiss.

Lust and pain and confusion and creaking.

"I love you."

_Fuck this. I can't take this._

I pulled myself together and darted the fuck away from that room, still in denial. _This shit just isn't happening._

Before I made it out of the door pain became the most prevalent. I still couldn't breathe. The pain was crippling me. I had to get out of here. Now. Right now. I used my gift to relieve the pain, taking it a step farther that I really needed to, but doing it for her. Seconds later there were two really satisfied people upstairs and I could move again.

"Thanks cowboy."

I slammed the door and sped off into the night. Once I was far enough I finally began to process what the fuck just happened. How could she do this? She was my girl. My life. And now, my life is over.

*

Four hours later I pulled my sorry ass off of the forest floor. I was done with the wallowing. I began to see red. _Fuck feeling sorry for myself. I need to man up._

I called him. I didn't want to, but I needed to.

"Speak," he said when he picked up.

"I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna fucking kill her Pete."

"No you're not." _Wanna fucking bet asshole?_

"Yes I am. I can't forgive her for this and I can't live without her. So I'm gonna kill her. And then maybe myself…" I was channeling my inner Edward, but it was true. My life was over.

"You'll forgive her." I laughed. "You will." I laughed harder.

"She fucked him Peter. In my house." It hurt to say it out loud. I still couldn't believe it. Bella gave herself to Edward. She was supposed to be mine and she gave herself away on a drunken night of stupidity.

Now Peter laughed. _Think it's funny asshole? _"So you think that my woman fucking my brother under my roof is funny? Would you like me to show you how it feels?" He growled. I'd crossed a line. Shit. "Fuck, you know I didn't mean that Pete."

"You're being a fucking dumb piece of shit right now. Man the fuck up Whitlock." I'm trying to.

"Pete…"

"Just, open your eyes a little bit, okay? Slow the fuck down and think. Don't make any rash ass decisions. Give her a chance to explain." _Explain what? How my brother's dick ended up where it didn't belong? Please. I've heard it all before._

"But—"

"Just fucking trust me. And trust her. Shit. Fucking emo's, I swear." Click.

_Really? That's all I get. Trust her? God damn it!_

*

I'm an idiot; I know. I should be plotting their deaths, but instead here I am making my way to the house to give her a chance to explain. I'm a pussy.

When I got to the house, I smelled it. The scent should've brought out the warrior within me. I should've been ready to kill the bitch. But my girl fucked my brother last night and I didn't have it in me. Because I'm a pussy. And my life is over.

* * *

**A/N: These guys are not mine... and I'm kinda glad. They're a bit dysfunctional, no?**

**It shouldn't be so long between updates this time, but the chapters also won't be as long. **

**Oh, BTW, I freakin LOVE you guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing... Makes me smile everytime!**

**Also, this time around, send me a review with your questions. I know there's a lot going on, so if you are confused about anything, ask away and I'll include whatever answers I can without giving anything away with the next update. **


	21. Stupid Fucking Hat!

**A/N: So, I asked you all for questions, but it seems like everyone as in too much shock to formulate much more than "What the fuck?" "How could she?!" "That bitch!" "Poor Jasper" "I hate you ko_hale_yes! Die!" (Actually, I didn't get any of those and I was surprised!)**

**Anywho, I can't believe the response I got last chapter! You two love these kids as much as I do! :)**

**I thought it'd be cruel and unusual torture to leave you all with that chapter, so I'm giving you guys this one now. It was supposed to be a mini-chapter (yeah right) and it was supposed to come out in about 2 weeks.... Just call me a sucker for my lovely readers! **

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Thanks for letting me know that you guys are reading and letting me know how you feel; it means everything to me!**

**Also, if you haven't review last chapter yet, please do so. I'd really like to know what you guys are thinking before you read this.**

**Alright, end of this five-million word A/N and on to the dysfunctional goodness that is Jasper and Bella.  
**

* * *

I'm an idiot; I know. I should be plotting their deaths, but instead here I am making my way to the house to give her a chance to explain. I'm a pussy.

_When I got to the house, I smelled it. The scent should've brought out the warrior within me. I should've been ready to kill the bitch. But my girl fucked my brother last night and I didn't have it in me. Because I'm a pussy. And my life is over._

_---_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 21_

_**Stupid Fucking Hat!**_

Pain. Throbbing.

More pain. More throbbing.

_Why do I feel like such shit?_

I tried to open my eyes, but immediately shut them again. Too fucking bright. _Why is it so bright?_

The pain and throbbing in my head worsened. Great.

I started to stretch my body out. Arms; good. Chest; a little sore. Legs; a horrible searing pain shot through me when I tried to move them. Double great.

I felt a presence over me.... _That can't be good._

This time, I opened my eyes very slowly, letting them get accustomed to the light. After a few seconds, the blurry face came into view. _What in the--_

"What are you doing here?" I screamed, scrambling to get away from the last person I wanted to be waking up in bed with. I'd figured I'd see Jake's goofy grin welcoming the new day as I had for the past few days; always so eager to wake me up and start the new day. Or even Jasper's beautiful blonde mop like I'd grown accustomed to. But no, this bronze haired statue was not something I was happy about.

I scrambled back to move away from him, changing to a sitting position against my headboard and pulling the covers up with me. But it wasn't my headboard; it was cold and bumpy and... _Oh. My. God. I'm in Edward's room!_

That shooting pain shot through me again and I shrieked at it, then moaned at the pain the shriek sent to my head. _Why do I feel like this? Why am I in Edward's room? Why is my body in so much pain? And why the fuck am I naked?!_

"I'm sorry I scared you, love. I just couldn't wait to see your beautiful face any longer," Edward said, still sitting in the same spot, fully dressed with a smug grin on his face. "Would you like me to make you some breakfast?" _No, I'd like you to make me a time machine so I can figure out what the fuck happened last night._

"No. Actually, I just want to take a shower," I told him, needing him to go away so I could think.

"As you wish. You shower and I'll make you breakfast and bring it up to you in half an hour." _Uh, as I wish? I believe I told you I didn't want breakfast. Controlling asshole._

He stood to leave, but not before giving me a peck on the cheek. His smile and happiness was bothering me to no end. I had to ask. "What the hell are you so happy about Edward?"

The smug grin returned. "Because, I didn't kill you my love. I didn't kill you!" he said, sing-song and dashed from the room. _Okay, seriously, what the fuck?_

I figured I needed to clear my mind before I tried to sort any of this out any further, so, clutching the sheet around y naked body, I disentangled myself from the bed. It hurt like a bitch. Barley maintaining my balance, I glanced around the room trying to locate my clothing. Of course, they were folded into a neat pile on the dresser. I quickly went to scoop them up but noticed something strange.

My bra was torn in the front; unusable. Panties? In shreds. Shirt? All of the buttons were popped off. Shorts? Well, at least I had shorts. _Well this day is starting out well._

I looked through Edward's drawers until I found a plain black shirt and added it to the pile of useless clothing when I accidentally knocked something to the floor. Frustrated, I slowly bent down to retrieve it and when I saw what the offending object was, it all came rushing back to me.

The hat. The beautiful black hat that I was head over heels in love with. I loved that hat. _Yeah, as in, past tense 'loved', because now I wanted to burn the fucker. Stupid fucking hat! I hate that hat!_

Flash after flash of memory returned to me and I couldn't take it. _What the hell was I thinking? How could I have been so cruel? Oh God, and it was here? Where was Jasper? Did he know? Oh no! I'm gonna loose him! He'll never forgive me!_

I pulled myself together enough to make my way into the shower. There, ignoring the pain in the center of my body, I slid down against the wall and cried. I cried tears of anger at myself. I cried tears of loss, the loss I knew was headed my way. I cried tears of regret. Of self-hatred. Of finality; because Jasper was my life and soon my life would be over. Even the scolding hot water couldn't keep the ice from creeping up and encapsulating my body.

*

An hour later, tired of waiting, I finally made my way down the stairs feeling defeated. I looked ridiculous wearing Edwards shirt in a knot at my side with my tiny plaid shirt over it and my shorts from last night. Of course, I had no bra and no panties on which only heightened my shame. I was also barefoot, as I couldn't stand to put on the boots; the last gift I'd ever receive from Jasper. My hair was in a messy bun on top of my head and I knew my eyes were red and swollen from the crying. I didn't care.

When I made it to the bottom of the stairs, Edward suddenly appeared in front of me. "Bella, go back upstairs please. I'll be there in a minute," he said in a hushed tone. _What the hell?_

"No. I've been waiting for you long enough. I'm tired and sore and I want to go home Edward," I said, pushing past him and wincing at the pain in my head and body as I walked and talked. I'd rushed away from him so quickly that I managed to very ungracefully stumble into the living room. Gasps rang out through the room and as I looked up to take in the scene before me I was stopped dead in my tracks.

I glanced around the room. Rose sat alone on the loveseat and looked at me with of mix of anger and sadness. Carlisle and Esme sat on the couch and looked at me sympathetically with Alice between them. Her expression was new, one I'd never seen before, but she looked detached; like she wasn't really here. And Jasper wasn't there, and I wasn't sure if that made me happy or sad. But none of that really bothered me. It was the person sitting in the chair who made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Sitting there like they owned the place and looking at me in what could only be described in disgust, they sat there, judging me. I didn't like it, not one bit.

And then the strawberry blond bitch spoke and I wanted to smack her. I didn't even know her but I was willing myself to turn all 'Bella the Vampire Slayer' so I could fuck her up. "So this, _thing_, is what all the fuss is about?" She asked, and even though I felt like shit and essentially hated myself, I knew I didn't deserve judgment from her. So, before the low warning growls from Edward and Rose even died down, I told her exactly how I felt. "Fuck you Tanya."

Her growl ripped through the room as she confirmed that she was, indeed, Tanya of the Denali coven. What she was doing here, I had no clue. Why everyone was still staring at me was also a mystery. But I was over it. As Rose stood up to face her with a barked, "Watch how you talk to my sister, bitch," I turned on my heel and made my way past an angry looking Edward into the kitchen planning to call Jake for a ride home.

Before I could even reach the phone, Esme appeared beside me. "Oh you poor dear, you must feel terrible. Please, let me make you some breakfast and something to help with the hangover," she said, fussing around me. Though I had no appetite and the pain at my core was much worse than the pain in my head, I figured it couldn't hurt. And since I was a walking pool of self-hatred and some T.L.C. wouldn't hurt, I decided to accept and plopped down at the counter.

Esme got to work, dropping a glass of water and some pain pills in front of me and began whipping up something very foul looking in the blender. She talked as she worked. "Please forgive Tanya. She is still bitter about losing Laurent, whom she began to love as a brother and blames you for it." _Okay, makes a little sense._

"Why is she here?" _If she's here to kill me, I just might let her._

"She hopes to be able to mend the rift between our families. Though I must say, she is not very welcomed, especially after she spoke about you like that," she added with a hard look in her eyes. "She wants us to go with her to Denali so we can straighten this all out, but we are trying to make her understand that we can't leave right now. She's a very stubborn girl. Don't worry Bella, we won't ever leave you; not when you need us."

I just looked at her. "Thanks Esmom. You're amazing. Really," I told her, a small blush crawling up my cheeks. Even though I felt like death, Esme's love gave me something to be happy about. She simply smiled at me, walking over and setting something that looked like vomit in a cup down in front of me. "You too Bella," she said, kissing me on the cheek. "Now drink up. It'll make you feel better. I'm going to grab you some clothes and then I'll make you some breakfast." And then she dashed upstairs.

It took me five minutes to force the disgusting concoction down my throat and once I was done, I needed water to wash the taste out of my mouth. As I stood at the sink drinking my fourth cup of water, the kitchen door swung open and a blur was suddenly dashing around the kitchen. And then, it stopped. And the cold that had been ever-present since that morning doubled, because even though he was so close to me, the look in his eyes said it all. He knew.

And when he looked at me, taking in my appearance, making sure not to leave an inch of my body free from his scrutinizing gaze, I felt like I was slowly dying. And then, once he finished his inspection, his eyes met mine. And his were full of such pain. And hatred. And anger. And all of the love was gone. I watched as his beautiful bronze eyes turned the blackest of blacks and then he was no longer looking at me; he was looking through me. And my heart broke into a million little pieces because I knew that it was all my fault. I'd hurt him, and that hurt even more than the pain that coursed through my entire body.

His eyes filled with venom that would never turn into the tears that he longed to shed and I couldn't bear to see him in such pain. I took a step towards him, but he backed away from my traitorous touch; I couldn't blame him. The tears that had gathered in my eyes began to fall in streams but he didn't seem to notice. I looked at him and pleaded with my eyes for him to forgive me. He continued to look through me.

"Jasper," I whispered. His eyes snapped to life as he finally looked at me, but instead of the forgiveness and understanding I longed for, they were filled with the pain that he suddenly let loose in the room. The force of it brought me to my knees, where I sat, crying and gasping for air that wouldn't come. I couldn't breathe and could barely see through the rivers in my eyes; but I could faintly make out him leaving me there in a puddle of my own remorse.

*

The yelling still hadn't stopped. It had began shortly after Jasper had left me on the kitchen floor. Esme found me there shortly after and was instantly concerned. Once I'd managed to calm her down I tried to focus on the sounds coming out of the living room, but I couldn't make out what was being said.

I don't know why it mattered. I was sure they weren't arguing about me and Jasper. They weren't trying to talk him into forgiving me. They weren't begging him to give me another chance. No, that's what I needed to be doing, but instead I was trapped in this damn kitchen eating whatever was on this plate in front of me.

Esme had dragged me into the bathroom and dressed me like a child. Comfortable yoga pants, a tank top and a hoodie; perfection. Too bad the layers didn't keep out the cold. The soft fabric didn't dull the pain. The comfort didn't help me relax. All I wanted to do was run into the living room and get my Jasper back.

Seventeen minutes after I finished my breakfast the yelling was still happening. Esme had told me to stay put and was watching me like a hawk, but I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to know what was going on. I needed to see Jasper. I just, had to. "Sorry Esme," I said as I darted as fast as I could into to living room, ignoring the pain and stopping only when I saw the jumbled mess of frantic vampires before me.

"That's just ridiculous. You know what we're going through here. We're trying to save our family from the _brother_ you love so much and his stupid little friend. We can't leave!" Rose was yelling into Tanya's face.

"Yes, yes. So I've been told. You have to protect the worthless little human. I get it. But I hope you'll understand that this will be the end of our alliance," Tanya said like the bitch she is.

Jasper growled at her; Carlisle put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. Jasper looked murderously at him and he backed off.

"Look Tanya. You know I've never liked you so it shouldn't surprise you that I wouldn't even bat an eye at tearing your head off. But, since my family apparently values the relationship we have formed with yours, why don't we just cut the bullshit. What the fuck do you want?" Jasper spoke, oddly calm. But I knew he wasn't. He was barely holding together and if Tanya didn't stop pissing him off she really was going to die.

"All I want is for us all to get along," she said, acting as if she were hurt. "I just want to mend this rift before it gets too bad. But, if you guys don't even care enough to come and talk about it, well, I guess there is no reason to hang on to our allegiance; in which case, our bond with Laurent would be much stronger."

Another growl. "God damn it! You know we can't go!" Jasper yelled. And proceeded to stare daggers at her.

"Tanya, please. Don't do this. We can work it out some other way," Alice suddenly spoke, her eyes were pleading.

"Sorry, Alice. But you guys have obviously shown me that there is no other way."

"What are you guys talking about?" Rose asked, glancing back and forth between Alice and Tanya.

"The fact that you guys seem to have chosen that _human _over your family," Tanya sneered.

"Tanya, Bella is our family now. You must understand how we can't knowingly leave her unprotected," Carlisle spoke for the first time since I'd been able to hear their conversation. Nobody had noticed me in the room yet; or if so, they didn't make it known.

"Yet you'd willingly leave the ties that bind us uncared for? All we ask is a short visit to mend what we've worked so long to build," Tanya was ridiculous.

"And how do we know it's not a trap? That you won't lure us from town only to give your _brother _and his red headed bitch a chance to attack?" Jasper was not happy. "No. There is no way we're going. I don't trust you enough to risk it."

"Well, then I guess my work here is done. I hope it won't come to blood. Though, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to little miss Bella before I go," she spoke, but before she could even finish, Edward's growl tore through the room. It shocked me since he had been silent the entire exchange.

"Absolutely not!" He yelled and Tanya reeled on him, apparently shocked by his outburst. She looked livid, though I couldn't understand why. He hadn't said anything offensive.

"Oh Ed... If I were you I'd try very hard not to piss me off!" She spat, shaking in her anger. And then she glared at him, obviously communicating through her thoughts. He growled again.

"You little vindictive bitch!" Alice shouted at her out of nowhere. Everyone seemed to be confused, aside from Edward and Tanya. Obviously Alice had had a vision. Tanya smiled at her. "Would you like to see how vindictive I can be?" She asked lethally. Alice cowered. Like, trembled and backed down. I had never seen Alice back down to anyone and I really didn't like it.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jasper asked; he really wasn't in good shape. I'd only ever seen him this upset before when he was fighting James and Laurent. I knew I was to blame for his fucked up mood.

"I'll be going with Tanya," Edward explained. _What the fuck?_

"If I go and help to patch things up, the Denali's will excuse the family's failure to attend," he explained like he was reading from a script.

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's at least two psychotic vampires after your girlfriend and you're going to leave?" Rose questioned him.

"Unfortunately this is what I have to do. I don't like it anymore than you do Rose. It'll be a short trip. I should be back by tomorrow morning."

"Can't I go instead? It seems to make more sense," Carlisle calmly questioned.

"No. Edward started this mess by bringing that human around in the first place. He needs to end it." _I really, really don't like that bitch! But I also really don't want to deal with Edward right now..._

"Let him go," I spoke. Everyone's turned their head to look at me, finally noticing my presence in the room.

"Please. Just let him go and stop all of this arguing. I can't take it anymore." I wasn't lying. I could feel myself loosing my sanity by the minute. It had been slipping away for quite awhile, actually. The pressure from sneaking around and missing Jasper was bad enough, but that added to the attacks was slowly but surely making me go insane. The alcohol was a welcomed escape, until now, that is. I just needed them to shut up.

A smile spread across Tanya's disgustingly beautiful face and she made her way to the door. "Well, I guess it's settled then. I'll meet you outside Ed. Until next time everyone!"

And she was gone. And Edward was walking toward me. And I wanted to run.

"I'm sorry about this, love. I'll be back as soon as possible. I'll miss you," he told me, reaching out to touch me. I flinched away, vowing then and there that I never wanted to touch him again. "Just go Edward."

"Love?" He asked, hurt; confused.

"Please. Just go." A frown ruined his perfect face and I, for once, didn't feel bad. His stupid frown didn't even come close to the all-around pained bubble that surrounded Jasper who was standing across the room looking through me again. Edward looked at me, questioning my sincerity. I nodded. He left in a blur.

The silence in the room lasted long after Edward left. Jasper was still staring through me and everybody noticed. They were waiting; waiting to see what was going to happen. I was worried. He looked like he wanted to kill me, but I wasn't scared. He would never hurt me.

After a couple minutes I couldn't take it anymore. "Ja--" I tried, he cut me off.

"Bella, go get your shit. I'm taking you home." And he looked at me with those eyes that said not to question him, so I didn't. Nobody did either.

"Here you go dear," Esme suddenly said, a bag full of my stuff in her arms. I smiled my thanks at her and she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me goodbye. Then Jasper walked out of the door, all intense and powerful, and I didn't even think twice about dropping my head and following him out like an obedient little puppy. Anything to try and fix this. Anything for him.

*

"Get your ass back down here Isabella," Jasper barked at me breaking the silence.

We had just arrived at my house after the torturous silent car ride and I automatically made my way upstairs. We never hung out downstairs unless Charlie or Jake were here and they were both gone. I looked at him confusedly. His eyes said 'now', so I went. He nodded his head toward the chair so I sat down and waited for him to begin; I knew that he'd need to be the one calling the shots right now.

After twenty-eight seconds he finally spoke. "How could you Bella?"

"Jasper I--"

"I mean, what the fuck could you possibly have been thinking?"

"I didn't--"

"No. I don't wanna hear it. Seriously Bella, in my house? Did you even consider how that might affect me? You're lucky I didn't go in there and kill you!"

"Jasper!"

"What?"

"Let me talk! I can't explain if you won't let me talk!" He paused and thought. I took my chance.

"Baby, I am so sorry. I've never been more sorry in my life. I know I was wrong; there are no excuses. I just hope that there's someway that you can forgive me." He laughed. He fucking laughed a maniacal little laugh. I guess that my answer.

"Jasper, please. You're my life; my everything. Don't let this one mistake take that away from both of us," I begged; tears welling in my eyes.

"It's a pretty big mistake Bella. You're supposed to be mine!"

"I am yours. All yours. You know that!" O_ne night doesn't change that._

"No I don't. Not anymore. Not since you gave such a big part of yourself away like it meant nothing!"

I did the one thing I'd been trying not to do all day; thought back to last night. The dance with Jasper; he got me so worked up! And then he left and Edward was there. We drank some more. And danced. And joked. And Edward really loosened up. And he was there, and beautiful; so beautiful. I was horny and I missed Jasper and Edward had on the hat. That damn hat! Another shot. And another shot. Suddenly all I saw was the hat. And then we were in bed and I was still horny and all I could see was the hat. And the hat made me feel so good... But then the hat was hurting me. Badly. But I loved the hat, so I let it continue. And then, suddenly, it felt good again; in a way on my Jasper could make me feel. So I thanked my cowboy and fell asleep happy. _Oh, how the tides have turned._

I stood up and walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "Please. You have to forgive me. It was a mistake and I'm so sorry I hurt you; but I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my existence making it up to you. Please, just don't leave me." I had to try; had to fight. I was ready to get down on my knees and beg.

"I'm sorry Bella. I love you, I do. I always will. But I don't think I can forgive you for this," Jasper said, effectively stomping on my broken heart.

"No. Don't do this! Don't leave me!" I cried, sobbing and clutching onto him as he tried to pry himself free with out hurting me. "I love you!"

He finally broke free from my grasp and glowered at me, his eyes full of venomous tears that would never fall. "Yeah, well you should have thought about that before you fucked my brother!"

It was at that point that the weight of everything came crashing down on me. I no longer knew which way was up and which way was down. What was left and what was right. And I took a page right out of Jasper's book as my mental switch finally switched and I found myself in the throes of a laughing fit that I couldn't control.

---

------

---------

------

---

She was laughing. Full on head back, mouth open, eyes closed, clutching her sides fucking laughing. Someone should tell her that laughing at this moment in time was definitely not helping me not snap her neck.

I was in a horrible mood. I hated Tanya and the pussy ass mother fucker that ran off with her. She actually came very close to feeling my wrath today; stupid condescending bitch.

But Tanya was the least of my worries. I knew it would be hard, but when I walked in the house and saw Bella standing there, in his shirt, with her red eyes and bruised legs all I wanted to do was comfort her and then kill her. This balance of being mad and loving her was throwing me off. I had to fight with myself in order to stay away from her; to keep from picking her up and telling her how much I love her. My heart was broken in half; one half wanted to love her, the other half couldn't even stand to look at her.

And now she's laughing at me. I growled and she immediately shut the fuck up. _Smart girl.  
_

"I can't figure out what the hell is so funny about this Bella. Please, fill me in."

"You think I slept with Edward?" She asked incredulously. _Uh, yeah._

"I was there. I heard it. Felt it. Fuck, I help you finish it!" I immediately regretted telling her that.

"So you're telling me that you knew something was going on and you didn't try to stop it? You knew how drunk I was!"

"You're a big girl Bella. You can make your own decisions. I won't control you like he does."

"Well, in cases where you think I'm fucking your brother when you know that I obviously would never do that in my right mind, please, feel free to barge in and stop it. What is wrong with you? So you listened to us? Major creeper behavior Jasper."

"Well, you--" This time she cut me off. "No. There really isn't an excuse for that. You know I love you. I was drunk and he took advantage of that. I don't blame him because he was drunk too. But you weren't. So you listened. And you felt it? You felt my pain and let it continue? And you finished us off? What the fuck Jasper?" Now she was mad. _How the fuck did that happen? She's the one that fucked my brother!_

_  
_"You know what, don't try to turn this shit around on me. You're the one who decided to spread her legs for my brother while I was only a floor away. I only helped because I didn't like feeling you in pain; maybe I should've just let you suffer!"

"You did let me suffer! You could've stopped it. We wouldn't have to be dealing with this. You wouldn't be threatening to leave me. Damn it Jasper!"

"It was your decision to make, not mine. You made it, and now we both have to suffer the consequences of your actions." I told her, sadly, turning to leave. When my hand reached the door knob, she spoke the words I'd been waiting to hear since last night.

"Jasper. I didn't sleep with Edward. I swear to you. I'll tell you everything, just please, don't leave." I stopped. Not because I necessarily believed her, but because I wanted to have the whole story before I walked out on my girl.

I walked over to the couch and sat. I tried to get a handle on her emotions, but they were frazzled. I gave up, just needing to figure out what happened last night. "Explain."

"It's really embarrassing," she said as she walked over and took a seat in Charlie's recliner. "And I know what I did was still wrong. But just hear me out, okay?" I nodded.

"After you left I was really, really horny," her face turned red with that adorable blush. I tried not to let it affect me. "And when Edward came back we started talking. He really let loose, you know? So we were laughing and drinking and before I knew it, we were kissing. I knew it was wrong, but I was horny and you were gone and the alcohol was really affecting me. I took a couple more shots and all I could see was that hat. I missed you and he was wearing your hat, so when he kissed me, I imagined it was you. I guess the alcohol got to me a little too much, because I kinda forgot that it wasn't really you. I just saw the hat; and the hat equaled you in my drunken mind." Her face was bright red now and my fist were clenched at my sides, not liking where this was going.

"Next thing I knew, I was in bed and all I could see was the hat. I won't lie to you, I did enjoy it at first. But then I was in pain. You weren't doing it right; in fact you were down right terrible. I was so confused, and I thought that maybe I was wrong, maybe it wasn't you. But then that feeling came back, the one only you can give me, so I gave in to it. I thanked you. I knew it was you that had given me that pleasure; I just had no idea you weren't actually in bed with me. I'm so sorry Jasper. I know I hurt you and that I was wrong; but I swear to you, I didn't give that to him."

_Okay, so that explains why she did it, but not how that equals to her not fucking him. _"_S_o, what did you give him Bella?"

"His pants stayed on Jasper. I won't lie to you, he did touch me in places that he shouldn't have; places that are yours. But his pants stayed on. His fingers are what he used to bring me that pain, though I suppose he thought he was doing something right. And he essentially dry humped me while doing it. It was bad Jay, really bad. I'm so embarrassed to be telling you."

_What? Why can't I process this? What did she just say?_

"Jasper, did you hear anything I just said?" Bella was standing over me now. "Jasper?"

"So you're telling me that you didn't have sex with Edward last night?" I had to be sure. This information would shape the rest of my existence; I wanted it in Layman's terms.

"No." The clouds over my head suddenly vanished and all I could see was the beautiful woman that I loved. _She didn't sleep with him! She didn't sleep with him! _I was a kid on Christmas morning. Yes, she did do some pretty questionable things and yes, she was staying the fuck away from alcohol, but I didn't care. I could forgive her for those offenses. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes too; I'm sure I'll make many in the future and she'll forgive me.

I jumped up and pulled her into my arms, a ridiculous fucking grin plastered all over my face, I'm sure. I kissed her and let all of my love flow through her and she sent me hers right back. My heart began to mend itself and I couldn't wait to end this stupid fucking fight.

"You have no fuckin' idea how happy that makes me Darlin'. I though my life was over. Don't you EVER do that shit to me again, you hear?" She looked up at me through her lashes. _Fucking adorable. _"Yes sir!" She giggled. "I'm so sorry baby. I wasn't in my right mind. I'd never--"

"Shh," I silenced her with a finger over her lips. "Well iron out the details later. Right now I just want to hold my girl. Can I do that? Do you forgive me for being an asshole?"

"There's nothing to forgive," she said, and I almost jumped for joy. I lifted her up and wrapped her legs around my waist, ready to take her upstairs and spend hours with her in my arms. But she hissed. My girl hissed in pain and suddenly I was pissed again. I remembered the bruises I'd seen on her body earlier.

I raced upstairs into the bathroom and got to work undressing her in haste. I felt her confusion, but I didn't stop to explain. Once my girl was naked I stood and inspected her. There were bruises everywhere; her arms, her breasts, her waist, her thighs. I spread her legs and knelt down to get a better look; I couldn't fucking believe my eyes. She was bruised in the most horrific way. It looked like she'd had sex with a jack hammer. That mother fucker had no idea what he was doing and the alcohol must have numbed the pain. I was even more upset that I'd let in go on. Oh, but please believe that I was gonna make my girl feel better again.

*

By the time I'd completed all of the steps in Dr. Jasper's prescribed treatment for my poor bruised girl, she was ready to fall into a peaceful, painless slumber.

I'd immediately run her a steamy bath and placed her in. I feed her pain pills and warm tea like a child and she just ate that shit up. I washed her gently from head to toe, not missing a single piece of her body. When I washed her hair I massaged her scalp and she moaned her appreciation. I dried her from head to toe and brushed her hair. I even fucking braided it for her; it took a few tries for me to get it down. Then, I carried her over to the bed.

I feed her grapes and soup while I sang to her and she ate every last drop. Once I knew she was dry, feed and content, it was time to make her relax. I grabbed a bottle of massage oil and rubbed every single muscle in her body. She turned to jelly in my hands and I loved being able to make her feel so good. There was only one part of her left to pamper.

I spread her legs and got a better look. _Seriously, that asshole needs to die. _The bruises were abundant. I wasted no time kissing each and every inch of her. Then, using only my tongue, I gave her the pleasure that she should've had last night. I showed her how a man is supposed to make a woman feel. She exploded into my waiting mouth, twice. When I was confident that she knew exactly who she belonged to and would be the only person with access to her body from now on; yes, she told me, loudly; I was satisfied that she'd had enough.

I know I should still be mad, but after fearing that I'd lost her, everything else seemed so insignificant. I should be disgusted to touch her where he had only just last night; but she knew who she belonged to, who made her body scream. I should be a lot of things, but right now I could only think of two; I was in love and I was ready.

"Bella, can we just forget this all ever happened? Would that be okay?" _Call me a bitch; I don't care. I have my girl; I don't need anything else._

"There's nothing I want more. Thank you for taking care of me; I'm in heaven right now."

I nodded against her head where it was resting in my arms. "Bella?" She waited a second. "Yes Jasper?"

"You are mine. Do you understand what that means? Do you understand that I won't live without you?" She needed to understand the depth of my love for her before I did this.

"I do. The same goes for you. You know that right?" I nodded. There was a silence that filled the room, but it wasn't awkward; wasn't tense. _I can do this..._ Before I had the time to punk out again, I mustered my strength and told my girl what I was thinking; at the exact same time that she told me; "I'm ready."

We both craned to look at each other, shocked to have muttered the exact same thing. She smiled; I smiled back. "Are we really gonna do this?" She asked. "Definitely," I told her.

"When?" She questioned, the smile growing bigger. "I can't wait any longer. I want to go now. I need you to be all mine, officially."

"Okay." _Is this really fucking happening?_

"Okay?" I had to be sure, once again, though her emotions told me the truth.

"Yes. You go now; I'll tell Edward as soon as he gets home tomorrow."

"Well, then. I guess we're really doing this!" So I kissed her, deeply, for a very long time. Then, I tucked her in and sang her to sleep with songs about how much I love her. I'd promised her I'd be back as soon as I was done before she drifted off. Then, I made my way downstairs.

I called Emmett and Rose to come sit with Bella. Jake would be home in an hour and Carlisle and Emmett were keeping an eye on Charlie. This was the perfect time to talk with Alice and I was more than ready. I sent one last wave of love up at Bella when I saw Rose and Em arrive and then I took off into the night, not having the patience for my truck.

I was afraid to hurt Alice, but saw no way around it. I hoped she'd understand and one day forgive me. I really did love that tiny woman; just not like a husband loves his wife. Though I dreaded having to do this, I pushed myself as fast as I could so that I could hurry and get it done.

The first thing I did when I got home was track down that hat and ritualistically burn in out back. _I had to. Stupid fucking hat._ Once that whole ordeal was officially behind us, I was ready to man up and get the job done.

This was it; the day was finally here when I'd be free to love my girl just how she should be loved. I made my way back into the house and into our room, where she was already waiting for me. "So, we're finally gonna talk about this, huh?"

* * *

**A/N: Once again, not mine. If so I'd seek some counseling or something. These kids are crazy!**

**Hope I didn't confuse you with the POV change. If so, I'm sorry!**

**Let me know what your'e thinking my loves.**

**Next one should be out sooner rather than later. :)  
**


	22. Goodbye, My Love

**A/N: So, in the midst of making the 10 Easter baskets I have to make this year, I realized that I needed to give my wonderfully amazing readers something too. So, here we are. **

**I know its been forever; real life and writers block and all of that fun stuff... I'm so sorry guys, really. I love my readers, so I forced myself to buckle down and get this to you guys. Thanks for sticking around ya'll (as Jasper would say). Also, a lot of new readers have found us ABM'ers latley. Welcome guys! Curious... how'd you find my little story?! Either way, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it!**

**Please remember, this story is rated M for a reason. Don't read if you shouldn't be. Okay? Cool.  
**

**Anywho, without further ado... Your main attraction:  
**

* * *

The first thing I did when I got home was track down that hat and ritualistically burn in out back. _I had to. Stupid fucking hat._ Once that whole ordeal was officially behind us, I was ready to man up and get the job done.

This was it; the day was finally here when I'd be free to love my girl just how she should be loved. I made my way back into the house and into our room, where she was already waiting for me. "So, we're finally gonna talk about this, huh?"

_---_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 22_

**Goodbye, My Love**

_I had no idea where I was or what I was doing, but all of a sudden I was falling; falling fast, falling far. _

_The wind was whipping through my hair and with each passing second the temperature was dropping, the light was escaping, the doom was approaching. But I wasn't scared; no. I was ready, I was prepared. Somehow I knew what I was getting myself into; so I thought._

_I reached down and tugged on a string; a string that would save my life. The parachute exploded over my head slowing my descent, a deep crimson; ironic. I snapped my fingers and I was suddenly encased in a marble pod, heat filling my body as I sighed from the relief. Safe and warm, I needed only one more thing; to see where I was going. Was this too much to ask? As my descent continued ever so slowly, I reached above me and flipped a switch. All too quickly, a bright, blinding light filled the scene before me, and still I could not see where I was headed. How could I brace myself if I didn't know what awaited me at the end? _

_My vision started to clear and my marble enclosure began to sparkle like diamonds. I was overwhelmed with its beauty; I loved it. But then, the light disappeared and I still had no idea where I'd end up as I continued my dark descent. The marble began to tighten around me; suffocating me, holding me in place. I thrashed wildly, needing to escape its hold. In my efforts, I smashed the marble to pieces, its sound deafening me as the warmth left me and I was left alone with my thoughts, the darkness and the all encompassing cold. _

_What could I do?_

_Where could I go?_

_Though I'd put up a short fight, I couldn't escape the painful cold nor the terrifying darkness. At least I had stopped the fall... But like always, I'd thought too soon; for as soon as I'd thought I'd make it out of here in tact, a flaming red bird pierced through my parachute. _

_Thus, I faced the inevitable. I longed for only one thing as I fell through the freezing cold darkness, ready to meet my fate._

*

I awoke with a start, disoriented and shaken by the horribly confusing dream. _What the hell was that?_

"Bella? Are you okay?" _Who? What? _I rubbed my eyes and tried to get ahold of myself. I took in my surroundings; I was on the floor, backed into a corner and Edward was looking at me very strangely from across the room.

"Bella! Are you okay love?" He insisted, apparently worried.

"Whats going on? Why am I on the floor?" My voice was raspy. Another question to add to the list...

"I don't know. You were sleeping when I got here and I climbed into bed to hold you, but when I pulled you into my arms you started freaking out; yelling and trying to get away. You fell out of bed and backed yourself into the corner. Now here we are. What is going on? Were you drinking again?"

"What? No!" I yelled, offended and confused. He started coming towards me slowly, hesitantly. I maneuvered around him. "Look, I just need... Just give me a minute okay? I need a shower to clear my mind. Okay? Will you wait?" _Of course he will..._

"Of course. Are you sure you'll be okay?" He looked concerned. _Join the club._

"Yes Edward. I'm fine. I just need some time to think."

"Okay. Hurry back," he said sadly, settling into the rocking chair with a book. I grabbed my clothes and made a hasty exit into the bathroom.

The water felt amazing. Though it was just a dream, the coldness had escaped my slumber and taken hold of my body. It took me awhile but I'd finally managed to sort out everything that was going on.

Last night was amazing. Jasper is amazing. He took care of me when I thought he'd head for the hills. He forgave me. He showered me with love. He was everything I wanted. Everything I needed. And he was leaving her; he'd be all mine!

I couldn't contain my joy at the thought of finally being able to openly be with him, to not have to hide myself from the world. First, however, I had one more thing to take care of; Edward. It was time for me to break free of his grasp. Sure, I loved him once and I probably always will in some way, but it was time to move on. _I am so ready to do this._

After gathering my thoughts in the steamy heaven also known as my shower, I hurried through the rest of my morning routine. My clothes were thrown on without a second glance at my choices, hair piled into a messy bun, teeth quickly brushed and not a dab of makeup applied. I wanted to get this over with and go see Jasper. _My Jasper..._

As I was hanging my towel over the shower rail a flash on the counter caught my eye; my cell phone. It was a text: ** I need you. Please. -J **It was sent an hour ago. There was another one, sent four hours ago: **B... Where are you? -J **And, one more, sent five whole hours ago: **It hurts so bad babe... I need you. Please hurry. -J**

_Umm... what the hell? Why is he hurting? Why didn't I get these until now? And why am I still here and not on my way over there?_

After a bit of scrambling I discovered that my stupid phone was on silent and he'd been waiting for me all morning. I needed to hurry and get to my Jasper now. I sent a quick reply telling him I'd be there soon and was suddenly very ready to burst a certain bronze haired vampire's bubble.

*

For a half an hour I've been trying to explain this to Edward. Thirty long minutes of repeating myself, rephrasing myself, restraining myself from lighting this jackass on fire. I mean, seriously; Edward is smart and I'd already decided that this conversation would best be handled in Layman's terms so there wouldn't be any confusion. But still, here we are. Edward just wasn't getting it.

"Edward, look, I can't discuss this anymore. I'm losing my patience. What don't you understand?"

"What don't I understand? I don't understand any of this! How can you just spring this on me?" He was losing his cool the longer this conversation lasted and I feared he may crack soon. I know I was sure in danger of losing it.

"I'm not springing it on you. Surely you've noticed the changes in our relationship. The distance. We hardly ever even talk anymore Edward. I think it's clear that we've outgrown each other." I was hoping that he'd be reasonable and agree with me; but this was Edward Cullen, of course.

"Outgrown each other? Are you kidding me? You said you loved me. You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. You wanted me to kill you! How do you outgrow that?" _Let me think... You smothering me and turning into a raging jackass might do the trick._

"I did want to spend the rest of my existence with you, but you denied me that. You denied me a life with you so I was forced to consider what my life would be like without you; it woke me up Edward. This isn't right. We aren't right for each other." I was trying to be as nice as possible. I truly didn't want to hurt him.

"I gave you everything Bella. All of me!" He attempted. I had to hold back the laughter.

"That's such bullshit Edward. You gave me nothing! You gave me tiny pieces of yourself; just enough to keep me obligated to you, and kept everything else out of reach!" _Great, now you're pissing me off. Not good._

"And the other night? Was that nothing to you? Do you spread your legs for just anyone now--"

Yeah, I cut him off right there. "See? That is exactly why I can't be with you anymore! And for the record, that night was terrible for me!"

The anger flashed across his face. He was pissed, and now so was I. I had to end this, now, and get to Jasper. "Edward, I don't want to discuss semantics anymore. It doesn't matter why and nothing you do or say is gonna change my mind. It's over."

His face immediately softened into a look of agony as the climate in the room changed. "Isabella, please don't do this. I love you. I want to spend forever with you," he pleaded as he dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hand. His eyes were filled with venom in a show of how hard he was taking this. "I'll change you. I'll do it right now. And we can leave, just us, and spend eternity together. I can change Bella. I can be what you need. Just please don't leave me."

Despite his asshole tendencies, it still hurt me to see him in so much pain. I found it ironic that all I've ever wanted from Edward was now being offered to me on a silver platter; unfortunately it came too late. I didn't want it anymore, not from him. Tears were falling from my eyes as I willed myself to be strong and finish this. Looking down into his beautiful golden eyes was almost the end of me and I had to stop myself from reaching out to brush the messy hair out of his eyes. _Oh Edward..._

I tightened my hold on his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Edward; I am so sorry to be hurting you. The truth is that I do still love you, I think I always will. But this love that I have for you isn't the right kind of love; it isn't enough. You've changed and so have I, you have to see that. We're different people than we were when we fell in love, and the new me is saying goodbye now." I dropped his hands and stepped back as I finished, not even able to see through the tears in my eyes. _This is a lot harder than I thought it would be..._

Edward just stood there and stared at me while I tried to gather myself. After I regained my vision and calmed myself I stared back. It was a staring match... I was confused. But then, his face changed. His pleading look turned to a cold, calculated one. _Shit... That can't be good._

"I don't understand how you can know our love isn't right, Isabella. You have no reference. You're just a young, naive little girl. What could you possibly know of love?" _And the jackass was back!_

"Trust me Edward; I know enough. Enough to know that we aren't working; that this is over." He smiled.

"Or maybe I'm wrong, dear Bella. Maybe you're not a young, naive little girl. Maybe you're a lying, cheating little whore!" _Um, what... how... who... huh?! _

_Fuck. Play cool Bella..._

"What are you talking about? And watch how you talk to me Edward; I'm warning you." If Jasper had heard that, Edward would be dead.

"Don't think I haven't noticed the changes in you Bella. Your new attitude, new style, new boldness in bed. Not to mention the frequent showers and mood swings. I just didn't think you'd ever stoop so low as to actually cheat on someone. I thought you were a decent girl, not just common trash," he spat, walking closer to me with each step. I felt sick enough to vomit.

_How did he know? How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I just end this sooner? _

Suddenly, Edward's stone face was inches from mine. "So tell me, whose dick is giving you such balls?"

I was in shock. I couldn't think, couldn't speak. I still couldn't grasp that he knew. Let alone fathom telling him who the person in question was. "Tell me now so I can hunt him down and kill him! You're not leaving me Isabella. You're mine!" Edward was losing it and I knew I needed to get out of there; now!

I was scared. I'd seen bad sides of Edward, but this seemed like a whole new person. Each word from his mouth was like a slap to the face; stinging reminders of all that I'd done wrong. I feared he may just kill me for my indiscretions, but I also knew that if he found out about Jasper, one of them would end up dead and I couldn't risk Jasper being hurt. Unbridled panic wrecked through my body as visions of Jasper's golden eyes alight with fear plagued my mind. Then came the visions of me stuck with Edward for all eternity. They haunted me: him at me side, watching me like a hawk, controlling me in every way possible; a life of misery at best. I knew then that I'd sooner die.

"No!," I told him, shaking my head and heading for my bedroom door. "I'm not yours Edward! We're done! Leave! Get out of here!" I screamed at him, wishing the myths about vampires were real so I could rescind his invitation into my house.

Of course, I couldn't and he clearly wasn't going down without a fight. He reached the door before me and blocked my exit. "Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast. I asked you a question, and I want an answer," Edward whispered, menacingly.

"I'll never tell you! Never. So just leave!" I was frantic as I watched his eyes grow blacker and blacker. His control was slipping. "Oh, you'll tell me," he said before I was flung across the room onto my bed. Edward was quickly on top of me.

"Get off of me!" I was screaming and thrashing and trying to get away but it was useless. I felt Edward's hand travel up my leg and started to hyperventilate. Dry heaves shook my body and I knew that if there was anything in my stomach I'd have wretched it in his face. His hands on me felt so wrong, so degrading.

"Oh, don't be shy now. Clearly you enjoy spreading your legs. Don't be a prude," he taunted me as he tore my pants off. I was having a hard time processing that this was Edward. He was acting so erratic and disrespectful that I had to take a pause from my shouting and straining to look into his eyes and make sure it was really him. I couldn't believe my eyes as I took in the monster before me; a monster who no longer resembled the man that I fell in love with. His eyes were pitch black and vacant. I didn't see Edward Masen Cullen in them anymore. He was a predator and I was his prey; every warning he'd ever given me about himself suddenly made sense.

He continued pawing at my body like an animal as I begged him to stop, but my pleas fell of deaf ears. All I could do was hope and pray that I'd make it out of this in one piece, and that Edward would as well. I had broken him; I had to try to put him back together. He continued his exploration of my body, clearly an effort to show dominance over me. Our eyes met as his hand reached the waistband of my panties and I tried one last time to reach him, my last hope before the damage would be irreversible. "Edward, please. Don't do this."

This time, he seemed to hear me. He froze and looked into my eyes, searching for something. I don't know if he ever found it, but I saw it as his sanity caught up with his mind; realization dawned as he seemed to finally be coming back. In the blink of an eye he was across the room. His black eyes met mine in a sign of surrender. I was too shocked to do or say anything, so, once again, we stared at each other.

I could see it in his eyes; his pain, his anger at not only me, but himself as well. I could also see his regret. He looked so lost and I suddenly had the urge to reach out to him and comfort the lost little boy I saw staring back at me. "Bella, I--"

"What the fuck is going on here?" The booming voice that suddenly filled my room alerted me, and apparently Edward, to the fact that we were no longer alone.

As I took in my surroundings: the mess of a bed, me barley clothed, torn pants on the ground, disheveled hair, I surmised that we probably resembled your typical teenaged couple caught in the act. The resemblance, however, ended at the mess also known as Isabella Swan. I was still sobbing, clutching whatever fabric I could to myself; that's why I couldn't help but understand why Emmett was suddenly across the room with Edward pinned against a wall.

"Em! No, don't. It's not what you think!" I yelled, trying to scramble off the bed, but getting caught in my sheets and falling towards the floor. I saw blonde hair before I hit a pair of strong arms. "Bella, are you alright?" Carlisle asked, taking stock of my condition as he sat me back on the bed.

"Yes. I'm fine. This is all just a big misunderstanding," I explained trying to diffuse the situation.

"A misunderstanding? Really Bells? Cuz from the screaming we heard you doing a minute ago, the torn jeans on the floor, the bruises developing all over your body and the tears in your eyes, I think I can figure out exactly what was going on here!" Emmett screamed at me, lividly. He looked at me, awaiting acknowledgment, but all I could do was look down. I was ashamed. Ashamed for what I'd done, ashamed for being so weak, ashamed for still feeling for Edward after all that he'd done. Emmett took my avoidance of his questioning eyes for exactly what it was, his growl filling the room. "You sick son of a bitch! How dare you! What the fuck is wrong with you? I should rip your head off for even considering--"

"Emmett, Son, please. Enough shouting. Lets just take a second to process everything. We don't even know what happened here," Carlisle pleaded, ever the diplomat.

"The hell I don't know what happened here! I have a pretty good imagination Carlisle, I don't need a play by play."

"Of course not. But we should still go about things rationally. Now please, let your brother go and lets begin to discuss this like civilized adults." Amazingly, after another growl and a huff, Emmett released his hold on Edward, who sank to the floor in a heap of granite skin and bronze hair. "Good," Carlisle said. "Now, Bella, can you tell us what happened here?" He asked after covering me with my blanket. I tried to speak, but only sobs came out. It was too hard.

If I told them what happened, I'd have to tell them why and I'd have to tell them what I did. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Bells, please. There's nothing to be afraid of. We're here now. We just need to know what happened," Em spoke softly. It only made me feel worse. I had this wonderful second family who had always come to my rescue; always been there for me. I loved them and I was scared that I'd lose them if I told them; so I didn't. Emmett came and pulled me onto his lap. He held me as I cried and rubbed my back; the best big brother in the world. I couldn't stand to disappoint him.

When I'd finally gathered myself, I saw that Edward and Carlisle were talking in the corner; now Emmett's occasional growls made sense. My surrogate father crossed the room and stood directly in front of me. "Bella, Edward tells us that the two of you are no longer together, is this correct?" I nodded. "He also tells us that he took this news badly and lost control of himself. He assures me that it didn't get too far. Is that right?" Another nod. "But it did happen? It did go somewhere? And it was against your will?" My confirmation was met with two growls, one loud and vibrating, the other sounded as though it were involuntary. Carlisle looked furious, which was confirmed when he spoke again.

"I see. This leaves me with no choice. I have to leave now, but please save time in your day for a chat with me Bella. Okay?" Another nod from me and Carlisle was gone. Edward stood to follow him to my window.

Our eyes locked one last time and this time he spoke. "I'm so sorry Bella. Goodbye, my love." And then he was gone.

*

The sudden silence was spooky as I sat there in Emmett's arms, disheveled and sniveling and mourned the loss of my first love. He held me and let me release all of the pain I'd been holding inside for far too long. I let my tears fall until there were none left and then I opened my eyes to a new chapter in my life. I didn't know where Edward was or when I'd see him again, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get to the an who loves me, who needs me.

_All aboard the Bella Swan Express. Destination: Jasper. One way trip; no stops!_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: These crazy kids don't belong to me. Thank God! Cuz if they were mine I'd be going grey at 21. Yikes!**

**The next chappie is already in the works, but reviews really do make me write TONS faster. What did you think? Let me know! **

**Until next time my loves! **


	23. Everything Will Be Okay

**A/N: Soooo... Yes, it is 4 a.m. Yes I am tired. And yes, I am sorry for keeping you guys waiting. Why am I up writing this hour? Well, I've been so ridiculously busy that I have to choose between writing this and sleep. Since you guys are so awesome, tonight it was a no-brainer. **

**ABM has more than 700 reviews! Wow! That's amazing. I read everyone and they really motivate me, so thanks guys!**

**ABM is also finding lots of new readers. Welcome! I know I tend to ramble in my writing, so thanks for sticking it out and making it this far. I appreciate it! **

**Anywho....  
**

**This chapter was a bitch. I don't like it. But I'm tired of looking at it, so here ya go.**

**FYI: **

**1. The lines ----- mean a change in POV.**

**2. The stars ***** mean a open or close of a flashback.**

**3. All of that ^^^^ means you have permission to slap me for all of the difficulty.**

**I think its pretty easy to catch, but just in case. Sorry guys. I told you I hate this one...  
**

* * *

The sudden silence was spooky as I sat there in Emmett's arms, disheveled and sniveling and mourned the loss of my first love. He held me and let me release all of the pain I'd been holding inside for far too long. I let my tears fall until there were none left and then I opened my eyes to a new chapter in my life. I didn't know where Edward was or when I'd see him again, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get to the an who loves me, who needs me.

_All aboard the Bella Swan Express. Destination: Jasper. One way trip; no stops!_

_---_

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 23_

_**Everything Will Be Okay**_

_**-  
**_

I tried to rush out of the house and race to Jasper once I'd freshened up, but Emmett insisted on coming with me. I said goodbye to Jake who was just returning home after working on his car and slipped away without too many questions about my red eyes. Now, we were on the road and Emmett was driving, much too slowly for my liking, and gently lecturing me at the same time. _Fun times!_

"I Just don't understand it Bella. You're such a strong person. How can you keep protecting him?" He asked me in disbelief, angry that I wouldn't tell him what Edward had done.

"I'm not protecting him, I just don't see the point of giving you the details. It'll just cause problems Em, and I'm not even mad at him anymore. Things could have gone a lot worse than the did, but he stopped himself. He didn't mean it."

"Are you kidding me? He didn't mean it? It could have been worse? Bella, you are so dense sometimes. It doesn't matter what could have been or that he stopped, the moment that you said no and he continued to touch you he signed his death wish. Stupid fucking prick," Emmett was so angry at his brother; the family was being torn apart and it was my fault.

"Em, why can't you just let it go? He's your brother! I don't want this family torn apart because of me. Just forget it happened, please. I did something bad and he was just reacting. He didn't mean it!" I was shouting now. This day was just too much and I was tired of being lectured by this guy.

"There you go again; he didn't mean it! Yeah, and I'm sure Rosie's fiance didn't mean to kill her when he and his friends raped her!" He took a breath, clearly trying to calm himself as he was now screaming at me. "And for the record, you're my sister too Bells. And this isn't your fault. Don't be a victim Boo Boo, be the strong girl I know you are."

Now I was crying. I understood why he was so upset by this. After what happened to Rose, it's no wonder that he was taking this so seriously. I felt like complete shit. How could I have forgotten? This man only ever wanted to protect me and I knew I had to be strong for him. "I'm sorry Yogi," I said softly, grabbing his huge hand with mine. "Edward was wrong, very wrong. I'm not trying to be a victim, I just don't want you guys to fall apart over this. Everybody makes mistakes, Em. Nobody's perfect; not you, not me..." Emmett was looking at me know, knowing I wasn't done, but I was having the hardest time forming the words.

_How could I let him down? He'd always been there for me; encouraging me, being the best brother I could ask for, and now I have to tell him that I've been lying to him for months?_

Eventually, I mustered the strength to spill my secret; "I've been cheating on him. For months. When I told him it was over, he knew I was leaving him for this other man. So he flipped. I'm not condoning what he did, but if you guys can't forgive him for his mistakes, it won't be fair to forgive me for mine. And I really, really need you to forgive me because I can't live without my big brother."

I had said it so quickly, with a sob every few words, that if he weren't a vampire he wouldn't have understood me. But he did. His eyes grew big and he dropped my hand; saying nothing for about five minutes. When we turned onto the Cullen's driveway I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Em, please, say something." Nothing. "I know you're disappointed in me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. Just, please, say something. Anything! Yell, scream, I don't care. Just say something!" I pleaded with him to speak to me; it didn't work.

We pulled up to the house and my sobbing quieted. I had no idea what was awaiting me upstairs. _What was wrong with Jasper? Why did he need me so badly? Would he be okay? Does Alice know? Did she hurt him? _

So many questions ran through my mind as Emmett climbed out of the car and dashed around to help me out. He still hadn't said a word to me as he guided me out of the truck and onto the front porch. My nerves were getting the better of me as I had the growing feeling that my life would change after I walked through that door and I wasn't sure if I was ready. My feet were suddenly made of lead and I couldn't lift them. I had no idea what to expect when I saw Jasper and no amount of internal babble could give me the strength to forge ahead. _I need my big brother to tell me I can do this; that everything will be fine._

As if he read my mind, Em grabbed my hand and twirled me in a circle. The smile on his face told me everything I needed to know about us; he had forgiven me, we'd be fine. The pointed raise of his eyebrows told me we'd still have to talk this out, but the bear hug told me that my big brother wasn't going anywhere. Our embrace lasted long enough to calm my nerves and just when I needed a push, his kiss on my forehead told me that I could do this; it told me to be strong. And that was how, without saying a word, Emmett gave me the strength to walk through the ridiculously ornate french doors that would lead me to the next phase in my life.

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The sound of the front door being opened and closed alerted me to her presence. As much as I'd been longing for her touch, her voice, her everything; I was suddenly nervous. _How would she react to the news? Would she still love me in this state? Was I going to scare her away? Or had Alice accomplished that for me?_

_Shit... Alice. _

Without meaning to, I'd suddenly thrown all of my progress out of the window. The waves of pain reverberated through my body as I once again felt what she'd dealt me on her way out. I'd done that. It was me; all my fault. I'd broken her spirit, and in return, she'd broken me. I reached for the sweet nectar that was keeping me sane at the moment, wincing in pain when I grabbed it the wrong way, and drank it down greedily. Then, with the pain still flowing and the images playing in my head, I resumed my fetal position, rocking back and forth on the hard wood floor in an effort to take the pain. Then, I began to replay the events of the night before and try to understand what the fuck had happened...

***************

"So, we're finally gonna talk about this, huh?" Alice said when I walked into our room, shocking the hell out of me. _Did she really know?_

I was dumbstruck for a second, unable to respond, so I simply stared at her. She smiled a sweet smile at me, patting the spot on the bed next to her in encouragement to join her; I did.

She was looking through a photo album and feeling very nostalgic. "Do you remember this one?" She asked me, pointing to a drawing of the two of us; our first portrait ever. I remembered it as clear as day.

We had only met months before and we were slowly making our way to the Cullen's. We were traveling by foot, taking the long routes through forests and away from civilization since I was still hunting humans. Alice hunted animals like she'd seen the Cullen's do in her visions, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Every time I killed someone, I went into a fit of depression. I was tired of killing, but didn't know how to stop. Alice was always there for me; even when I acted rotten and took my frustrations out on her. She'd hold my hand and rub my back and tell me everything would be okay. She always made me feel better and gave me the confidence to continue trying. I never would've made it without her.

One day as we were trekking across a very wooded area during a warm California night, the scent of fresh blood assaulted my senses. I couldn't stop myself from tracking it down and drinking every last drop of the sweet nectar, only realizing after the fact that I'd killed a young, innocent teenaged girl who happened to look very much like my Alice. The fright in her dead eyes reached something in me; would I one day cause a look like this in the tiny woman I loved, I thought. I doubted I'd ever be able to protect her from even myself. I didn't want to hurt her, or bring her down to my level of utter monstrosity. I flipped out, destroying everything in the forest in an effort to destroy myself. I wondered why I couldn't control this; why I had to be such a monster. Alice cleaned up my mess and sat with me for sixteen days while I tried to find the strength to go on again. I didn't think I could do it and I didn't want to let her down. But she didn't go anywhere. She stayed and held my hand and rubbed my back and told me everything would be okay. Her love gave me the strength to try and I never looked back again. The night we left that God forsaken California forest was the night I proposed to her. She jumped and squealed and I knew that I could do it, I had to do it, if only to make Alice happy.

With much encouragement and support from my new fiance, I finally agreed to venture to the seaside where Alice said we could find her a ring. I didn't breathe the whole time we were at this seaside marketplace, but I was proud that I was able to resist killing anyone. We walked on the pier and delighted in our newly engaged glow and when we reached the end a man offered to draw us. So, we sat, hand in hand, Alice rubbing my back and whispering that everything would be okay, the entire time. This drawing was literally the foundation of our relationship in black and white.

_How could I ever forget?_

"Of course I do," I told her softly, still basking in the memories that swirled around in my head. She turned her head to look at me and gave a soft smile. I returned it and we continued to browse through the picture book of our lives together. There were so many; pictures of us with our siblings and in different places across the world. I got to relive some of my favorite days through that book.

The day my eyes finally turned the deep golden of the rest of my family. Alice had made such a big deal of that day; throwing a party and acting like I'd been elected president. But it felt good and gave me the resolve to stay strong and keep my eyes that way.

Then there was our wedding picture. Just the two of us on a sandy beach at sunset; it was perfect. She looked so beautiful in her white gown that I'd thought everything was a dream. I feared that one day I'd wake up and everything would be gone. It amazed me that she had chosen me. But she did, and I promised to love her for all of eternity that day; promised to never let her go.

_How wrong I had been._

We continued looking through the book and with each photo came a throttling reminder of how much this woman meant to me. Alice had saved my life. When there was no one else, she had literally appeared out of nowhere and become my guardian angel. And here I was, throwing it all back in her face.

When we go to the last page in the book, Alice's emotions changed from that of composed nostalgia to anger and guilt. Glancing down at the photo's, I understood why.

Every single picture we'd seen before was one wrapped in love; the looks in our eyes told it all. We looked at each other like there was nobody else in the entire world; but not in these.

One was from the night of our most recent Prom. We definitely looked the part in our matching outfits, but our eyes told a different story. My eyes weren't directed at Alice; no, they we staring at something across the room. Bella. Alice was looking up at me, a look of hurt etched across her face. The moment of her realization, I'm sure, caught on camera to survive for all time.

The next one, from our latest Graduation party, told a tale a little different from the last. Once again I was looking at something, or someone, not captured on film. I had a small smirk on my face and you could see the love in my eyes; though it was apparent it was not for the one on my arm. Alice, however, is what shocked me. That look; that faraway, distracted look that had adorned her face for quite some time was prominent. She was lost somewhere in her own mind, which could easily be attributed to Alice being Alice like I'd been doing all along. It was the twinkle in her eye that broke the mold. The twinkle that told me something I never wanted to know. The twinkle that brought all the pieces of the puzzle together. The twinkle that broke my heart.

"No," I said in disbelief, shaking my head and trying to quiet the voices in my head telling me what was right in front of me. "No. You didn't. You wouldn't..."

I was at a loss for words at the picture that was being painted, clear as day, right in front of my face. I watched as all of the pieces fell together like the easiest of puzzles and berated myself for not realizing earlier. Now it all made sense.

My eyes snapped to her in shock as I silently begged her to tell me I was crazy; that the stories floating around in my head were simply the work of my overactive imagination. Instead, she said the four words that broke the half of my heart that I didn't realize was still hers: "His name is Antonio."

The pain that coursed through my veins at her revelation was indescribable; a mix of heartache, agony and most of all, deception. I couldn't believe this. My wife. _My fucking wife _was with another man, behind my back, and I had no idea. I was supposed to be some amazing soldier and vampire and I was clueless to the fact that my wife of half a century was cheating on me. _Great fucking job Whitlock._

"How? When? What the fuck Alice?" I stammered, trying to control my anger and not show her how truly fucked up I was over this.

She looked at me and smiled; I wanted to slap her. "It's a long story Jasper," she tried. _Nice fuckin' try..._

"Give me the abridged version," I snapped at her, not having the patience or control to play any juvenile games with her.

She sighed. "If you must know, I guess I at least owe that to you," she declared, and I nodded in a signal to go on. My jaw was tight and my eyes were narrowed as I sat and listened to the story of my wife and her new lover Antonio.

"We met the night of the prom. Edward needed to get away and you were being very... difficult. I decided to accompany him. We ran and ran until we found ourselves right outside of Vancouver. I was excited to be near the big city, so I took him to that club we went to once, you know, Venom?"

Oh, of course I remembered that place. Who knew that there were that many vampires in the area. It seemed to be a secret meeting place for our kind, smack dab in the middle of a goth club full of those in love with our fictional counterparts. It was a place where vampires could have a drink, and if they so dared, a tasty human. The night we were there, there was at least eight other vampires in the club. I nodded, not being able to stop the daggers I was shooting at her with my eyes, and she got the point.

"Well, one thing led to another and before I knew it, Edward had run off somewhere and I was alone and drunk at the bar. That's when I met him. He was tall, dark and handsome and had the most adorable accent, but I was ready to send him away. Even with things as terrible as they were, I couldn't betray you Jasper." She paused and I breathed a sigh a relief before I realized she was talking again.

"But then I saw his shoes. Oh, I'll never forget them! They were dark brown python Gucci's, with leather soles and a silver horse-bit across the upper; they were perfect!" She told me, that dreamy look plastered on her face again.

I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. "What the fuck are you saying Alice? You fucked him because he had on cute shoes? Do you even hear yourself?" Her eyes narrowed and she spoke harshly.

"No I didn't sleep with him Jasper. Really? What kind of girl do you think I am?" She asked in angered disbelief.

"They kind that's tellin' her husband about how she's cheating on him, Alice."

"Well, not that it's any of your business, but we aren't intimate yet. I could never do that to you," she said pointedly, stabbing me in my already bleeding heart. I was glad to hear that she was keeping her legs closed, but it didn't help the sense of abandonment at her words.

"Yet, Alice?"

"Jazzy," she said, softening her face and scooting closer to me. "It's clear that things have changed between us. Shortly before I stopped being able to see you, I noticed changes in our future; we were still together, but we were very unhappy. Before I had time to try and figure out what it meant, you disappeared. And then I started seeing those shoes; those beautiful brown python Gucci's. So, when I saw them at the club, I just had to see what they meant." She paused and grabbed my hand.

"I couldn't believe it Jasper. As soon as I introduced myself to him visions began flashing in my mind. Visions of me happy; happier than I'd ever been! I know I could never be that happy if you weren't too, so I knew that whatever journey this man took me on, it'd be the best for us both." The air was thick with tension as I absorbed her words. I didn't know how to feel. Countless emotions cycled through me as I tried to come to grips with this news.

"I'm leaving Jasper. Once our divorce is final, I'm going to marry him and live happily ever after. I hope you can do the same." She said, attempting to stand and probably walk away. I wasn't having it. I grabbed her hand, making her stay seated next to me. The discussion was far from over. She couldn't leave me. She was my wife. She wasn't going anywhere!

"Ow! You're hurting me!" She said, snatching her hand from my grip and standing before me. "What the fuck Jasper? Control yourself!"

"Control myself? Really? Like you controlled yourself the first time you met a man with python shoes. You betrayed me because he had on the right shoes Alice? What the fuck? How could you?" I was yelling now, letting my emotions escape me through my words.

"You're kidding right? You don't really wanna go there do you?" She challenged.

"Oh yeah, I wanna go there. I changed my life for you Alice; changed everything about myself. I always knew I was never good enough for you, and now you prove me right. I love you Allly! How can you just leave me like this?" She scoffed and shook her head at me; gestures that weren't helping me in my efforts not to hurt her.

"You have some nerve Jasper Whitlock! Some fucking nerve! How dare you try and pull this on me. You're trying to make me feel bad? You love me, huh? I bet you weren't thinking about how much you love me while you were falling in love with my best friend!"

And there it was; confirmation that she knew. She didn't just know that I liked her, or that I kissed her and snuck around with her; no, she knew the worst part of it all. She knew that I loved another woman. She knew that I loved her best friend. She knew that I was every bit the cheating asshole that she was, and then some. Without the will or strength to continue lying, I dropped my head in shame. "How long have you known?"

"Long enough to know that you were headed up here to leave me. I won't give you the satisfaction." She turned to leave.

"Alice, wait. Please understand that I never meant to hurt you. I--"

"Shh, I know. I know. We don't have to discuss anything Jazzy. I know. I never meant to hurt you either. Sometimes, things happen for a reason. One day, we'll realize what that reason is. Until then, it's best to live without regrets." Her words brought venom to my eyes. This was really happening. Alice, the reason for my existence for so long, was really leaving. I knew this was what I wanted, but suddenly I didn't know if I could do it anymore.

I stood and walked over to her, taking her tiny body into my arms. "Maybe we're making a mistake Ally."

"I don't think we are Jazzy," she was teary-eyed now.

"I don't think I can live without you."I nuzzled into her neck and inhaled, taking in the floral scent that I thrived on for so long. I knew I'd miss it.

"You're just scared. Never back down because you're scared Jasper; you taught me that."

I was breaking down now, shaking and on the verge of sobbing like a little girl. I couldn't handle this; I didn't know how she was holding it together. It was just like Alice, staying strong for me whenever I needed her. "You're so amazing Alice. How can I ever let you go?" I asked, pulling her closer to me.

"Easy Jazzy; you'll have Bella. She's better for you than I could ever be."

Hearing Bella's name sent a rush through my body. Wrapped up in my walk down memory lane, I forgot the reason I was doing all of this. My Bella. My beautiful, giving, understanding Bella. This was just a roadblock on my path to Bella. But as much as I loved Bella, this roadblock was a big one, and I didn't know if I had the strength to make it through. I was falling apart like a sniveling toddler; clinging to Alice like she was my mother leaving me at daycare for the first time. Alice, on the other hand, was feeling nothing but determination and love, with a touch of loss.

"How can you be so strong? Why aren't you in pain like me? Why am I always so weak?" I asked her, hating myself.

She reached her tiny hands up and cupped my face, pulling it down to look into hers. "I'm not as strong as you think I am Jasper. What you did hurt me; badly. I loved you with all I had and you threw it all away for a romp between the sheets with my friend. I hated you; but then I realized that it was for the best. And when I saw how you looked at her, I could see the love, and I knew she is who you're meant to be with. You have to look at the bigger picture Jasper. But even then, the pain is still there, eating at me. I just know that it'll be worth it in the end."

"I don't feel any pain from you. I haven't felt any all along."

"That's because I didn't want you to," she told me, a small smirk playing on her lips.

"I don't understand."

"Honey, I've been married to an empath for most of my immortal life. I learned a few tricks to keep my emotions private; otherwise I would've driven us both insane."

I backed away from her in shock. "You mean you've been hiding your emotions from me all this time?"

"Well, not all of them. And not always. Only when I thought it was a good idea."

"I want to feel them." She shook her head. "Please. I have to feel what I've done to you." She looked down sadly and nodded. Inhaling deeply, she released her breath, and with it came all of the emotions she was hiding from me.

It felt like a tidal wave of pain was sweeping through the room, knocking me to me knees, breathlessly, in a state of frozen anguish. Rejection and heartbreak washed over me, finally settling into a state of torment that reached every cell of my body, alighting it with such horror that I had no choice but to cry out in agony.

And just like that, it was all gone, leaving in an instant so suddenly that I feel flat on the ground, heaving, in an effort to catch my unneeded breath. And though it was gone, the ghost of the worst pain I'd ever felt stayed and haunted me; for I had caused it.

"I'm so sorry," was all I could get out before the sobbing overtook my body. Alice crawled over, pulling me up off of the floor and setting my back against the wall. She held my hand, rubbed circles on my back and repeated over and over how everything would be okay.

We sat there for hours, Alice being my strength while I looked for the light at the end of this dark and harrowing tunnel. I relived every moment I'd ever spent since I awoke to this undead life. The good, the bad, the ugly; the Bella. Every time I saw the faces of my family, I got a little stronger knowing that they'd be there for me every step of the way. Every time I saw Alice's smiling face, I got a little stronger knowing that one day I'd see her smile again. Every time I saw my face looking back at me with golden eyes, I got a little stronger knowing that I could still be that man. And every time I saw Bella's beautiful face, I got a little stronger knowing that she was, indeed, the light at the end of the tunnel. I reached out to her, calling on her love to pull me through, and it worked. Bella pulled while Alice pushed, never ceasing her hold on my hand, her circles on my back or her reassurance that everything would be okay.

Finally I was able to pull myself together. I wasn't happy; no, I was far from happy. But I was okay. _Well, okay-ish. _But I knew that one day I would be okay, and that was enough for me.

Alice looked me in the eye once I'd pulled myself together and we both knew that it was time. Time to let go; time to say goodbye. I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her. I sent her wave after wave of thanks and love and she sent them right back. We'd had a good run, and half of my heart still belonged to her, maybe it always would. We'd both hurt each other, both made mistakes; but we'd be okay. I kissed her softly on her lips and squeezed her tight for the last time.

"Goodbye Jasper." She whispered.

"Goodbye Alice." I whispered back.

Then she turned and walked out of the door. Our end came easier than I thought it would.

Still sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, I pulled out my phone to text my Bella. I needed her. She was the only one who could make this pain go away. I started typing her a text when I heard something vibrating on the dresser. Just then Alice flew back through the door and picked up her ringing cell phone. She looked down at me, seeing the phone in my hand and her eyes turned to slits.

"Bella?" She questioned me.

Of course it was Bella I was texting; she knew that. But she wasn't happy about it. I didn't care. I'm sure I wouldn't like the fact that it was probably her fuckin' lover boy calling her at the same time. I matched her challenging glare.

"Antonio?" I questioned right back.

The starting match ending with her huff of annoyance at me throwing her accusation right back at her. And then she mumbled under her breath: "Cheating asshole!"

So, of course, I threw one right back at her: "Lying whore!"

She didn't flip her shit like I thought she would. Nope. She centered herself, walked over to where I was sitting and crouched down, looking me square in the face. "You know what Jazzy? There's something I forgot to give you before I left," she said sweetly and I figured she had backed down. I raised an eyebrow in question. Then... Well, then she proved me wrong about that whole 'backing down' thing.

Alice cocked back and slapped me across the face before I knew what was happening. It stung like a bitch. "That was for cheating on me" She said and I kept my mouth closed because I probably deserved it. But then she surprised me again; she reached down and grabbed my hand, and, in the blink of an eye, filled the room with the sound of tearing metal as she tore off my ring finger and threw it across the room, smashing a mirror in the process. "And that was for doing it with my best friend."I was stunned. Literally fucking stunned at how efficiently she moved; I guess she learned something from me over the years.

I couldn't believe that this devil woman had just torn a finger from my body. I wanted to get up and cause some sort of bodily damage to her tiny little frame, but the pain searing through my hand and the southern gentleman in me kept me anchored to the floor. All I could do was offer her some very eloquent parting words. "Go to hell Alice!"

"Bye Jasper. I'll see you there." And then she unleashed her emotions on me again; I buckled under their power.

Thirty seconds after she slammed the door to the room we once shared, I heard her car pulling out of the driveway and off into the distance. Thirty minutes later, I managed to resurface from the pain. I pulled myself together long enough to send my text to Bella, crawl across the floor the retrieve my severed finger, dig for my stashed bottle of cheap whiskey under the bed and return to my position on the floor against the wall.

***************

Many hours, multiple texts to Bella, and three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey later, I'm still sitting on the floor. I'd assumed the fetal position as it helped with the spinning of my head; though it did nothing to ease the pain.

The pain that Alice had unleashed on me, both emotionally and physically, had taken hold of my body long ago and I'd decided to simply give in to it. It was more than just for the things I've done. As angry as I was at Alice, it was hard not to badly for the things I've done. _What was I thinking?_

I thanked the good Lord above for granting us the one thing that could keep me sane at a time like this; alcohol. Carlisle knew the scientific reasons behind our ability to absorb it; something about the weight of alcohol as compared to the weight of blood and its density as compared to our venom and blah, blah, blah. All the matters to me is that drinking a good whiskey is one of my favorite pastimes. The cheap shit did the job too; case in point. Sure, I'd feel like shit on a few hours, but nothing could be worse than what I'd be feeling completely sober.

I took another chug and thought back to my time in the south. Me and Pete used to joke about how us Whitlocks were only good at things that started with the letter W: war, women and whiskey. Charlotte liked to add whining; _ah, the good ol' days. _

Alcohol was really a treat for vampires. It worked quickly and it's effects lasted longer than they did with humans. It helped to dull the senses; hearing, sight, thought, blood lust. It had a way of making us feel more human; even warming our bodies. When I was new to the vegetarian lifestyle it was my best friend. It helped take the edge off and made it easier to abstain from human blood. At that time, all of us would indulge from time to time. But then Emmett had an episode with one of his singers and public drunkenness that almost exposed us and Carlisle and Esme made ours a dry house. _Yeah, that shit is stopping today._

I was worried about Bella finding me in this state, but she could hardly complain being that she, herself, is a closet lush. I was more concerned about the missing finger and how she'd feel about that. I'd tried, very hard, to get that damn thing back on. But all of the alcohol in my system was preventing it from fusing. I'd have to stop drinking to make it work, but then I'd be in more pain. It was quite the conundrum I was in; so I gave up.

Which brings us to the present; me in a ball on the floor, drunk, missing a finger, and in an overall state of hot mess. _Great. Can't wait to see Bella's reaction to the mess of a man that she is supposed to leave her boyfriend for. I'm guessing this will sending her running right back to him. Who would want to be with a weak piece of shit like me anyways? _

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When I didn't find Jasper in his study I began to panic. _Where is he? And why isn't he answering when I call him?_

I checked the next logical place; Alice's room. Walking quickly through the house I made my way to the door that I hoped would lead me to him; he needed me and I needed nothing more than to be there for him. I wasted no time in barging in the room, disappointed when I didn't see him at first. Then I looked down, and suddenly I wanted a wooden stake, a torch, some garlic, a cross, some holy water, a silver bullet and whatever else they say kills vampires; I was gonna kill that bitch!

"Jasper! Are you okay? What happened to you?" I asked, dropping to the floor and taking his head into my lap. He looked like shit; black eyes, dark circle under them, skin paler than I'd ever seen and pain etching into his beautiful face. He was shaking and warm to the touch and he smelled like a bar. "What going on?"

He told me the story, sometimes breaking into sobs, sometimes so angry that he'd pound his fist into the ground. He was scary at times, but mostly just very vulnerable. He looked so hurt,so lost, so alone. I wanted to breakdown and cry for him. For this unbelievably strong man who looked so broken down. Jasper looked defeated; something I never thought I would see. I wanted to just hold him and take the pain away, but it wasn't working.

All I could do was listen as he told his tale and try to be his rock; but I was crumbling. The worlds falling from his mouth were breaking me into pieces one by one; each syllable tearing at my heart in way that only he could. I was so angry! Angry at Alice for hurting him. Angry at myself for betraying her, my best friend. Angry at Jasper for... I don't know what I was angry at Jasper for. But I was. I was mad at the world.

Everything was falling apart and I couldn't help but blame myself.

After Jasper calmed down a little, he asked about my talk with Edward. What could I do? I couldn't tell him the truth, with the state he was in. But I couldn't lie to him either. So I cried. I cried for my struggle, I cried for my loss, I cried for my pain, I cried fro Edward, I cried for Alice, I cried for Jasper. I just cried. And he held me, never letting go, never growing tired. He just held me and remained my rock the whole way through. It was amazing how even when he was broken Jasper could still hold me together.

I realized that I had to do the same. I had to be strong for him; but I needed help. I left Jasper in the room and got busy calling in reinforcements. Emmett was sent to hunt for Jasper; he'd need the blood to wash the alcohol out of his system. Carlisle was needed to reattach Jasper's finger; it was gross and looked really painful. Esme was needed to go be with Alice; as angry as I was at her, I felt bad that she was dealing with this on her own. And Rose, well Rose was needed to help me. I needed someone to talk to, someone to help me figure this out. Someone to tell me that everything would be okay.

By the time everyone reached the house my head was spinning. I was so lost and confused and overwhelmed; I had to get out of there.

Rose followed me outside and quickly caught on, jumping into her BMW and together we sped off. She tried to get me to talk, but all I could do was wallow in my own pool of misery. I could take the pain, the drinking, the missing finger, the temper. I could take his fucked up past and even his fucked up present; but there was one thing bothering me. I couldn't take not knowing his future.

I wanted to believe that I'd be there; concrete and never moving from his side. I wanted to have faith that he would love me forever, never wanting another. I wanted know, for sure, that I was the only one he wanted and needed in his life... But it was hard to believe this, to have faith.

Yes, it was hard to know that it was only me he wanted, only me he loved. It was hard to believe because for the past hour he'd done nothing but repeat one word over and over. Only that one word, in my ear, over and over and over.

One word; _Alice_.

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**A/N: They belong to S.M. and all that jazz... I just like to make them really effin annoying! (Sorry, I'm grumpy! And they piss me off sometimes. I swear, they have minds of their own; so blame them!)**

**Also, I don't have a beta... Don't even know how that whole process works. Which means that I am the only one that looks for errors (and sometimes, like tonight, I don't even do that) So, please forgive me for any mistakes. Kay? Blame Edward, that's always fun.**

**Reviews are to me what whiskey is to Jasper; they keep me sane. Keep em comin'!**

**Love all of my wonderful readers!  
**


	24. I'm So Sorry

**A/N: Oh my goodness! I know... I left you guys hanging for like a year! Well, not really, but it felt like it. I missed you guys. May and June are the busiest months for me because they are chock full of papers, presentations, projects, finals, birthdays, graduations, holidays, illnesses and dogs knocking my laptop off the table and almost making me hurl myself off of the top of a building trying to get it working again. What joy!**

**Anywho, sorry it took so long to get this to you guys. I apologize from the bottom of my heart and hope it won't be so long next time.**

**On another note; to all of my faithful readers who review and send me messages... I LOVE YOU ALL! I wouldn't be writing this anymore if it weren't for you! *MUAH!***

**To all my new readers; welcome to the shitshow! Thanks for reviewing, favoriting and alerting! I love it. And to all the new C2's that added me... Thanks! I'm humbled! **

**Ok... I'm done. Enjoy...**

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I wanted to believe that I'd be there; concrete and never moving from his side. I wanted to have faith that he would love me forever, never wanting another. I wanted know, for sure, that I was the only one he wanted and needed in his life... But it was hard to believe this, to have faith.

Yes, it was hard to know that it was only me he wanted, only me he loved. It was hard to believe because for the past hour he'd done nothing but repeat one word over and over. Only that one word, in my ear, over and over and over.

One word; _Alice_.

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 24_

_**I'm So Sorry**_

"What the hell did you think was gonna happen Bella?" Rose questioned me after I'd vented to her for close to an hour. I shrugged. "It was never going to be a simple 'It's over,' you had to have realized that."

"Uh, I guess I never really thought about it," I admitted, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"Bella, Jasper is a good man. He and Alice were in love. She was his everything for a very long time. Did you think that was all just going to go away?" _Umm, ouch. Way to rub salt in my wounds Rose._

"I'm not trying to upset you honey, but just think about it for a second. Our... kind, for lack of a better word, feels deeply. The capacity of our minds and depths of our emotions is massive compared to that of your... kind," Rose explained in a whisper, trying not to reveal too much to the coffee shop full of oblivious humans.

"That being said, even though Jasper is head over heels for you, that doesn't mean that all his feelings for Alice disappeared. And even if he didn't love her anymore, the betrayal he must feel from her is probably terrible. Plus, he is your picture perfect southern gentleman Bella; hurting someone he cares for isn't something he's proud of."

Everything Rose was saying made sense, but I still felt like complete shit. I'd bitten off more than I could chew at this point, and I was choking on it.

"Jasper is just hurt; his wife cheated on him Bella, there's no way to overlook something like that. Rest assured that if Emmett ever told me he was cheating on me, I wouldn't hesitate to kill him," Rose said with so much conviction it sent chills down my spine. _Remind me to never fuck with her..._

"We hardly ever change hon, you know this. And when we mate, we mate for life. If they both had the strength to cheat there is no way that they're still in love; but that doesn't make the past disappear."

_Well, that didn't make me feel any better. _"So how am I supposed to compete with that Rose? He'll always love her! He'll always remember all the things she's done for him. I'll never compare to her!" I was on the verge of tears again, willing myself not to breakdown for the millionth time today.

"Don't you get it? You already won Bella. He wants _you_. He left her for _you_. Don't you realize how hard that was for him?"

"He's devastated Rose. Clearly he's not over her. He just keeps saying her name and shaking in pain. That makes me feel really good, ya know?" I snipped at her, not meaning to take out my horrible mood on the one person keeping my head above water.

"Just because you willingly let go of something, doesn't mean that you're not still losing it. Just because you don't want it anymore, doesn't mean you won't miss it. I'm sure you can understand that with the whole Dickhead situation," she sneered, referring to Edward. I placed my hand over hers, trying to calm her before she got too mad again. I'd managed to keep her from hunting him down thus far, but I didn't know how long it would last.

"Yes, that's true. But I'm not wallowing in the past and chanting his name. What the hell is that?"

"I'm guessing that is his way of moving on. Everyone has their own process of letting go; maybe this is his. You'll never know until you talk to him about it Bella." I nodded and sipped at my coffee.

Rose and I sat there, lost in our thoughts as the patrons in the shop chattered on about their days. I envied them; girls looking for the perfect bikini, boys excited for the big party this weekend, mothers sharing stories about their children, couples in love. I was suddenly wishing my life could go back to a simpler time; a time when my biggest concern was staying upright. I hated this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one that was making me crazy. After a few minutes of silence I spoke, voicing my concern for the first time; "I'm scared Rose."

Her face softened and she grabbed my hands. "I know you are honey, but you have to have faith. He loves you, I know it," she reached out to brush a lock of hair from my tear-streaked face. "He's just dealing with some things right now. You wanted to be part of this world; well, buckle up Sister, because now you're in it. He's in pain, and you may not understand it, but its there and its real and he needs you."

It was at that point that I realized Rose was right. Jasper was a good man; if he said he loved me then I was going to take his word for it. I just had to stay strong and do what I could to bring him back to me.

Forty-five minutes and two deliciously sweet coffee concoctions later I was starting to brighten up. Rose had convinced me that Jasper really did love me and he was just going through a hard time, and I'd decided that I would stick it out for him; for us.

We'd tiptoed across the "Dickhead Debacle" as Rose liked to refer to my incident with Edward earlier in the day, and with much work and patience on her part, I was able to tell her everything. She was seething, but promised that she'd deal with it later and urged me to change the subject. The new subject happened to be Alice and her new Italian lover.

"I'm just so confused. Alice is the last person I would've ever considered a cheater," I told Rose, taking a sip of my drink. "It just seems so out of character."

Rose chuckled. "Yeah, and everybody expected you and Jasper to start an affair? Come on. All of this is out of character Bella. But that's what love does to people. The heart wants what the heart wants."

"True. I guess. It doesn't bother you?" I asked her, knowing damn well it bothered me.

"Her not telling me? Or her having the affair?"

"All of it, I guess. You two just seem so close. And you and Jasper are two peas in a pod... I just thought-"

She cut me off. "Thought what? That I'd be mad? Throw a fit? Tell her off? Call her a home-wrecking whore? Give her a guilt trip and tell her what a deceitful bitch she is?"

I became tongue-tied at her question, looking down rather than at her. The silence lingered for a few seconds along with her implication; her "hey pot, stop insulting the kettle" message did it's job.

"I was hurt that she'd kept it from me, but I understand why she did. I'd have gone straight to Jasper if she told me, she knows that. And how could I be mad? He was doing the same thing. If I could forgive you two, I had to offer her the same courtesy."

"Well, how you kind of you Sis," a tinkering sneer suddenly rang from behind me. I froze as Rose looked up in shock; neither of us saying a word. I knew that voice anywhere.

Rose followed her with her eyes as she walked around me and took a seat at our table; I was shitting bricks. _Why is she here? What does she want? Is she gonna kill me?_

The silence was heavy and nowhere near comfortable. I knew I was sweating and slightly shaking. _Way to man up Bella._

"Hey girls. Why so serious?" Her usually sunny demeanor had an edge to it. I didn't know whether to run or embrace her presence; so I stayed silent, as did Rose.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? Oh, wait, no... Jasper got your tongue?" She amused herself; even her chuckle had an edge to it.

Rose's face hardened at her mocking giggles. "What are you doing here Alice?"

"Ouch!" Alice said, dramatically placing her hands over her heart. "That hurts me Sis. Can't a girl just join her two best girlfriends for some coffee and conversation?"

"Are you serious? After everything that- I don't know why you'd think that- And how do you have the audacity to-" Rose tried time and time again to form some sort of coherent sentence but words failed her each time. Finally, she seemed to say it better than I ever could. "Ugh! Forget it. Humor me Alice. What on earth would you like to chat about?"

Alice's face softened when she replied; "I need to talk to you and Bella. You guys are my best friends and I can't stand that you're mad at me. I know I don't really deserve your time of day, but I'd love to have the chance to explain myself."

_So she wants to explain herself... Great. _I didn't know if I could handle this, especially after the morning I'd had with Jasper, but she looked so sincere and hurt and I just couldn't deny her this if it's what she needed; I did have an affair with her husband after all. I was scared and my heart was racing, but when Rose looked at me for the go-ahead, I gave it to her.

"Fine. You can talk, but you have to promise to be truthful with us Alice. I don't want to waste my time," Rose told her, smiling hesitantly at me in reassurance. Alice nodded, agreeing to the terms and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"To begin, I have to apologize to you Rose. I lied and hurt Jasper, and I know how much he means to you. It was never my intention to keep you out of the loop, but once I realized that you were in on his little secret," Alice gestured at me with her eyes; it stung. "I felt betrayed."

Rose looked down in shame. "You knew I knew?" Alice nodded. "I'm so sorry Alice. You were so distant and spastic and..." she trailed off, finally looking up into Alice's eyes. "Honestly Al, I didn't want you with him anymore. You were making each other miserable and Bella made him happy. I wanted my brother and sister back and I knew that your relationship was over. That doesn't make keeping it from you right, it's just the reason why I did it. I'm not mad at you Alice; I just miss my sister."

Alice's broken face lit up and regained some of it's normal radiance. They hugged and I felt a little sick. _Now that these two were on good terms again, what would happen to me? There was still the little fact that I'm her husbands mistress and she can't be happy about that, can she? Does this mean that I'll lose Rose now that she has her sister back? _

After a lengthy embrace and the tell-tell buzz of a vampire-hearing conversation, the two beautiful vampires returned to their seats and turned their gaze towards me. _Great._

"Bella," Alice said softly, "Before I tell you what I have to say, I'd love it if you could answer a question for me." She waited for my nod of approval before she asked me the very question I'd been dreading. "How could you?"

I sat there, staring like a deer caught in headlights, having absolutely no clue what to say. _How could I? _All Alice had ever been was a great friend to me. She was there when I needed her and I never did anything to deserve it. She was the kindest person I knew and never failed to amaze me. _Sure, she'd turned into quite a manipulative bitch, but did that justify what I'd done? No, it didn't. _I had no reason that wasn't completely selfish for what I'd done. There was no explanation that would be good enough, no saving grace. I had no answer, so instead, I broke down in tears.

"I'm so sorry," I said between sobs. "I was lonely and he was there... sob... I was so unhappy with Edward... sob... and so wrapped up in Jasper... sob... and I fell for him." I took a second to gather myself before I went on. "I fell in love with him so fast, so hard. I made up reasons and excuses and justifications in my mind, but none of them matter. What I did was horrible. I'll never be able to forgive myself, so don't worry, I don't expect you to."

Alice handed me a napkin to wipe my eyes with. "You're right Bella. What you did was horrible." I dropped my head because I had figured that she would forgive me. Not that I deserved it, but she was Alice; she forgave everyone. I just couldn't take the loss of such a wonderful person. But her next words gave me hope; "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you, but I really want to try."

Here words brought an instant smile to my face. "Thank you Alice. I don't deserve you."

"I knew Jasper and I were no longer meant to be, but I wasn't ready to let him go. I held on and did everything I could to keep him when I knew he belonged with you. It was hard letting go, but please understand that my actions don't reflect on Jasper nor my love for him. He is a great man. Don't hurt him Bella," she spoke softly and a pained expression flashed across my face, I'm sure.

"I don't know anymore. He still loves you Alice." Her presence had me doubting our relationship again.

"Of course he does," she said matter-of-factly. _Well that's nice..._

"And I still love him. But his love for me doesn't rival how he feels for you. I hope you're not doubting his feelings for you, or yours for him." She looked to me in question.

"He's not doing so well with the news. He;s having a hard time recovering and it's just hitting Bella a little hard," Rose interjected for me.

Alice shook her head, "Oh honey, please don't do that. Jasper doesn't deal with change good. Or disappointment. All of this is a lot for him to deal with. It could take him days or weeks, but he'll come around. He just needs time to come to grips with everything... And he needs you," she finished sadly. I could tell that it was still hard for her to think of us together, but she meant well. It was like having her blessing, and I was even more determined now.

"Thank you Alice. It means a lot to hear you say that. I'll do my best, I promise."

We smiled at each other and sat in silence for a few seconds until Alice broke it, "Well, I sure am glad I found you guys here!" She said bubbly like the Alice I remember.

"How did you find us Alice?" Rose asked while I was wondering the same thing.

"I saw your car on my way home," Alice answered.

"Why were you in Port Angeles?" I asked this time.

"Oh, well, we live here," she answered and I was shocked; Rose had a similar expression to mine across the table. Alice took that as her queue to explain. "Umm... Well, I guess it's time I told you girls about my Tony."

And she did. His name was Antonio Gallo and he was a total stud according to Alice. She told us that he was born in the twenties in Italy and served in the war. He was assigned to the occupied French territory on the Franco-Italian border where he worked to get Jews fleeing the Nazi's into his territory where they'd be safe. When he was discovered by the Nazi's he was shot and left to die in the snow, but a vampire disguised as a Nazi soldier thanked him for his work, bit him and left him to change all alone. He'd traveled as a nomad ever since, but he valued human life, only killing when absolutely vital. Alice was helping him convert to an animal diet and assured that once he was more in control, she'd bring him to meet everyone. Her whole face lit up as she talked about him and she gushed about his apparent love for fashion. She looked happy and I was happy for her.

She then explained that she had bought a house for them in Port Angeles; far enough away from Jasper but close enough to stay part of the family and for Alice to finish school. She was looking forward to this next chapter of her life and I was glad I'd still get to see her. My day was looking better already.

"Well girls, it was great to catch up, but I have to head out now. I have to go see a certain unstable brother of mine," Alice said and I gasped. _Is she really going to see Edward? Why?_

Rose was livid. "What? You know where he is? And you're going to see him? Do you know what he did?"

"I do," she said, "and I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. I hope you're not in pain, and please understand that I'm always here for you Bella. I don't agree with what he did, but he's sad and alone and hating himself and he needs someone to be there for him. I hope you understand."

Rose was still mad, but I understood. "I do. Thank you." I ignored Rose's scowl and stood to hug Alice goodbye. She assured me that she'd continue to keep me and Jasper put of her head so Edward wouldn't find out, but suggested that I tell him soon. After she and Rose hugged we all headed out of the cafe. Rose and I talked the whole way home about everything that had happened that day. I wanted to get to Jasper, but I needed a break from all of the drama and she said she wanted to talk to him before I did, so we planned for me to head to the Cullen house later that night and Rose dropped me off at home.

Right when I walked in the door I got a text from Alice; ** Don't forget that your new job starts soon. Oh, and you might want to head to Forks High and change your schedule. -Al **

Shaking my head and chuckling at having the old Alice back, I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

Once I couldn't possibly eat another bite, I decided that it was time that I stopped putting things off and man up, so to speak. The afternoon and early evening had been a welcome distraction for me.

When I got to the school and saw my class schedule for the next year I was pissed. Apparently Edward had signed him and I up with the exact same classes and they all sucked. _Trigonometry? Marine Biology? Home Ec? Dance? Public Speaking? That boy is crazy if he thought I was gonna be taking any of that. _

The counselor also told me she was surprised I was enrolled in so many classes since I was far over the amount of credits I should have going into my senior year. I guess being a loner and taking those community college classes in Pheonix payed off because I only needed a Math and English class to graduate. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I quickly signed up for Statistics and Mythology and then took a second to think about my options. I could have just taken those two classes, but that would be a waste of time. I knew that another Science class wouldn't hurt on my college applications, so I hesitantly signed up for Advanced Chemistry figuring it would be an easy A. The last class I signed up for was leaps and bounds from something the old Bella would've done, but I did it for the man I love. Jasper had been pushing me to explore my love of music. I loved to write, I loved to sing and he said he loved to hear it; so, when I needed one more class, I shakily wrote down Vocal Ensemble. I was scared, but proud of my new decision.

With these four classes, I'd fulfill my graduation and college requirements and then some. There was no point to take anything else, so I filed for fifth and sixth period dismissal, which would allow me to leave campus before lunch. I figured I'd use those extra hours to work for Carlisle and start raising money again for college. I also applied for Winter term graduation, meaning I'd graduate a semester early. It was perfect.

When I came home from the High School with a smile on my face, I was glad to see Jake at home. I hadn't had much time to talk to him lately and I needed some Jacko time. He bum rushed me as soon as I walked in and brought me in for a warm, well needed hug.

"Where the hell have you been Iz? I've been waiting for you all day." He said once he sat me down.

"I was having coffee with Rose and when I came home you weren't here brat. So I ran to the school to get my schedule worked out for next year."

"Dude, I went out back for like ten minutes and when I came back your truck was gone. What was the fire about?" Jake asked. I just laughed a little because I really did rush out in a hurry.

"Nothing. Just had to handle something. Why were you waiting for me? You know you could've called me right, smart guy?" I stuck my tongue out a him, knowing he hated it.

He flipped me the bird and headed towards the door. "Yeah, well I didn't want to seem too eager."

"Yeah, cause rushing me as soon as I walked through the door didn't seem eager at all," I joked.

He opened the front door. "Oh shut up and come on!" He pulled me outside behind him and walked over to the side gate. He went to open it and I was confused. "What are you doing?"

He ignored me and continued to open the heavy old gate. Once it was open I understood why we were out here. "Oh wow Jake! It looks awesome. When did you finish?"

There, at the side of the house sat the Rabbit. From the looks of it, he'd finished the rebuilding and had the entire car painted a deep blue color. He was beaming.

"I just finished her today. Bella, I'd like you to me Jessica. Jessica, Bella." He gestured as if really introducing us.

"Why Jessica?" I asked and his mouth fell open.

"Are you kidding me? Why Jessica? Where is my Izzy and what have you done with her?"

I thought for a moment and then it clicked. "Oh, Duh! Jessica Rabbit. Real clever Jake. I completely forgot about that." Jake and I had been obsessed with that stupid movie; well, obsessed with making fun of it. He always said that his future wife would be named Jessica. "I thought you might have been trying to tell me something about you and Jess. You guys were awfully cozy at the party..."

Jake narrowed his eyes at me, "Okay, one, don't hate on my Jessica Rabbit. And two, just... no. Jess might be easy on the eyes, but she is hard on the nerves. I was drunk, end of story. I would've felt anything up in that state."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Jacko. Are we taking this baby for a ride or what?" I said, jumping in to the passenger seat."

Jake beamed and followed me into the car, closing the door and starting the car. "Oh yeah, we're going riding. And then you're buying me lunch and telling me whats been going on with you lately and why you look like shit. And in return I'll tell why my dad kicks ass right now and how the chief has been spending a lot of time with one miss Sue Clearwater lately. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan!" I said and we took off.

And so we enjoyed a couple hours of driving, pizza, talking and joking. I told him an abridged version of the drama. Of course he was glad me and Edward were over and totally supported me and Jasper; he'd been pushing me at him for awhile anyways. He told me that his dad was the one that paid for the paint job on the Rabbit. He also said that he'd had a really weird conversation with his dad the night before; about how proud he was of him and how much he loved him. Billy really wasn't one for heart-to-hearts, so Jake thought it was weird. He figured it was because he'd been gone so long and changed the subject, but it still seemed to be bothering him.

After a couple hours I couldn't eat anymore so we headed home, and now I'm pacing my room trying to work up the courage to go see Jasper. I hadn't heard from him all day and Rose and Emmett weren't answering their damn phones. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew I needed to see him. All of the joy and pain. All of the laughter and tears. All of the good and bad. That fateful day in Phoenix has led up to this day, and I knew what I had to to. After I'm through with him, he won't even remember who Alice is.

Our obstacles weren't factors anymore. We were both single, and even though we were both pretty broken, I had no doubt that we could fix ourselves together. There was nothing holding me back, and I was ready. I was finally going to get my man; nobody better stand in my way... I mean it this time!

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**A/N: Not mine... Not mine at all. I know... sad.**

**Already working on the next one guys... We'll be hearing from Jasper.  
**

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	25. Say Something!

**A/N: Fresh off the longest, most busy two weeks of my life, I bring you a new chapter. Forgive any errors... I couldn't read this thing anymore.**

**Welcome new readers and thanks for sticking with me everyone!**

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Our obstacles weren't factors anymore. We were both single, and even though we were both pretty broken, I had no doubt that we could fix ourselves together. There was nothing holding me back, and I was ready. I was finally going to get my man; nobody better stand in my way.

_**A Beautiful Mess**_

_Chapter 25  
_

_**Say Something!**_

"How's that feel?" Carlisle asked me, the furrow in his brow finally smoothing now that my finger looked like it was gonna fuse this time. I gave him a death glare because, really? How the fuck does he think it feels? _Like a happy-fucking-ending Carlisle... _

He just shook his head at me. "I know you're a grown man son, but maybe you should slow down with the whiskey. Your venom is so thin... I just don't think this is a good state for you to be in, especially with Victoria and Laurent out there."

I gave him another glare because I just really needed him to shut the fuck up. I needed everybody to shut up. Between Carlisle with his wise old man shit and Emmett with his demanding every five minutes that I tell him 'what the fuck happened, bro?' I was literally at my wits end. I just needed my finger to stay the fuck on my hand so I could get the hell out of here.

"Jasper, did it work?" Carlisle asked me; clearly I'd missed something. "Did what work?"

"Can you move your finger?" I tried. Nope.

I shook my head and he frowned. "Okay, well, let's give it a couple more minutes and see if it starts to work. If not, I fear we may have a problem."

_Just fucking great. As if I didn't already have enough to deal with._

So I sat there, hating life, while I waited. Carlisle was twiddling his thumbs, clearly wanting to say something, but holding back so I wouldn't have to kill him. Emmett was pacing the floor, feeling anxious or angry or confused or frustrated... I couldn't tell because the excessive amount of whiskey in my body had numbed my senses.

Five minutes later I still couldn't move. Same story ten minutes later. By twenty minutes later I was in a blind rage, just waiting for one more thing to push me over the edge. "Em! Stop your fucking pacing. You're making me nervous and I'm this close to kicking your ass!" I told him, making the universal gesture that goes along with that statement and not even realizing that my finger cooperated. Em looked at me in shock while Carlisle let out a sigh of relief. All too slowly I caught on to their observation and thanked my lucky stars.

I stood to leave, but only made it two steps before Carlisle grabbed my arm. "Son, I know you're going through a hard time, and I understand your need for some space. But, as soon as your head is a little clearer, I think we need to sit down and have a long conversation. Okay?"

_Great. What is he gonna do? Ground me? _"Yeah, sure. What the fuck ever _Dad_. Now, would you let me go so I can get out of here. You guys are driving me crazy." I said, sneering his name like a child and trying to wriggle out of his grip. Of course I was too slow and weak to get free on my own, but he let me go anyways.

"And your brother is going with you" he commanded, Emmett stepping up and clapping me on the shoulder. "Come on Bro, let's go rustle up some grub!" Emmett's horrible western accent was annoying, as was Carlisle's commanding that he come with me, but I was just ready to get out of the damn house. I swiftly nodded and then took off into the forest and heard Em follow behind.

With every animal I drained I felt a little bit better about the situation with Alice. Sure, she'd left me for someone else, but who was I to complain? I had an affair and was in love with her best friend. Had she not left me, I was coming up there to leave her. It definitely hurt like hell, but at least I could be glad that she had somebody and wouldn't be sad and alone while I was with my Bella.

My time earlier had done me some good. I replayed our entire relationship in my mind, holding on to the good memories and reliving the bad. Change is hard for vampires, and for me it came a little bit harder; but if those hours of hell were what I needed to go through to be with my girl, I'd do it every day. By the time Carlisle had managed to bring me out of my drunken and emotional stupor I knew that I had finally let go of Alice. She'd always have her own special place in my heart, but now it was fully open for Bella. I was sure that we'd made the right choice, and that with time I'd be over the pain. I'd miss her, but I'd survive.

I was glad that Bella had finally made it to the house. Her presence seemed to make the process move a lot faster. She was my light at the end of the tunnel. I hated that she had to see me like such a weak, sniveling, shell of a man; but I'm an empath and I feel hard, I'm sure she understands.

Once I'd had enough to drink and time to think, I sat down against a tree in a small clearing. I was pretty sure that all of my senses were coming back and I needed some time to just think; but all I could think about was Bella. I pulled out my cell phone and was just about to call my girl when Emmett's deep ass voice sounded from across the clearing. "I don't think she wants to talk to you right now," he said, standing menacingly across from me. We'd split up, but I guess he'd caught up with me now, and I had no idea. _I guess my senses aren't all back._

"What are you talking about? And what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me?" _Fucking creeper._

"You know, I was really worried about you Bro. You looked like shit and I've never really seen you that weak; even when you've slipped in the past. I felt bad for you. And worried. And I was ready to kill whoever the fuck had done this to you," he spoke low, walking closer as he did. I didn't say anything because I didn't think he was done and I was a little uncomfortable with where he was going with this.

"But then, while I was hunting, the wheels started turning. And everything started falling into place. You know how that happens? When things start making sense... When shit starts getting real..." _Fuck, he figured it out._

The look in his eyes was dangerous and before I had time to react, his fist was cocked and headed towards my face. It was too late to do anything about it so I squared my jaw, ready to suffer the blow; but it never came. The tree behind me splintered with the force of his fist. I looked at him in question; he answered with one of his own. "What the fuck were you thinking man?"

He was pissed, my muted powers finally picking up on it now that he was closer. I didn't know what to say to that. I stayed silent and he grew impatient. _Say something!_

"It's complicated Em," was all I could come up with.

"No! Fuck that! Everything we do is complicated! We don't keep shit from each other. I hate that!" _Huh?_

"That's what you're mad about?" I asked, and he instantly looked even more pissed. _Nice._

Emmett unceremoniously dropped to the ground beside me and explained himself. "Look, you and Alice weren't working. You were turning into a shell and she was turning into a bitch. You two needed to be over. And she cheated on you too, so you guys cancel each other out. And as far as you and Bella; she's a big girl and can make her own decisions. You better not hurt her, but that's a conversation for another day," he said, pausing to look at me. _Well shit... that was easier than I thought it would be._

"But you not telling me? You making all these changes in your life and keeping me in the dark... That hurts Jazz. I thought we were closer than that. I tell you shit that I don't even tell Rose!"

I officially felt like shit and hated that I'd hurt my closest brother. "I'm sorry Em. I just-"

"Naw man, we don't need to do all of the apology shit. I just needed you to know that I don't like that. With all the changes; Alice leaving, Edward being sent away, I just feel like I'm losing everybody. Please don't join that list, okay?" _Gotta love Em, always making it easy._

I nodded at him, signaling that I understood and I wouldn't let it happen again. He smiled, jumped to his feet and reached down to help me up. "Let's get back to the house before Pops freaks out," Em joked as we took off towards home.

We were about halfway there when I came to a stop in front of Em. "Dude, what the hell?" He asked, narrowly missing slamming into me.

I held up a finger to silence him as I tried to process what had just popped into my mind. Emmett had said that Edward had been sent away. _Why the hell would be sent away?_ Thinking about it, I was surprised he hadn't tried to kill me by now, but that would explain it.

"Why was Edward sent away Em?" He tried to play it off, but I didn't miss the look that flashed across his face.

"Uh, I don't really have the details. You'll have to ask Carlisle," he told me, attempting to shake it off and head back towards the house. "Come on, we've been gone forever. He'll be worried."

My senses were still very dulled but his emotions were strong and I could clearly feel what he was; awkwardness, hesitance and apprehension. He didn't want to tell me. _Fuck that. _

"Em... what the hell are you hiding from me? You better fucking tell me!"

He sighed, turned around and avoided my gaze. "I know Jazz-man. And I will. Just not now. I need the others here, okay? Can you just give me ten minutes and let me tell you at home?"

_He needs the others? What the fuck is going on? It must be bad if he won't even look me in the eye. And it has to do with Edward? And Bella? No, he's telling me now!_

I growled at him. "Fucking spill it Em! You just lectured me on not keeping shit from you and you're gonna try to pull this now? Abso-fuckin-lutley not!" He finally looked me in the eye, resignation building as he processed what I'd just said and how right I was. "Tell me!" I growled again. "Now!"

He rubbed his hands through his hair nervously and finally said the words I wanted to hear. "God damn you Jasper! Fine. I'll fucking tell you. But you're gonna sit down, shut up and let me finish without interruptions. And then, we're going straight home. Can you promise me that?"

_No. But I'll tell you what you want to hear so you'll tell me, of course. _"Yeah, sure" I said, sitting down on the forest floor. "Start talkin'"

"I'm going to fucking kill you Emmett. Get. Out. Of. My. Way. NOW!" My growl reverberated through the forest as I tried to get past my brother in my blind rage.

Before he'd even finished his story I'd already signed Edward's death certificate. _How dare he touch her? He must have lost his fucking mind if he thought he was getting away with that shit!_

"Jazz, just chill out dude. It's been handled already," he attempted. _Sure._

"Oh really? Has it been handled Em? Okay. So, where exactly can I find his pile of ashes? Because if there isn't one, then it hasn't been properly handled!" I was intensely regretting my excessive intake of cheap whiskey because Emmett was faster and stronger than me at the moment and I couldn't get past him. Add my uncontrollable anger into the mix and I was sloppy; I was always sloppy when I put too much emotion into a fight. I tried to remember how Maria had taught to remove myself from the warrior inside, but Bella permeated my every pore. I couldn't find my groove. Before I knew it, Emmett had me backed into a corner deep in the forest, and he was mad.

"I said it's been handled. End of story and end of your fucking hissy fit. Don't forget Jazz, I found her. Don't you think I wanted to kill him? Don't you think I wanted to make him pay for every little thing he did to my baby sister? Huh?" He paused, but I had nothing to say. _He doesn't get it; he doesn't love her like I do. It's not the same!_

As if he read my mind, he continued. "I may not be in love with her Jasper, but that girl means just as much to me as anyone in this family. I call her my sister because that is exactly what I see when I look at her. I love her too, dammit! It took every ounce of my control not to rip his coward ass head off his body the moment I saw her; but I controlled it! And you need to control it too. We have more important things to worry about."

_Okay, so he might love her, but it's still not the same. _"What could possibly be more important that this Em?" I just didn't understand his thinking.

He looked at me like I was stupid. "Uh, well first of all, Edward has been sent away which means we lost one of our best defenders of Bella. Victoria and Laurent are still out there, don't forget that. And second, from what Rose told me, you have one very hurt and upset girlfriend you need to console out there." _Wait, what?_

"That's the problem. How can I stand to be around her in so much pain and resist hunting him down. He hurt my girl Em, I can't just let that slide. Fuck!" I was starting to get angry again, so I ran my hand through my hair in an effort to quell the rage.

"Dude, you know Bella better than any of us. Why do you think I didn't kill him when I had the chance? Because I knew that it would hurt her more than anything he did could. If you were to hurt him, it would only hurt her. You know this." He had a point. "Besides, she seemed to be more worried about you than what he did to her. And, uh, I'm pretty sure you are the source of her pain right now, not Eddie boy."

_Uh, what? _"What are you talking about? What did I do?" _Fucking females, I swear._

He laughed. He was laughing. I was dead fucking serious and he was laughing. "What is so fucking funny Em?"

"I'm sorry man, but how can you ask me that? Dude, you were a wreck! A drunken, sobbing, heartbroken wreck! Why wouldn't she be upset?"

_Way to make me feel better Emmett. _"Of course I was! My wife had just told me she was leaving me for someone else! My marriage had just ended. Should I have been throwing a party?"

"Well, no. But, between you falling apart and chanting her name, Bella pretty much figured that you were still in love with Alice, like any normal person would!"

"Chanting her name? Tell me you're joking." _There's no way I was chanting her name, was there?_

"Yeah man. You don't remember?" He looked concerned again.

"No! Why the hell... It must've been when I was remembering," I said, angry at myself. Of course she was upset; I'd be too.

"Remembering?" Em asked, wanting me to clarify.

"Yeah. I kinda replayed our relationship in my head; I think it was my process of letting go. I'm over it now. I swear. I don't want Alice, I want Bella. I need Bella. And now I went and fucked it all up. What do I do?" I asked him, needing some wisdom. I couldn't handle all of this right now.

Emmett looked sympathetic. "I don't know man. I think you should maybe talk to Rose about it. But you better fix this and get her back," he smiled at me. "Nobody else deserves her."

His words meant a lot to me, and I tried to push out a wave of gratitude at him; I don't know if it worked. He stepped aside, finally giving me room to run for it if I so chose, but my head was clear now. I knew Em was right about me hurting Edward and how it would ultimately hurt Bella. I needed to be a better man for her, and I was starting by letting him live. But, so help me, if he touches her again, his life will be over.

When he saw that I wasn't running, he reached out his closed fist to me and I met his in a bump. I was so grateful for his presence in my life right now that I couldn't help but grin at the goofy lug.

After our little bromance moment, it was time to get home and handle my business, so we took off. I just hope Rose has something useful to tell me. I need to get my girl back.

"Rose, this all just feels a little ridiculous." I whined. I was tired of shopping and everything was just so girly and I felt like a complete pansy.

She gave me her patented evil-eye, "Shut it Brother and just let me handle this. I know what girls like. Trust me, she''ll love it."

With a huff I conceded, making sure to give Emmett a jab in the side when I heard him snickering at me. I hated this. I just wanted to go see my girl, but apparently nothing was ever that easy.

Once we'd made it back home earlier, Rose was there and quickly pulled us into Emmett's Jeep and started driving. She told me how Bella was upset over my actions from earlier and was worried I didn't still want her. She knew I loved her, but thought that maybe I still wanted to be with Alice. _Oh, how wrong she was..._

Anywho, once I'd heard what Rose had to say and I told her my resolution to get her back, we were already at the mall. When I politely questioned Rose as to what in the flying fuck we were doing at the mall when I needed to be with my girl, she shushed me and told me to trust her. Five stores, four hundred dollars and one pounding headache later I was ready to hurt her.

We'd accosted an absolutely unheard of amount of white candles, candle holders, vases, massage oils, pillows, the softest blankets I'd ever felt, CD's that neither of us would ever listen to, sappy DVD's that Bella would hate, and enough gourmet food for a small army.

"Seriously Rose, what is all this for?" I wasn't feeling any of this and my fuse was running very short.

"Come on Jazz, you messed up. Bella is hurt and you need to sweep her off of her feet. You're going to go into your study and make the two of you a sanctuary to spend a romantic night in. We'll fill it with candles and flowers and some mood music. Those pillows and blankets will give you guys somewhere comfortable to cuddle. Then, you can give her a massage, make her some dinner, watch a romantic movie, and then the crown jewel; give her a long speech about how much she means to you and give her some jewelry. She'll be putty in your arms!" Rose beamed, thinking her plan was fool proof.

"Yeah, and if all goes according to plan, you'll get some use out of what you buy in here," Emmett said, pulling me into a fancy lingerie store. I planted my feet, coming to a stop before I was too far in.

"Okay, first of all Rose, that just doesn't sound like Bella's idea of a good night at all. She's more of a simple kind of girl. I don't know about all this," I told her.

She smiled and shook her head, "Just trust me Brother. That is every girl's idea of a good night. You want your girl back don't you?"

I did. So, if this is what it took, I'd do it. "Yeah, I do. Fine, I'll do it. But Bella's not gonna wear anything in here guys," I said looking around at the store that was much more Alice's taste.

"Umm, it's La Perla Bro, she'll wear it," Em said matter-of-factly, fingering a tiny red number. "Hey Rosie, isn't this the one I tore the other night?" He asked her and I walked away trying to get the fucking image out of my mind. While those two bickered, I wandered the store, looking for something that seemed like Bella's style. Five minutes later, Rose appeared behind me with a red set and said "This is the one," and I nodded, just ready to get out of there.

"Okay, can we go now?" I asked, really longing to see the inside of the Jeep.

"Almost. Two more stops," Rose said and I wanted to cry. "Two more? What else do we need? It's getting late already!" Yeah, I was whining. And no, I didn't give a damn. I want to go home!

"How about you run into the jewelry store and we'll go pick up some flowers, and meet at the car in ten?" Rose suggested. "Yeah. Sounds good," I told her and we took off. "Make sure you get something good!" I heard her yell from a distance.

It wasn't hard to find what I wanted there. I made my purchase and made it back to the car just as my siblings arrived with an abundance of white flowers in their arms. I decided against arguing and jumped in the car and we quickly headed home. I tried to call Bella and ask her to come over, but Rose said it would only work if she came over on her own; so I sulked the entire way home, trying to come up with something to say that would get my girl back in my arms.

When we got home Carlisle and Esme were waiting outside for us. Esme immediately took me into her arms. "Son," she said, "I know you have a lot going on right now, but please promise me that you'll come to me when you realize you need your mother's wisdom."

I pulled back and smiled at her. "Of course. I'm sure that'll be soon enough." She smiled sweetly and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. "I love you Son."

"I love you too Mom. Always," I whispered, glad to feel this kind of affection after the day I'd had. We released our hold as Carlisle joined us. "How's the finger?" I flexed it for him and flashed a thumbs up; he seemed pleased.

"So, what all this for?" Esme asked, gesturing to the bags that Rose had piled on Emmett. Rose answered for me; "He has to make that bleak study of his look acceptable. Just some supplies." I was glad she didn't give too much away. Esme's brow furrowed a little, but she quickly recovered.

"Jasper, you can't live in your study. You need more space."

_Always looking out for us. _"I don't really have any other options Ma. I'll be fine; don't worry."

"No, no. That won't do. Follow me," Esme said, swiftly moving up the stairs and I followed behind. We came to the third floor and stopped at the door of her crown jewel; her immaculate guest bedroom. She was so proud of this room, always beaming whenever she showed it to her guests. "I can't take this room. You love it way too much!"

"Nonsense! It's yours now." She stepped aside, wanting me to walk in. "No, I can't. Where will the guests stay?"

She laughed. "You can and you will. Now open the damn door young man!" She giggled at my shocked expression at hearing her cuss; Esme doesn't cuss. I opened the door and was immediately speechless.

The room was perfect. The walls were gray with a soft white carpet. The first thing you saw was a sitting area that consisted of a black leather chair and loveseat around a stainless steel table that had a red vase in the middle of it. There was a bookshelf that was already full of books. Further into the room was a large bed with a black leather padded headboard, a soft looking black bedspread and tons of black, gray and red pillows. The wall held a humongous flat screen and tons of black and white pictures of me and the family. I walked further into the room and found the walk in closet was half-filled with my stuff; the other half empty. The bathroom was more of the same black, gray and red colors and had a huge tub and shower. It was all utterly perfect. I turned to Esme flabbergasted; "How? Why? When?" I was still stuttering intelligently when she explained.

"When I noticed you and Alice's problems getting worse, I started working on this for you. Just because you two are separated, that doesn't mean that you don't deserve your own space in the house. I hope you like it Son"

I hugged her tight, a little choked up at the kind gesture. "I love it. It's perfect. Thank you so much."

"It was my pleasure. Enjoy. Me and Carlisle are going for a hunt. We'll see you guys tomorrow evening. Remember, I'm only a phone call away. And make sure you guys look after Bella tonight." I nodded and she darted out of the room and down the stairs.

I flopped down onto my new bed and enjoyed only a second of silence before Em and Rose burst through the door. "Wow! This will be easier than I thought! Let's get to work," Rose exclaimed. Emmett simply uttered "Nice diggs" before he joined Rose in the setting up of my room.

After twenty minutes the room looked ridiculous. Candles were lit everywhere, some stupid ass slow jams CD was playing and a romantic comedy was ready to play at the push of a button. Flowers filled the entire room and massage oil was out on the nightstand ready for use. Flower petals adorned the floor and bed and the lingerie was hanging in the empty side of the closet ready for wear. A full meal was prepared downstairs, only needing to be heated up. The soft blankets and pillows were stored as they weren't needed anymore. Of course Em had insisted I run a bath and fill it with flower petals. And of course, I had the box from the jewelry store in the pocket of my coat that Rose insisted I wear, complete with a button up, slacks and really shiny fucking shoes. I felt like a tool.

"Alright stud, do what I told you and you should have her back in no time," Rose said, sure of herself. Just then, her phone started to vibrate on the coffee table. I glanced down and saw that it was Bella and quickly tossed it to her. She looked at the caller name, opened it, and pressed ignore. I was pissed.

"What the hell are you doing? That was Bella!" _Is she insane?_

"I know. We've been dodging her calls all day. She needs to come here of her own volition, not because I tell her she should."

Okay, now I was enraged. "Are you out of your mind? What if she's in trouble? She's been alone for hours now!"

"Don't worry. She's fine. I've been checking her voicemails. She was out with Jake and now she's home. Hold on," she said as her phone buzzed again. "She's on her way here now. We'll get out of your way. Good luck Brother."

She dashed out of the room, probably sensing how angry I was at the moment. Emmett had the decency to look a little sheepish before he saluted me and said "It's game time Major. We'll patrol for the next couple of hours. Get her back, man."

Once they were both gone I stood in the middle of my new room; what once suited me perfectly now made me feel like the biggest douche in the world. The music was ridiculous, the sissy candles were giving me a fear of being burned alive and the flowers had long ago given me a headache. I couldn't believe that I let Rose talk me into this. And I couldn't believe that Rose had been ignoring Bella's calls; it was too risky at a time like this. Even though Rose was only trying to help with everything, I kinda wanted to slap her at the moment. I just hoped Bella liked it; that would make it all worth it.

I stilled for a moment and began to think about the beautiful girl that I hoped would be mine at the end of the night. She was such an exception to every rule in the most amazing ways. She saw love where I saw a monster. She saw solace where I saw disaster. She joy where I could only find disappointment. And she saw me when I could only see everything I tried to hide. She was not an ordinary person. She was different and unique and seemingly made just for me. There was no one in the world that could compare to her...

And that's where I realized my mistake.

And that's when I heard the roar of her truck turning up the driveway.

_Fuck! I have to move fast!_

By the time I heard the beautiful sound of her converse climbing the stairs, I was standing by my window looking outside, a favorite pastime of mine. The night was calm and I hoped that was a good sign for me.

I'd rushed and done a good job of undoing all the crap that Rose had so naively thought out. I was just glad that I'd realized the problem before she got here. None of the stuff that we'd done was what Bella liked. She didn't like grand gestures and girly decor. She liked plain, simple, meaningful. I took one last glance around the room hoping I'd done a good enough job.

Gone were all of the candles but two; one on each night stand. The presumptuous massage oil was trashed along with the abundance of flowers, minus the one single stem I held in my hand, that is. The sappy music was replaced with my trusty acoustic guitar and the T.V. was unplugged. The bath was drained and where the lingerie once hung was now an old band shirt of mine. I changed into a pair of beat up old jeans and a faded t-shirt, and, of course, my trusty boots. One of the comfy blankets was draped over my chair along with enough pillows to make it extra comfy. The last thing I did was order a pizza and some Coke for my girl. The only thing that remained unchanged was the tiny box in my pocket from the jewelry store; that was all me, and I hoped Bella would love it.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that now the room actually fit Bella's style along with my own. Her steps grew closer and I started to feel anxious. _What will she do? What will she say? _

And just as she reached the top of the landing I cursed myself for not thinking of what to say to her. I'd done all of this and hadn't even prepared myself. _How could I explain myself? How could I get my girl back? Would she ever want me again? How could she after everything I'd put her through? I'm such a fucking idiot!_

I was broken from my thoughts as a flash of lightning brightened the gloomy sky, followed by the deafening crack of thunder, and before I had time to recover, my door swung open. I turned, and there she stood, eyes red from crying, nose glowing like Rudolph, skin flushed in the most beautiful way, staring at me with those big beautiful eyes. Her emotions were a swirl just like every time she was upset and I couldn't grasp what she was feeling. All I knew was that she was here and now was my chance. And then the rain started. _Great._

She was still standing there, staring, waiting for me to do something to make this mess of a situation right; and I was drawing blanks. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't even fuckin' breathe. I didn't know what to do. _Say something!_

When I heard my phone buzz I looked down and saw the text from Peter and the message it held; ** Kiss her you fucking dumbass! **

And then she was moving, coming right at me, and her emotions had finally settled; love.

I reacted just in time, scooping her into my arms and kissing her like there was no tomorrow. When we were done, I laid us down on the bed and just held her. I relished the feel of her body near me, the smell of her hair, the taste of her skin, the beat of her heart. We stayed there, just like that, for an hour. Not talking, not fighting, not crying; just being. We were together and we realized now that that was all we'd ever needed. All of the planning and thinking and preparing was unnecessary because she was MY girl and nothing was ever gonna change that. We made a silent agreement as we laid there that now was our time; we were finally free to be together and we weren't gonna wait any longer.

When her stomach started growling, I feed my girl like royalty. I sat her in the comfy chair, wrapped her in a blanket and played her a love song. I dressed her in my shirt and told her how much I loved her; and even though she told me the same, her emotions told me all I ever needed to know. My girl loved me and her heart was mine. It was at that moment that I showed her that she had mine as well.

The heart shaped pendant, made of none other than the stone known as jasper, hung delicately down her neck as she slept in my arms, exhausted from the day's events. I was content, replaying the last words she'd said to me before she'd drifted off; "Thank you Jasper. I love it, and I love you."

Sometime around 3 am I heard Rose and Emmett return and went downstairs to meet them.

"Did it work?" Rose asked, excitedly, obviously knowing Bella was still here.

I shook my head, "No, all that shit you had me do did NOT work," she frowned, "but my way did."

I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips. Either could they.

"So, what did you say? Was it hard? Did she yell at you?" Emmett asked me, eager to hear the story.

"I didn't say anything man. We didn't have to. We love each other; we just had to remember that and we were fine."

They looked confused. "That easy? How?"

I just chuckled and clapped Em on the back, "I'll tell you tomorrow Bro. I gotta get back to my girl."

They conceded and I turned to go back upstairs when I realized that Bella's truck was still running, in the middle of the driveway. I raced over to it, glad the rain had stopped, and tried to quickly pull it into a more suitable position. Before I was done I heard her phone ring from inside. I was confused as to who would be calling her this late and hurried my pace. She answered on the third ring, just as I opened the front door. As I climbed the stairs I heard the person on the other end of the line. He was talking very hurried and broken and from the distance I could only make out parts of what he said. Bella, however, heard everything.

I made it just in time to catch her before she fell and brace myself for the impact of the emotional tidal wave that crashed over me as I felt her pain. And just before her first cries of agony left her shaking form, I replayed what I'd heard and tried to figure it out. I was hoping I was missing a piece of the puzzle; but it seemed unlikely from what little I'd heard.

"_Bella... help... hurry... Dad... dead..."_

_

* * *

_**A/N: Not mine... These guys belong to S.M., I just like to take them on emotional roller coasters.**

**Thanks for all the love you guys! I don't deserve it! **

**Oh yeah, I think that all of you should go check out The Last Airbender later this month after you see Eclipse. We have to support our Jackson! If you haven't heard of it, google it. The cartoon was great (and I don't watch any other cartoons; I'm 21 years old) and the movie looks like it'll be amazing.**

**Anywho... back on topic... What did you think? Who died? How much do I suck? Let me know! Love you guys!  
**


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